FRIED EGGS IN AN ENVELOPE: HEADLINES TO GO

Today’s news briefs in a convenient to-go envelope:

***Parents across the nation load up on Qualudes, ear plugs, before taking the kids to see new “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie***Grisly pile of murdered Christmas trees found in dumpster; police warn killer still on the loose***Madonna’s Face Continues Brave Fight Against Gravity***Kooky Vietnam Veteran Next Door Wages All Out War on Backyard Bamboo***New anti-depressant for goldfish flying off the shelves in wealthy neighborhoods nationwide***Ignorant Macho Tool Announces Plan to Buy 9 ft Burmese Python

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