Sources close to accused murderess and sperm receptacle Casey Anthony report that the jailed vixen is “both bummed and a little p****d” that attorney (and regular donor) Jose Baez doesn’t visit her as often as he used to.
“She fears their relationship has fizzled out; that he doesn’t care enough to do the the little things, like blackmail witnesses, or help her launch her makeup line,” says one source. “She’s used to seeing him all the time, and using his laptop to surf the web and get caught up on the latest Miley Cyrus gossip. AND using his “LAPTOP”, if you know what I mean…,” referring to rampant speculation of the pair’s ipicac-tastic personal relationship. “But it seems like ever since Thanksgiving, he’s been keeping his distance from her. At first she figured maybe it was her wretched spicy peanut and chili breath, but she’s had that all along, so he should be used to it. She’s totally baffled.”
Another source within the jail reveals that the few times Jose has stopped by lately, Casey’s heaving bosom has failed to have the normal hypnotizing effect on the porridge-brained attorney, even when she tried sweetening the deal by pouring Skittles in her cleavage. “That REALLY got her steamed. WOW. Her candy-hooters were seemingly insignificant to the only “man” she was allowed any contact with,” the source said with a shudder. “The memory of that day still haunts me.” They would not comment further on the incident.
These days, the homicidal harlot is oblivious to the notion that her expanding waistline and greasy skin could be to blame for alienating her robust Hispanic Hero’s affections. “She just sits in that cage all day, stuffing herself with bologne and grits, sobbing, and wondering aloud, ‘how did I lose my sexy?’… She’s unaware of the fact she may as well be injecting Crisco right into that spare tire around her gut,” says a source. “Then she counts the cellulite dimples on her thighs and screams for a sedative. The whole cell block has to listen to her cry herself to sleep, wailing about losin her sexy. Its awful.”
But until Jose comes back to her and gives her the attention she so deserves, deal with it they must. Even if it means listening to her sing Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart” everyday at 3 a.m. for a month straight. “If it goes on much longer, I’ll invite Jose here myself and get their relationship back on track,” said one concerned jail guard. “If any two people belong together, its Casey and Jose. They’re made for each other. I’m sure it’ll all work out.”
We can only hope….