Casey Anthony Kinda Bummed Jose Baez Doesn’t Visit That Much Anymore

-Orlando, FL

Sources close to accused murderess and sperm receptacle Casey Anthony report that the jailed vixen is “both bummed and a little p****d” that attorney (and regular donor) Jose Baez doesn’t visit her as often as he used to.

“She fears their relationship has fizzled out; that he doesn’t care enough to do the the little things, like blackmail witnesses, or help her launch her makeup line,” says one source. “She’s used to seeing him all the time, and using his laptop to surf the web and get caught up on the latest Miley Cyrus gossip. AND using his “LAPTOP”, if you know what I mean…,” referring to rampant speculation of the pair’s ipicac-tastic personal relationship. “But it seems like ever since Thanksgiving, he’s been keeping his distance from her. At first she figured maybe it was her wretched spicy peanut and chili breath, but she’s had that all along, so he should be used to it. She’s totally baffled.”

Another source within the jail reveals that the few times Jose has stopped by lately, Casey’s heaving bosom has failed to have the normal hypnotizing effect on the porridge-brained attorney, even when she tried sweetening the deal by pouring Skittles in her cleavage. “That REALLY got her steamed. WOW. Her candy-hooters were seemingly insignificant to the only “man” she was allowed any contact with,” the source said with a shudder. “The memory of that day still haunts me.” They would not comment further on the incident.

These days, the homicidal harlot is oblivious to the notion that her expanding waistline and greasy skin could be to blame for alienating her robust Hispanic Hero’s affections. “She just sits in that cage all day, stuffing herself with bologne and grits, sobbing, and wondering aloud, ‘how did I lose my sexy?’… She’s unaware of the fact she may as well be injecting Crisco right into that spare tire around her gut,” says a source. “Then she counts the cellulite dimples on her thighs and screams for a sedative. The whole cell block has to listen to her cry herself to sleep, wailing about losin her sexy. Its awful.”

But until Jose comes back to her and gives her the attention she so deserves, deal with it they must. Even if it means listening to her sing Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart” everyday at 3 a.m. for a month straight. “If it goes on much longer, I’ll invite Jose here myself and get their relationship back on track,” said one concerned jail guard. “If any two people belong together, its Casey and Jose. They’re made for each other. I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

We can only hope….


12 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by sophie on January 1, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Very enjoyable post!

  2. Posted by BEES KNEES on January 1, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    “do the the little things, like blackmail witnesses” ha ha ha ha . . . Honeymoon’s over, I guess.

    Also, if the makeup line she’s launching includes the tear-proof mascara that she tries out on court days, she just may have something there. It never seems to smear ~ even when she rubs and picks away at her lashes for hours!!!

  3. Posted by eggtreenews on January 1, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    hi Bees! Word is they’re gonna use that footage from the hearing in the commercial for the new mascara! :mrgreen:

  4. It’s her back, her back and all the skuz growing on it. That would even scare the doctor away!

  5. Posted by copper on January 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    What on Earth is that skutz on that womans back? is it contagious? is it deadly? is it the real face of Casey ? did Bozo give it to her? has she given it to Bozo? Is that why he doesnt see her as often?

  6. Posted by Spacely on January 4, 2010 at 6:48 am

    I guess it could be that with all the close personal time he has been spending with Lyon and Baden these past many months, his eye has wandered… away… and he has been left blind… and desperate… for some “ugly coping”… or maybe “ugly copping a feel”…

  7. Posted by eggtreenews on January 4, 2010 at 11:44 am

    The Lyon is more than enough woman for him!!! 😆

  8. Posted by BEES KNEES on January 4, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    I think what we see on Casey’s back is just one more symptom of the Casey Ebola Virus.

  9. Posted by MJ on January 8, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Exactly what I thought was going on in her “room” in jail.
    Thank you for giving us all the inside poop

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