Egg Tree News Job Interview Tips

In these troubled economic times, many Americans are looking for work. Here are some tips from Egg Tree News to help you ace ANY job interview:

1. Appearances are everything, so always dress to impress your prospective employer. For best results, invest in a pair of a**less chaps.

2. When you are asked to tell an employer about yourself, be sure to let them know how good you are at Playstation Fallout 3. That’s a skill that commands respect everywhere.

3. A positive attitude is key. Show your enthusiasm for the position by showing up for the interview in workplace-themed face paint.

4. If they ask you to describe your worst experience at an old job, for the love of God, DON’T tell the story about how you accidentally burned the place down. Just stick to the tale about catapulting a spoonful of whipcream in a customer’s face at that coffeeshop you worked at once. Everybody loves that one.

5. Stand out from the rest of the applicants by singing your answers to the interviewer’s questions. If you play an instrument, bring it along, and play your own personal soundtrack.

6. When asked what your three best qualities are, don’t be afraid to speak the truth: you have pretty eyes, nice hair, and have never killed anyone.

7. Always research a company thoroughly before an interview. That way, if they ask why you want to work for them, you can reply, “Cuz this place is gonna go down the $#itter unless somebody steps up to the plate quick!”

8. Its never too early to start negotiating salary and vacation pay. Let them know right off the bat how much money your services will require.

9. Confirm that the job offers full medical and dental benefits. Especially dental; show the interviewer your abcessed tooth to convey the importance.

10. If you are not offered the job right on the spot, don’t give up. Be persistent. Call the employer every hour on the hour over the next few days, to see if they’ve made up their mind yet.

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11 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by thebooreport on January 3, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Gee thanks a lot for these tips. I’ll be sure to remember them employ them for my next job interview.

  2. Posted by thebooreport on January 3, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    🙂

  3. Posted by eggtreenews on January 3, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    Hi Booreport! Just bear in mind that should you get hired, eggtreenews is entitled to a cut of your check. 😆

  4. Posted by Spacely on January 4, 2010 at 6:51 am

    11. Take a couple of personal calls on your cell phone during the interview to make you seem important and wanted.

    12. Make sure not to pay the bill for whatever phone number you list on your resume. Once a prospective employer puts the effort into finding your real contact info, you’re practically hired. (I am a real HR guy and 3 out of 5 resumes has outdated contact info.)

  5. Posted by eggtreenews on January 4, 2010 at 11:25 am

    14. Ask for a smoke break in the middle of the interview. 🙂

  6. Posted by eggtreenews on January 4, 2010 at 11:28 am

    Oops! I can’t count! That was 13!

    14. Show off your stellar math skills by counting to 14 correctly!! LOL!

  7. Posted by eggtreenews on January 4, 2010 at 11:35 am

    15. If you need to reschedule the interview, do it in person rather than over the phone. And bring your snowboard in with you to do so (on your way out of town to the mountain), just so they know you aren’t lying about HAVING to reschedule.

  8. Posted by niecey456 on January 5, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    LOL! 😆 I love it! One is sure to get a job with this sound advice! 😆

  9. Posted by niecey456 on January 5, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Keep up the good work! I’ve heard that Cindy Anthony takes a baseball bat and threatens them if they don’t seem interested. Accusing them of not doing their job, and complete discrimination and she always starts to address them with “You people” in a very combative tone. :mrgreen:

  10. Posted by eggtreenews on January 6, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Its true. She and the Milsteads and Holly Gagne will pace outside the building with baseball bats and hammers, peering thru the windows menacingly, just waiting till the interviewer leaves work for the day… 🙂

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