In these troubled economic times, many Americans are looking for work. Here are some tips from Egg Tree News to help you ace ANY job interview:
1. Appearances are everything, so always dress to impress your prospective employer. For best results, invest in a pair of a**less chaps.
2. When you are asked to tell an employer about yourself, be sure to let them know how good you are at Playstation Fallout 3. That’s a skill that commands respect everywhere.
3. A positive attitude is key. Show your enthusiasm for the position by showing up for the interview in workplace-themed face paint.
4. If they ask you to describe your worst experience at an old job, for the love of God, DON’T tell the story about how you accidentally burned the place down. Just stick to the tale about catapulting a spoonful of whipcream in a customer’s face at that coffeeshop you worked at once. Everybody loves that one.
5. Stand out from the rest of the applicants by singing your answers to the interviewer’s questions. If you play an instrument, bring it along, and play your own personal soundtrack.
6. When asked what your three best qualities are, don’t be afraid to speak the truth: you have pretty eyes, nice hair, and have never killed anyone.
7. Always research a company thoroughly before an interview. That way, if they ask why you want to work for them, you can reply, “Cuz this place is gonna go down the $#itter unless somebody steps up to the plate quick!”
8. Its never too early to start negotiating salary and vacation pay. Let them know right off the bat how much money your services will require.
9. Confirm that the job offers full medical and dental benefits. Especially dental; show the interviewer your abcessed tooth to convey the importance.
10. If you are not offered the job right on the spot, don’t give up. Be persistent. Call the employer every hour on the hour over the next few days, to see if they’ve made up their mind yet.