The Scream Team’s List of Demands

Casey Anthony’s check fraud trial, originally set to begin later this month, has been postponed yet again, because apparently Judge Stan Strickland is still tunneling his way out of the avalanche of bizarre defense motions pertaining to the case. Among the defense’s requests:

1. Swimsuit Mondays and Topless Fridays

2. Permission for Jose to perform David Bowie’s “Under Pressure” (in costume) in lieu of an opening statement

3. Motion to release butterflies in the courtroom whenever someone on the defense team farts.

4. Motion to sequester all jurors in the year 2000, and transport them to the courtroom via time-machine.

5. A professional “tearjerker” to spray onion juice in Casey’s eyes whenever she is supposed to show complex emotion called “sadness.”

6. Motion to invent a law permitting all generically pretty, self-described “10’s” to rob friends and family blind, so they can afford neccessities like beer and bras from Target.

7. Permission to unleash a wild tiger on Amy Huizenga during her testimony.

8. Motion for a giant gumball machine to be installed in the courtroom, with a dedication plaque to Cindy Anthony (gumballs will be $3/ea, all proceeds go to the CMA Foundation).

9. A never-ending tub of Chex Party Mix with cut-up hot dogs under the defense table.

10. Permission for Baden and The Lyon to play a round of “Twister” on the courtroom floor during all the prosecution’s lackluster testimony.

11. Motion for Jose to wear court-jester costume for the duration of the trial (except on Swimsuit Mondays and Topless Fridays).

12. Permission for ‘OrlandoEast’ to testify as a character witness for Casey.

Advertisements

45 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Spacely on January 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    On a related note, the recent submittal of a letter from an unknown scientist/researcher has led to widespread internet speculation as to the identity of the author and the rise of a new popular song:

    Cindy Sung in the Key of Sinatra

    I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a RESEARCHER,
    A SCIENTIST, a B-IATC–H and a QUEEN.
    I’ve been up and down and over and out
    And I know one thing:
    Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
    I MAKE A NEW STATEMENT and get back in the race.

    That’s life
    I tell ya, I can’t deny it,
    I thought of quitting baby,
    But my JURY just ain’t gonna buy it.
    And if I didn’t think it was worth one single try,
    I’d jump right on a big bird and then I’d fly

    I’ve been a HIDER, a SPINNER, a pirate,
    A poet, a pawn and a QUEEN.
    I’ve been up and down and over and out
    And I know one thing:
    Each time I find myself laying flat on my face-IA,
    I just pick myself up and get back in the MEDIA

    That’s life
    That’s life and I WILL deny it
    Many times I thought of cutting out
    But my heart won’t buy it
    But if there’s nothing shakin’ come this here july
    I’m gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die – OR MAKE ANOTHER PRESS APPEARANCE

  2. Posted by Spacely on January 19, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    😦 Spacely is always filtered 😦

  3. Posted by Spacely on January 19, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Eggy,

    This article is for you. It is all about the dangers of driving and cell phones… and guns… and water…

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_odd_driver_shoots_window

  4. Love the humor egg and all! Great!
    Don’t forget to add on;
    13. Casey and her cell block get a girl’s night out, road trip, every Thursday night to go to Fushion. Then, stop at Cindy’s for chili on the way back to jail.
    14. Provide color matched hand cuffs and chains, preferably pastel colors.
    15. Have laugh machine ready to insert sounds over speaker system. Run by Lee, he likes to laugh.
    16. Hire or kidnap Somali pirates to be sequestered for jury duty though out trial.

  5. I forgot to add:
    17. ‘Dead’ squirrel hats for all attendees to trial.

  6. you are soooooo clever and funny, your talent is seemingly endless!!!! I love your posts.. thanks. you should write books… also carol and spacey are toooo clever too… thanks for your site…

  7. Posted by stephanie on January 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    I totally agree with MMaxi…Love your blogs. Thank you

  8. Posted by niecey456 on January 19, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Hey Eggy! LOL!!! Great Post! 😆 I’m scared to envision Baden and Lyon playing twister! 😆
    I TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD WRITE BOOKS! :mrgreen:

  9. Posted by Heroesfan on January 20, 2010 at 3:06 am

    Casey needs the onion juice teardrops. I’m sick of her poking the corner of her eyes with her fingers then checking the kleenex to see if it worked. What a freakin phony.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 21, 2010 at 11:49 pm

      Hi Heroesfan! I know, that kleenex would be shredded in minutes if those tears were real. One tissue lasted her the whole hearing…..

      • I wonder if Sham Wow makes a Kleenex? If and when the murderer does start crying real tears, she could just wring it out and continue on, good to go.

  10. Posted by mikka on January 20, 2010 at 4:55 am

    egg, thanks ,you make me laugh so hard 😆 😆

  11. Posted by Bees Knees on January 20, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    Yeah, a court-jester costume! That’s how we like our José (in Shakespearean theater also appropriately called The Fool). Would it be possible for him to engage in other entertaining activities when it’s the State’s turn to talk ~ juggling the last few golden coins the defense has left maybe?

  12. Posted by Linda From New York on January 20, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    That was hysterical !!!!!

  13. Posted by Spacely on January 21, 2010 at 7:19 am

    Jose’s Version

    Mm ba ba de
    Um bum ba de
    Um bu bu bum da de
    Pressure pushing down on me
    Pressing down on you no man ask for
    Under pressure – that burns a DEFENSE down
    Splits a JURY in two
    Puts GARBAGE BAGS IN THE WOODS
    Um ba ba be
    Um ba ba be
    De day da
    Ee day da – that’s o.k.
    It’s the terror of knowing
    What this CHICK is about
    Watching some good friends
    Screaming “WATCH HER POUT”
    Pray tomorrow – gets me higher
    Pressure on people – PROTESTERS on streets
    Day day de mm hm
    Da da da ba ba
    O.k.
    Chippin’ around – kick my brains around the floor
    These are the days it never rains but it pours
    Ee do ba be
    Ee da ba ba ba
    Um bo bo
    Be lap
    PROTESTERS on streets – ee da de da de
    PROTESTERS on streets – ee da de da de da de da
    It’s the terror of knowing
    What this CHICK is about
    Watching some good friends
    Screaming “WATCH HER POUT”
    Pray tomorrow – gets me higher high high
    Pressure on people – PROTESTERS on streets
    Turned away from it all like a blind man
    SAID SHE AIN”T TO BLAME but it don’t work
    Keep coming up with EVIDENCE
    but it’s so slashed and torn
    Why – why – why ? (DR LEE KNOWS)
    Love love love love love
    Insanity laughs under pressure we’re cracking
    Can’t we give ourselves one more chance (STRICKLAND SAID NO)
    Why can’t we give KC that one more chance (STRICKLAND SAID NO)
    Why can’t we give KC give KC give KC give KC
    give KC give KC give KC give KC give KC
    ‘Cause MURDER’S such an old fashioned word
    And KC dares you to BLAME HER
    FOR DUMPING THE BAG AT THE edge of the WOODS
    And KC dares you to change our way of
    DISTRIBUTING JUSTICE
    This is our last dance
    This is our last dance
    This is ourselves
    Under pressure
    Under pressure
    Pressure

    • Spacely! YOU ROCK!! You really should get these songs recorded. Make a million or two. Why not? Everyone else is getting on the ‘band’ wagon. Then we’ll have something to play at our after trial, victory parties.

    • Awesome. I think Freddy Mercury’s part should be sung by Macaluso, personally…

  14. Posted by Spacely on January 21, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    One more – to the tune of Elvis – Lil Less Conversation

    A little less conversation, a little more action please
    All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me
    A little more REAL and a little less PAIN
    A little less DEAL and a little more BRAIN
    Close your mouth and open up your heart and JOSE TRUTH-I-FY me
    TRUTH-I-FY me

    Come on JOSE Im tired YOU talking
    Grab your FEE and lets start JUDGING
    Come on, come on
    Come on, come on
    Come on, come on
    Don’t procrastinate, don’t articulate
    KC it’s getting late, gettin upset waitin around

    A little less MOTION-A-TION, a little more action please
    All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me
    A little more REAL and a little less PAIN
    A little less DEAL and a little more BRAIN
    Close your mouth and open up your heart and JOSE TRUTH-I-FY me
    TRUTH-I-FY me

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 21, 2010 at 11:53 pm

      I don’t know why you randomly get filtered, Spacely. There’s always at least one Spacely gem that ends up in the spam folder for whatever reason….
      And this one is indeed a gem….

  15. Posted by niecey456 on January 21, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    😆 Spacely, I could envision him singing that! 😆 I can even see him done up like Bowie! Hahaha!!!

  16. Posted by Spacely on January 22, 2010 at 7:38 am

    Eggy,

    I read this article and thought I was on your site… then I realized this was for real:

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100121/od_nm/us_hotels_bedwarmers

    Think I might be applying for a postion… one-piece pj’s, a warm bed, lots of snoozing… this is my kind of job…

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 24, 2010 at 7:19 pm

      I don’t think I could do that job…I get homicidally cranky when I’m woken from a nice sleep. Not a good scene… 🙂

  17. Posted by Spacely on January 22, 2010 at 7:42 am

    Orlando woman finds boa constrictor in closet:

    http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/state/orlando-woman-finds-boa-constrictor-in-closet-190705.html?cxtype=ynews_rss

    The snake was later identified by Jose Baez as long-time area resident and nanny, Zeneida Fernandez-Gonzalez.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 24, 2010 at 7:25 pm

      There he goes with the wild accusations….that snake is Baez’s pet, F. Lee Bailey, who he planted in that closet in some half-baked scheme to find the “real Zenaida.”

  18. EGGY~ Finally a site that gives the lay person real legal analysis! I’ve been wondering when Stan the man would get around to giving jose’ the nod to wear his lucky jester suit. ( through the grapevine I hear the ladies get all giggly and hot to rumba when he puts it on)

    Love the idea of Macaloco doing Freddy Mercury, he was the best but I think mac can pull it off if he doses himself up right, hope it doesn’t mess up his out patient status, oh what the h*ll, it’s for casey.

    Thanks for the breakdown on the ladies ( our very own courtroom cougars) attire. I really didn’t think any outfit could ever, ever top LKB’s Frederick’s of Hollywood lace up the back suit. She made Lyons look downright frumpy but now with the topless day and swimsuit day, the playing field will be even. Hot diggity, giddy up girls! They’re gonna win this thing yet.

    Spacely, you rock!

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 24, 2010 at 8:25 pm

      Wassup MJ! 🙂 The grapevine tells the truth; Jose’s jester knickerbockers and bell-cap leave The Lyon and Baden clawing eachother with long-stemmed roses in their mouths, fightin for first dibs to rumba with Senorrrr Fool. (Roll the rr for Hispanic emphasis)

      I suppose in the event that Macaloco rejects the offer to sing Mercury’s role, and nobody else steps up to the plate, they can change the whole number to Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby,” since its only one beat away from Bowie’s masterpiece. Wrap your head around that vision if you can… Jose as ‘Nilla Ice…. WOW….

      Ya had to go and remind me about LKB’s hog-casing dress, didn’t you? I had almost managed to exorcise that image from the cobwebbed corners of my mind, and yet here it is before me, overshadowing all things pure and right. I wanna dunk my head in holy water just thinking about it. 😆

      • Posted by MJ on January 24, 2010 at 9:49 pm

        Word Dude. Senorrrrrrr Fool es el Diablo Caliente fo sure! He can totally rock the ” Ice Baby Ice” number and it suits his girls too. All that long hair lookin’ all the world like they just rolled outta the sack (wink wink). Another selling point is that rapping is basically rhyming and since he has such a hard time articulating his thoughts, well, you get my drift.
        Yep my head is all wrapped around Nilla Ice espanol style! Oh yeah, just dawned on me, damn, another first for Baez, he’ll be the first hispanic lawyer to also rap his way thru a trial in a court jester suit with his solid gold dancers by his side! He’ll just need to get a few tats, grow a flava sava and for wider appeal a diamond studded grill. I hope he appreciates our support .
        Pass that holy water, Shawiiiiing

  19. EGGY, hey Eggy

    See if you can rescue my post from the abyss, it’s been Kronked. ( done wrong)
    I don’t think I can remember what I said, it’s been a couple of minutes already, that’s the extent of my memory bank. If you can’t find it…. great stuff today!
    j

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 24, 2010 at 8:40 pm

      I have rescued you from the abyss; don’t know why people randomly land there….my spam folder must be related to the laundry dryer gremlin who randomly swipes socks, never to be found again… I no-likey…

      Your memory bank is much better than mine, lemme tell ya… I forget EVERYTHING if I don’t write it down… If I don’t have a list, I just go 😯

  20. I don’t usually reply to posts but I will in this case, great info…I will add a backlink and bookmark your site. Keep up the good work!

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: