Misty Croslin’s last 3 brain cells fight each other to the death in jailhouse phone calls

-Satsuma, FL

Accused drug trafficker and certified idiot Misty Croslin clearly lost her last three brain cells during a recent series of riveting jailhouse phone calls with her family. The dimwitted Croslin, who is also the former stepmother of missing 5-year-old Haleigh Cummings, faces 8 felony counts of trafficking prescription drugs to undercover officers. If convicted, she will serve a minimum of 25 years in jail; her bail has been set at $1,350,000.

The battle of the wits began when Misty, oblivious to the many visible signs and automated recordings warning prisoners that all phone calls are recorded and videotaped, proceeded to call her parents and inform them that she did, in fact, sell all the prescription drugs in question, essentially providing a taped confession for prosecutors. Just moments later in the same call, however, brain cells 1 and 2 turned against 3, and she denied the bulk of the charges, and began pleading with her broke parents to acquire the astronomical amount of money for her bail.

“I want out so bad,” sobbed the guilty 18 year old moron, as she described the unbearable conditions of jailhouse living. Amazingly, prisoners are forbidden from watching television, are fed a mere three balanced meals a day, and are allowed only one hour of daily exercise. “You guys have gotta send me some money for some food, they’re starving me in here,” Croslin whined to family members. When her mother told her the impoverished family couldn’t even afford gas to visit her in jail, let alone wire cash into her commisary account, Misty’s remaining brain cells 1 and 2 waged a full scale war on each other.

“You gotta get my bail money together,” Misty then instructed her financially challenged, drug-addicted family members. Under the mistaken impression that her bail was set at only $50K, Misty and her toothless, crack-addicted mother attempted to calculate the ten percent they would need in order to bail her out. Proving that the word “numerical” still remains a foreign concept to all Croslins, they deduced they would have to raise $10K. It was here that brain cells 1 and 2 finally collapsed, and exhaled their last breaths.

Sporting her classic dead-behind-the-eyes gaze, Misty and her waste of brain tissue then dug herself an even deeper hole by implying that she would share pertinent information regarding Haleigh’s disappearance in exchange for a reduced bail. Seemingly proud of her “wise” negotiating skills, she hung up the phone with the sad illusion she would be out of jail in no time.

In conclusion, one word: BRAINIAC.

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71 responses to this post.

  1. Well now, what is a gal to do to? Being alone in a jail cell with no one to bitch to or steal from? With no TV, pork rinds, Oxy’s Vic’s or cigarettes, how is life supposed to go on? The whole family gene pool is truly stellar in their way of life and bringing up their ‘yungings’. I don’t think the parents (breeders) ever envisioned their spawn to live this long outside of the swamp, when they slithered out on their own. Darwin’s theory could be studied from the Satsuma chain of life. It may be the toxic water or the skunked Bud beer. Only time will tell.

  2. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on February 6, 2010 at 1:30 am

    Gud one Eggy…makes me glad to live in Oz :mrgreen:

    Hugs β™₯β™₯β™₯

  3. Posted by niecey456 on February 6, 2010 at 9:03 am

    Note to self: Stay far away from Satsuma……….We need scientific research to see if there is something going wrong in the water. :mrgreen:

    Seriously, Poor Haleigh! I am terrified for all of the offspring of these people.

    • Hiya Niecey! Yes, we must stay FAR away from Satsuma….maybe their water comes from the same source as Orlando’s; remember Baez saying the chloroform and chemicals in the Gatorade bottle found near Caylee is in their tapwater?!?! :mrgreen: And yes, poor lil Haleigh… She was too good for ALL of those people!!!

  4. Posted by niecey456 on February 6, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Somehow, I don’t think this got through to Misty and the gang and now their eggs, I mean brains are burnt.

    • F R I E D beyond repair, Niecey… To the point that Ron’s only concern about this “setback in his life” is his boxershorts…. WTF?!?!?! πŸ™„ πŸ˜†

  5. Boy, wouldn’t daddy sperm donor, good ole boy Hank be ticked writing trash about his daughter like this – IF HE COULD READ!! HA!!

  6. Posted by niecey456 on February 7, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    I’m sure Ron is hoping for a charity to save the day and donate some boxers for him, but I hope he’s not holding his breath. πŸ˜† Misty’s performance about starving is not going to be getting any awards either. Somehow, I just don’t feel sorry for them. :mrgreen:

  7. Posted by MJ on February 7, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Poor Misty, her fairytale life shattered. She dun had it all, the two troglodyte parent upbringing, loving cousins,aunts, uncles (some of them even not incarcerated or sex offenders), a nice double wide, a couple of young-uns of her own(sorta) and her own prince charming. When he dun that burn out on her heart, Ron kinda like gave her a ‘mind tattoo’. She aint never gonna be able to luv nobody like him(unless she’s horny, tweaked out and the it don’t count).

    Maybe I could get a canned food drive going for Misty. I’ll start it off with a couple cans of hominy and spinach (those expiration dates are only a “guideline’).

    • MJ, who woulda thunk her drug-induced dreamworld coulda been shattered like dat? I can hear her singing Whitney Houston’s “Didn’t we almost have it allllllllll” in her cold lil cell from all the way across the country.

      But seriously, at this point, I’m surprised she has the wherewithal to even remeber her own name. That alone should make her parents proud…. :mrgreen:

  8. Posted by MJ on February 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Good one Eggy! Hope you didn’t go to Satsuma for this story. Heard that the black mold is responsible for the rampant decline in IQ for almost all residents and visitors, however that does not explain the vague, continuous, dueling banjo’s tune that is heard round the clock.

    PS can you fish my other comment from spam? Tankky much

    • Its perfectly safe for me, MJ; I’m a superhero. πŸ™‚ Among my many powers is the ability to teleport and remain invisible, so I can spy on the rednecks and safely get the scoop for yall. Spacely is my cyber wondertwin, so he’s a superhero too, and he has the power to read minds (that’s how he reports those inner monologues of Casey Anthony and her defense lawyers). Maybe he could explain the dueling banjos….

      Spacely…are you out there?!?! Wondertwin powers activate!!! πŸ™‚

  9. Posted by Berni50 on February 8, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    This is so funny! Yeah, may as well see the humor in the way these people think and act! Drugs have already damaged their brains at their young ages! It took me years and year and years to get some brain damage because I was young, like they are now. I’m recovering; don’t get it wrong; I have years clean and sober now. But, I can relate to them in lots of ways, but never, ever, in their lifestyles or their bad grammar and idiotic statements. That always has me pondering and sometimes even feeling a bit sorry for them … I said SOMETIMES! πŸ™‚

    Thanks for your post …. you”re awesome! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • Hi Berni50, welcome aboard! Kudos to you for staying clean, that’s awesome! I know what you mean about “sometimes” almost feeling sorry for them… The degree of their stupidity can almost take me there… But not totally…

    • Berni; Good for you, hang in there buddy. Laughter is always good for the soul.

    • Berni~ sending you a high five on getting/staying sober. I’ll stick my neck out here and say that these people’s problems are not solely due to drugs. We might want to argue, which came first, the massive ignorance and lack of education or the drugs. It’s a hard call.

  10. Posted by christine on February 8, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    Misty isn’t the only one with 3 brain cells….

    Some jerk in Michigan accused of stealing a car…..then reported it stolen….is now in custody after telling the police that he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack with a credid card.

    Can we say he has less brain cells than Misty? Maybe they are running neck and neck.

    • This gives me an idea for a new blogpage about true dumb criminal stories… I could collect a handful of stories a week, and then crown a winner every Saturday or something….. My wheels are turnin….

      It is quite a tough call between the jamoke in Michigan and cabbage-brained Misty… I think in the end, I’d pick Misty…..

  11. Posted by ~LisaG~ on February 8, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    Here is the one main thing, that stands out in my mind.

    When Haleigh first went missing, and Ron and Misty were on, I believe, β€œThe Today Show”, and the interviewer asked Misty why she changed her story, Misty glanced at Ron, as if asking if she should tell. Ron ignored her, and then Misty just shrugged her shoulders, and said, β€œI don’t know”. I believe Ron knows something, I really do.

    Misty loved the attention. She thought she was a celebritiy this whole time. She did not have any conception of how upsetting and horrible it has been, to have a little girl vanish. She did another interview, by herself, had her hair and makeup done, new clothes, was strutting around the airport like she was the next big star.

    Both of them, Ron and Misty make me sick. What was it, 3 weeks had gone by that Haleigh had gone missing, and he proposed to Misty. There she was, on camera flaunting her ring that Ron’s grandmother gave them. No concern that an innocent five year old is gone. Then there she was, climbing the steps to the courthouse with Ron, to get her marriage license, waving at the press. Ron, just walking around, hands deep in his pockets, not even waiting for Misty to catch up to him, after they left the courthouse, marriage license in hand.

    I do not feel sorry for any of them. They did this to themselves, got busted and are now locked up.

    Misty, boo-hooing that she’s starving. They aren’t feeding her. Well NG, read her lunch and dinner meal for that day, and she is being fed, and better then some people have on their tables these days. Let her cry her heart out. Who cares?? She knows what happened to that sweet little Haleigh, and so does that piece of shit sperm donor, Ronald.

    I truly believe Misty parents, Lisa and Hank are brother and sister. Look at that brood they spawned.

    It’s like now, β€œHaleigh, Haleigh who”??

    Out of site, out of mind.

    • Hi LisaG, and welcome! I totally remember Misty’s “deer in the headlights stare” at Ron when they asked her why her stories always changed, and I remember how dreadfully uncomfortable Ron looked… They’re both up to their necks in whatever happened to Haleigh that night. They’ve got the goods on eachother, that’s for sure, even after the divorce they won’t throw eachother under the bus; she’ll happily throw Tommy under there though… The truth will prevail, it always does, and my hunch is that all of them have some degree of knowledge and culpability.

      And Misty seemed more like a kid on her way to the prom than the “wife” of a “man” who’s daughter just went missing under her watchful eye… WTF, dude?! She was offensively giddy at the impromptu wedding, given the circumstances, and he looked like he had one foot in the grave the whole time. They make me wanna yak too.
      LOL! I wonder if you’re right about Ma and Pa Croslin! πŸ˜†

  12. Posted by ~LisaG~ on February 8, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    Carol………………

    πŸ™‚

  13. Posted by ~LisaG~ on February 9, 2010 at 11:52 am

    Hi Carol,

    Thank you for suggesting this site! Egg is too funny. Very entertaining.

    It’s been snowing since Sunday night, and we have been hit with an arctic blast. Brrrrr baby, it’s cold out!

  14. All right, hang on to your seats. Read ’em and weep- laughing! If this isn’t a ‘strange but true’ story, I don’t know what is! Facts include that Misty ‘LEFT’ school in the sixth grade! Isn’t that like eleven years old?! And, she can’t read either! Great family!
    http://jacksonville.com/news/metro/2010-02-07/story/a_year_since_haleigh_vanished_ronald_and_misty_lost_their_way_long_ago_1

    • Posted by eggtreenews on February 10, 2010 at 5:37 pm

      Incredible, huh? I heard about her academic endeavors a while back, and I still can’t imagine my folks, (or any of my friends’ folks) allowing me to drop out of school at 11… Is that legal? Don’t all kids have to be educated, either at a school, or at home? She dropped out entirely, for a life of drugs….. I guess that’s her interpretation of “higher” education… πŸ™‚

  15. How did little Miss Ignorant get a driver’s license if she can’t read? Do the Motor Vehicle guy? How does that work? Did she sign an X where her name goes? How could she ‘read’ the prescription labels on the bottles? Trial and error method? Take one and see how you feel then determine what kind of pill it is? Well, at least Ron saved money not having to buy any magazines, newspapers or TV guides for her while at home.

  16. Posted by eggtreenews on February 10, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    She has a valid license? For sure? Satsuma lets the illiterates decode STOP signs all on their own?

    • The man who knows the feminine psyche so well that he was sure a manicure and a bubble bath would get Casey A to blurt out where she left little Caylee has brought his mind bending tactics to Satsuma.
      Pa Croslin will be doc shopping in a new ride courtesy of Leonard Padilla. Yep, daddy will be able to go visit his darlin in jail in a new car. No doubt he’ll have to “pay” for it by sweet talkin Misty into reaching deep into her mind’s abyss for what she could possibly have done to lose Haleigh, oh, excuse me, get Ron’s little girl stole.
      No word on what trinkets Ma Croslin was tempted with. A gift certificate for TeethRUs or maybe a brand spankin new eeelectric warsher?

  17. Hi EGG , LMBO AGAIN. Misty’s 3 brain cells fighting each other. Boy do you have these people pegged and with such comical flair. You know i have never believed in Alien’s but i do now believe they exist and are alive and well living in Satsuma Florida., and oddly enough their last names all begin with the letter C. lol.

    • Hi Knight Owl! πŸ™‚ If they’re aliens, they come from planet Moron, which is located in the backwoods of Trailer Park Galaxy in the 4th dimension, where they worship Jerry Springer thru the idiotbox, and life revolves around cigarettes, pills, sex, and underwear. πŸ˜†

  18. Posted by niecey456 on February 13, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    πŸ˜† I never believed in aliens, but this explains it! πŸ˜† And come to think of it they have the expressions of something not from this world. :mrgreen:

  19. Posted by George on February 19, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Only thing that makes sense…..tracking dogs went from the house to the St. John’s River which is just down the road from the house. Misty was washing blankets. Obviously the little girl was dumped in the river. Maybe alligators took care of any evidence.

    • Hi George. Exactly. Why was she washing blankets in the middle of the night? Too much mud and blood on them? What did Haleigh have to cover up with? And, Misty stashed dirty laundry in the dryer. I know she isn’t too bright but I think she would know to wash the clothes first, then dry them.
      Haleigh was on some special kind of medication that she needed to take often, daily. None of the Drs. in the area gave out another prescription for her meds. She is gone, so sad.

    • Hey George, welcome aboard!

      Sadly, I think you could be right about that. The laundry thing never made any sense to me, and the dogs scent trail ended right at that spot. It just makes me sick…

  20. Posted by Lorraine Sumrall on February 22, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    I just found your site and laughed until I almost cried! Why? Because I have watched all the Croslin jail tapes, and you SO have it pegged. When nobody could figure out 10% for the bond I thought I had seen it all. I should have known it was the last few brain cells fighting each other to the death!!!

    • Hi Lorraine, and welcome to the Egg Tree! Glad you enjoyed it! The Croslins don’t exactly excel at arithmetic. There was another call where Misty told brother Timmy that 10 percent of a million was something like $9500… πŸ™„ Boy oh boy….

    • Posted by George on February 25, 2010 at 9:26 am

      Riddle me this Batman…..why is Misty so all fired excited about getting bonded out? Doesn’t she realize she is going to be convicted and sent to prison? What is getting bailed out going to do for her? Is she planning to skip town?

      • Hi George. Yup, she thinks it will be like spring break and all will be forgotten. She said on the jail tapes that she would go to Michigan and live. I don’t know who or what connect she has there. She is never going to see the outside of the Cross Bar Hotel, ever. She’s dreaming with one of her last 3 brain cells. She wants Lenny (never gonna happen), to put her bond in writing. Why? She can’t read anyway.

        • Hey George and Carol, Misty is forever in dreamland if she thinks she’ll ever breathe fresh air again.

          And can someone please tell me why Misty’s mother calls her “Sissy?” Its quite disturbing.

          • Lisa probably calls all females that when she can’t remember their names. Or, she thinks she is her sister. Her mind is fried ya know. Freak.

        • Posted by George on March 2, 2010 at 4:15 pm

          I believe Misty was born in Michigan. I read that she ran away at about 15 to New Jersey with a boyfriend. Children and Families or somebody found her and she was sent home. All downhill from there.

  21. Hi George and Egg. Just sleuthing around and found birth date for Misty Jeanette Croslin of 12/09/1991. Can’t find birth state. Didn’t want to pay the site for info. Another interesting item from the Prairie Chicken listing of the Cabbage Patch contestants; Ronald LEMYLES Cummings has another one year old son – Jordan with mother Amber! He married the the cole slaw princess, Misty on March 12, 2009, divorce in Oct. 2009. Way to go to crank out more inbreds Ron!
    The middle name is killing me! I don’t even know how to pronounce that?!

    • I did some investigating too, and I guess she is originally from Michigan. I didn’t see anything about her being a runaway (but that could very well be true; I didn’t look that hard πŸ™‚ ), but apparently she’s been in Florida about the last 7 years.

      I had heard about Rons other son thru Amber. Maybe Putnam County forbids birth control or something… πŸ˜†

  22. Posted by ~LisaG~ on March 6, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    OMG CAROL!!! WTF is up with Sheba from Illinois?? She is on NG all the time. Must have a private line, cause she kisses NG’s big ass all the time.

    As for the Pillbillies, what a waste. All those people know how to do, is sell drugs, work the system, make babies and eat.

    And one more thing since I’m so high on my horse, (LOL :)), supposedly Bozo is going to request the taxpayers of Florida pay part of Casey’s defense, since she is broke. UMMM< hello, how about a public defender? Still at the taxpayers cost, but not going to be spending into the millions of dollars. Why don't they make the scank work in jail? When the other inmates are at a meal, why can't she go around and clean toilets? Why is pudgy princess allowed to to sit and vegetate?? Oh wait, sorry, she's busy reading the bible,

    • Lisa, I heard that about Baez and Camp… Its so outrageous and yet so totally typical of the Anthony Clan and their team of subhuman lawyers… They’re a bravely offensive cluster of idiots….

      • Hi ladies. Lisa you forgot about all the cigarettes they smoke 24/7. Hey, they’re busy with making drug deals, stealing, smoking, buying beer and partying. You gotta cut them some slack.
        The pork rind princess is broke, awww. Bring out the tiny violins please. They need to have her in a dunk tank behind a plexiglass wall in the joint. A dollar a ball. That would bring in alot of money for her sorry ass. I like the cleaning toilet idea. She could dig graves and one for herself.
        The Ants had that all planned ahead of time, they are bottom feeding scum. And, Baez is at the end of his line and still an idiot!

  23. Posted by ~LisaG~ on March 6, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    This is a little off topic, but Egg says I can πŸ™‚

    I have been saying this for years, that pedophiles, and we all know they cannot be cured, they harm our children, do not contribute to society, except costing tax payers money for the little little little tiny amount of time they spend in prison, when and if caught.

    My idea is, they should use them in laboratories to experiment on, and stop using innocent, defenseless animals, who cannot control what is happening to them. Instead of using baby bunnies, to test cosmetics, by blinding them, use a pedophile. That’s just an example. It would save precious animals, the pedophiles would then be contributing to society. I am so sick, just like the rest of us, hearing everyday, another horrifying story about what a pedophile has done to a child. This should also go for sex offenders.

    Now there are always going to be, someone, not here, but maybe who thinks this is inhumane and not how a civilized society should be run. They can tell that to, a tiny little 2 year girl, who has been raped, and so violently penetrated, that she requires major vaginal/anal surgery. When they have to look into the eyes of a baby so viciously violated, maybe they might reconsider what is considered civlized.

    Thank you.

    • Lisa, I don’t disagree much with anything you’ve proposed. The current system isn’t working, and I think that’s largely due to the fact that there’s no real punishment for these sickos; they CANNOT be rehabilitated, and they usually serve a minimum piddily lil sentence, and waltz out a sicker criminal than they were before. Kids are open prey to these freaks, and its gotta stop. If there were an actual punishment involved, rather than a few years room and board with 3 square meals a day, all on the govt, there might actually be a deterent. Somethings gotta give…

  24. HEAR, HEAR LISA!!! ((((((Large applause from the room!!))))) YOU GO GIRL! You should run for office, I’d vote for you. I think those sick bastards should be castrated and then sent to prison to rot. Don’t let ’em out!

  25. Posted by ~LisaG~ on March 6, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Thank you Carol, and graciously take a bow πŸ™‚

    I just am so sick of it. They never serve long sentences, look at that cretin, Phillip Garrido, who kidnapped Jaycee Dugard. He was supposed to serve 50 years for what he did to that poor woman, after raping and torturing her for hours. If he had been kept locked up, Jaycee would never have had 18 years of her life stolen, not too mention what they did to her.

    They lock up people for drugs forever it seems like, but monsters who murder, rape, violate, just pure evil are out and about, skipping merrily along, looking for their next victim.

    • Lisa, that’s the part that makes me so sick; I say one strike (with solid proof that they are in fact GUILTY) and they’re out. None of this second and third and fourth chances. Its so sickening…

  26. Posted by ~LisaG~ on March 8, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Totally agree egg! Every time they are given another chance, all they do is go out and hurt someone else. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  27. Posted by bess on March 15, 2010 at 4:18 am

  28. Thanks Bess! LOL! Where ever do they come up with this stuff?!

  29. Posted by Klynn on March 20, 2010 at 6:18 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1cswK-S3Fs I made a new movie last night Klynn4Haleigh on twitter

  30. Posted by BEES KNEES on April 28, 2010 at 8:47 am

    I haven’t been following this story but I know enough of what’s going on to appreciate your dark humour. Do you have a theory who the killer is? ‘K am off to finish the article. Maybe I’ll be able to answer my own question when I’m done.

    • Bees, my guess is as good as anyone’s. All I know is that Misty, Tommy, and Joe Overstreet know what happened to Haleigh, and now they’re pointing fingers at eachother. If I were a betting girl, my money would be on Joe being the actual culprit, and Misty and Tommy being accessories after the fact. I do feel the answers will come out soon though. Poor Haleigh.

      • Posted by BEES KNEES on April 29, 2010 at 6:10 pm

        I can’t remember where I heard it, possibly in Blink’s most recent Podcast with Dana Pretzer, not sure, but somebody was predicting that without a body the case will never be solved. Isn’t that something? Now if someone cracks of course, that would be game over, too!

        • I think even if one of them cracked, and told the truth, it would be like the boy who cried wolf. They’re all liars. We’ll never really know for sure what happened to Haleigh that night; just that she’s gone now. And that she was too good for all of them.

  31. Posted by BEES KNEES on April 28, 2010 at 11:00 am

    MJ!!! ” . . . however that does not explain the vague, continuous, dueling banjo’s tune that is heard round the clock . . . ” ~ HA HA HA HA HA!!!

    Although Lisa’s idea is a radical one, I would support moving in that direction. I also think that clinical castration might go a long ways in reducing the number of pedophiles that are still violating laws and ethics and everything under the sun that is good. It’s true that they can’t be rehabilitated so castrate them. Why not? It’s harsh yes but as Lisa has pointed out it’s nothing compared to a baby that has been raped. Two words that should never be seen together. Baby. Rape.

    And to a lesser degree, and addressing the parents not the pedophile (hopefully they are not the same person), what the hell is so unreasonable about potential parents requiring an actual license before they can carry on with bringing another innocent life to the planet? So many people that have children just SHOULD NOT.

    I know that a required “course” and earning a license would never address all of the bad parents but it should cut down on a lot of them. I hope that society can get to that stage at least soon. I have no doubt that it will be required at some far off distant future but we need to start doing something now. Registered Sex offenders and knowing where they live is a start but it’s not enough.

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