Fried Eggs in an Envelope: Headlines To Go

Today’s Egg Tree News Headlines in a Convenient To-Go Envelope:

***Superbowl Report: Elusive “Whodat” Narrowly Escapes Crazy, Pitchfork Bearing New Orleans Mob in the Nick of Time***

***Annoying Crooner John Mayer Issues National Apology for Silly “I’m Not Racist But My D*ck Is” Comment; Country Still Awaiting Apology for His $#itty Music***

***Misty Croslin Thoughtfully Commemorates One-Year Anniversary of Haleigh Cummings’ Disappearance by French-Braiding Her Hair in Jail and Cussing a Blue Streak About Nancy Grace***

***Reality “Star”/ Plastic Blowup Doll Heidi Montag Announces Heartwarming Mother’s Day Plans for Mom: A Gift Certificate to Her Personal Plastic Surgeon***

***Olympic Figure Skater Johnny Weir to Hunt, Slay, Skin, and Wear Real Leopardskin Costume in His Boldly Choreographed Short Program Just to Pi$$ off PETA***

***Love Your Wife? Be sure to present her with severed plant genitalia (preferably of the rose variety) this Sunday!***

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