Fried Eggs in an Envelope: Headlines To-Go

Today’s Egg Tree News Briefs in a convenient, to-go envelope:

***Jobless, Cocaineless Lindsay Lohan Sues E-Trade for $100 Million (Or Just a Truckload of Primo Columbian Cocaine; Whatever’s Easier) For Daring to Utter HER First Name in Their Superbowl Ad.***

***Airline Travellers “A Little Unsettled” After Watching Airplane Safety Instructional Video Outline Emergency Crash Procedures to Carefree Ragtime Soundtrack***

***Larry King Offers Washed Up 80’s ‘Actor’ Cory Feldman Ever Coveted Attention, Spotlight, in Wake of Friend Cory Haim’s Tragic Death***

***New “Ab-Circle Pro” Guarantees a Dislocated Back Disc in 30 Days Or a Full Refund!***

***Egg Tree News Cat Fight Alert: Superbitches Shannen Doherty and Kate Gosselin to Appear on This Season’s “Dancing With the Stars”***

***Bare Winter Trees Still Feeling the Shame of Nudity***

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