Arubian officials announced last week that they plan to stash their enormous sack of human filth, Joran van der Sloot, in a jail cell in Peru for the next 35 years. The putrifying sack, which has grown exponentially more offensive over the last five years, was originally stored comfortably in the aromatic, spa-like setting of Aruba’s ‘Justice Department and Country Club.’ Somewhere along the line, however, the wretched mass became self aware, and even sprouted arms and legs. Before long, the repulsive trashbeast had mastered the mechanics of human movement, and even threatened to destroy the livelihood of the entire island by scaring off tourists and garbage men alike with its hideous presence.
“We can only fit so much rancid waste on our picturesque island, and still sell postcards,” said one Arubian douchebag in charge. “We had to find a new place to put it. And besides, the vile putressence had expressed desire to travel and see the world. We thought he would look cute in a Peruvian flute band. So who are we to stand in his way?”
When asked if Peru had prior knowledge of Aruba’s intention to use their prison cell as a pseudo-landfill for their pile of black hearted excrement, the head douchebag in charge shrugged and said, “Nah, not really…. But we saw the space was empty, and it’s tourist season here, so we decided to just go for it.”
Needless to say, Peru does not appreciate Aruba’s presumption that their prisons were designed to house their free-range Dutch Trash Monsters. “We have our own garbage to store,” said one annoyed official. “Aruba should have destroyed this evil colostomy bag years ago. Now it’s become Peru’s problem. Thanks a lot, a$$holes.”
Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.