Aruba to Stash Excess Garbage in Peruvian Jail Cell

-Lima, Peru

Arubian officials announced last week that they plan to stash their enormous sack of human filth, Joran van der Sloot, in a jail cell in Peru for the next 35 years. The putrifying sack, which has grown exponentially more offensive over the last five years, was originally stored comfortably in the aromatic, spa-like setting of Aruba’s ‘Justice Department and Country Club.’ Somewhere along the line, however, the wretched mass became self aware, and even sprouted arms and legs. Before long, the repulsive trashbeast had mastered the mechanics of human movement, and even threatened to destroy the livelihood of the entire island by scaring off tourists and garbage men alike with its hideous presence.

“We can only fit so much rancid waste on our picturesque island, and still sell postcards,” said one Arubian douchebag in charge. “We had to find a new place to put it. And besides, the vile putressence had expressed desire to travel and see the world. We thought he would look cute in a Peruvian flute band. So who are we to stand in his way?”

When asked if Peru had prior knowledge of Aruba’s intention to use their prison cell as a pseudo-landfill for their pile of black hearted excrement, the head douchebag in charge shrugged and said, “Nah, not really…. But we saw the space was empty, and it’s tourist season here, so we decided to just go for it.”

Needless to say, Peru does not appreciate Aruba’s presumption that their prisons were designed to house their free-range Dutch Trash Monsters. “We have our own garbage to store,” said one annoyed official. “Aruba should have destroyed this evil colostomy bag years ago. Now it’s become Peru’s problem. Thanks a lot, a$$holes.”

Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.


9 responses to this post.

  1. Egg-O; You are killing me!!! LOL!!!! Evil colostomy bag – filled with Urine, oh, I mean Joran! I think I’ll send them some more Hefty bags in case they run out over the years to come!

  2. Posted by eggtreenews on June 8, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Hey Cakeroll, did you see the little prick confessed? He said he killed Stephany cuz she looked at his computer without permission and saw that he had been involved in Natalee’s disappearance. So he killed her. Apparently the weapon was a tennis racket, not a baseball bat as reported by Nancy Grace. Its also unclear if she was stabbed, as was also reported by NG early on.

    Good ole Nancy comes thru again! 🙄

    • Ouu, touchy, touchy bastard. He was going to do her and then was worried about her touching his stuff? WTH?! Grace is usually a day late and a dollar short on her inside info. He won’t survive that fabulous prison they have picked out for him for the next 35 years. I read that the survival rate is 30%, if they remember to let you go.

  3. Posted by eggtreenews on June 8, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I don’t believe his story for a second. If it is true, then he’s an idiotic psycho….

  4. Don’t even waste the gas to drive him to prison. Just shoot the crazy freak! I wonder how many more girls he killed? And, Daddy can’t get him out of this murder! HA! HA! Opps, wrong country son!

  5. Urine claims he was intoxicated from marijuana, that’s why he killed her. WTF?! Now, from what I’ve been told about pot (tee hee) it doesn’t make you want to kill anyone. Just if somebody goobs all over the end of the joint or doesn’t pass it, it might get you pissed, then you forget and laugh. Especially the killer jong they have down there, good greif. He’s lucky he found the hotel and the room. Naaah, buzzer sound, lying, wrong answer, next excuse.

  6. Posted by niecey456 on June 8, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    😆 Great Post Eggy! 😆
    I think you nailed Joran the Moran. I’m really concerned about the Columbia thing. What I don’t understand is why Aruban Police were going to investigate it. Does anyone trust them to investigate anything? Why doesn’t Columbia investigate it?
    You watch they are going to retrace his steps world wide and anywhere he was seen with girls in a gambling or partying setting, if any girls are missing they will come forward about it. I think we could be getting more and more info on this garbage for some time to come. I hope it’s not as bad as I think it is

    I do find it amusing that Aruba is investigating that.

  7. Posted by eggtreenews on June 9, 2010 at 6:04 am

    G’morning Niecey! The Columbia connection is definitely intriguing. I hadn’t heard Aruba was investigating that…HMMMMMMMM…. Interesting to say the least. I did hear Columbia was quick to say they didn’t think there was a VanderSlut connection, but if they haven’t even investigated it, how could they possibly conclude that? Somethin’s hinky there.

    I have a very strong feeling he’s a serial killer. A LOT of fascinating info could come out about him…

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