***BEWARE: LYON ON THE LOOSE!!!***
Reports are swirling that The Lyon, a major player in the Anthony Family Circus, has made a quick break for it, and quit their crazy freakshow. It is unclear exactly why The Lyon trashed her coveted, starring role in the Anthony circus, but self-appointed ringmaster Jose Baez offered some half-baked ideas on the subject. He suspects the real reason she scampered like a powercat up and out of that sideshow was not only his rejection of her constant inappropriate advances, but also his refusal to grant her a Wizard of Oz Spa Makeover before showtime. “She really expected to get pampered at the Emerald City Salon,” laughed the ringmaster. “I only told her that to get her to listen to me during training sessions; as soon as I told her I couldn’t really afford it, she bolted.”
Authorities warn they have not yet located the free roaming Lyon, and advise citizens of Orlando to stay indoors. If you must go outside, exercise extreme caution by dousing yourself in morality, the only known Lyon repellant. If you spot “Andrea,” as she is called by her circus brethren, please notify police or animal control immediately. At the time of her escape, she was wearing a wrinkled pink tutu and a magenta leotard with jelly donut stains. Authorities suspect she may roam Northwest as far as De Paul University, where her pride originated.