The Anthony Awards

-Orlando, FL

THE FIRST EVER ANTHONY ACADEMY AWARDS SHOW!

Awards for the July 15 Hearing:

*** BEST SUPPORTING BRA***

Let’s face it: we have slim pickins in this category. Let’s just be happy none of these gals have pierced nipples. Cuz with their girls hanging so low, any spiteful squirrels passing through the courtroom would jump up and use them as gymnastics rings, potentially causing some serious damage. But seriously… in the end, the award goes to Casey.
***BEST SILENT MUMBLING MOUTH***

Jose bagged this award the second his notorious silent-but-deadly farts qualified for nomination.
***STELLAR LIE OF THE DAY***

“I believe Caylee is still alive.”
-Cindy Anthony
‘Nuff said.

***LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD***

This is a no-brainer. Casey earned this one fair and square (for the first time ever), by successfully walking from the elevator all the way across the hall and into the courtroom, with all of her teeth still intact.

***THE WINSTON CHURCHILL AWARD FOR ELOQUENCE***

This was a challenging category for the Academy, with the plethora of brilliant wordsmiths on the defense team to choose from. However, they finally narrowed it down to Baez, for using “ummmm” and/or “uhhhhhh” less frequently than Mason in today’s proceedings.

***BEST SET DESIGN***

This award goes to the ever-imaginative Ringmaster Jose Baez, for organizing gum and peanut vendors, Big Mac stands, and Squirrel Pizza Hut kiosks in the courthouse hallway. Extra points were earned for the mural of topless rollerskating cocktail waitresses he frescoed on the courtroom walls.

***SURVIVOR AWARD***

This highly esteemed honor goes to Cindy, for enduring all of that grueling questioning without any gum. What a trooper! Did you see her jaw grinding like a gremlin on cocaine?!?!

***BEST HAIR***

(This category is sponsored by the 2008 Zanny Hair Straightener– available exclusively at Perfect 10 Nanny Salons):
Duh. Our Damsel of Doritos scored this one, for using bean dip instead of gel in her hair.

***BEST COSTUME***

(This category is sponsored by the CMA Foundation’s fashion line– available in the “Crap That’s More Important Than Your Missing Kid” section at your local Target, between the beer and the Tyson’s frozen chicken)

It is a well known fact that drab blouses with subtle ruffles make one innocent of murder. The Academy is hip to this, and thereby honors Casey for her endless fashion knowledge.

***BEST ORIGINAL SCORE TO TESTIMONY***

Even though the Academy was moved by Jose’s Cazoo and Armpit Fart Symphony during the prosecution’s comments, the award goes to the mysterious genius who rigged the canned laughter to go off when Cindy emitted the Stellar Lie of the Day. The Academy’s money is on Ashton.

***THE LONE ROSE GROWING IN A WASTELAND OF FILTH***

Sweet, sweet Kathi Belich. How do we love thee…? Smellin like a rose in the middle of the Anthony stinkpile out there in the gallery…

Egg Tree News Correspondent Carol came up with the idea for this post, and contributed heavily. Thanks Carol! πŸ™‚

Advertisements

33 responses to this post.

  1. EGG!! Oh, HA, HA, HA!! You took my ideas and really ran with ’em! Damn proud of you!!! I have to read this again without trying to swallow anything!! Love you Egg!

  2. Posted by Venice on July 15, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Did that idiot Cindy actually say she believes Caylee is alive??? Who did the bitch have cremated then??

    • Excellent questions, Venice. She did say that, believe it or not. Even more unsettling than the ‘mystery babys’ ashes hanging around her neck, is their choice to spend $$$ (from the Cma MEMORIAL foundation, mind you) on tattoos, cruises, and diamond earrings rather than on locating their “still missing” grandchild. Great grandparents, huh?! And even better human beings! πŸ™‚

      • Posted by stef24 on July 16, 2010 at 11:27 pm

        Hoping someone asks Chomp these questions…

        If Caylee is alive…

        1. Whose child did you cremate?
        2. Why did you and Noballs get ‘in memory of Caylee Anthony’ tattoos if she’s alive?
        3. Did you think she was on a cruise ship? Is that why you took a cruise?
        4. Why did you allow the only home that Caylee has ever known to go into foreclosure if she’s alive and well and coming home some day?
        5. Why doesn’t your murdering…ooops, I mean your ‘innocent’ (cough, cough) daughter cooperate if Caylee is alive?
        6. Why aren’t you looking for Caylee if she’s alive?
        7. Did you really get your nurses license? Because one would assume that a nurse knows how DNA works and DNA was used to ID the remains found in the woods….
        8. Why didn’t you ever give LE the address and phone# that you said you had for the ‘real’ Zenaida? You said that in April 2009 during the ‘cute but not a 10’ Zenaida’s deposition. Did you not find the time to run this info to LE’s office? Kind of hard to have an excuse for that seeing as you and Noballs do not work!

        Bottom line…STFU, Cindy. (sorry…don’t mean to offend anyone with that) These people are disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

        No one in that psychotic family deserved Caylee.

        • Posted by SANDY on July 25, 2010 at 11:11 am

          I laughed so hard at these questions. They were the same ones I have been wanting to ask!!

          Good job Stf24!!

  3. Posted by Venice on July 15, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    TO JOSE BAEZ:

    Please GIVE IT UP and save your clients life! Watching him squirm all the time just gives me the creeps!

    • Venice!! Did you stick through the grueling 3 hours? I did and almost made it without a drink!

      • Posted by Venice on July 15, 2010 at 4:09 pm

        I stuck it out as best I could, as I had a pitcher of Margaritas made in honor of CMA.

        • Make that four hours of Fun with the Ants! Geez, it’s a wonder that any of us are sane any more. HA! I maight have to join AAA before this trial is over with.

    • I doubt he’ll ever give up the golden egg. The only way he’s out is if he gets disbarred, I’m afraid.

  4. Posted by BEES KNEES on July 15, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Oh lawd! Why can’t it be today every day?

  5. Posted by niecey456 on July 15, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    πŸ˜† I have to hand it to the “Academy” for one outstanding job. I think this was the best results for after hearing awards I’ve ever attended. BRAVO!!!!!!!! I do think JP should be honored for shaking a chair like that in disgust, without it squeaking. :mrgreen:

    • Hiya Niecey! I think we should all chip in and get Honorable Bada$$ Belvin Perry a barcalounger for court. And a nice pair of slippers.

      • Squirell skinned slippers! ha, ha, ha!!

      • Posted by niecey456 on July 16, 2010 at 10:00 pm

        Hey Eggy!
        And a remote control to use on the defense. When the tv stations have technical difficulties he can fast forward them, rewind, play them in real slow motion, just for giggles.

  6. Posted by BEES KNEES on July 15, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    It’s funny. All the bloggers are like, what the . . . ? Kind of in a state of confusion over Cindy actually telling the truth and Baez actually coming across as the shiniest defense lawyer compared to old man Mason. I go back and forth on who is the worst lawyer ~ like trying to compare sh-t to diarrhea ~ but today has to go to Baez.

    • Hi Bees! I would just flip a coin as to the worst lawyer. It doesn’t matter. She deserves them all.
      I could tell by that little dribble of saliva at the corner of Cindy’s mouth that she was really whacked out today and jonesing for gum. I think that was a factor of why they could drag the truth out of her sort of. She’s great. Nice family reunion, good times. wow.

    • Its a strange set of circumstances indeed. I was surprised at first by cindy’s honesty, but then she fudged that diddy about Caylee being alive, and I was snapped right back to reality.

      I know what you mean about Mason and Baez too…

  7. Posted by niecey456 on July 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    πŸ˜† Bees! What a comparison! It fits. :mrgreen: I do agree. I thought the world was coming to an end, because Mason made me wish Baez would take over. πŸ™„
    I do agree with Carol, What A Family Reunion!

  8. Hi ya Egg and everyone here, Best sumation of the Crazies i have seen you do yet Egg. Congrats and congrats to Carol too for helping supply you with this hilarious rendition of these moroons. It is amazing how the truth of this family can be so hilarious as it like watching a brick house fall on them and Casey says, dumb heads, i am throwing this brick house down on all of you again and cindy, George and Lee say, okay, no problamo, that’s cool, loving daughter/sis, there is nothing you can do that will ever make us not foam at the mouth all over you, not even killing our grandbaby/ Niece. Your so wonderful ya know. Gag me with a spoon someone p-l-e-a–s-e !!!!!!!

    • Hi Knightowl! Good to see you!

      Their stupidity never ceases to amaze me. They all truly deserve eachother. I don’t think it would even cross their minds that their lovely Casey was probably planning on offing all of them next. What a bunch of idiots.

  9. Posted by Spacely on July 16, 2010 at 8:29 am

    No award for Lee and his stunning performance of “I Wuv U”, an interpretation of such depth and feeling it caused KC to burst into tears? It rivaled Chris Brown’s recent Michael Jackson tribute which makes him innocent of all gf-beating.

    And I am sure Brad Conway is hurt there was no mention of his stellar rendition of “That’s the Way She Feels” after court in response to a question about Cindy’s belief Caylee is alive in NY city.

    I also felt George’s method acting of a sexually abusive father who is so sullen over being called out by his daughter he can’t stand to look at her even though he only gets this one chance in the last many months and has been literally (being a play on written notes – literal… ok, not that great, but a chuckle’s worth, right?) begging for a single glimpse was phenomenal. It’s like he has been studying for the part his entire life.

    And I don’t want to leave out Cindy’s audition for the lead role in a Memento sequel (ok, this is a dated reference to a movie about a guy with long-term memory loss who lives completely in the moment and can’t remember anything longer than 10 minutes ago) with her impression of an amnesia victim… I can’t remember, I don’t know how the mind works under stress, dammit Jim, I’m a nurse not a psychiatrist.

    • Wondertwin Spacely!! How goes it?! πŸ™‚

      Let’s honor Lee with Creepiest Sibling Exchange of the Day. I know when I’ve been falsely accused of molestation, the first thing I’m tempted to do is tell the accuser how much I “wuv” them under oath, in a room full of people, and then follow it up with a good old fashioned giggle fit. These people…. πŸ™„

      Yes, Conway’s in depth explanation of Cindy’s assertion that Caylee is alive is about on par with his response to her being subpoenad to testify about the 911 calls: “Yes. She made the calls.”
      Thank you, Conway, for clearing that up for ALL of us. :mrgreen:

      Georgie wins for Best Supporting Forehead; who knew one forehead could support that many wrinkles?

  10. Hi Egg, Thanks, it is always nice to see you too. You give us such good laughs while spinning the whole nut tree truth on this family. George and Lee are such idiots even the word idiot doesn’t fit them, nor the word fool either, not strong enough words, don’t think there are any correct words. That goes for Cindy too. If Cindy thinks Caylee is alive in New York why don’t she use the media to scream it to the heaven’s , we need it put out there and help in doing so, so we can bring Caylee home and then we can stop wearing these ridiculous cremation jewelry of fireplace soot. lol

    Egg hope you and your guest here are all having a wonderful day~~

    • I know, huh!!!?? And maybe if they FOUND Caylee, and released her from her captors, they could get Casey out of jail for the crime she didn’t commit, right? But I guess they’ll just let the “ring finger” and “pinky” of the Sacred Anthony Family Hand ROT for awhile longer so they can take another cruise, buy another fishing boat, get some more tattoos, etc etc etc….

  11. Posted by stef24 on July 16, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    “It is a well known fact that drab blouses with subtle ruffles make one innocent of murder. The Academy is hip to this, and thereby honors Casey for her endless fashion knowledge. “-

    Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I have tears streaking down my face from laughing. Thank God I didn’t have food or drink in my mouth. I already spewed cherry Pepsi and Fritos all over my keyboard while watchign one of Bitbun’s parodies. I certainly don’t want that to happen again.

    • Posted by 38special on July 22, 2010 at 3:09 pm

      These awards are perfect. They deserved some ‘positive’ recognition, poor dears. I don’t know how they’ve coped with all the shite being flung around. Finally Spindy will have a nice trophy to nestle among here panda collection.
      Also nice for the highly esteemed, Baez , to receive an honor that doesn’t include finger paint and pasta, bravo for him!

      Carol, kudos to you for your input on this, I only wish that I had thought to use something like this to help me deal with the mental assault these morons put me through, and that shock therapy is so uncomfortable no matter how much booze I drink before hand!

      PS) Even tho you can’t see me, and since I had to get another name cause my computer is messin with me and I couldn’t remember which email i used before, it’s MJ here. I always loved your posts, sniff, getting all misty eyed now.

      • MJ!!!!! Good to see you! I’ve missed you around here!! I was wonderin where you disappeared to; I’ve missed the heck outta your snarky wit! πŸ˜†

        • Posted by 38special on July 22, 2010 at 6:19 pm

          Hey Eggy~ I was held captive by a frikkenwaste wireless card for a while and then was at my dad’s house for a couple of months, whose internet connection is supposed to be the best dial up can buy for 9.99 per month but at odd hours I’m certain I heard somebody breathing heavy while peddling ??? ?

          Back in California (brrrr) and my much missed cable connection.
          Eggtreenews still Rocks!

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: