Local fool George Anthony awoke with quite a start recently, when he opened his eyes and discovered he was pinned beneath the special-ed short bus driven by daughter Casey’s dimwitted murder defense team. The bus, lovingly deemed the “Turd Herd Mobile” by spectators familiar with the concept of ethics, has already attempted to run down numerous other innocents who had the misfortune of becoming involved with the homicidal harlot’s murder investigation. Among the casualties still stuck to the undercarriage: two pissed off squirrels, total stranger and Sawgrass Apartments viewer Zenaida Gonzales, ex-fiance and all around decent human being Jesse Grund and his father Richard, ex-BFF and personal ATM Amy Huizenga, and Roy Kronk, the small bladdered meter reader who had the audacity to call 911 after discovering baby Caylee’s duct-tape wrapped skull in a filthy piss-filled swamp near the Anthony’s home. Plastered to the bus’s grill (and refusing to say die as they climb up the cab to take care of business) is the dynamic duo of Tim Miller and Mark Nejame of TES.
“It was really weird,” said one witness who watched as George was mowed down. “It’s not even a real bus; its more like an ice cream truck with a bike horn, that can’t go more than about 5 MPH. He had plenty of time to get outta the way as the sad lil thing putt-putted toward him, but he just stood there in a daze like he was sleepwalking, with his finger up his nose, wearing a shirt that said, ‘I Covered Up My Grandaughter’s Murder and All I Got Were These Lousy Molestation Allegations.’ He was just staring at the bus, then looking at his wife behind the wheel…and she was singing, ‘The wheels on the bus go round and round over anyone who gets in my way!’ It was way creepy. Then bam.”
Bam, indeed. But what will happen from here? Will George replace his jello-on-a-slinky with an actual spine, and scream the truth about his hot mess of a daughter before the bus hits a speed bump? Will Mark Nejame and Tim Miller successfully commandeer the bus away from Cindy? How many more people can fit under one mediocre short bus?
Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments on this breaking story.