Pillpopping Dingbat Takes Up Creative Writing

-Orlando, FL

The world of literature received a special gift indeed last week, when local whackjob and pillpopper Cindy Anthony thoughtfully squirted a collection of creative writing masterpieces all over humanity. The project, titled “Soundtrack to a Brainfry,” is a veritable smorgasbord of Grade A Anthony Bull$hit, and has been hailed by critics nationwide as one of the most imaginative works ever to grace American literitaure, even outshining daughter Casey’s now legendary 2008 release, the award winning “Portrait of the Kidnapper as an Invisible Nanny.”

“I didn’t think anyone could stretch their imagination any further than Casey, but Cindy really went all out with this one,” said one critic from Orlando’s ‘Daily Bull$hit Buffet and Crapfest.’ “I have to hand it to her, she’s taken storytelling to new heights; the bar has been reset frighteningly high for all future writers. Aspiring authors will undoubtedly now dabble with prescription meds and alcohol hoping to fuel their creativity a la Cindy.”

Most impressive, according to critics and bewildered readers, is Cindy’s seemingly fearless journey into the illogical and surreal corners of the human mind, where paradoxical parallel universes and coded riddles rule supreme over Oxycontin rafts floating atop a margarita sea under pink gum clouds while ashore lay a vast wasteland of vicodin trees and pet hammers and Puerto Rican drug dealers who wanna kill babies and a flimsy bendable obstacle in the space time continuum called “reality” threatens all sacred delusions and morals are the arch enemy.

Or something to that effect.

However, Cindy’s ability to untether herself from her inner Jiminy Cricket and allow her creative spirit to roam buck nekkid through the wilderness has left many scholars simultaneously awestruck and alarmed. Said one reader, “After I read her collection, I kinda had to slap myself in the face a couple times, and take a BIG step back. A couple shots of whiskey later, I came outta the rabbit hole, and was finally able to get my bearings. The power of her writing to suck ya into another dimension is really awesome; its the mark of a genuinely talented storyteller. But dang, that dingbat is one loose mother f***ing cannon…”

Autographed copies of Anthony’s collection are available (for the right price) through new ABC publishing affiliate, The CMA Printing Press and Tattoo Fund. (Some or all proceeds may or may not go to Cindy’s shamrock tramp stamp).

Advertisements

58 responses to this post.

  1. Again, GREAT writing Egg!! Bravo!! LMAO!!
    After reading through the last letters that SINdy wrote to her very own pet murderer daughter, a six pack and some Jameson later, I could almost understand where she is coming from. It’s simple, if it’s the truth, change it to a half truth or a mis truth which I beleive is a first cousin of the real truth. If it’s unreal, then take a hand full of pills and then it will be real. If it’s a lie, turn it around to be a falsehood, or it’s brother a misconception, in your favor of course. If people don’t agree with you, hate them intensely.
    It’s all good. I would like to order the bound in bull shit book published by the Ciss My Ass Press. I didn’t pay my mortgage for the last few months, so my check is good. Thank you.

    • Posted by 38special on August 11, 2010 at 7:20 pm

      Carol….now let me understand this awesome concept. The truth is to be rendered un-truth, unless it’s possible that the truth could be perceived differently by different people, then it can be a half truth. If the truth can ,in any way, shape or form get your ass in a wringer, it’s a mis-truth.
      And now it’s true* that some folks do lie because they reject the Theory of Bendable Truth, they are always called drunks or trolls, right? I’m so proud, I think I’m getting it.

    • Carol, Cheesecake, cakeroll, muffin, dontcha know anything? Ya got it wayyyyy wrong; if its a lie, sprinkle a technical truth in your wording, and call it cunning. If its the truth, lie anyway, cuz what’s the truth ever done for you except strap your imagination? If they don’t believe your technical truths, or halftruths, or lies that are built on former truths that aren’t really true anymore but aren’t technically lies either, grab a hammer and a garden hose and frame those a$$holes for murder.

      • Egg, Yup, you’re right as rain. I guess it was that last beer that got me confused. Now, where does the famous white lie come into play? Is that a step brother, once removed, to a mis truth?
        Let me call up SINdy and ask her, since she is the original split tongue diva. I talked to her last night and she thought your post was hilarious. George Marie was busy in his garage counting the drops of gas in his favorite red gas can.

        • Cakeroll, the white lie is the redheaded stepchild of the misconception, not to be confused with the whacky misunderstandings, that arise when you say the exact OPPOSITE of what you really mean, and don’t confirm or deny, but rather assume that your “entunement” with the listener (yes, you get to make up words too πŸ™‚ ) will get your true point across.

          Got it? πŸ˜†

          • Posted by 38special on August 12, 2010 at 11:43 am

            “entunement”…lol…… we really need an Anthony English Mangled Word Dictionary
            another good one by cincin!

            • Hey 38, they’ve been talking like that for years, it is called speaking ‘Antonyese’. It’s like Portugese, but more coded, for their family only.
              It’s Ok to reply to yourself, SINdy does it all the time, but her dogs answer her back.

              • Posted by 38special on August 12, 2010 at 6:33 pm

                Carol~ it seems like Anthonyese would be hard to distinguish from plain old jibberish or the common term, crazy talk, but if you say it can be done I believe you.
                I’m really glad you have the inside track to Sindy because she’s such a big part of this epic saga. I wonder if she felt she was destined for fame and glory? Bet georgie is thankful he hitched his star to hers, it’s staved off his inevitable stint as a male escort to elderly gals ( or old geezers, he swings both ways) looking for some fun.

  2. Posted by Venice on August 11, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Great reading! SO TRUE…..

  3. Posted by stef24 on August 11, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    Damn…LOLOLOL…can’t stop laughing and snorting! Another brilliant article! Thank you!

  4. Posted by 38special on August 11, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Thanks Eggy, I wondered if any great authors would dare to write a review of her works. I’m sure it was hard (ie, illegal) to secure the psychedelic mushrooms and peyote buttons in order to fully comprehend her message.
    She’s deep. She’s eloquent in a ghetto kind of way. Who needs Tweets when she can sling dirty laundry like a Harlem Globetrotter, swish, there she goes again! I also love how fierce and fearless she is, she’s so laser focused on dissing people, she bravely lets herself go, warts and all (that is a big hangin wart on her nose, right?).
    I sure hope she releases vol. 2 soon. Gotta admire old ironsides for sticking by her side through all this, she’s a keeper.

    • Posted by 38special on August 11, 2010 at 5:43 pm

      Wowser, this is a first for me, replying to my own post but after rereading, I realized that my comment is about her other collection, the JackHammer of hate selections about Tim Miller, Mark NeJame and Morgan.

      it all applies to her sweet nothings to her jailbird daughter too. She almost had me in my old Hari Krishna robes, all the love….simply so beautiful it made me want to cry. I bet kc felt the same way, just like old times. Cindy has a unique ability to make passive-aggressive feel good, like spank me again mama, I love hearing about your trips and thanks for those Caylee pix.
      I better go liqueur up in order to give these historic letters justice.

      • 38, Her letters regarding Miller and Nejame are sold as an addendum to the rest of the collection, in a special fart-scented valise. The last page is a compilation of Cindy’s best clicheed insults against each of them…

    • 38, Deep she is indeed… The subtext is overwhelming. I personally loved her and Dom’s collaborative piece about the Puerto Rican drug deal gone wrong. The whole scenario really came to life on paper, didn’t it? I had the “A-HA” moment Bozo has been foretelling all this time. Now, if only they could ID the ashes Cindy’s been wearing around her neck…. πŸ™„

      • Posted by 38special on August 12, 2010 at 11:40 am

        yeah, it was a true peep into the 007 spy world. Now I’ll never be able to hear the code words “grapes” or “apples” again without doing a double take to see if the person looks like a covert agent. Fascinating .
        The best part was that Lee can be an intern under the legendary PI, Dominic! Casey. He will surely work in tandem with his sister after she receives her law degree from DePaul. Again, they can all share a hot steaming bowl of chili and thank Caylee for all she’s done for the family. Ick!

  5. Posted by denjet on August 11, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Eggtree you’ve done it again !! *snort*
    And your articles are the gifts that keep on giving … still a riot no matter how many times I read them …
    Thanks!
    LMAO!

  6. Posted by BicPen on August 11, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    First time commenting, long time appreciating…

    You are simply brilliant!!!

    Thank you!

  7. Posted by BicPen on August 11, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    I thought you’d let that one in. πŸ™‚

  8. Posted by Spacely on August 11, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    “her inner Jiminy Cricket” πŸ˜†

    I hear every copy comes with the “Zanny Experience”. As soon as you finish your purchase of your personal $29.99 copy, two store employees wearing Zanny and Sis masks (I can’t describe them, but trust me, they’re a 10) knock you flat on your back and while one holds you down, the other “kidnaps” your book. As you attempt to recover, another employee wearing a Cindy mask hits you in the head with a baseball bat, steals a $20 “donation” out of your wallet or purse, and leaves you with a T-shirt emblazoned with a picture of your book and the caption “Never Lose Hope”. When you go back to the counter to complain, the clerk tries to sell you a stack of fliers to assist you in your search for a mere $10, simply to defray printing costs, you understand. As you exit the store, a group of well-meaning citizens wearing T-shirts declaring they too are searching for your kidnapped book solicit you for a $50 donation to the cause.

    Don’t forget to pick up the companion volume authored by George – “Living Under a Microscopic House Payment”.

    • Posted by 38special on August 11, 2010 at 7:27 pm

      OMG Spacely, thanks for the heads up on the Book Store ninjas. I’m for sure going to play it safe and order online. It might work out well since in some of the docs there was a photocopy of one of Cindy’s checks. Have routing number, will buy and buy and buy…….she’ll think it’s funny, she’s got such a great sense of humor.
      Oh and by the way, George’s “living Under a Microscopic House Payment” will fly off the shelves. I’m putting it in my nightly prayers that kc will blow a sneeze his way and he will consent to do readings at Barnes & Noble.

      • Posted by Danna on August 12, 2010 at 1:43 am

        beware if the postman leaves the pick up notice on your door…..you may want to take a gas can with you to be used in negotiations. if you get a whiff of dead squirrel….RUN!

        • Danna πŸ˜† !!!

        • Posted by 38special on August 12, 2010 at 7:48 pm

          danna, that’s why I loves it here! You’ve got my back with the good advice.
          The gas could come in handy for a hostage situation too, I could make my demands or threaten to ‘spill’ some near George’s face, his gargantuan eyebrows will blow up like a Roman candle. Thanks for the tips.

    • πŸ˜† Space Dawg πŸ˜†

      Sup?!?! πŸ˜† I heard about those masks; the one thing that really stood out to me about those 10’s was their “perfect teeth.” Always the first thing I remember about a looker… πŸ˜†

      The Zanny experience is just about complete; all its missing is the lesson witht the hair straightening iron. Maybe after the first knockout, when you’re on the ground, they can go thru the instructions for all that? Maybe that’s the “lesson” you need to learn in order to get your book back? πŸ™‚

  9. Posted by Victoria on August 12, 2010 at 8:02 am

    Snort, giggle and change my drawer’s! You never disappoint!!!!!

  10. Posted by offthecuff on August 12, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Doncha know ALL is forgiven and understood in light of sympathy, empathy, suicidal attempts, grief, and denial?
    Call in the expert psychologists, psychiatrists, psychics, PIs, Pastors, softy media journalists (GMA) and attrnys, such as named Conway. Due to their “loss”, Anthonys are permitted to say and do anything out of their many sufferings. They are above accountability.
    Shame on you’all for thinking otherwise and trying to make moral sense of such debacle.

  11. Posted by Suzie Jane on August 12, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    OMG Egg –

    “…in a special fart-scented valise”!

    A real soda on the monitor moment. I can’t take any more. LOL

  12. Posted by BicPen on August 12, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Well the idiots are going back on the Today Show in the morning. If you have the stomach for it I hope you’ll do your own *special* take on the appearance. That I can handle!

    • Posted by 38special on August 12, 2010 at 6:22 pm

      BicPen apparently the criteria for repeated network TV coverage is that a family member murders another family member, preferably a child. we have to assume this or surely some of the other murdered children’s moms would get a shot at “remembering Sandra” or Remembering Amber” or “Remembering Neveah”. The list is long but who pops back up like an evil jack-in-thebox time and again, the f*cking Anthonys.
      Our national network television is run by people who dole out tripe like the Aholes as if they are news, they aren’t. They are entertaining in a sado masochistic kind of way but I really be mesmerized if they were on Cage Match. No holds barred.
      My sunny disposition was briefly bitch slapped by this development but being a MollyBrown type, I look forward to the next hearing.Watching Baez make a fool of himself is so uplifting.

  13. Posted by BEES KNEES on August 12, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Eggy!! “Most impressive, according to critics and bewildered readers, is Cindy’s seemingly fearless journey into the illogical and surreal corners of the human mind, where paradoxical parallel universes and coded riddles rule supreme over Oxycontin rafts floating atop a margarita sea under pink gum clouds while ashore lay a vast wasteland of vicodin trees and pet hammers and Puerto Rican drug dealers who wanna kill babies and a flimsy bendable obstacle in the space time continuum called β€œreality” threatens all sacred delusions and morals are the arch enemy. ”

    ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ .

    This is too much! Too much I tell you!!! You know when Johnny Depp played the drug addled journalist (Hunter S. Thompson) in Fear & Loathing? And he said to his psychotic attorney (in reference to the vast amount of drugs consumed), “You took too much, man. You took too much.”

    Well, it’s like that for me and your blog sometimes!!! I take too much. I sometimes have to stop for a minute to catch my breath.

  14. Posted by BEES KNEES on August 12, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    The CMA Printing Press and Tattoo Fund!!!! Owwwwwwwww . . .

  15. Posted by jon on August 13, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    The book can be called “Bella Vita” with a intro by Zanny the Nanny!

  16. Once again, too too funny! You need to be writing for Saturday Night Live or something like that…. you are a wordsmith!!!

  17. Dearest cupcake, will you adopt me and raise me as your own?

  18. Posted by Jorja on August 15, 2010 at 8:26 am

    Long time reader, first time poster. Can’t stop laughing! I ABSOULETLY have a picture of the Nanny, taken with my invisananny cam.

    Can you see what a ten she is? I did instantly, and this was just a “cameo” of her.

  19. Posted by BEES KNEES on August 15, 2010 at 9:42 am

    “Well, it’s like that for me and your blog sometimes!!! I take too much.” (Eggy, only in a GOOD way. )

    It’s a dark & pouring rain Sunday here so no gardening. I’m reading funny blogs that are currently on-line ~ you’re at the top ~ with my coffee. There really aren’t that many funny ones, interestingly enough. With so much raw resource to work from (Baez, Mason, Cindy, George, Lee . . . ) I’d like to see more. It helps make the waiting for trial easier I think. And some people (me lol) have to take little breaks from the chilling reality of the Anthonys & Beaz/Mason Dark Comedy Troupe. Not so much because it’s upsetting me but because I’m feeling more and more desensitized to it. But the wit & sarcasm on your blog is a healthy way of dealing with things we cannot control.

    Eeewww!!! Big thunder and lightening. I think I’ll shut it down now before Mother Nature does!. Take care Eggy! Hope all is well.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on August 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm

      Hi Bees! You’re right, the A’s and rest of the defense are dark and spooky. They are toxic, and contaminate everything they touch. Nothing they do surprises me anymore. There’s a quote, can’t remember from who off the top of my head, but they said, “Wit is a wall between man and the dark.” I think it really applies in this case.

      Everythings good here, hope all is well with you! Hugs! πŸ™‚

  20. Posted by Spacely on August 16, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Eggy,

    Baez and Mason gave a presser today… http://www.wftv.com/video/24651478/index.html

    Jose starts out by telling us that Brad Conway is a sideshow and he doesn’t concern himself with such. Then he whips out his madcap tech skills and plays his ipad like the Peanuts Schroeder on the piano, unleashing documents from which he quotes and commentates an edited explanation of the entire Brad Conway / Jose Baez Clash of 2010.

    12 minutes later, Jose again tells us he doesn’t pay attention to bit players in the Opera Der Flader Baez.

    I can’t compete with this level of comedy. Between Cindy’s double-tap weekend, Brad’s Today show-n-tell, and the Jose/Mason we won by not winning performance, I am outmatched.

    I might have to retire from the comedy circuit.

    Wonder Twin Powers Activate!!!

    Form of …. an Icy Bobble-head Doll!!!

    Imma gonna be a defense attorney too!!!!

    • Spacely,

      “Like the Peanuts Schroeder on piano…” ?!?!

      πŸ˜† ROTFLMAO πŸ˜†

      Ya, I’m workin on a piece about Conwheels hasty exit… These people… πŸ™„ Its really hard to outdo their own comedy when they satirize themselves on a daily basis. Makes our job harder.

  21. Come on Egg, you can do it, I know you can! U, rah, rah, come on Egg! Bring it on!!!

  22. Posted by jon on August 18, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I think we should start making suggestions for the “dream cast” when the book is turned into a mini series. Any ideas for casting? Maybe Sara Jessica Parker for Casey – certainly the profile works. Maybe Rosie O’Donnell for Cindy (butch and abrasive enough). Any ideas?

  23. Jon, Joan Rivers for SINdy, and Lindsey Lohan for KC, same tattoo, same slut life style – perfect. Rosie O’Donell for George Marie. And the guy that does the Cheaters show for Lee – both creepy and weird.

    • Posted by jon on August 18, 2010 at 10:36 am

      Excellent. I didn’t think of Lohan for Casey. The Cheaters guy for Lee is good too. Any suggestions for Bozo? I thing James Earl Jones for Judge Perry (he’d add a touch of seriousness to this farce as does Judge Perry in real life). Of course, the role of Zanny is up for grabs – anyone could play her! It would be up to the imagination of the casting director.

      • Posted by Spacely on August 18, 2010 at 12:35 pm

        I was thinking Kate Gosselin for Cindy… I think she can pull off the violent streak with believability and remember, whoever it is, they have to be a bad actor, like the real Cindy.

        Johnny Depp in a white wig for George. Depp has the ability to ooze the right amount of creepiness when he gives George’s catch phrase, “You wanna feel the sunshine, kids?”

        Benicio Del Toro for Jose. If you saw Depp and Del Toro in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, you know how good a skeezy lawyer he can be.

        Andy Griffith with a beard and a mouthful of marbles for Mason.

        Whoever gets picked for KC has to be able to portray some serious drama… so I am thinking… Al Pacino.

        And that leaves us with Robert DeNiro as Leonard Padilla – “Choo talken to me, Nancy?”.

        • Posted by jon on August 18, 2010 at 1:31 pm

          Hey guys! Don’t forget that after the mini-series, we have to plan the musical……. I think Tyne Daly as Cindy. Too bad Ethel Merman is dead.

          I LOVE Al Pacino for Casey……….

      • Posted by Danna on August 19, 2010 at 6:21 am

        RE: Zanny……anyone but Bo Derek!

  24. Posted by eggtreenews on August 18, 2010 at 11:31 am

    https://eggtreenews.wordpress.com/from-egg-o-with-love/

    Hi all! Just a message to all from me!! πŸ™‚

  25. Posted by Susan on August 20, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    Hi guys. I’ve been following the Anthony saga since the beginning but now that I’m home recovering from surgery I have more time to check out the different blogs, and this is the most hysterical well written ones I’ve come across. Even the comments are brilliant. While feeling a bit loopy floating on my own (doctor perscribed) oxycontin raft, I’m feeling a surge of inspiration. I’m going to need your help though (i’m outta my league here…. not to mention soaring high from these pain relievers). So, to give you an idea of where i’m coming from, i’m thinking, along with a movie and a musical, to create an animal inspiried cartoon of the whole Anthony and friends “menagerie”, either true to life or a fiction based loosely on their antics. I have a feeling that this may not seem like such a good idea when my pain meds wear off, but here goes….. For starts, Casey is a no brainer, she will be depicted by, a horse. If fiction, maybe a horse with a forever growing mane, one that will one day grow so long that it will cause said horse to trip over it, causing her to break a tooth. Her bf can be a “cameo” appearance by snuffalupagus aka Zanny. Cindy can be played by a horse as well…. or, maybe a cow? With George, a full grown calf, sucking at her teet? He can also be a nag (who drives a pizza delivery truck?). Lee I can see as a knee-high tube sock wearing emu, who rises early like a rooster, crowing “CMA, CMA, CMA”. Adrea Lyon, a wart hog (or hippo). Baez can either be played by a miniature ass, a laughing hyena, or a “cameo” by speedy gonzales, who will try so very hard to get the other “animals” attention, but being so small in stature, only gets stepped on. Of course, this being a cartoon, he does not die but instead returns time and time again to everyones utter annoyance. Mason played by ….. I don’t know? a baboon or maybe a senile castrated bull (one too senile to realize he’s castrated), who will try, “for the fun of it”, to come to Baez’s aid, only to cause more harm by accidently stepping on “Speedy Jose” himself. The prosecutors will be depicted by two wise owls πŸ˜‰ Leonard Padilla (sp?), let’s see…. maybe another “cameo”, this time by yosemite sam. Ms. Eds boyfriends can be played by squirrels, Jesse Grund, a dead squirrel — roadkill from getting “in the way” of the Anthony’s pizza delivery truck. Well, I hope you get the gist of it. It really needs your help. I just hope this reads more coherently than Mason talks, if not blame it on the Oxycontin raft. **********one more thing… anybody that gets even remotely involved with Casey or her case, that isn’t depicted by a particular character/animal, will be represented generically, in a group of lemmings headed towards a cliff********

    • Posted by jon on August 23, 2010 at 6:42 am

      Very Good. I think Casey should be snipe.

      • Posted by jon on August 23, 2010 at 6:50 am

        Sorry, I misread your original posting and thought you said Cindy should be played by a horse, not Casey. Only problem is horses are such beautiful creatures I hate to identify them with Casey, although of course we’re all thinking of the teeth. With Cindy’s new “do”, I think she should be played by one of those Ayreshire cows (I think that’s what they’re called) that have those thick heads of hair falling down over their eyes. Personally, I think George should be a worm or other spineless creature (maybe an eel?), but that’s just my opinion. Love Yosemite Sam for Leonard Padilla, but you have to think of a creature to play Nancy Grace, something that snarls would be appropriate.

        We could also try to put together an avian version. All birds.

        This could be endless. We could also come up with a board game………..

  26. Posted by Spacely on August 23, 2010 at 11:27 am

    KC’s a horse, of course:

    Foghorn Leghorn for Mason is a must.

    Padilla is Yosemite Sam, no question.

    I see Cindy as more that prehistoric squirrel from the Ice Age movies with the acorn being KC’s “not guilty” verdict…

    Snuffleupagus – Zanny – I suggested that on a blog like a year and a half ago, so you got my vote πŸ™‚

    • Posted by jon on August 23, 2010 at 11:54 am

      Sylvester the Cat in tube sox for Lee, always in the background mouthing “I love you” to whatever creature plays his skank sister.

      I think another possibilty for Bozo is Daffy Duck…………

      Personally, I think poor Jesse should be left out of this; he’s been through enough already and is probably still traumatized by the fact that he almost had a family connection to the A’s…….

  27. SUNDAY AUGUST 29th IS EGG-O’S BIRTHDAY!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!! DRINKS ARE ON ME, ALL DAY!!!

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: