The world of literature received a special gift indeed last week, when local whackjob and pillpopper Cindy Anthony thoughtfully squirted a collection of creative writing masterpieces all over humanity. The project, titled “Soundtrack to a Brainfry,” is a veritable smorgasbord of Grade A Anthony Bull$hit, and has been hailed by critics nationwide as one of the most imaginative works ever to grace American literitaure, even outshining daughter Casey’s now legendary 2008 release, the award winning “Portrait of the Kidnapper as an Invisible Nanny.”
“I didn’t think anyone could stretch their imagination any further than Casey, but Cindy really went all out with this one,” said one critic from Orlando’s ‘Daily Bull$hit Buffet and Crapfest.’ “I have to hand it to her, she’s taken storytelling to new heights; the bar has been reset frighteningly high for all future writers. Aspiring authors will undoubtedly now dabble with prescription meds and alcohol hoping to fuel their creativity a la Cindy.”
Most impressive, according to critics and bewildered readers, is Cindy’s seemingly fearless journey into the illogical and surreal corners of the human mind, where paradoxical parallel universes and coded riddles rule supreme over Oxycontin rafts floating atop a margarita sea under pink gum clouds while ashore lay a vast wasteland of vicodin trees and pet hammers and Puerto Rican drug dealers who wanna kill babies and a flimsy bendable obstacle in the space time continuum called “reality” threatens all sacred delusions and morals are the arch enemy.
Or something to that effect.
However, Cindy’s ability to untether herself from her inner Jiminy Cricket and allow her creative spirit to roam buck nekkid through the wilderness has left many scholars simultaneously awestruck and alarmed. Said one reader, “After I read her collection, I kinda had to slap myself in the face a couple times, and take a BIG step back. A couple shots of whiskey later, I came outta the rabbit hole, and was finally able to get my bearings. The power of her writing to suck ya into another dimension is really awesome; its the mark of a genuinely talented storyteller. But dang, that dingbat is one loose mother f***ing cannon…”
Autographed copies of Anthony’s collection are available (for the right price) through new ABC publishing affiliate, The CMA Printing Press and Tattoo Fund. (Some or all proceeds may or may not go to Cindy’s shamrock tramp stamp).