Local Attorneys Announce Televised Wrestling Match

This announcement brought to you by Egg Tree News Correspondent Spacely:

It all started earlier this afternoon when smack-talking local attorney Cheney Mason, known to wrestling fans everywhere as Mumbles the Maurader, issued a challenge to fellow local attorney, David Evans, better known as the Kronkinator.

Mumbles told us in an exclusive interview that for years he has been keeping a list of his most hated arch-enemies on a chalkboard in his locker. Once a name hits his list, they hit the ground, hard.

“I can put anyone on the list if we think they’re involved in potentially discoverable evidence,” said Anthony defense attorney Cheney Mason.

Yes, he’s making his list and checking it twice. He enjoys using the lawyer talk in his rants from the ring to his fans because even if they can get past his mumbles, they still can’t make heads or tails of what he’s talking about. Although often imitated, Mumbles says his brand has lasted because he also skips verbs and sometimes nouns for paragraphs of dialogue on end. As he reaches retirement, he has been passing on his skills to protege, Jose Baez.

But don’t count the Kronkinator out just yet! He wasn’t about to let Mumbles’ jab go by without a slick retort.

“I’m not going to permit myself to be dismissed as Mr. Kronk’s counsel without a fight over it,” Evans said.

The tension is high as we all await this no holds barred event, rumored to possibly be a cage match, to be held next month at Universal Studios. Tickets will be on sale soon, so don’t let this event pass you by.



25 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Danna on September 4, 2010 at 8:29 am

    I want tickets! but only if this cage match does not require the fighters dressing in tights.

    Go Kronkinator….Muzzle the Mumbler!

    • Posted by Spacely on September 5, 2010 at 8:50 am

      As first caller, you do win two front row tickets. But like emergency exit row seats on an airplane, these flip down fanny resters come with responsibility. You will be required to hold Mumble’s hearing aids during the match.

      No need to worry about tights. Mumbles will be wearing an orange jump suit and pony tail holders in honor of his client. The Kronkinator will echo the theme by appearing in a glitzed up meter reader uniform with an over-sized patented “Quick Fly” zipper and a WarCraft orc battle helmet.

      Happy Viewing!!

  2. Posted by offthecuff on September 4, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    Ooooo! I’m so scared! The Mumbler is so intimidating, more so because I often can’t make out everything he could be saying…. And there’s been question as to his hearing!!

    • Posted by Spacely on September 5, 2010 at 8:55 am

      We got the chance to ask the Mumbler your question about his hearing during a short follow-up telephone call.

      He replied quote:

      “What? WHAAAATTT?!?!?! Is someone there?!?!?! HEEELLLOOOOO!?!?!?!?”

      We went on to ask if Jose would performing in an opening match against television’s Nancy Grace.

      “What? WHAAAATTT?!?!?! Is someone there?!?!?! HEEELLLOOOOO!?!?!?!?”

      Then we asked if we were able to obtain a special inter-gender release for one match, would he be willing to face Kathi Belich in the ring?

      “What? WHAAAATTT?!?!?! Is someone there?!?!?! HEEELLLOOOOO!?!?!?!?”

  3. Posted by victoria on September 4, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    The Mumbler also known as You Trust Me Don’t You Judge, Chaney and his good ole boy antics have us all shaking. For me it is not fear but laughter that make my shoulders shake. What an old and tired bugaboo! Heeeeee Haaaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!

    • Posted by Spacely on September 5, 2010 at 9:02 am

      We tried to ask Mumbles about creating fear and causing his opponent to shake…

      “Shake!?!?!?!? Shake!!!!! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!! I’m not a shaking!! You are a SHAKE!!!!”

      In fact, that’s about the time the interview ended…

  4. Posted by donchais on September 5, 2010 at 10:30 am

    OMG! Thanks for the laugh!

  5. Posted by eggtreenews on September 5, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    😆 😆 😆 ROTFL 😆 😆 😆

    Spacely, you absolutely kill me…. an orange jumpsuit and ponytail holders…priceless….

    • Posted by Spacely on September 5, 2010 at 7:51 pm

      They will be selling something resembling this at the event to capitalize on the orange jumpsuit look:

      But with dark hair and KC’s name. Also includes pack of 250 scale-sized pony tail holders. All proceeds for the Save Jose’s House Foundation. Buy two.

      Hair extensions for “Long-term Stay” KC available for a reasonable extra fee.

      Washable red “back acne” marker available for an exorbitant price, but always a customer fave.

      Malibu RV and Jesus playset and accessories available by mail order. All major credit cards accepted. Please allow 25 – Life for delivery.

  6. Posted by Spacely on September 5, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    Bromance Already on the Rocks

    Only days after announcing his secret love for a local Orlando attorney, national television host Geraldo Rivera refused to answer any questions about the future plans of the pair during his career retrospective.

    When we asked when the wedding bells would be ringing, Geraldo replied, “Let’s lighten this up!”.

    We believe Geraldo’s touchiness may be linked to divorce difficulties of his chosen partner caused by Rivera’s own surprise national announcement last week. Apparently, the soon to be ex has retained her own attorney and is fighting back.

    It seems Geraldo and his lover differ on the exact method of dissolution of marriage, leading to internal bromance stress. Said Rivera, “Trying to execute her is a political act, not justice.”

    Unnamed sources close to the couple told us that Rivera yesterday gave publicly outed lover Baez an ultimatum. When we pressed for an answer, Geraldo finally replied,“While I took full responsibility for that line-in-the-sand fiasco, it was, ladies and gentlemen, totally overblown.”

    A few questions later, Rivera loudly proclaimed, “my entire adult life has played out in public,” and ran screaming from the stage.

    Will this star-crossed duo be able to patch things up and make that long-sought walk down the aisle? Only time will tell.


  7. Posted by motherclucker on September 8, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Haaaa! You are so incredibly awesome! I love it!

  8. Posted by Spacely on September 9, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Local Bumbler Searches For Closure in Murder Case

    Local attorney and bumbler Jose Baez is striving for closure in the ongoing murder trial for his most well-known client.

    After publicly securing the services of a free web-based internet attorney from Ocala, this doer-of-good-deeds has continued to seek support for his client’s cause from the community.

    Responding to his rousing call, two leading community lending organizations have stepped forward.

    Both LaSalle Bank N.A. and Ocwen Loan Servicing, LLC have added their voices, seeking foreclosure for Jose Baez as soon as possible.

    In a related story, local bumbler Jose Baez is seeking the services of a local moving company, reasonable rates and delayed invoicing required. If you have a strong back and the ability to take a client to court to collect unpaid costs, please contact him at his offices, where he and family will be sleeping for the foreseeable future.


    • Posted by 38special on September 9, 2010 at 6:02 pm

      No worries. Mama Anthony recently had workers add a little insulation to the play house in the back yard. The Baez posse can chillax by the pool and kibbitz endlessly about their special girl and what they will spend their Caylee Bucks on after the trial.

      According to neighbors, the chili parties get animated when the tv network guys are there, Cindy, Georgie, Lee, MallyBoo, Hose’ and Mason get all giddy yelling and hooping about which star should play them in the movie. Good times.

      • Posted by Spacely on September 9, 2010 at 6:27 pm

        I heard Mama A also had a little mailbox added to that playhouse so she can leave her letters for her special mailman to deliver.

        • Posted by 38special on September 9, 2010 at 7:50 pm

          Shaazam!!!! The mailbox!! That finally explains how she had the stamp for her “official” legal letters. Hose’ is so preoccupied with his FaceBook pals ( sending pics of himself floating in the pool in a horsey inner tube) that he probably didn’t realize that Shoegate Sindy was commandeering his gen-u-ine lawyer stamps and slipping her special deliveries in with his other junk.. Duh.

          She’s one clever gal, hustles the system to get a minute mrtg. payment, then slithers her way into the defense inner circle with her infamous email, then “helps” her fellow foreclosure buddy with a sweet garden pool house to stay in ( nevermind that it’s plastic and just happened to be her murdered grandbaby’s, oh well….that’s how GOTY rolls..it’s all about her)

  9. Posted by BEES KNEES on September 9, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    “and delayed invoicing required” Oh, my Goodness!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Thank you.

    • Posted by Spacely on September 10, 2010 at 7:13 am

      The best thing about moving is the “lost in the mail” excuse gets an automatic six month extension.

      Invoice??? I never got an invoice…

      Check’s on the way… mailed it a week ago…

  10. Posted by 38special on September 9, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Thanks Spacely for the heads up on the upcoming match!
    Sure hope he doesn’t try one of those fancy ‘rastler’ moves like using his hearing aid’s super high pitch squeal to disorient Mr. Evans. Or the old head whack with the folding chair, I know all this inside dope after watching years of Saturday afternoon wrestling, ( my older bro controlled our one lousy TV) those guys really fight dirty, maybe the old geezer will tag team with his little buddy, skeezer Baez, otherwise known as El Diablo con lard ass.

    Keep em coming Spacely…….can’t ever have enough insider info on the Orlando Circus.

    • Posted by Spacely on September 9, 2010 at 6:23 pm

      Well, the script has the Mumbler starting out with his classic move, the Opening Ramble, but the Kronkinator counters by sticking his fingers in his ears… yada, yada, yada… 6 minutes later one of them leaves to go pee and the other falls asleep, I will let you decide which one.

      But as we all know, Mumbles isn’t one to prepare in advance, so whether he reads the script or not is anyone’s guess.

      A bystander is reporting he mumbled something that sounded like he would be walking out of the arena arm in arm with his opponent, but nobody knows for sure…

  11. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on September 10, 2010 at 3:08 am

    Spacely 😆

    Two tickets please…my treat for Bees who I hope will provide my transport :mrgreen:

    • Posted by Spacely on September 10, 2010 at 7:18 am

      Actually, you two will be in the announcer’s box translating the mumbles for the crowd…

      Mumble, mumble, mumble…

      Ladies and Gentleman, the Mumbler has called his opponent a witness in trial…

      Mumble, mumble, mumble…

      He says his opponent IS an nerve…

  12. Posted by Spacely on September 14, 2010 at 8:00 pm


    At a public ceremony held today for the media, local attorney Jose Baez announced his upcoming marriage to national television host Geraldo Rivera.

    Rivera and Baez have been going steady for about 2 years. The relationship ratcheted up a notch earlier this month when Rivera unintentionally announced the long hidden relationship while filming his recent pat on his own back anniversary special. Trouble was rumored after Rivera later refused to speak about relationship, abruptly ending an interview in a fit of tears.

    But Baez put all those rumors to rest today during his formal acceptance of an engagement period not to end before May 2012.

    The absence of Rivera from the ceremony and celebration did raise questions.

    The cheery Baez turned icy when asked to comment on Rivera’s failure to attend. “We don’t normally hold press conferences or anything like that,” said Baez.

    When asked when he last spoke with his intended, Baez replied, “You’re getting into the facts.”

    In response to being pressed about the possibility the couple may not last through the much publicized KC Anthony trial as well as Rivera’s rapid onset of senility, Baez grew petulant. “No one’s leaving the team. People are joining it,” he said through clenched teeth.

    Friend and fellow celebrator Cheney Mason responded to a query about the absence of the groom being cause for concern or worry. With his customary bearded flair, Mason said, “It might be to you, but it’s not to us. It’s an indication to us of total confidence.”

    Fellow attorney and well-wisher Dorothy Sims had this to say about being an official part of the wedding, “My heart is in this.” She has no trepidations about performing her role as ring bearer for the upcoming nuptials. “After I spoke with these two gentleman, I wasn’t hesitant at all. Not at all.”

    As the celebration drew to a close, one reporter who works for a fashion magazine in New York commented about the bravado Jose displayed by wearing his wedding tuxedo complete with cheez whiz colored cummerbund for this public announcement rather than holding it in reserve for the day of bliss. Baez responded he needed to know if it still fit considering his first wedding was a few years ago and “I’d rather be accused of being over-prepared than under-prepared”.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: