National TV Host to Wed Local Attorney

The following article is brought to you by Egg Tree News Correspondent Spacely:

-Orlando, FL

At a public ceremony held today for the media, local attorney Jose Baez announced his upcoming marriage to national television host Geraldo Rivera.

Rivera and Baez have been going steady for about 2 years. The relationship ratcheted up a notch earlier this month when Rivera unintentionally announced the long hidden relationship while filming his recent pat on his own back anniversary special. Trouble was rumored after Rivera later refused to speak about relationship, abruptly ending an interview in a fit of tears.

But Baez put all those rumors to rest today during his formal acceptance of an engagement period not to end before May 2012.

The absence of Rivera from the ceremony and celebration did raise questions.

The cheery Baez turned icy when asked to comment on Rivera’s failure to attend. “We don’t normally hold press conferences or anything like that,†said Baez.

When asked when he last spoke with his intended, Baez replied, “You’re getting into the facts.â€

In response to being pressed about the possibility the couple may not last through the much publicized KC Anthony trial as well as Rivera’s rapid onset of senility, Baez grew petulant. “No one’s leaving the team. People are joining it,†he said through clenched teeth.

Friend and fellow celebrator Cheney Mason responded to a query about the absence of the groom being cause for concern or worry. With his customary bearded flair, Mason said, “It might be to you, but it’s not to us. It’s an indication to us of total confidence.â€

Fellow attorney and well-wisher Dorothy Sims had this to say about being an official part of the wedding, “My heart is in this.†She has no trepidations about performing her role as ring bearer for the upcoming nuptials. “After I spoke with these two gentleman, I wasn’t hesitant at all. Not at all.”

As the celebration drew to a close, one reporter who works for a fashion magazine in New York commented about the bravado Jose displayed by wearing his wedding tuxedo complete with cheez whiz colored cummerbund for this public announcement rather than holding it in reserve for the day of bliss. Baez responded he needed to know if it still fit considering his first wedding was a few years ago and “I’d rather be accused of being over-prepared than under-preparedâ€.


21 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Danna on September 15, 2010 at 6:44 am

    The newly engaged couple are registered at Academy as they expect to occupy the first tent in Orlando’s new tent city. We expect they’ll be having chili quite often with their soon to be neighbors, the Anthony’s.

    • either chili or decomposing pizza………..

      • Posted by Spacely on September 15, 2010 at 9:12 am

        Sorry, folks, pizza and chili are off Jose’s approved meal list per his tummy doctor. We don’t want him pulling another emergency hospital visit the opening day of the trial. Jerry is buying a truckful of Tums to keep his sweetheart’s digestive track in operation so there will no excuse for missing Wedding Day 2012, when they will open Baby Face Nelson’s vault together for a national TV audience.

        • so THAT’s where they’ll find Zanny…. in Baby Face Nelson’s vault….

          • Posted by Spacely on September 15, 2010 at 9:40 am

            Zanny is in Amelia Earhart’s lost plane.

            Zanny’s sister is living in Atlantis.

            The hair straightener is in Baby Face Nelson’s vault…

            • Amelia Earhart’s lost plane is in the sawgrass of a Puerto Rican drug dealer’s landing strip.

              Atlantis is under the pool in the Anthony’s backyard.

              The hair straightener is in a burning bush on Cindy’s altar.

              Casey’s Tiffany pinky ring is in Babyface Nelson’s vault.

        • Posted by Danna on September 15, 2010 at 10:18 am

          no chili? Oh well…….maybe they’ll get a ‘recipes for your coleman stove’ cookbook as a wedding gift.

  2. Posted by eggtreenews on September 15, 2010 at 9:03 am

    I’m proud of you, Space Dawg. Another gem. 😆 I’ll have you know I created a category called “Space Eggs: Wondertwin Spacely’s Column.” You’ll find it in my categories list in the sidebar. Now all these golden eggs of yours can be found in one place.

    I’m really happy for Jerry and Jose. I bet Casey’s pretty jealous, though. Maybe they’ll let her be in the ceremony, to make up for it. After all, her orange jumpsuit matches Jose’s cheez-whiz cumberbun perfectly. And with her tight connections to Jesus, she could probably just perform the whole ceremony herself. And Georgie could drive the Kidfinders billboard (with pics of the happy “just married” couple) all around town. Particularly up and down John Ashton’s street. 😆

    • Posted by Spacely on September 15, 2010 at 9:23 am

      The unconfirmed rumor from our sources who sometimes work for Art Harris so we know they are trustworthy is that KC was set to attend, but events conspired in such a way that she was forced to decline Jose’s invitation.

      Apparently, Cindy wrote a letter which Jose delivered begging KC to attend as Cindy would also be there. This sent KC into a tizzy which was escalated by her discovery the commissary had no “wedding orange” pony tail holders available.

      One inmate is reported to have said the violent outburst caused the guards to strap KC to a table until they were assured she had regained control.

      A long-term female inmate seems to be spreading rumors KC wrote her a letter on toilet paper about the incident, but another inmate says she if full of something identified as “chit” and she made the story up to get a better cell.

      KC is also upset the wedding is scheduled for the same day she will walk arm-in-arm out of the courtroom with Grandpa Mumbles as she felt this day and the other 364 days of that year as well as the 365 days of the following year should be all about her.

  3. Posted by BEES KNEES on September 15, 2010 at 10:17 am

    I was thinking all along that Zanny was hiding inside Bozo’s oddly-shaped head! If she IS in there she will have to vacate, leaving it as empty as it was when she first moved in two years ago. Gerry will insist that there’s not room for all three of them inside the bridal bed. I wish the new couple many sexy ear-twitches and shoulder shrugs as they begin their married life together.

    • Posted by Spacely on September 15, 2010 at 11:21 am

      See, this is where the confusion comes in.

      River and her sister were renting the wide empty spaces in Jose’s head, but since the bank is now foreclosing on Jose’s head for non-payment, they were forced to move into the gas can shed at George’s… ummm… I mean Cindy’s house. The outlook for a settelement is good for Jose as an insider at the bank says management is fairly certain they will not be able to find a buyer for the property in it’s present condition and repairs will be far to costly.

      River and Zanny do look a lot alike, so it’s easy to see where the casual witness may have misidentified one as the other.

      It was his experience with similar looking individuals that assured Jose’s newest client, the woman pulled off her cruise ship when misidentified as another woman with the same name, he would be the best attorney available to handle her case. Unfortunately, she misidentified Jose as a competent attorney, a common mistake in the media.

      “sexy ear-twitches and shoulder shrugs” 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

      Mumbles is quoted as saying, “I don’t recall any ear-twitches, but I do remember saying from the very beginning they were going to work out as a couple despite the circus and so on and so forth.”

  4. I wonder if Jerry will shove a microphone into Jose’s face when he’s stating his vows….

    • Posted by Spacely on September 15, 2010 at 2:13 pm

      Now he’s calling it a “micro”-phone???

      I would go with “mega” phone, but that’s the way I roll…

      • as to whether it’s a mega or microphone, I’d have to say “the jury’s out on this one”, no pun intended. Do we really want to know? Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

  5. Posted by sannybell on September 15, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    JVM must be livid about this news….everytime she has the ‘clown’ on she swoons and drops her gavel.

    Will the ‘wedding of the year’ take place aboard Whoraldo’s boat?
    Andrea Lyons and LKB are fighting for Matron of Horror, while Cheney Mason and Ann Finnell are sparing for the spot of Best Man.

  6. Maybe now that Jesus talks to Cindy (is this still happening or was it a single visit?), she can get a minister’s license on the internet and officiate at the ceremony.

    • Jon, methinx it was a single visit. He dropped by long enough to confirm cindy is right about everyone and everything, always has been, and always will be. And to turn pool water into gasoline for casey’s RV for her cross country preachings when she gets out.

  7. Posted by J.H. on September 29, 2010 at 8:21 am


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