Greased Pig Ditches Anthony A$$ Clown Rodeo

-Orlando, FL

Someone get me a valium, because my head is spinning trying to count all the slick, porky, amoral attorneys who have ditched homicidal harlot Casey Anthony to waddle on to more lucrative pastures. This time around, it’s Miss Piggy impersonator Linda Kenny Baden who gave Our Damsel of Doritos the shaft, in search of mo money, mo money, mo money!

Baden, who specializes in tampering with forensic evidence and distracting courtroom spectators with her cheap snap-on hair extensions and unflattering wardrobe of hog-casing dresses and miniskirts, announced last week that she’s got serious problems with the cash-flow situation. Specifically, that the state won’t foot the bill for her to travel in the manner she’s accustomed.

For you see, Miss Piggy flies first class to selflessly defend the innocent indigents of America, or she doesn’t fly at all. Miss Piggy stays in five-star hotels with turn-down service and imported chocolates on silk pillows, and showers and bidets that flow with Evian water blessed by Jim Henson. Miss Piggy scoffs at Motel 6’s as she cruises to court in her rental Hummer limo to offer her legal “expertise” to the falsely accused. Without these most basic amenities, Miss Piggy is unable to effectively argue the forensic points of a death penalty case for a client she KNOWS is innocent.

Basically, she took one look at Team Pork Chop’s current budget and exclaimed, “Moi?!?! Minimum wage?!?! Never!!” And with that, the ultra-glam muppet, donned in a pink spandex unitard and aviator goggles, flapped the origami wings scotch-taped to her back and said, “So long, suckers!”

Ahhhh, the benevolence….it is soooo rich….


58 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by nums24 on October 27, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Priceless! I love your work!

  2. Posted by Morgan on October 27, 2010 at 10:10 am

    OMG – LMAO – you really should put a disclaimer at the top of your articles. Something like “No eating or drinking allowed during the reading of this content”.

    Damsel of Doritos – LOL

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 12:12 pm

      Hi Morgan! I know the feeling; Bullstopper has done that to me too many times to count. I’ve had to change my shirt sometimes cuz I’ve spat my morning coffee all over myself laughing at some of his comments!

  3. Posted by Molly on October 27, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Thanks for the laughs!! “the harlot”. hahahahahahhhaha

  4. Posted by Linda on October 27, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Awesome read-and so true………………………………….

  5. Posted by jon on October 27, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Love it as usual. Don’t know which I like better; homicidal harlot or Damsel of Doritos. Can’t wait for her next court appearance to see if she’ s approaching Misty Croslin’s proportions.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 12:29 pm

      How bout Skittle Lickin Trollop for Casey? πŸ™‚

      Maybe we should start a pool for when Casey and Misty will reach Melissa Huckaby’s size?! The prize: a first class ticket to Florida and a dozen eggs to chuck at each of em in their jail cells. πŸ˜†

      • Posted by jon on October 27, 2010 at 12:48 pm

        I haven’t seen anything too recent on Casey photo-wise, so right now my money would be on the Misty, the Painted Woman of Palatka………….

  6. Thanks Egg! A pig in a slik suit is still a pig, even if it is laced up the back. And, a mighty nice round one at that!
    Why doesn’t she just buy her own plane with a mud puddle in the middle to wholler around in? Then, she won’t have to worry about getting her ass stuck in the seat. Oh, that’s right, she’s a greased pig to begin with!! Silly me!
    I think the real reason Miss Mae West Piggy left the defense is because of all the vast amount of fried pork rinds she found out that the murderer consumes weekly. That pissed her off and she didn’t own stock in that company! HA!
    And, you thought pigs can’t fly!!

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 12:39 pm

      Hi Cakeroll! πŸ˜† Her fashion sense is indeed baffling. I swear, if it wasn’t a courtroom appropriate laced up sexy hog casing, it was a bright furry number that looked like the pelt of a fellow muppet she hunted and skinned. Ya just have to cock your head to one side and go “huh….” upon seeing her.

      πŸ˜† Pork Rinds… πŸ˜†

  7. Well, don’t spread this around, but I heard she left because all the recent Hollywood re-makes of old television shows like the A-Team, Starsky ‘n Hutch, Star Trek, and the Dukes of Hazzard have really got the producers in a frenzy to re-imagine more old favorites.


    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 12:46 pm

      πŸ˜† Bull Dawg!!! πŸ˜† I was trying to think of a way to work PIGS IN SPACE into the post!!! Great cyber wondertwin minds think alike. Excellent work. I wonder if The Lyon will make a special guest appearance as a gigantic, brutish alien? Keep me updated!

      • Actually, Lyon will appear, but the director and producer are fighting over which part to offer her, either Sam the Legal Eagle (in which case she would be bluish, maybe brutish) or as both Statler and Waldorf, the Muppet hecklers (balcony occupancy rules and whatnot).

  8. Posted by 38special on October 27, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Hail to Eggy for wallowing in the penthouse sty getting the real story of Bad Ass Baden’s departure!

    If only she could have seen past the cut in her extortion like fees but I guess it takes a lot of moolah to buy enough comfort food to amp up the endorphins needed to defend a babykillingslut.
    And i bet the new legal beagle (literally.woof woof) is real happy that all this breast beating about money is front and center while she’s poised to beg for her share of dollars to fabricate another fricken theory.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 1:04 pm

      Hi 38! “The penthouse sty…” πŸ˜† awesome….

      Yeah, the sty was littered with super sessy undergarments from Forever 21 and Frederick’s of Hollywood. Bad scene. πŸ˜†

      I no likey the new gal on the team. Although I am kinda looking forward to the hilarious miscommunications that could occur while she’s on the headset with Baez while he’s questioning witnesses. πŸ˜†

  9. Posted by Twiglet on October 27, 2010 at 11:10 am

    I would just like to think that she left having seen all the the evidence against Casey stacking up she knew she was onto a loser

    • Posted by jon on October 28, 2010 at 6:38 am

      You bet. No one’s going to devote their own time and energy to a lost cause.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 28, 2010 at 11:04 am

      Hi Twiglet! Welcome! Sorry you were stuck in moderation so long, but you’re free now.

      I would like to think that as well. Didn’t the defense recently receive some more evidence; a docdrop might be coming, that could answer a lot…

  10. Posted by BEES KNEES on October 27, 2010 at 11:21 am

    “. . . with her cheap snap-on hair extensions and unflattering wardrobe of hog-casing dresses and miniskirts . . . ”

    HEE!!! Fashion is her life.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 1:08 pm

      Hey Bees! If fashion is her life, the woman is an utter flop! Maybe one of those silly reality makeover shows could help her and The Lyon grasp the concept of dressing themselves properly.

  11. Posted by Diana on October 27, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Thanks for the giggles. Only thing you didn’t touch on is her extremely annoying nasally voice coming out of those big blubbery lips that drones on and on and on until you feel like jumping out of the nearest window! Good riddance LKB.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 27, 2010 at 1:13 pm

      Hey Diana! I had totally forgotten about that voice of hers…I got so used to tuning it out. πŸ™‚ I was usually too distracted wondering why she wasn’t suing her plastic surgeon. πŸ˜†

  12. Posted by jon on October 27, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    I wonder if the A’s read these blogs (they’ve got nothing else to do). I can just picture steam escaping from their ears! Like “trollop” as well.

    I’m working on more tv show possibiities.

    • Well, now that the cast has been cut down to manageable numbers, how ’bout:

      Two Guys, a Gal, and a Pizza Smell?

      • Posted by nums24 on October 27, 2010 at 2:21 pm

        You’re killing me! Come and clean my monitor right now!

      • Posted by jon on October 28, 2010 at 6:42 am

        well, I was thinking a Jailhouse WCW Smackdown. Put Casey and Misty Croslin in the ring and then throw in a bag of Doritos or potato chips and watch them battle it out over it. The winner also gets a free bag of beef jerky.

        • Posted by eggtreenews on October 28, 2010 at 11:12 am

          πŸ˜† Jon, forget the chips, just throw a bottle of xanax and a can of Slim Fast in the ring and let em duke it out! :mrgreen:

  13. Posted by Maggie on October 27, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    OMG……….before I read this article I did imagine her as Miss Piggy, Great Work. But I think she left because the pigs were let out of the stall, perhaps the recent review of the evidence? Guess her buddy Henwee Wee Wee couldn’t mess with the evidence. They were video taping him and his hands. Let’s face it, Miss Piggy and Mr. Piggy are not in need of money, they’re in need of a WIN. Miss Piggy really hasn’t had any great cases lately. Mr. Piggy, reveals her strategy on national TV, bet she’s not sleeping in the same stall at the moment, they could always do a cameo on Seasame Street. (Doesn’t that air around the same time as the Today Show)

  14. Posted by Venice on October 27, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    You can put perfume and a briefcase on a pig…………but, it’s still a pig.

  15. πŸ˜† :mrgreen: I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

  16. Okay I was trying to show you a picture but it won’t work. Sorry. 😳

  17. Posted by Brad 'shopping cart' Conway on October 27, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    What in the HELL kind of a person is Boom Boom Baden?? She thinks Casey is innocent, and is dropping out of a case she could actually help (a lot) with, because of money?? There’s a special place in hell for this piece of human garbage. I’m glad she’s gone, but you have to look at what she’s implying!

    • Posted by eggtreenews on October 28, 2010 at 11:16 am

      Hey Shoppin Cart! You’re absolutely right. And what about all the TRULY falsely accused inmates out there, who really NEED and DESERVE her assistance but can’t afford it? Will she now selflessly offer to help any of them out of the kindness of her heart?

      Yeah, right…

  18. Posted by Diana on October 27, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Maybe she REALLY bailed because she didn’t like the publics backlash for defending and lying for a skank who is a cold blooded murderer of her sweet innocent baby……and not even because she thinks she is innocent. She is a media whore who wanted to be in front of the cameras at any cost. I hope she reads the blogs (if she can put her fork down long enough).

  19. Posted by Danna on October 29, 2010 at 6:03 am

    Casey is a use ’em and throw ’em away kinda gal. I think she’ll understand. in fact, they’ve probably earned more respect from her than her parents ever did.

  20. Posted by nancy on October 29, 2010 at 10:13 pm

    … spandex unitard!!! oh my eyes!!! I love this post Eggy!!! Can’t wait to read your next one. You do such a great job! Thanks for the laugh!

  21. Posted by jon on November 1, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Hey Eggy: I think Casey’s appearance on Friday begs another one of your splendid and insightful articles! Her hair sure looked greasy enough to slide things off of her head.

    • Jon, I think it might have been the pork chop she used to comb her hair with in the morning. Either that or the bean dip mouuse. I may be wrong though.

      • Posted by jon on November 2, 2010 at 6:39 am

        guess the donations to the jailhouse spending fund are drying up. Maybe Cindy isn’t giving George as generous an allowance as she used to. Don’t they at least give them generic shampoo in jail? I suppose they just can’t wash the skankiness out of her.

  22. Posted by jon on December 1, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Eggy: Hi. I’ve been trying to come up with a scenario for george pouring cement per the Bullstopper posting but have reached brain freeze on it.

    • Hi jon! I’m really baffled by that one too. I had always heard it was a couple stepping stones that got replaced, but then I read George’s interview over at Bulldawg’s, and was FLOORED about the 27 bags… Who manages to keep a straight face about pouring 27 bags of cement in their backyard on a whim while their wife and son are frantically trying to locate your “missing” granddaughter? These people….

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