Anthony Defense to Call McGruff the Crime Dog as Expert Witness

-Orlando, FL

In a move of astonishing stupidity, judicial embarassment Jose Baez announced recently that the legendary McGruff the Crime Dog will be called as the defense’s “surprise” expert witness at trial. McGruff, a cartoon detective canine best known for his public service announcements in the 1980’s advising everyone to “take a bite out of crime,” is reportedly the defense’s last hope for an aquittal. According to Baez’s new and improved witness list (written in crayon on the back of a Dunkin Donuts napkin amid charming doodles of shamrocks and hearts), the bulk of McGruff’s testimony will focus on refuting the canine alerts to decomp in the Anthony backyard and car trunk.

“For seriously, Your Judge, with over 30 years of experience taking a bite out of crime, McGruff totally qualifies 2 B R expert once the trial starts,” reads the amended motion. “He’s a public edjucator, and has even worked alongside the world reknowed Inspector Gadget. The comunity is down with him, and he looks official with his trenchcoat n sunglasses. Give him a shot, bro….”

When asked by bewildered reporters how in the world he came to be hooked up with McGruff, a reclusive cartoon character who has virtually been in hiding the last 30 years, Baez explained that the crimefighter is also the ex-boyfriend of his beloved obese pug, Casey Marie. “They had a thing goin on a few years back,” said the dough-headed oaf. ” Let’s just say she’s calling in a favor.”

While McGruff’s addition to the witness list may have prosecutors biting their nails and wringing their hands, its Baez’s BACKUP plan that has them wearing Depends Undergarments 24/7. If McGruff is not approved as an expert, the defense intends to call several stars from ‘Pound Puppies’ to the stand, to testify that prosecutor Ashton has used his telepathic “puppy power” for evil, and has brainwashed the police dogs into alerting false positives as part of a diabolical plot to frame Casey.

“Ashton sees this coming,” says a source, “He’s sh*tting bricks as we speak.”

Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.

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12 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Molly on December 16, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    😆 thanks for that egg! I can always count on you to come up with classic ROTFL reporting.

  2. EGG!!! Again, another great bombshell news report!! LOL!!
    Now, the last time I talked to Sindy, she told me that they were also going to get Scooby Doo in as a witness to translate for the decomp dogs. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  3. Posted by Suzie Jane on December 16, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Rut row! Too funny egg!

  4. Posted by Spot on December 16, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Woof!

  5. Posted by Jose Disliker on December 16, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    This can’t be. Jose specifically informed us that dogs cannot testify!!

    • Posted by eggtreenews on December 16, 2010 at 7:55 pm

      Au contraire! 🙂 Only the POLICE K-9s cannot testify, due to their inability to talk. But since McGruff speaks fluent English, and walks upright like a human, and even wears a trench coat like a real detective, he’s allowed, according to Jose.

  6. ROFLMAO!! 😆

    But, seriously, his doggy motion isn’t about the police dogs or just rubbing his butt on the carpet, it’s a preemptive strike to prevent McGruff’s most common expert foe, Lassie, who being differently-abled does not possess the necessary vocal cords to express herself in spoken language. Obviously, Jose is attempting to legislate prejudice of the worst kind even as he claims minority status for himself.

    Smart as he thinks he is, the prosecution is snickering this round because by only naming non-speaking dogs in his motion, he left the barn door wide open for them to trot in the surprise celebrity witnesses, Mr. Ed and Francis the Talking Mule, both of whom will claim fathering incarcerated and sometimes described as horse-faced Casey Anthony whose own murdered daughter’s father’s identity remains a mystery.

  7. Posted by Danna on December 16, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    McGruff stated he reached his conclusions by sniffing the photos of the car and the yard. He further testified that there was ‘no evidence, no evidence’.

    Then the gang showed up in the Mystery Odor Machine and popped the trunk. She would’ve gotten away with it but for that pesky smell.

  8. Posted by denjet on December 18, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    LMAO … Good one, Eggie!
    Baez thinking that having McGruff the crime dog on their team is all they need to refute canine alerts is beyond astonishingly stupid !!
    If Jose knew ANYTHING about crime solving dogs, he would know what a washed-up, has-been McGruff is … although McGruff does speak fluent English, in his later years it’s not been coherent English … Even if Baez could conceal McGruff’s apparent senility, better than he has with Mason, McGruff’s babbling will never match the prosecutor’s rebuttal witness who is STILL fighting and solving crimes !! When Ashton puts Scooby Doo on the stand with his translator, Shaggy, let’s see who’s soiling their depends … my prediction is it will be both McGruff and Mason !!

  9. Posted by Stef on December 21, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Thankfully, I swallowed the Doritos that I had been munching on PRIOR to reading this! (unlike last time when I spewed, I believe Fritos all over my computer/keyboard!) Unfortunately, my howling/cackling laughter did not amuse my cat who had been in a dead sleep on the windowsill next to me…she ran like I’ve never seen all 21lbs of her run before and is currently hiding under my bed! LOL…LOVED this report!

    Stef

  10. Baez also wants five thousand more hours for his new P.I…Deputy Dawg..An he wants Muttley to join the Defence tem to mutter Rashinfrashin every time he hears the words deneid or bear in mind…

  11. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on December 24, 2010 at 7:32 am

    Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a safe prosperous New Year.
    Cheers from ‘down-under’.

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