Jose Baez Announces New Year’s Resolution for 2011: “I resolve to exclude all evidence, testimony, witness statements, and logic from Anthony murder trial”

-Orlando, FL

Apparently Jose started his New Year’s celebration a couple days early this year, by bellyflopping into a kiddypool of champagne in his backyard and guzzling the bubbly until the pool was bone-dry. While sprawled near comatose at the bottom, donned in his 1920’s era mens one-piece bathing suit with a portrait of Fatty Arbuckle on the front, and a darling ‘Happy New Year’ tiara atop his oddly shaped head, Jose thought long and hard about his resolutions for the new year. After a lot of deep soul searching and occasional belching, he decided 2011 would be the year to exclude all evidence, testimony, witness statements, and any semblance of logic from his girl Casey Anthony’s murder trial.

So inspired was he by this bold new resolution, that he rolled out of the turtle shaped kiddypool, crawled across the yard (stopping on occasion to heave into the bushes), and entered the house in search of pen and paper to document his brilliance for Honorable Badass Perry. When he finished composing his masterpiece with a red sharpie on the back of a dirty Taco Bell napkin, he hopped in his purring Gremlin and putt-putted to the courthouse to officially file his resolution, and to make a formal announcement of his intentions.

That which shall be banned by the dough-headed oaf:

“Phantom” Heart Sticker Evidence

“Unreliable” Chloroform Evidence

Video Footage (Unspecified)

The Use, in any Fashion, of a Posting on the Internet Myspace References Attributable to Cindy Anthony, The Mother of the Defendant

The use, in any Fashion, of Internet Myspace References Attributable to the Defendant as “Diary of Days”

The use in any Fashion Whatsoever of a Certain “Jib Jab” Cartoon

In Court Photography/Videoing

Statements Made to George, Cindy Lee Anthony, Maya Derkovic, Robyn Adams, and Sylvia Hernandez

All Evidence Relating to Canine Searches and Alerts

Irrelevant Evidence of Stain in Trunk of Car

Irrelevant Evidence of Tattoo

And why not, really? All that “evidence” stuff is just prejudicial anyway, and that’s plain unfair. And why should prosecutors get to bring up incriminating things the defendant has said? They’re just words; they don’t really mean anything. And who gives a bibble if the mother of the year permanently etches “Beautiful Life” into her skin days after her child is ‘kidnapped?’ Totally irrelevant; I do it all the time! Quit bein so judgmental…..


16 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Valhall on January 1, 2011 at 3:58 pm


  2. 😆 😆 :mrgreen: He never ceases to amaze me. 😆

    • Hey niecey! I know, me neither…I think my favorite on the list is “no video/ cameras in the courtroom. This coming from the man who makes the media circuit spewing garbage every chance he gets. He’s never met a lens he doesn’t like!

      • Posted by Danna on January 2, 2011 at 7:14 am

        Im thinking he just doesnt want the courtroom cameras because they exhibit just how incompetent he really is. More fodder for us no life bloggers. lol

  3. Happy New Year, Eggy!!!

    I heard Jose finally cornered Mason under the mistletoe during that party, too, but keep it on the down-low, Geraldo don’t know yet…

  4. Posted by Twiglet on January 1, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    …So Casey is happy with her Defence team ? Not surprisingly she failed to graduate !!!?

  5. EGG!! Happy New Year Friend!! Yes, let’s just let her go free while we’re at it! I’m betting on a full three minutes before she gets attacked by the autograph hounds and stampled to death. HA! She is famous you know.
    As fat as Baez is getting, maybe he should switch over to Pepto Lite after this holiday. LOL.
    Love your stuff as always, keep it up!!

  6. Posted by donchais on January 1, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    I was hoping Baez’s resolution would be to just plain shuddup!

    Happy New Year all!

  7. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on January 2, 2011 at 4:57 am

    Thanks again for all the laughs Eggy :mrgreen:

    Happy New Year to everybody.

  8. Posted by doublesmom on January 2, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Happy New Year Eggy!

    Funny stuff! 🙂

  9. Posted by jon on January 3, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Hey Eggy: Happy New Year! I wish my resolution could be to block thoughts of this entire thing from my mind, but it ain’t gonna happen!!!!

    If Bozo was in the kiddie pool, I think he probably would have an inflatable rubber-duckie tube around his waist as well as the tiara.

    Great post as always!


  10. Posted by Stef on January 4, 2011 at 3:50 am

    Is it just me or did Bozo gain 100lbs since the 12/20/2010 hearing??? He looked HUGE yesterday…then again, it could have been the new Eddie Munster haircut he was sporting…

    • Posted by jon on January 4, 2011 at 9:23 am

      It looked to me like they were trying to soften Casey’s look too. She looks heavier too.

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