Local eccentric coot with a law license, Cheney Mason, bewildered spectators on this side of sane last week, when he stumbled into the latest Casey Anthony hearing under the demented pretense it was a parent/teacher conference. In full Colonel Sanders attire, he wandered into the classroom in a cloud of marijuana smoke, b.o., and the crazies, to work some magic on young Jose Baez’s harsh teachers. Carrying a bucket of chicken under one arm to present to ‘Professor’ Perry and ‘Teacher’s Assistant’ Jeff Ashton as a peace offering, Mason wibble-wobbled his way over to Baez’s desk, and greeted the freshly sanctioned Jose with an exclusive bromance handshake. Wearing a nifty shirt advertising his law firm (which STILL hasn’t got a functioning website), the Hispanic Hero put on his best “I’m sowwy, please don’t send me to detention” smirk, and sat at his desk while Cheech to his Chong mumbled on his behalf.
“Professor and T.A. Asston- I’m sorry, ASHton- the boy is young and inepxerienced,” said Mason in his best Foghorn Leghorn voice. “No need for all this fuss about us payin a fine and contempt and sendin him to detention…he’s a good boy,” he muttered as Cindy Anthony played a somber tune on the violin in the background. “I’m sure we can work out this little misunderstanding.”
At this point, he presented Jose’s critics with the sacred bucket of fried chicken. He had even adorned the lid with a red Christmas bow.
“I take it on good faith we can forget about this whole thing. I say, I SAY, I raised a good boy, now, you hear?! Can I get a witness?!?,” he slurred as he raised a drumstick heavenwards.
Baez leaned back in his seat, nodding and winking at his teachers.
Seemingly appaled by his own ineffectiveness, Mason then huffed and puffed in a sea of senility. “Alright then…no witness is FINE…I already wrote your dumb check anyway,” he fumed as he threw the check- in the form of a paper airplane- at Jose’s teachers. “But do me a solid, and don’t actually cash that, aiiight? I’m seriously!”
He then took Baez by the hand and stormed out of the classroom. Moments later, Baez came rushing back in, grabbed the bucket of chicken off his desk, flipped off Ashton, and darted out the door.
Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.