Daffy Old Coot Mistakes Court Hearing for Parent-Teacher Conference

-Orlando, FL

Local eccentric coot with a law license, Cheney Mason, bewildered spectators on this side of sane last week, when he stumbled into the latest Casey Anthony hearing under the demented pretense it was a parent/teacher conference. In full Colonel Sanders attire, he wandered into the classroom in a cloud of marijuana smoke, b.o., and the crazies, to work some magic on young Jose Baez’s harsh teachers. Carrying a bucket of chicken under one arm to present to ‘Professor’ Perry and ‘Teacher’s Assistant’ Jeff Ashton as a peace offering, Mason wibble-wobbled his way over to Baez’s desk, and greeted the freshly sanctioned Jose with an exclusive bromance handshake. Wearing a nifty shirt advertising his law firm (which STILL hasn’t got a functioning website), the Hispanic Hero put on his best “I’m sowwy, please don’t send me to detention” smirk, and sat at his desk while Cheech to his Chong mumbled on his behalf.

“Professor and T.A. Asston- I’m sorry, ASHton- the boy is young and inepxerienced,” said Mason in his best Foghorn Leghorn voice. “No need for all this fuss about us payin a fine and contempt and sendin him to detention…he’s a good boy,” he muttered as Cindy Anthony played a somber tune on the violin in the background. “I’m sure we can work out this little misunderstanding.”
At this point, he presented Jose’s critics with the sacred bucket of fried chicken. He had even adorned the lid with a red Christmas bow.

“I take it on good faith we can forget about this whole thing. I say, I SAY, I raised a good boy, now, you hear?! Can I get a witness?!?,” he slurred as he raised a drumstick heavenwards.

Baez leaned back in his seat, nodding and winking at his teachers.

Seemingly appaled by his own ineffectiveness, Mason then huffed and puffed in a sea of senility. “Alright then…no witness is FINE…I already wrote your dumb check anyway,” he fumed as he threw the check- in the form of a paper airplane- at Jose’s teachers. “But do me a solid, and don’t actually cash that, aiiight? I’m seriously!”

He then took Baez by the hand and stormed out of the classroom. Moments later, Baez came rushing back in, grabbed the bucket of chicken off his desk, flipped off Ashton, and darted out the door.
Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.


56 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Victoria on January 18, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Bwaaaah Hahahaha!!!!! Priceless! Just priceless!!!

  2. Posted by Justin on January 18, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    People need to begin writing letters to legislators and the Florida Bar to get him and Bozo disbarred. Enough is enough.

  3. Posted by BEES KNEES on January 18, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    “No need for all this fuss about us payin a fine and contempt and sendin him to detention…he’s a good boy,” he muttered as Cindy Anthony played a somber tune on the violin in the background. “I’m sure we can work out this little misunderstanding.”

    Oh my God! I nearly fell off my chair, Eggy! I really love the image of cindy laying in a soundtrack to chicken-fried’s senility! Thanks for that!

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 18, 2011 at 6:40 pm

      😆 😆 😆 I forgot to mention Baez performed an interpretive ballet to Cindy’s violin solo 😆 😆 😆

      • Posted by jon on January 19, 2011 at 8:13 am

        Maybe George could be there as well, piping out a mournful tune on his harmonica. not to mention ole tube sox Lee strumming a ukelele…

        • Posted by LaLa on February 1, 2011 at 2:46 am

          Shucks. Give Lee a banjo and George a git-tar so we can have Dueling Banjos ala “Deliverance.” When they break to the fast part, Cindy can fiddle and end in a heart-stopping (should we be so lucky) rendition of “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.” YeeeeHaw!

  4. Guffaw, I say, guffaw!!

    Look at me when I’m talking at you, son!

    😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

  5. Posted by beach on January 18, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    I’ve been checking faithfully to see when you’d chime in! 😀 This one was worth the wait! LOL Beyond hilarious!

  6. Posted by 38special on January 18, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Wow, I say, Wow! So funny, Eggy.

    As usual, I’m in awe of your scoop. All the other report don’t even catch the nuances in FogHorn’s tone and OBVIOUSLY can’t decipher what the hell he’s saying but it’s comforting to know that here at EggTree we get the real news.It’s pride in your craft to stay the extra 2 minutes to capture a gem like this:
    “He then took Baez by the hand and stormed out of the classroom. Moments later, Baez came rushing back in, grabbed the bucket of chicken off his desk, flipped off Ashton, and darted out the door.”

    ROTFLMAO ! Thanks

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 18, 2011 at 7:08 pm

      LOL, that little ditty was JUST for you, 38! I knew you’d love that!

      • Posted by 38special on January 19, 2011 at 9:39 am

        I DID love that! It’s perfect.
        Those two are truly idiotic and neither of them have enough sense to be ashamed of looking like fools in the courtroom.

        Baez is blind from his completely false view of himself. He’s spent years perfecting a narcissism that has no foundation, he’s a loser. In fact, he’s the first Hispanic to exhibit narcissism of that magnitude!
        Mason sure has put all the fears to rest that he would turn the mess Bozo made into a real legal battle. He’s a rambling old dude with delusions about his skill. His letter really was his only shining moment, too bad all it did was spotlight what a doofuses they both are.

        I can’t wait to see what other tricks they pull out their azz.
        The old neck brace ruse or maybe both of them have an “accident” and roll down the aisle in pimped out wheel chairs begging for extensions. They’ve pretty much used up all the mysterious witness & evidence routes so they’ve got the same nuttin that they started with. SkanyO Marie shoulda held the bar just a little higher when she went lawyer trolling.

        • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm

          😆 “The old neck brace ruse or maybe both of them have an “accident” and roll down the aisle in pimped out wheel chairs begging for extensions” 😆


          And somehow find a way to charge the state for their supersweet hovercraft wheelchairs!!

          • Medicare fraud.

            These two are equal opportunity. They will steal from the State or Federal government. If a Local government shows up which has a deep pocket, they would be OK taking some of that money, too.

            Let’s just hope the hover-round people force Mason to be in one of their commercials, driving over the edge of the Grand Canyon or rolling into oncoming traffic because he can’t hear the cars, even though he can hear JP whisper about judges leaving the courtroom…

  7. Posted by maxineme on January 18, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    That was great egg news.. just great.. thank you sooo much for the laughs…. You have got yourself some talent there… No doubt… WOW

  8. Posted by Lolly on January 18, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    I said, I said pay attention boy and learn. Ha ha ha ha Says Mason to Baez.

    Agree with other posters here, I say, I say you got talents!!

  9. Posted by Stef on January 18, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Oh, DAMN…’as Cindy played a somber tune on the violin’…LOL…hopefully she’s a better violin player than she was a nurse seeing as she believed the Murderer’s pregancy was ‘female trouble’!

    • Posted by jon on January 19, 2011 at 11:03 am

      Hey Eggy: wonderful post as usual.

      I think the musical portion of this should be a family thing: While Cindy’s violin sreeches in the background, George could pump out a poignant tune on the harmonica and Lee could strum on a ukelele (whilst wearing tube sox, naturally.) I think those are the instruments that best suit this bunch. Oh yeah, and Mallory could be there too on the Swiss bells.

      • Posted by Danna on January 19, 2011 at 5:25 pm

        I dont know…I see Lee as more a triangle playing sort.

        And mallory….a tambourine.

      • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm

        Can’t ya just see georgieboy playin the blues on the harmonica, stoppin intermittently to say, “I didn’t think Casey would do me like that!” 😆

        • Posted by jon on January 21, 2011 at 9:13 am

          I think George was made to play the harmonica!!!! I wonder whether someone in this bunch shouldn’t be assigned the accordian? Sort of fits, doesn’t it?

          I picture Mason with a tuba and Bozo with a kazoo. I’m sorry I don’t have the technical know-how to do up a photo of this bunch with their respective instruments. Of course, Casey will play with anyone’s instruments (if you get my drift).

        • Posted by denjet on January 21, 2011 at 8:23 pm

          Eggy, you’ve done it again! LMAO 🙂 Just as I was regaining my composure from you’re hilarious article, BAM … the comments !! I always check back to read the comments too and am never disappointed … You have some pretty damn funny peeps here !! LMAO !!
          Keep ’em coming !

  10. Posted by nums24 on January 18, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    I think it would be great if the Florida Bar would let you write some of their daily news! Or an OP-ED piece 😀

    Your talent is amazing, you have a gift!

  11. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on January 19, 2011 at 3:52 am

    Tee Hee Eggy you really have got Mason’s number :mrgreen:

    • Posted by 38special on January 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm

      She has his number?????? Man o man, I want it. My social life has hit the skids lately (can’t imagine why) but that thar would be some mighty fine entertainment for a Sat. night, well worth the cost of a throwaway phone.
      Maybe Eggy will put it in her next article, secret of course, like the Da Mentia Code!!!!!!

  12. Posted by offthecuff on January 19, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Thanks for putting this courtroom drama in such an entertaining perspective!!

    How can Mason show his head in public again after such a guffaw he made of himself? And all for Baez?? Did he possibly buy Baez an ice cream after?

    As for Baez, who should’ve been embarrassed, he was probably very pleased with Daddy speaking up for him.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm

      Off the cuff,

      It never ceases to amaze me that Baez has no capacity to feel shame, or even the slightest bit of humility. Its hard to imagine going through life so blind.

      They did go for ice cream afterwards! 😆 baez threw a temper tantrum because they were out of his favorite flavor, Mango Margarita.

  13. Posted by myra manes on January 19, 2011 at 7:13 am

    hehehehehe ..

  14. Posted by Maggie on January 19, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Oh! that was great thanx for making my day! It’s so easy to make fun of Bozo. I still can’t believe the letter Mason wrote saying “NOT SO FAST – Here’s the check but don’t cash it” – Knowing Ashton he’d get Bozo on a fraud check charge (there’s probably no money in his account) – Just like his girl Casey………

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      I bet the defense put a stop payment on the check immediately after the hearing… 🙂

  15. Posted by Swift Justice on January 19, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Fantastic…..Eggy you are THE BEST.
    Keep them comin….they make my day.

  16. Posted by doublesmom on January 19, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Funny stuff Eggy – thanks! 🙂

  17. Poor wee Jose has single handed ended the Lawer joke…Now there only Baez jokes…So I geuse he was feeling brave last nigh when he headed out for some rest an relaxation to a local Floridian Bar /Comedy Club..As you can imagine Baez was spotted in the crowd ..An became the butt of quite a few of the comedians jokes..But our boy kept his cool untill the last act a ventrilloquest an dummy took the stage…This guy was mercyless an laid into Baez his client an the horse they rode in on.Baez finaly exploded an stood up mid act shouting ENOUGH..The room fell silent as Baez said ..Its bad enough that you denigrate me an my profesion to get laughs..An my cleint to get laughs ..Whom need I remind you is faceing the death sentance..Death is diffrent…The Comedian interupts Baez with an apolagy explains its not personal this is a comedy vennue ect…Baez goes ballistic S T F U he screams at him know ones talking to you .Im a Lawer I know the law ..Im not talking to you.Im adressing that little guy sitting on your lap….

    • Posted by 38special on January 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

      Eccossie~ “poor wee jose” is such the right description. He has eclipsed the lawyer jokes for sure. It’s karma since he’s really not much of a lawyer anyway.
      Speaking of karma, I think he’s finally broken his virginal status and gotten spanked by the divine karmic universe. His smack talk doesn’t appear to be workin so well these days. now he can be on the lookout for the colossal EPIC Fail with the added bonus of a unhinged and demented Sindy stalking him after he loses the case. How would ya like to see that peeping in your bathroom window? redrum,redrum,redrum….spooky ( sindy gone bonkers, dressed in slunt’s card dealer outfit, lollipop in her mouth)

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm

      😆 😆 😆 ROTFL:

  18. 😆 Eggy! 😆 One of your best…..Truly one of your best. You nailed ole Foghorn/Colonel Sanders down to a tee, and of course his immature, newly adopted, twisted chicken of a son, Jose. 😆
    If I were the Judge I would have proudly sang………”Love that chicken from Popeyes”, when Baez took the gift of chicken away. :mrgreen:

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 5:09 pm

      I could see Honorable Badass Perry belting that one out, Niecey! I bet Baez would get so steamed, he’d tipoff Popeyes to sue Perry for copyright violation for singing their jingle, he’s such a baby….

  19. Posted by 38special on January 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    jon~ you know i almost always defer to your awesome judgement but I’d like you to consider George Marie playing one of those giant piano things. You know the kind that Tom Hanks played at FAO Schwartz in Big.
    I can see him with his shorts, tucked in polo and his uber shiny loafers..tassels bobbing to his jumping from key to key. If it would work he could still do the harmonica thing with one of those holders that sit on the chest. Full spectrum musical George. Ha!

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm

      If you throw a James Brown impression in there, I’m officially ROTFL!

    • Posted by jon on January 21, 2011 at 11:53 am

      that would work for me too! I don’t know if you’re all old enough to remember Hee Haw, but I could easily see an Anthony/Baez version of it! George in a fraying straw hat, Baez with a couple of front teeth missing, Casey dressed as the town slut in super mini cutoffs (also frayed, natch) with a red and white check blouse tied in a knot at the bottom so her belly shows, Lee as the town simpleton (sort of like Jethro from Beverly Hillbillies but without the intellect) and, of course, Cindy as the matriarch of the clan in a gingham dress with a hoop skirt. All, of course, guzzling from bottles with XXXX marked on them.

      Geez, the only people in that family I feel for are the dogs.

  20. Posted by 38special on January 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Eggy~ please quit making me go to spam. I tried to outwit it by adding a “Ha!” to the end of it on the second go round but your settings are waay smart and snatched that one too.
    Thanks ever so much.
    Sincerely,your very faithful reader..well, one of the faithful,sorta faithful but I could be THE most faithful for a fiver ( or a 40 Colt icy cold)

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm

      I have no idea why people will randomly land in the spam folder sometimes. Earlier I had to fish some of my own replies outta there. I swear, that folder has a mind of its own….

    • Posted by eggtreenews on January 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

      Heh heh heh… “Well I’m sorry, I thought you was corn!” 😆

      Gotta HEART Hyper Chicken…

  21. Posted by Lottacats on January 19, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    Always a hilarious read here. So looking forward to the next. LMAO

  22. Posted by Jomo on January 26, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Love all of your work…Thanks!

  23. Posted by NGBoston on February 20, 2011 at 2:05 am

    Too funny. Thanks to Valhall and Eggy for the laughs.

    Who is the biggest nut in the Fruitcake? Think I am going with

    That woman is delusional at best. What happens after the trial this Spring when her Daughter, Casey will be sentenced to LWOP after the case closes? Will SPINDY try to write the tell-all book when she is still in denial about her own Daughter killing her own Grandaughter? Despicable.

    It’s up to us not to feed the Monster, America.

    Time to send some more neighbors and protesters over to the Anthony Residence in OR-LAWN-DO?

    Cindy, you are a disgusting beast and an embarrassment to Mothers and GrandMothers everywhere. We all know old Georgie Porgy is only sticking around because his lazy ass is sucking of the teat of the “gravy train” provided by exploiting the death of Caylee Marie Anthony.

    As soon as the trial is over- he won’t leave either. No one will hire him and the only way Georgie Boy will be scoring any dates is on Plenty of Fish.com

    EFFIN PATHETIC—the whole lot of them.

    *~ Justice for Caylee Marie Anthony is coming in Spring 2011 ~*

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