The following article is brought to you by Egg Tree News Correspondent Spacely “Bulldawg” Bullstopper:
In documents recently obtained only by this station, the ultra-secret strategy of the defense team of Casey Anthony is revealed. For those who harbored doubts of the wisdom of the defense team’s recent disregard for court orders and deadlines, they may rest assured a strategy to rival Hannibal crossing the Alps is in play.
Our super confidential documents, which only we posses and no other station (tune into the 11:00pm broadcast with Tomy Popitune for more), also clears up how the defense was able to burn through so much money so quickly it was gone before the state announced their final intent to seek the death penalty.
Included in the Top Secret packet of documents is a receipt for a special-order Magic 8 Ball. Many may remember this item as a favored childhood toy, but our investigation reveals it plays a much more serious role in the preparation for this trial by the defense. Not only do the specifications for this ball require the message “Baez Rules” in large white lettering around the middle, there are also special messages included on each side of the integral twenty-sided die which is the heart of the magic and mystique of this generations-old advice assistant. Estimated cost for this wonder of the industrial age, a mere $275,000.
In a story which you will see break only on this station, we reveal all twenty special order messages, presumably authored by the lead defense attorney himself who we believe may seek the advice of this device as events unfold in this never ending drama. The ball may be designed to offer potential replies to media questions and court queries at a moment’s notice. Some of the messages may seem familiar.
1) Stranger Did It
2) [Insert Name] Did It
3) Somebody Was Confused
4) It’s A Conspiracy
5) Worry About Your Rights, Too
6) we’re Fighting For Justice
7) We’re Fighting To Save A Life
8) We’re Too Busy
9) State Released More Discovery
10) They Leaked It
11) There’s No Evidence
12) I Don’t Have It With Me
13) It Wasn’t Late, You Were Early
14) Ashton Wants Everything His Way
15) It Could Be Exculpatory
16) That Prejudices Us
17) Traffic, Traffic, Traffic
18) State’s Withholding Evidence
19) We Don’t Have The Resources
20) I Don’t Know Why I’m Here
Breaking news breaks like a breakfast egg on EggTreeNews first!