Does Jose Baez Shoot a Ball into His Pocket?

The following article is brought to you by Egg Tree News Correspondent Spacely “Bulldawg” Bullstopper:

-Orlando, FL

In documents recently obtained only by this station, the ultra-secret strategy of the defense team of Casey Anthony is revealed. For those who harbored doubts of the wisdom of the defense team’s recent disregard for court orders and deadlines, they may rest assured a strategy to rival Hannibal crossing the Alps is in play.

Our super confidential documents, which only we posses and no other station (tune into the 11:00pm broadcast with Tomy Popitune for more), also clears up how the defense was able to burn through so much money so quickly it was gone before the state announced their final intent to seek the death penalty.

Included in the Top Secret packet of documents is a receipt for a special-order Magic 8 Ball. Many may remember this item as a favored childhood toy, but our investigation reveals it plays a much more serious role in the preparation for this trial by the defense. Not only do the specifications for this ball require the message “Baez Rules” in large white lettering around the middle, there are also special messages included on each side of the integral twenty-sided die which is the heart of the magic and mystique of this generations-old advice assistant. Estimated cost for this wonder of the industrial age, a mere $275,000.

In a story which you will see break only on this station, we reveal all twenty special order messages, presumably authored by the lead defense attorney himself who we believe may seek the advice of this device as events unfold in this never ending drama. The ball may be designed to offer potential replies to media questions and court queries at a moment’s notice. Some of the messages may seem familiar.

1) Stranger Did It
2) [Insert Name] Did It
3) Somebody Was Confused
4) It’s A Conspiracy
5) Worry About Your Rights, Too
6) we’re Fighting For Justice
7) We’re Fighting To Save A Life
8) We’re Too Busy
9) State Released More Discovery
10) They Leaked It
11) There’s No Evidence
12) I Don’t Have It With Me
13) It Wasn’t Late, You Were Early
14) Ashton Wants Everything His Way
15) It Could Be Exculpatory
16) That Prejudices Us
17) Traffic, Traffic, Traffic
18) State’s Withholding Evidence
19) We Don’t Have The Resources
20) I Don’t Know Why I’m Here

Breaking news breaks like a breakfast egg on EggTreeNews first!


22 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Venice on February 27, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    A big thumbs UP!!! I love your comedy take on everything ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Posted by Molly on February 27, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Always look forward to your posts! LOL
    you could also include “this case is different” !

    • That particular slogan didn’t come about until Lyon joined the team. She has it stenciled on a t-shirt she wears under all her court outfits… like Superman…

  3. Posted by janielane on February 28, 2011 at 6:51 am

    Don’t forget “Quite Frankly I don’t know why we’re here”!

    Great artictle ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Posted by 38special on February 28, 2011 at 8:48 am

    OMG Finally the answer to his masterful courtroom zingers. I always wondered what he was looking at on his laptop & phone, now we know.See, that’s how a pro like Baez mentors his interns, they stay at the office with the Magic 8 Ball, skype cam on, ready to shake it and relay the response to El Bozo.
    Thanks Bull, awesome investigative reporting.

    • Why do you think Medina got promoted to attorney?

      • Posted by 38special on February 28, 2011 at 11:47 am

        Bull, ya know I thought she simply earned her bozo-badge to put on her lapel but I get it now. She proved her worth to the team.Upgrade. Full fledge atty, with the high status as the girl friday for the team. The Magic 8 ball manage’ a trois, hot diggity, unless of course the old Geezer has his own ‘for the hearing impaired ball’ that has audio answers. Thanks for the info.

        • Mason’s too old to depend on new-fangled technology like cell phones (as he said in the last hearing), Magic 8 Balls, homogenized milk, or sliced bread.

          Once upon a time, he had assistants throwing darts at a board covered with similar excuses, but his insistence on using an old marble as a hearing aid has effectively ended that form of artificial assistance.

          He seems content to let Baez run the excuses while he catches up on some much-needed nap time.

          • Posted by 38special on February 28, 2011 at 2:47 pm

            seriously ROTFLMAO ..especially “using an old marble as hearing aid” truly funny…in a weird true way!

  5. Posted by Danna on February 28, 2011 at 9:08 am

    I think maybe Cindy has a special eight ball too.

    My daughter is innocent.
    A liar doesnt make a murderer.
    She only did it once.
    You dont know what unconditional love is.
    KC doesnt steal, she borrows w/o permission.
    KC should be MOTY
    KC is just like me (also MOTY)
    It was pizza.
    No evidence, no evidence.
    Everyone is just jealous.
    ____ is nothing but a drunk.
    Its the media’s fault.
    Caylee is alive.

    • She didn’t rake in as much money as Baez off this deal, so she could only afford a Magic 6 Ball – it’s not quite as good, but its better than the Magic Marble George got…

      • Magic 6 ball **priceless** these posts have the highest praise I can give: “Man, I wish I wrote that!”
        Get on down with your own bad self 8)

    • Posted by katydid on March 1, 2011 at 3:11 pm


      Here’s another one…..No odor….No odor…No odor.

  6. Posted by BEES KNEES on February 28, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Tee Hee! As anyone who grew up in the 50s knows, the Magic 8 Ball has the power to foretell the future, so it makes sense that bozo has come to rely upon it to ask the most important questions like, “Will I ever be allowed to practise law again?”

  7. Posted by maxineme on February 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    As always, you hit the highest notes!!! Thanks.. Except, where is the one he likes to call the “death is different” side of the dice???
    NO,I’m sorry…. I bet he copied that one from Ms lyon and not his special 8 ball???

    Keep us informed and thanks again for the laughs…

  8. Absolutely!!! “Surprise, surprise! My client is innocent! Absolutely!

    Thanks for the laugh!

  9. Posted by doublesmom on March 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Another great read – thanks Eggy! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Posted by Lottacats on March 4, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    That was hilarious! Thanks for the giggles!

  11. Posted by FRG on March 5, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Thank you for the laugh! You are so funny!

    Now, have you seen JB questioning Mr. Melich? *insert rolling eyes here*… I found it hilarious when Mr. Melich told JB to define “suspicion”! LOL! You should write a piece of JB’s questioning these three days of hearing.

    Thank you!

  12. Posted by Valhall on March 5, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Love it!

    “death is different”

  13. Posted by Jill on June 9, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Whoever writes this blog is a genius of comic wit and I salute you!! I haven’t laughed this hard in years!! Bravo!! Keep it coming, I’m a total fan now!!

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