Heartless Twit Outsmarts Sociopathic Twat

-Orlando, FL

A bitter chill blew through the Orlando courthouse yesterday during the latest Casey Anthony hearing, when brother Lee “Chuckles” Anthony, the proud middle finger of the hand family, took to the stand and plunged a deadly spork into his sociopathic sister’s excuse for a heart. As it turns out, Chuckles, who was once considered Casey’s must trusted ally- Willis to her Arnold Drummond, if you will- was actually moonlighting as a secret agent of the state all along. The betrayal was outlined in a stunning chapter of courtroom drama yesterday, that left Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos seething with outrage in a powerful whirlwind of cheese dust. Indeed, her devil eyes bore holes right through him, as she glared a furious, jaw-clenched “What you talkin ’bout, Willis?” in his direction.

The drama began unfolding as the smarmy, unshaven, and underdressed giggler burst into the courtroom on a chariot carried by his own arrogance, then sat on his throne of entitlement- which the rest of us call the witness stand- and detailed his work as an ultracool double agent. According to Chuckles, law enforcement was so impressed by his innate investigative instincts, they solicited his superior services in their humble quest to find his missing niece, Caylee. He was instructed to pump his trusting sister (and not in the way she normally likes) for any information regarding Caylee’s whereabouts.

But Chuckles, in his infinite Anthony wisdom, sparked his OWN investigation to get to the bottom of the issue. After purchasing a standard detective trenchcoat, fedora, monocle, and smoking pipe, Chuckles cunningly grilled his sister in a series of gripping jailhouse interrogations only rivaled by the Pink Panther. He checked his loyalty at the door (along with all dignity and those pesky ethics), and tried with all his moronic might to squeeze a lil drop of ‘truth’ from the pathological liar’s ‘memory.’ Some analysts have even questioned if he resorted to speaking in Anthonybonics, a coded language devised by Mama Gremlin Cindy, and decipherable only to her, and subject entirely to her interpretation, which can change at any given time, depending on who she wishes to frame for her granddaughter’s murder. Or something like that…

But his Herculean detecting efforts did not end with the mere questioning of the homicidal harlot. Nay, the bold, unlicensed amateur even admitted to sneaking into Baez’s office/loveshack, and stealing evidence that would assist him in his personal investigation.

Well played, Tubesox. Well played. Einstein’s got NOTHIN’ on you.

Upon hearing of Lee’s betrayal, Casey’s eyes filled with hellfire. Soon heavy dark clouds gathered in the courtroom, and Our Damsel of Doritos arose, shooting flames from her fingertips while cursing a pox on Castle Hopespring.

Not really. But you get the drift…

Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.

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27 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by katydid on March 5, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Love your take on it! But, IMO he has a nervous laugh not anything sinister.

  2. I think he finds his laugh charming, maybe disarming 0 I find it creepy. Does the man not own a razor?

  3. Posted by myra manes on March 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Lee TubeSox Anthony – P.I.

    hahahahahahahahaha

  4. Posted by offthecuff on March 5, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Your perspective lightens the dreariness of this whole sad, dark scene!!

    Keep it up…for our sake!

  5. EGG!! Great friend of mine!! Another brilliant satire on one of the sleeziest Antholes, Brother Flea. (Agent Middle Finger)
    I think he is going with that homeless look to keep in sync with the floozy undercover detective work he has done, unless when parking cars he really doesn’t find that much change in the middle consoles.
    I’m glad he didn’t speak in code on the witness stand. The court reporter’s machine would have blown up!

  6. Posted by Stef on March 5, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Having FINALLY learned my lesson a few articles ago, I read this one without any food/drink in my mouth. (I’ve spewed soda/tea across my computer MANY times while reading an article on here!) And it’s a good thing that I did because when I got to:

    (He was instructed to pump his trusting sister (and not in the way she normally likes) for any information regarding Caylee’s whereabouts. )

    I exploded into a fit of hysteria, complete with snorting and tears pouring down my face from laughing so much!

    ‘Offthecuff’ nailed it dead on…it’s nice to have a bright spot in this entire horrific story of Caylee Anthony’s and I for one, THANK YOU for it!

    Stef

  7. Posted by BEES KNEES on March 5, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Hiya! This isn’t the first time EggTree News has landed at my feet sunny-side up just when I needed it. I’ve been feeling somewhat humourless since the hearings wrapped up yesterday with bozo pretending to fellate both Ashton and the judge at the same time. GAH! But EggTree has restored my world and put everything back into perspective again. Thank you. Waiting for the next one . . .

    “Lee . . . the proud middle finger of the hand family!!!” HA HA HA! Hilarious as always.

  8. I am just curious as to why my comments don’t post …

  9. Posted by Victoria on March 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Absolutely brillantly funny! Thank You kindly and please keep them coming.

  10. Posted by 38special on March 5, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    ” seething with outrage in a powerful whirlwind of cheese dust” ~ EGGY
    Forget Legionnaires Disease or Anthrax….the cheeses dust just might be the mistrial Blowzo has been seeking. If she starts emitting the toxic dust for all the other testimony that doesn’t frame her in the hazy glow of a Fellini film, dum-di-dum-dum I’d hate to see hazmat team clear the courtroom and condemn it as uninhabitable.
    Mistrial.
    Now I’ve been a smidge guilty of maligning Tubesox, I mean he has given us all the brain scar of C M A howls, the wrist kissing , the tongual verbal french kiss and his creds as Dom Casey’s potential underling. It’s hard to take him seriously but as the family middle finger he did manage to live up to his rank and give his sissy( Arnold) a disguised flip of the bird. We’ll see if the family swoops him into the death grip of the Hopesprings top secret torture chamber for some mind melding. Next time he crawls out of bed to testify, if he shows up blowing kisses and grabbing his junk we can assume that his mommy scared the beejesus out of him.

    Awesome job Eggy, it’s got to be a tough assignment decifering the complex Anthony Hand Family especially when one finger goes rogue. I hope you’re setting enough time aside to cover the entire Fl.v Crazy O trial cause this was just a shadow of the insanity to come.

  11. Oh, this was wonderful reading, and right on the money, too! Yes, the arrogance and lofty air of entitlement that tube-sox wears not only on his leggo’s, but on every hair on his chinny-chin-chin, is sickening.

  12. Hey Eggy! Loved it my friend! Great job!!! I have to agree with Bees 100%, as I was feeling the same way and thank you for always coming and saving us from the funk of this case, just when we need it most. πŸ˜† I do love that Lee is the middle finger of the family. πŸ˜†

  13. Posted by aedrys on March 5, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Damsel of Doritos!!!!! I love it!!!! ROFL.

    Egg, you are the best!

  14. Posted by ErinAM on March 6, 2011 at 12:55 am

    Loving it!!!

  15. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on March 6, 2011 at 4:56 am

    Tanky Eggy for the much needed laugh as like Bees & Niecey I too have been feeling disgruntled after watching 3 days of pure lies.

  16. Posted by LindaNewYork on March 6, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Thank you thank you, for this Sunday morning laugh!

  17. Posted by Swift Justice on March 6, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    ROFLMAO….
    You covered it in an ‘eggshell’ and the past days have been only a smidgent of a taste of what we’ll be seeing once the trial gets underway….the Dorito Queen must’ve been seething, while her pimpled faced under-cover agent of a brother admitted he lied to her. WHOA….finally someone lied to her…and her daggers took aim right for his unshaven, pox marked puss.

    What goes around, comes around, Casey.

    • Posted by 38special on March 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm

      Payback’s such a flamin’ b*tch ain’t it?
      Maybe somebody loved Caylee best afterall, chew on that princess!

  18. Posted by 1520 Sedgwick on March 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    You are hilarious. I wonder if Cindy Anthony can eeeek out a laugh when reading ETN also.Wouldn’t that be a hoot, Anthony’s drinking coffee belly laughing about this article.Stranger things have happened.

  19. Posted by motherclucker on March 6, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    I just love, love, love you! LOL! “Homicidal harlot” is right! LOL! Something else I thought was hilarious, was when Judge Perry was blessing Bozo and Casey out for being late for court, and Casey was sitting their pulling and fiddling with her clothes, and paying no attention to the judge. Did you see her reaction when the judge said he would not hold his court up over “clothes”? This was the keyword to gain her attention, and then she realized she was actually being fussed out over the “clothes” she was picking and fiddling with! The look on her face was priceless to me! Anyhoo, thanks for making ME laugh!

  20. Posted by Jose Disliker on March 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    “Casey’s eyes filled with hellfire”

    VERY apt description of what happened. Casey “Scribbles” Anthony lol. I doubt that Lee will be invited to the next Anthony Chili Dinner…he’ll be off that invite list like Cindy’s enemies she snubbed at the CMA memorial.

    I guess when Lee was crying for Casey at the memorial and saying the family was united…isn’t as true as it seemed?

  21. Posted by Danna on March 6, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    thank you, thank you, a good laugh was just what I needed today and this article provided many.

  22. Geez, betrayed by mother, father, and now brother.

    Next thing you know, the cops will let her commit a crime right in front of them and then frame her for it… like Jose says, they let her lie to them and that is a crime. Wait a second, if she had lied to the family instead… that wouldn’t have been a crime…

    OMG… the cops were trying to save her the whole time!

    Somebody call Jose right away!!! There was a conspiracy to save KC from herself from the very beginning!!!!

    And Lee was in on it!! That rotten turtle-humpin… something… I don’t like where this is going anymore…

    • πŸ˜† πŸ˜† :mrgreen: I LOVE IT! Just wait til Bumbles consults with Bumbles on this one! Hurry, find the case law! Uh Oh, Jose threw it away at Taco Bell, as he accidentally wrote it on his burrito wrapper. :mrgreen:

  23. Posted by doublesmom on March 7, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    As always Eggy you have given me a good laugh – thanks! πŸ™‚

  24. Posted by kathl on March 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Well, will wonders never cease. The middle fickle finger of fate comes through for Caylee. I guess I should have seen it coming and remembered when he got immunity and his lawyer left saying he wasn’t needed anymore with a smile. How much do you wanna bet Laughin’ Lee has much more come trial time. They didn’t grant him immunity for one little comment about lie to her. Mama and Papa may be coolin’ their heels in jail when this is over, but Lee, Mallory and Tippy the Turtle will be singin’ and eating at Olive Garden while Casey eats her spam with her back to the cell wall so she can see any frontal attacks coming. πŸ™‚

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