Local fool George Anthony is gearing up for the role of a lifetime, people. After spending decades under merciless gremlinwife Cindy’s thumb, and mooching off her meager earnings while zealously maintaining his assprint on the sofa cushions, George is now preparing for a breakout role as ‘Captain Save-a-Ho’ at his daughter’s upcoming murder trial. The announcement was made yesterday, after a series of painful beatdowns suffered by the homicidal harlot’s porridge-brained defense team. Lead idiot with a law degree (and a hole in the head), Jose Baez, lost the latest round of “Drop All The Evidence or I’ll Say You Hate Hispanics, Judge Perry,” and was finally forced to pull the last brain damaged rabbit out of his sombrero. And that special-ed rabbit is local fool (and now murderer and child molester, according to Jose’s flexible definition of reasonable doubt), George Anthony.
What a prince.
Although most spectators with even a tenuous grasp on common sense saw the short bus turn in George’s direction and gun the putt-putt engine years ago, not everyone was prepared for him to THROW himself in its path- wearing superhero spandex, tighty whities (over the spandex), a cape made of Starburst wrappers, and a spaghetti colander on his head- in an effort to ‘save’ Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos.
“I just can’t believe he would be so stupid,” uttered one wide-eyed witness. “He’s willing to be seen as a pedophile and murderer- of his own grandchild, no less- all for a bitch who won’t even look at him in court unless she needs snack money. And he thinks he’s a hero. What an absolute tool.”
“His performance at trial will be most interesting,” said another analyst. “Will he be convincing as ‘Captain Save-A-Ho?’ Will the jury believe his performance? Its an unfamiliar role for him, to say the least. I foresee problems.”
Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.