Casey’s Inner Ramblings

-Planet Anthony

Jury selection is underway in the Caylee Anthony murder case, and many spectators are wondering what’s REALLY running through the mind of uber-fidgety homicidal harlot Casey Anthony. Luckily, Egg Tree News has channeled it for us:

“This f**king BITES. The lighting in here is terrible, I’m gonna look like crap on camera. I HAVE to remember to tell Jose to bring me some self-tanner. I so hate my mom, she is sooooo getting thrown under the bus for all this. (Wring hands) UGGGGHHHH…this f**king shirt is not my color. Again. And why do the sleeves ALWAYS have to bunch and ride up? Every time I move, I swear. That b*tch CANNOT pick out clothes for me; I bet she’s trying to make me look bad. My palms itch. Alright, now how are my bangs? I swear, they got all f**ked up while I was changing, and this a-hole judge up front REFUSES to let me have a hair and makeup team. What a d**k. Whatever, he only hates me cuz he knows I won’t sleep with him. My palms itch.

I can’t believe my b*tch of a mother didn’t even bother to show up for this. First she begs to see me on Mother’s Day, then she won’t even show her support at jury selection? Thanx “mom.” I love watching her pine away at me out of the corner of my eye, like a lost little puppy. B*tch knows she’s goin down for this, so she BETTER kiss my ass. (Wring hands) (Itch palms) (Brush sleeves) (Smooth bangs)

Alright, where’s the tissue for my crying scene? I’m DOING a crying scene today, Goddamnit, no matter what this team of fat dingleberries says, and that requires TISSUE. I don’t care if Jose thinks crying is a bad idea; he wasn’t there to see it work on my mom for 20 years, so he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ll show him. I’ll have this jury lappin it up in no time, just like that dumb b*tch at home.

Alright, what the hell?! (Smooth bangs) (Wring hands) (Itch palms) (Wring hands) (Brush sleeves) WHY are Jose and Mason sitting so far away from me? Why am I stuck between Stringbean Sims and Amazonlawyerlady #3, whose name I can never remember. Whatever, at least I’m the hottest. But seriously, Jose’s so pissed I was flirting with Mason right in front of him the other day. (Wring hands) (Wipe table) (Itch palms) And now these 2 losers are fighting over me. Awesome. God, why do my palms keep itching?

Okay, here comes the jury pool…any hotties? (Smooth bangs)(A Million Times) Hmmm…he’s do-able. That one looks like he has good credit…Okay, time to start looking sad… What do sad people normally look like?

Uggghhhh….why does this a-hole judge have to start yapping his jaws about the indictment EVERY Goddamn morning?!?! That is sooooo distracting, I’m trying to get into character!! (Shake head NO!) (Fuss with hair) (Dab eyes) (Rub nose)

UGGGGGHHH, its like, prejudicial or something. This is so unfair. That’s it, I’m crying. This douchebag should NOT be allowed to read off the charges, he’s TOTALLY making me sound guilty. Jose better get off his fat ass and do something about this. He got rid of Strickland, he should get rid of this guy too. Why the hell are there no tears on this tissue? I’ve been poking at my eyes for, like, 10 minutes; usually they get wet by now. Damnit, my palms itch! (Wring hands) (Scratch palms)

What else do sad people do?

Nobody’s paying attention to me. Everyone’s looking at these ugly jurors. Hardships my ass. They should be excited to be on my jury. In fact they should all kneel down and give me big phat asskisses just for gracing them with my presence. I might even have sex with some of them if they aquit me.

F**k this. I’m gonna play sick, this is sooo boring…

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28 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by jon on May 12, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Eggy: Welcome back! This is priceless. I’m so sick of her playing with her hair, I’ve thought about volunteering to bring my clippers down there and giving her a buzz cut (on camera of course). Like the ones they did to women in Europe who had affairs wtih occupying Nazi’s during WWII. I think it would work.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on May 12, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      Hey jon! 😆 You know, she MIGHT be getting desparate enough to grab those clippers from you and shave her own head. She’s about due for a classic “celebrity meltdown moment” a la Britney Spears! :mrgreen:

      • Posted by jon on May 13, 2011 at 11:06 am

        yeah well if she does, let’s hope the hair has plenty of knots in it so that the clippers gets stuck and just rips the hair out of her skull. Once we clip it down, I suggest we cover her scalp with duct tape and rip the roots right out.

  2. Posted by dancehappy on May 12, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    lol hysterical !!!

  3. Posted by nancy on May 12, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Eggy!!! Thank you for this post!!! “Why am I stuck between Stringbean Sims and Amazonlawyerlady #3, whose name I can never remember. Whatever, at least I’m the hottest.” Soooo funny!!!! Please keep them coming!!!

    JUSTICE FOR CAYLEE!!!

  4. Posted by Adriana on May 12, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    you made me laugh! Thank you. I totally imagined her thinking those things. I’m going to continue following your comments. Thanks again!!

  5. Posted by Gahoundawg on May 12, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    🙂
    Very good!

  6. lets get this over Soviet style and execute her 10 minutes after Guilty is read, will save the State of FLA tons of $. I’ve never seen a guiltier defendant on TV and in pics than her. She’z going down!

  7. Posted by anonymous on May 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Will Rosie Bolin hook her up with a death row inmate for a true love match?

  8. Posted by LindaNewYork on May 13, 2011 at 5:02 am

    Hhahaha. Thank You for a much needed morning laugh!!!

  9. Posted by chijojo on May 13, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    You are the best!!!Thank you for the laughs! You sure do give an accurate picture of the waste of skin. “Why the hell are there no tears on this tissue? I’ve been poking at my eyes for, like, 10 minutes; usually they get wet by now” LMFAO!!!!

  10. Posted by Rose on May 14, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    this is hilarious. So unbelievably good to read something related to the case that made me laugh!! YOU ROCK!

  11. Posted by Rose on May 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    will let everyone I know about this great blog

  12. Posted by doublesmom on May 14, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Another good one Eggy – thanks for the laughs. 🙂

    I look forward to your trial commentary! 🙂

  13. Posted by Marilyn Rundle on May 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    This was hysterical! Sharing this blog with everyone. LOLOLOLOLOL! You are too freakin’ funny

  14. Posted by Mary on May 14, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    You’ve got her pegged to a ‘T’ – absolutely hysterical!

  15. Posted by Laughsalot on May 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Got to thank you for your wit. This was hilarious.

  16. Posted by my3sons2 on May 15, 2011 at 12:11 am

    You nailed this one Eggy!!!

    Thanks for the much needed levity after the grueling past week of watching the uber-fidgety homicidal harlot and listening to josebgood, masonjar, Stringbean Sims and Amazonlawyerlady #3.

  17. Posted by Elizabeth on May 15, 2011 at 6:47 am

    I had to stop reading part way through to compose myself because I was laughing so hard. A body language expert says all the grooming and brushing things off herself and clothes are an attempt by Casey to get the “dirt” off of herself. Good luck with that Casey.

  18. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on May 15, 2011 at 7:56 am

    Brilliant Eggy, spot on description of the odious creature and her dispicably 👿 slimy lawyers we have been watching for the past 6 days.

  19. Posted by Diane on May 15, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Perfect!

  20. Posted by LCoastMom on May 15, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Thank you – absolutely spot on!

  21. Posted by september on May 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Eggy, thank you. This post was wonderful. And Anonymous…..having Bolin fix her up with someone on death row was so perfect. This team is definately from the island of misfit toys.

  22. Posted by cartb4thehorse on May 16, 2011 at 11:02 am

    u r great, just got this link from t.v. site, a fan posted it. Thanks for the heartfelt sentiments of most of ‘us’…lol

  23. She will wish she had a buzz cut.The first time a fellow inmate locks the claws into her locks an rearanges her facial features for her…

  24. Posted by Kitt on May 17, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Lol!! Fabulouso! This is a great place to swing by, after reading serious, updated stuff at other cribs. It’s great! Thanks!

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