Bitter Love Spat Halts Jury Selection

-Planet Anthony

In keeping with the theme of the case, jury selection in the Casey Anthony trial was moving along like a tortoise on qualudes yesterday, when Honorable Badass Perry abruptly slammed on the breaks and announced court would be adjourned until this morning. Media whiplash ensued. No explanation was given, but lead attorney Jose Baez was kind enough to immediately text the annoying, intrusive media he complains so much about, and tease them with evasive talk of “a private matter” that warranted his immediate attention.

Some spectators assumed the obvious: a long lunch at Margaritaville went terribly wrong, and left him with a serious case of The Sickly Spins. Others figured his severe allergies to work and responsibility kept him from returning to the courthouse after lunch. The theories were abundant, indeed. But the truth is far more insidious than any theory posed thus far.

According to a source speaking on the condition of anonymity, yesterday’s proceedings were actually halted because of a bitter love spat between Casey and Jose. “They actually broke up a couple weeks ago, after Jose spotted Casey flirting with Mason,” says the source. “He was devastated, but he’s nobody’s fool. Jose’s been done with her for awhile, but he’s locked into the case, he can’t quit. And he’s commited to making money off her. He’ll do anything to make that work. He just feels trapped.”

The details of yesterday’s blowout are sketchy, but many have noted the growing animosity between the two former lovebirds. “It just hasn’t been the same since jury selection began,” says another source close to Casey. “He’s become a real Snappy Sally whenever she tries talking to him. And he sits all the way down the table, and ignores her the whole time. She’s heartbroken. The other day she wrote him a love letter, folded it up into a heart shape, and passed it down to him. He crumpled it up and threw it back at her, like so much confetti. Its just so sad.”

“The breakup is really rattling the defense team,” continues the source. “They’re pretty much forced to choose sides, and now the two camps won’t even eat lunch together.”

And on top of that, the shock of watching the perfect couple fall apart has left them questioning their faith in love. “If these two soulmates can’t work things out, what hope do the rest of us have,” wondered the source. “They’ve been rocked to the core; they’re imploding from within. Jose was so offended by the lunch table situation, he stormed out and took the afternoon off to clear his head with a Red Bull in the kiddypool.”

But what does it mean for the case???

Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for developments in this breaking story.


15 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Elizabeth on May 19, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I had read from “a reliable source” that the reason for the recess and absence of Baez in the courtroom when the recess was announced by Judge Perry was that Baez had received an urgent text from Arnold Schwarzenegger requesting that Baez get his California law license ASAP. Afterall, Schwarzenegger will be needing a good, experienced, seasoned lawyer when Maria rips him a new one which should be commencing any second.

    • Posted by eggtreenews on May 19, 2011 at 7:31 pm

      Ahnold has really taken the baton from Tiger Woods, huh?! 🙂 I have a feeling quite a few more lovelies from The Sperminator’s past will come outta the woodwork soon. Escandaloso!

    • Screwupinator Bozo is on the case! :mrgreen: He’ll be back!

      This is such exciting news Eggy! You know what they say about a kingdom divided, and the same goes for a house divided, and so it’s for sure it must go for a defense/lovefest divided.

  2. Posted by NancyB on May 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    You are hilarious and adorable! I just found your blog and have to tell you how much I enjoy your writing and you actually nailed all of the salient points!

  3. “like a tortoise on qualudes”

    I am visualizing this now …

  4. Posted by BEES KNEES on May 20, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Who can ever understand the mysteries of the heart? It seems that kc’s ardour may be unrequitted and there is nothing so painful as that! Not the best time for a public breakup though. Heh heh heh . . .

    PS: Loved your JUST. US. FOR. CAYLEE!

  5. Posted by doublesmom on May 20, 2011 at 9:31 am

    Lol over here and looking forward to your follow-up!
    Thanks Eggy!

  6. Posted by Danna on May 20, 2011 at 9:46 am

    Never fear, love will find a way. KC is already working on her rebound romance with DR inmate fan Rosalie Bolin who of course needs to line up another DR inmate as her current spouse has been on the row quite a while and may be running out of time.

    ps. the sperminator….lmao

  7. Posted by maze on May 21, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    what great writing…bravo to you… this made my day..its funny I was thinking about qualudes just the other day.rorer or lemon?

  8. Posted by Diane on May 25, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    OMG ! Reading this was killing me ! Just found this blog and it’s right on spot and hilarious . After listening to this dufus for days it was nice to have something to laugh about . Well, it is also nice not to have to look at that douche with her jaw sticking out too .
    Rock on Eggy!
    I’m lovin it

  9. Posted by Diane on May 25, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    You just KNOW when that little piss head Tony was on the stand that Jose was dying to ask her whose dick was bigger.

    • Posted by Elizabeth on May 25, 2011 at 9:23 pm

      I think Baez’ would be HARD TO BEAT….he is becoming the BIGGEST PROVERBIAL DICKHEAD. Pun intended.

  10. Posted by chijojo on May 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    You Rock! Eggy!I get very depressed after watching all the lies spewed by Bozo and the sperm receptacle. I come here to have my depression lifted by your ever so unique way of relating the truth.
    ♥♥ love and thanks! ♥♥

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