Wonders truly never cease. Shock and awe reverberated through the Orlando courthouse- nay, the world- last week, when Casey Anthony’s parents took to the witness stand and DIDN’T spew a gutterfull of lies on her behalf. Jose Baez’s vile excuse for an opening statement had accused George of sexually abusing Casey to the point she disconnected from reality, truth, responsibility, ethics, empathy, and basic human decency, leaving many spectators wondering if her parents would voluntarily throw themselves under the bus with their testimony. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. It appears that even beaten dogs have their limits.
Previously known only as “local fool,” local hero George Anthony stepped up to the plate and flaunted his brand new backbone when he calmly denied all of his daughter’s bogus molestation allegations. And I have to say, that backbone looks good on him; much better than the jello-on-a-slinky he’s been sporting all these years. His testimony didn’t deviate from his early statements and depositions, causing most reporters to pinch themselves and wonder aloud if they were awake.
Then wide-eyed spectators teetered on the edge of their seats as Mama Gremlin Cindy, also known as Wildcard Wanda, began testifying. Would she let Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos flush the whole family down the toilet? Or would she stand by Truth, a novel concept previously gagged and chained in the collective Anthony heart? The answer dropped jaws around the world, and for once in the history of this case, that was a good thing. Cindy didn’t lie for her.
But not everyone was happy with the situation. The pouty Elvira impersonator at the defense table threw a great big noisy fuss at the news her father and brother weren’t willing to face jail time and pesky anti-pedophile fever just so she could get away with murder, and that Cindy has some issues with the whole “killing Caylee to spite her” thing. The homicidal harlot threw a full blown temper tantrum in her booster seat. Clenched fists shook in the air as she cursed at the irrational injustice of it all.
Nobody lied. Casey cried.