Satan Sports Long Johns, Freezerburned Pigs Fly Through Hell, and George and Cindy Anthony Tell the Truth

-Planet Casey

Wonders truly never cease. Shock and awe reverberated through the Orlando courthouse- nay, the world- last week, when Casey Anthony’s parents took to the witness stand and DIDN’T spew a gutterfull of lies on her behalf. Jose Baez’s vile excuse for an opening statement had accused George of sexually abusing Casey to the point she disconnected from reality, truth, responsibility, ethics, empathy, and basic human decency, leaving many spectators wondering if her parents would voluntarily throw themselves under the bus with their testimony. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. It appears that even beaten dogs have their limits.

Previously known only as “local fool,” local hero George Anthony stepped up to the plate and flaunted his brand new backbone when he calmly denied all of his daughter’s bogus molestation allegations. And I have to say, that backbone looks good on him; much better than the jello-on-a-slinky he’s been sporting all these years. His testimony didn’t deviate from his early statements and depositions, causing most reporters to pinch themselves and wonder aloud if they were awake.

Then wide-eyed spectators teetered on the edge of their seats as Mama Gremlin Cindy, also known as Wildcard Wanda, began testifying. Would she let Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos flush the whole family down the toilet? Or would she stand by Truth, a novel concept previously gagged and chained in the collective Anthony heart? The answer dropped jaws around the world, and for once in the history of this case, that was a good thing. Cindy didn’t lie for her.

But not everyone was happy with the situation. The pouty Elvira impersonator at the defense table threw a great big noisy fuss at the news her father and brother weren’t willing to face jail time and pesky anti-pedophile fever just so she could get away with murder, and that Cindy has some issues with the whole “killing Caylee to spite her” thing. The homicidal harlot threw a full blown temper tantrum in her booster seat. Clenched fists shook in the air as she cursed at the irrational injustice of it all.

Nobody lied. Casey cried.


17 responses to this post.

  1. jello-on-a-slinky


  2. Posted by BEES KNEES on May 31, 2011 at 4:46 am

    Lawdy! Lawdy! I can’t get beyond the title. Best. Title. Ever.

  3. Eggy! This is awesome! 😆 😆 :mrgreen: (“Elvira impersonator”, fits so well)

    “Nobody lied. Casey cried” Sounds like Casey thinks the world is now going to end.

  4. Posted by Jill from Western Australia on May 31, 2011 at 5:05 am

    As usual Eggy you hit the nail on the head – thanks :mrgreen:

  5. Posted by Danna on May 31, 2011 at 6:11 am

    CA mustve opened up her purse and let GA have his balls back. You know it was hard for her to do. I hope the new CA is back on the stand today.

  6. Posted by Jeanne on May 31, 2011 at 7:56 am

    Priceless. I wonder which Cindy Baez will see. And, of course, she still glossed over dozens of things. Like expecting anyone to believe she had no idea Casey was pregnant. Puleez.

  7. EGG!!! My friend in humor!! Outstanding post! LOL!! I have to stop and try to breathe! ahhh
    Did I miss your birthday Sun May 29th? I think I did! Happy Belated Birthday to you Egg! And, many more cause we want you to keep writing these posts!

  8. Posted by PolkaDot on May 31, 2011 at 10:17 am


  9. Love it, love it, love it! A true masterpiece! 🙂

  10. Posted by motherclucker on May 31, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    You are so, so, so great! It is a masterpiece! LOL! What a great ending “Nobody Lied, Casey Cried”…LOL! I am in awe! I haven’t been on my WordPress much during the trial time, since I’m on Twitter throughout. I’m so glad I logged in to my WordPress to check on everyone! LOL! Thanks for making ME laugh! LOL!

  11. Homicidal harlot, I lol’ed hard

  12. Posted by P or as Buyaz asked Melich * did u ask her if she ever commited suicide? on June 1, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    BAhahaha now local yocal hoseee buyas booed out of antmoney hand over fist fest?

  13. Posted by LoveMeerkats on June 4, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Eggtree…You have a wonderfully dry sense of humor. Love it!!!! Keep up the great work!

  14. Posted by princessgrandma on June 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    I have become obsessed with this case since the trial started. I know, I’m a late starter in the obsession arena but I absolutely hate to miss one minute of the trial (stupid commercials!). I am a longtime reader (lurker?) here and absolutely love your sense of humor. This is one of my favorite places to get updates. (I have to stop using the word “absolutely” so much. I think I may be learning to be a pathological liar). Thanks for being here!

  15. Oh eggie! Love it! Thanks for making me laugh! 😆

  16. Posted by Stargazer on June 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I was laughing so hard I could barely read this one outloud to the significant other! Nobody lied…Casey cried….now THAT’S some good stuff!!!!!!

  17. Mr. Egg Dude, just tuned in and you rock!

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