Frus(h)trated Actress Reportedly ‘All in a Tizzy’

-Planet Casey

The murder trial of sociopathic strumpet Casey Anthony abruptly hit the skids last week, in the midst of heavy forensic testimony regarding little Caylee’s remains. After spending a long morning viewing gruesome crime scene photographs for what couldn’t have been the first time, the up- until-now MINDBLOWINGLY stoic defendant allegedly came down with a case of “the feelings,” and had to be escorted out of the courtroom. And yes, the Earth stopped turning, the state of Florida shut down, and Honorable Badass Perry adjourned court for the day, saying simply, “Bitch is Sick. Go home.”

B*tch is sick, indeed. According to inside sources, the frus(h)trated actress is actually “all in a tizzy” over poor reviews of her recent performances in court. Theater critics worldwide and spectators with half a brain and a pulse have scoffed at her pathetic rendition of an innocent mother charged with the murder of her daughter. This inability to accurately portray a mother who gives a $hit has left her an akwardly frazzled mess of a tiny trollop in a booster seat at the defense table. In grownup clothes.

“She’s beyond frus(h)trated with this whole mess,” says the source. “She thought the role would be easy, and would win her freedom, fame, and a contract with Lifetime. Or maybe Penthouse. But nobody’s buying what she’s selling. She’s lost her audience, and its driving her crazy that she can’t manipulate them. She’s never experienced anything like it in her career, so she doesn’t know how to handle it. She might be going mad.”

Even with constant coaching from Telemundo Soap Opera writer Jose Baez and personal courtroom masseuse Stringbean Simms, the angry tart cannot seem to grasp the subtle nuances of the role. “Its kinda like watching an android fumble with emotion,” continues the source. “For her crying scenes, she sticks her fingers in her eyes and rubs her nose. Over and over. And whoever is in charge of her props needs to give her more than one tissue to work with. A single kleenex shouldn’t last hours.”

With the future of her acting career unknown, Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos reportedly soothes her frayed nerves with an afternoon cocktail of spicy peanuts, xanax, and Red Bull. “Its the only thing that calms her down after court,” says the insider. “She just wails in her cell, ‘Those ugly jurors won’t even look at me,’ and sometimes beats her pillow. She’s in a really bad way.”

Stay tuned to EggTreeNews for developments in this breaking story.

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21 responses to this post.

  1. Gee, that is really a shame. I don’t know how she can go on like this. It is so painful for her.Thank goodness that it only seems to last until the jury leaves and then she is Susie Secretary again. Seriously, she is a cold one. Cold as ice. I am sure that the jury can’t miss her guilt when the facts and evidence is laid out in front of them, brick by brick laying a strong foundation for the storms to come. It couldn’t happen to a more worthy murderer.

  2. Another thought…Dr. G was awesome. Why?? Because she not only used the scientific information she found, she used something that is foreign to the Defense – Logic and common sense. Something that the defense just can’t muster. As she said, there is NO reason for a little child to have duct tape on her face. There also is NO reason for a dead child to have duct tape on her face. It spells out foul play when a child (or anyone) is placed in a bag or bags and tossed in the woods like so much garbage. And the biggest one of all??… Casey NEVER called 911 or anyone else to report her child missing. It took her mother to do it 31 days later when she found out that her beloved grandchild had been “missing” for 31 days.

  3. Posted by Autumn on June 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    lmfao, I love it…

  4. If people really wanted Casey to suffer they would simply deny her hair conditioner and make up, and force her to wear ruffles. Split ends and ill-looking clothing would make her commiserate on how horrible her life is now. I don’t expect anything to make her feel bad for Caylee or what she did to her.

  5. Please ask your source to find out the brand of tissues provided to Casey. While I realize I will have to purchase my own, I have allergies and I am thinking that by switching brands I will save a ton of money!

  6. Posted by offthecuff on June 13, 2011 at 4:08 am

    Yes, Dr. G was amazing. Not only did she support the logical, heinous, and criminal elements for the state, she tore down the very crux of the defense theory by way of example of all accidental drowning cases she’s dealt with.

    In her statement, she did add that accidental injuries are always reported “unless there’s another reason.” The defense didn’t question that further. I would think they would want to probe that loophole, but I’m sure Dr. G would talk more about red flags and such.

  7. Posted by BEES KNEES on June 13, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Eggy, you so funny!!!!! I can’t tell you how many times you’ve lowered my blood pressure in the past few years!

  8. Posted by Butterful03 on June 13, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Your blogs are the ‘ONLY’ thing funny about this case. LMAO!

  9. Posted by sophie on June 13, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Hilarious! If there’s anything that REALLY bugs me about Mme. Anthony, it’s the way she pronounces frushtrated. Love that it apparently bugs other people too! Great post.

  10. Posted by Danna on June 13, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Im sure that facing a critical audience for the first time is difficult for any actress, but when one is as talent poor as this one its almost painful to watch. Fantasies of doing Howard Stern over. rofl

  11. Posted by doublesmom on June 14, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Lol! I look forward to your summations Eggy – they’re always so funny. 🙂 Thanks. 🙂

  12. Posted by 38special on June 14, 2011 at 9:28 am

    So glad we have EggTree News covering the case because it’s becoming clear that the defense table is in some backward time vortex. The defendant is shrinking, soon we may not even be able to see her unless they haul in a high chair. The only thing we can see now is her head, it’s practically even with the table!
    Word in the biz is that the Royal B*tch is interviewing starlets as a stand-in. She’s bored with all this Caylee talk but she’s been unable to find anyone as pretty as she is, as smart as she is and no one can master the “crying” yet. The Show must go on so she will finish her performance like the professional that she is. Who knows, she may decide on a speaking part???
    The Academy will be on pins and needles for her rendition of the poor abused woman coming to terms with the morning penis, the beatings, the brotherly luv, the horrible parental expectation that she get a j o b and the “accident”, the squirrel incident, the getting arrested on a f*cking whim and the global conspiracy against her. Looking forward to her ” I am innocent” role.

    • Posted by Kay on June 15, 2011 at 6:45 pm

      Yes, a reprisal of her “I’m the victim toooooo” role, from the Jail Visitation With Abuser-Daddy & Cujo-Mommy Videotape series

  13. Posted by P on June 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Ingenious! Haha! I watched Spitey come into the courtroom today and lower her chair as far down as it would go,which fortunatly for us isnt as low as she has gone. O her tissues are Shamwow © brand. I had to laugh when her mother, Cujo left the stand and mouthed I LOVE YOU- yes I threw up a little. Over and out…

  14. Posted by denjet on June 14, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Thanks for another article to enjoy, eggy !

    I think you’ve captured the pulse of Casey O … the only believable role she’s played so far, IMO, is the OH, SH!T, I’M SCREWED role followed by the doubled over panic attack … that one she aces every time …

  15. Posted by Danna on June 15, 2011 at 7:29 am

    rofl

    a speaking role…yes!, your audience awaits princess.

  16. Posted by stef on June 15, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    I hope that you didn’t ‘mis -con-STRUH’ anything! LOLOLOL…love when the Murderer uses big words!

  17. Posted by Kay on June 15, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Today while arguing their motion for acquittal, Mumbles stated that “no one knows when Caylee died”, while in his Opening Statement, & in what seemed to be stipulated to (between the duhfense & the State), bozo stated Caylee died on June 16th…in the morning….then in the afternoon…..he hasn’t decided yet….but he’s sure it was on June 16th……Mumbles must’ve been napping at the time or just didn’t read The Memo. jmho

  18. Thank you for keeping us inform. This is very sad, a small angel gone due to her mother…

  19. Posted by Karen Reece on June 15, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    Luvz it! Cracking me up!

  20. Casey is the best actress. i love to see her movies

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