The murder trial of sociopathic strumpet Casey Anthony abruptly hit the skids last week, in the midst of heavy forensic testimony regarding little Caylee’s remains. After spending a long morning viewing gruesome crime scene photographs for what couldn’t have been the first time, the up- until-now MINDBLOWINGLY stoic defendant allegedly came down with a case of “the feelings,” and had to be escorted out of the courtroom. And yes, the Earth stopped turning, the state of Florida shut down, and Honorable Badass Perry adjourned court for the day, saying simply, “Bitch is Sick. Go home.”
B*tch is sick, indeed. According to inside sources, the frus(h)trated actress is actually “all in a tizzy” over poor reviews of her recent performances in court. Theater critics worldwide and spectators with half a brain and a pulse have scoffed at her pathetic rendition of an innocent mother charged with the murder of her daughter. This inability to accurately portray a mother who gives a $hit has left her an akwardly frazzled mess of a tiny trollop in a booster seat at the defense table. In grownup clothes.
“She’s beyond frus(h)trated with this whole mess,” says the source. “She thought the role would be easy, and would win her freedom, fame, and a contract with Lifetime. Or maybe Penthouse. But nobody’s buying what she’s selling. She’s lost her audience, and its driving her crazy that she can’t manipulate them. She’s never experienced anything like it in her career, so she doesn’t know how to handle it. She might be going mad.”
Even with constant coaching from Telemundo Soap Opera writer Jose Baez and personal courtroom masseuse Stringbean Simms, the angry tart cannot seem to grasp the subtle nuances of the role. “Its kinda like watching an android fumble with emotion,” continues the source. “For her crying scenes, she sticks her fingers in her eyes and rubs her nose. Over and over. And whoever is in charge of her props needs to give her more than one tissue to work with. A single kleenex shouldn’t last hours.”
With the future of her acting career unknown, Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos reportedly soothes her frayed nerves with an afternoon cocktail of spicy peanuts, xanax, and Red Bull. “Its the only thing that calms her down after court,” says the insider. “She just wails in her cell, ‘Those ugly jurors won’t even look at me,’ and sometimes beats her pillow. She’s in a really bad way.”
Stay tuned to EggTreeNews for developments in this breaking story.