-Portal to Insanity
1. Sources say Jose took one bong hit too many before work. His neurons threw up all over themselves trying to build cohesive sentences, leaving him sputtering choppy ummms and uhhhs while generally butchering the English language and stepping all over his tongue.
2. Baez Quote of the Day:
Tough call with the plethora of linguistic gems Jose dropped, but for me its a tie between “The truth stops here,” and “Who cut the cheese.”
3. After spending the whole trial denying Caylee’s remains were ever in the trunk, and attacking the State’s “junk science” experts that proved otherwise, Jose The Hemorrhoid On The A$$ Of Humanity kerfumbled ‘n bumbled an admission the body was, in fact, in the trunk.
4. According to the defense, George used duct tape once. And since he’s not willing to face jail time and anti-pedophile fever all so Casey can get away with murdering his grandchild, he’s a d*ck of a father. So he must’ve done it. Reasonable doubt. Dig it.
5. Jeff Ashton couldn’t hold it in anymore and finally disintegrated into the giggles.
6. Daffy coot Cheney Mason rambled incoherently for a spell. Most spectators could only make out something about finding his father lighting candles, and Atticus Finch asking him what he should do. Oh, and it would be unAmerican to convict this lying slut. So be a patriot. Go America!
7. Linda Drane Burdick has a remarkable poker face.
8. After placing a gold tinsel halo atop his greasy head, Jose informed the jury that everybody but him jumped into this high-profile case for money and publicity. Thunder rumbled from the heavens above the courthouse.
9. The Snarling Beast at the defense table put on her best Angelina Jolie Pout for the jury. All it did was draw attention to her strange chimpanzee mouth.
10. Jose referred to his client as a “lying slut,” not one, not two, but three whole times. It is unclear if he will use this character assessment while pleading for Casey’s life when the jury comes back with a Murder One conviction.