Even More Whirling Dervish Chronicles

-Hell on Earth

1. Word of the week: 
FLABBERGASTED- dumbfounded 

2. How many Floridians does it take to comprehend “reasonable” doubt?  Apparently about as many as it takes to figure out how to fill out a voting ballot (see 2000 election recall).  Twelve lobotomized fools from Pinellas County with the collective attention span of a dustmite took a whopping ten hours of their time to ponder the avalanche of evidence against Casey Anthony before aquitting her of babykilling. I’ve seen people take more time debating what brand of dental floss to buy. While it’s unclear exactly what these village idiots were doing during deliberations, we can definitely rule out glancing at their doodle-filled notebooks, asking to look at evidence, and seeking clarifications of any kind.

3.  Rather than “contribute to the media circus” with a standard post-verdict press conference, jurors opted to split town immediately after their controversial decision, one of them even holding out for a 5-figure payout. But others were gracious enough to give private interviews. “We were sick to our stomachs over the verdict,” said deeply distressed juror #3, after an all-expenses paid trip to Disney World, courtesy of ABC. “None of us think she’s innocent,” she despaired, as Mickey Mouse played the world’s saddest violin behind her. 

4. The ever-classy defense team thoughtfully acknowledged “there is no real victory here,” just before sprinting to the nearest bar to celebrate Casey-style with champagne, in full view of the media. Dotty Simms jumped up and down like a giddy school girl in dire need of a toilet, while Cheney Mason gave the press the middle finger. It is unknown if Jose Baez competed in a Hot Body contest in Casey’s honor. 

5. The public quickly vomited their rage all over any agency offering to line the homicidal harlot’s hotpants with more blood money.  Her dreams of cashing in on infamy were completely dashed when she was rejected by BOTH her top choices: the porn industry and Jerry Springer. WHAT THE HELL ELSE IS THIS WASTE OF FLESH QUALIFIED FOR? 

6. Some brainiac on the defense team thought it would be a great idea to send the most hated woman in America to live with long lost relatives in Texas, a state where everyone and their uncle carries a loaded gun. Legally. Awesome. 

7.  Upon realizing the bitter truth that baby killing sluts aren’t too marketable these days, and that an angry mob bearing pitchforks and torches will likely follow her wherever she goes, her lawyers announced she will spend time in a mental health facility “to grieve the death of her daughter.” We all know what that means: Hawaiian Spa Vacation, with an endless stream of Mai-Tais. As tipsy grief expert Sally Karioth testified, it ain’t mourning unless there’s booze and a string bikini somewhere in the mix. 

8. Cheney Mason took to the airwaves to bully the talking head lawyers critical of his client, and his court performance. The pompous windbag failed to mention he himself was among the critical talking heads before he hopped on the money train. Ass. 

9. Mama Gremlin Cindy might just get arrested for perjury over that whole chloroform/chlorophyll Google search fiasco. She might spend 15 years in jail for a b*tch who wouldnt even look at her in court. But the real question is, what effect will it have on her book sales? 

10. The odious creature will be deposed by Morgan and Morgan on Joo-lie 16 for the Zenaida Gonzalez civil suit. Tim Miller and Jesse Grund are also in line  to sue this b*tch, but they’re all gonna have to wait, cuz she has wet T-shirt contests to compete in! Shes gotta make money somehow, and she’s clearly not into the whole “work” thing. 


34 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Erin on July 9, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Thank you for for this! I have been sick about the verdict and pissed off that the jurors could be so frickin braindead. When the verdict came down, I thought that I had lost my mind and me watching the entire trial had been a hallucination. Not guilty??? WTF??? Then Jennifer Ford has the gall to go on national television for her 15 minutes and free Mickey Mouse ears & tell us the evidence wasn’t there. They had to have slept through the state’s entire case. Cheney Mason flipping off the world was very fitting because the defense has been giving the world the finger for 3 years and the jurors backed them up. Scum of the earth enables the baby killer and she goes free. Unbelievable.

    • Erin, it took me quite awhile to simmer down. It feels like OJ all over again. It stinks to high heaven. It honestly felt like a bad dream I couldn’t wake up from. Such an awful statement about our society. Think of all the truly innocent people sitting in jail for crimes they didn’t commit who never got the press coverage this slut got. The media paid for her defense. They celebrified her, and enabled her. The jury basically threw Caylee in the swamp all over again with their joke of a verdict.

      • Posted by Erin on July 10, 2011 at 8:31 am

        I’m starting to think that they spent their time in “deliberation” trying to find a way to say she wasn’t guilty of lying to law enforcement because they certainly weren’t going over the evidence.

      • Posted by Dawn on August 24, 2011 at 1:52 am

        The verdict still makes me sick. I know for a fact the jury didn’t look at every single piece of evidence that Judge Perry allowed them to look at.

  2. Hey Eggy! 🙄 If this were not reality, it just wouldn’t sell as fiction. It is just too unbelievable. Though I have a strong feeling that a few dirtbags didn’t bank on their girl not being marketable. It is pretty bad when Springer and the porn industry see her as beneath their standards. 😆 Every dog has his day and I suspect this won’t be as fun and profitable as they had hoped. I was kind of hoping she would shave her head and move to Afghanistan, but maybe that was reaching a bit. So many of these foreign countries like to dump their criminals off on us, refusing to take them back. I was hoping we could find one of them and return the favor. Alas I think they are all hiding right now, with closed borders.

    • Hi Niecey! 🙂 I know, how scummy can one possibly be when Springer and porn turn you away? She’s in for quite a rude awakening when She’s released. Do you think she’s aware of just how hated she really is? Or do you think her team has been feeding her a bunch of BS about the public adoring her? Although I’m sure the bottomfeeding freaks and trolls will give her a bit of a cult following. The immature 14 year old boys mesmerized by boobs and infamy. Sick sick and more sick! LOL about shaving her head and shipping her to the Middle East!

      • I will never understand why and how someone can find that type of person attractive. Like it is being said that Van der Slut is going to be a father now. What kind of woman would want to have conjugal visits with the likes of that? That poor child will have no chance at life. There are some really 😈 people that are not running on all cylinders in this world. 🙄

        The good news is that if Casey hooks up with that type, she will not live a blissful life, as they are as sick or sicker as she is. I really hope she never has any more children.

  3. It seems like the world has gone to Hell in a handcart as we shake our heads and feel the pain in our hearts for that beautiful child who her mother carelessly tossed in the woods as she headed to club “Fusion” to shake her daughter-less booty.

    But…it hasn’t really gone to Hell in a handcart. There are millions of us out here shouting at the top of our lungs that this is absolutely crazy. How Judge Perry got saddled with 12 village idiots at once when he was so very careful to not have anyone with an agenda, not have anyone from Orange Co., not have anyone who wants face time on tv or the net, I’ll never know. I am sure he is shaking his head in disbelief. Not that someone thought there was reasonable doubt, but that TWELVE people did not even deliberate, ask one question or look over the evidence before shouting ‘not guilty’ a mere 10 hr.s later. And then demand money for interviews or they wouldn’t talk. May their pockets remain bare and lint filled.

    And there is only one way to stop this madness…and that is to not offer and refuse any attempts to make money from the murderer, her parents, her many lawyers (whom I am sure hung around for future income). Let the spoils go to the poor misguided people who called her “friend”, who were drawn in to a plot they never wanted to be in. Let her and her hangers on (namely lawyers) actually do some work for a change on other cases to earn their bread like the rest of us. This will eventually stop these travesties when it’s known the gravy trains have stopped. No interviews, no movies, no books and no magazines. None! Let her actually try and get a job…something she hasn’t had for a long time. And while we’re at it, lets sock her with some payback to Zenaida for ruining her life and her children’s lives for so long. She can add that to the court costs, the prosecution costs and the $67k she owes the Government in taxes from the first $300k she took from ABC with Jose. I want to see the legal community come down on Jose in various ways. He thinks he is God’s gift to the world now, let’s show him just where he falls in that lineup.

    • Hey Kathlb, very well said. There are so many pissed off people committed to righting this terrible wrong. I encourage everyone to sign the petition for Caylee’s law, as well as the one to keep Casey from profiting off her crime. We must boycott, boycott, boycott, and make a great big noisy fuss when confronted with this kind of evil. I truly believe in karma, and Casey and the whole lying scheme team will get theirs in due time. Lightning struck the tree at the remains site, splitting off a branch. God. Is. Pissed. He doesn’t like to be mocked.

  4. Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s show our support for Judge Perry who tried so hard to keep the court proceedings fair and legal. He did an awesome job!

    • Go Judge Perry!!!!

      • Judge Perry did the best he could with what he had to work with. Our system is in need of repair, and I think we need to work on that. I truly hope we do. I think he and Judge Strickland are both awesome. JMHO.

        • Posted by denjet on July 9, 2011 at 7:07 pm

          Yes, Judge Perry handled this circus of a trial the best anyone possibly could and cannot be faulted for ANY of his rulings …
          When I think about my angst with the verdict, I think about how Judge Perry must feel … and the prosecutors … and law enforcement then I don’t even feel justified in feeling the way I do.
          I just hope Judge Perry follows up with contempt charges against Jose and bar complaints flow into the FBA …

    • Posted by Erin on July 10, 2011 at 8:29 am

      Judge Perry did a great job! When he was reading the verdict and kept flipping pages, I thought “Oh shit, something’s wrong”. I think he was just as shocked as the rest of us, but couldn’t do anything to change it.

    • Posted by Agatha on July 10, 2011 at 10:38 am

      I wish he would agree to an interview or book. I would be first in line for both.

  5. I have been waiting for your post and your thoughts on the verdict – thank you. From the prattlings of Ms. Ford, all I can gather is that the jurors bought Bozo’s opening statement hook, line, and sinker, then mentally checked out for the remainder of the trial. I truly feel they hit the deliberation room, discussed their strategy for cashing in, remembered they were supposed to deliver a verdict, took the path of least resistence, then got the hell out of Dodge to reap their “rewards” from the media. They were so blinded by dollar signs, that they never considered the backlash that would follow. Surprise, surprise.

    • Posted by Agatha on July 10, 2011 at 10:41 am

      I agree Donna. Remember…One of the jurors had a cruise planned for July 7th, which he would have missed had she been found guilty. I think there was some collusion going on, as I believe the entire 12 of them had been discussing the case from the beginning despite Perry’s rules.

  6. Posted by denjet on July 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Appreciate your article and putting things into a perspective I can relate too …. I needed me some Eggy therapy ! I think this statement says it all:

    “While it’s unclear exactly what these village idiots were doing during deliberations, we can definitely rule out glancing at their doodle-filled notebooks, asking to look at evidence, and seeking clarifications of any kind.”

    That’s exactly what happened …. I think also the defense was successful at making her look like a young, small, defenseless victim and successfully softened her image …
    It didn’t hurt that she had a huge defense team who all looked to be emotionally vested in vindicating her … I’m angry about the amount of hand holding, back patting and even hugging that was allowed at the defense table

    And the inappropriate relationship continues … I don’t think I’ve ever seen a defense team take a personal interest in their client’s AFTER acquittal !! WTH ?? Well, I think we all know why … they have to keep their investment safe …

    But as you so eloquently put it:
    “Upon realizing the bitter truth that baby killing sluts aren’t too marketable these days, and that an angry mob bearing pitchforks and torches will likely follow her wherever she goes, her lawyers announced she will spend time in a mental health facility”

    I take comfort in knowing the awareness that’s grown of laws we need changed to protect our children and the fact that KC will never truly be free … she’s infamous and hated for her crime and that will never change …

    • I agree Denjet. And watch the run for the door when the lawyers realize that there isn’t a dime to be made on this one. I pray that happens. And what if after all is said and done, she has to beg her family to take her in?

      • Posted by denjet on July 9, 2011 at 7:09 pm

        Now THAT would be justice !! IMO public outrage will continue to grow and KC will become more and more infamous and she will never live the Bella Vita she so wanted …

        • Posted by Agatha on July 10, 2011 at 10:48 am

          Either one of two things will happen: Baez and Casey will run off into the sunset and live happily ever after, or when he realizes she isn’t going to be the cash cow he believes she’s going to be, he will drop her like a hot potato. My biggest concern is that these low-lives will somehow profit from poor Caylee’s death. I know that there is NO way I will watch any show that has any juror, defense team member, or Killer Kasey on, nor will I buy any publication with articles about them, much less, books written by them. THAT will be my way of giving justice to Caylee.

  7. Posted by stef on July 9, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    HOLY FREAKING CRAP…hands down this was the BEST EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for giving me so much laughter after this crappy week!

  8. Posted by Chris Hamlin on July 9, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    This would be so funny………..if it wasn’t true.

  9. Posted by Anonymous Coward on July 10, 2011 at 2:17 am

    Just not understanding all of this and more confuse than ever…

    Just wanted to add this, does that picture seem like she is sick?

    The juror, Jennifer Ford, a 32-year-old nursing student, said that jurors were “sick to their stomachs,” ABC News reported.


    I came across this picture and thought I would share. This is juror #3 after the verdict. Please feel free to share.

    In an interview at her home on Wednesday night, Lynn Ford, Jennifer Ford’s mother, said ABC did not pay Ms. Ford but treated her and four others to a trip to Disney World. ABC is a unit of the Walt Disney Company.


    Now that the trial is over I can finally have my say. Shortly after I was picked as a juror along with the 14 others, I was approached by a member of the Baez team. I was offered a payment of $10,000 if I would hold out as a non-guilty verdict and thus, hang the jury. This didn’t need to occur and no payment was ever received. “On The Jury”


  10. Ironic, funny, I cried so hard I laughed 🙂

  11. Posted by Jan Ellis on July 10, 2011 at 4:00 am

    I needed this laugh over this whole thing. I can’t even watch juror #3, Jennifer bad check Ford. She has changed her story a few times……….remind you of anyone? Yes, the jury heard Baez “accident that snowballed of control” in opening ..then repeated by the felon River Cruise and went with it. Even though they were instructed NOT to regard River’s testimony or Baez speculation……..Juror #3 has repeated that mantra word for word. I truly believe when they went back into the jury room on “judgement day” they knew what the verdict was going to be and only talked about who wanted to write books together and which shows they wanted to be on. Ate lunch …1 last free meal on Orange County taxpayers……..then offered the ultimate FU Orange County…….and we are out of here. Except Juror #3. She was so upset she had to spend the day at Disney ……… you know the “magic” kingdom of fantasy….right where she belongs.

  12. Hi Egg, my friend. This is a lot worse than the OJ case. We all have invested so much time and emotion on Caylee to have her rethrown back in the swamp. It’s like a funeral without closure.
    Maybe Cruise Me down a River will do away with Crazey since she has a brain tumor and her life sucks anyway. I would!
    Keep writing to get our spirts out of this tar pit!

  13. Posted by Marsha on July 10, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Whenever anyone asks me what I think about the outcome of this case, I’ll point them in the direction of this latest post. If anyone asks me how I kept my sanity during this entire 3-year ordeal, I’ll point them here as well.

    Thanks for the memories.

  14. Posted by doublesmom on July 10, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Eggy thank you for the updates and for keeping us sane with your humor during this whole ordeal.

    I share in the amazement and disappointment of everyone here (and mostly everyone else in society) over this verdict.

    Let’s put Caylee’s Law in place so that poor little angel can rest in some sort of peace.

  15. Posted by Eggtreenews on July 10, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Stop Simon and Schuster from giving the homicidal harlot a book deal! here’s the petition to sign:


  16. Posted by hemigal on July 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Caylee Marie Anthony, rejected by her family and the justice system, loved by millions.
    Thanks Eggy.

    • That’s a nice one hemigal, thanks for sharing it with us. We need to think uplifting thoughts about the whole thing now. Caylee is safe and I truly believe in Karma, Casey Anthony and her “dream team” will get their just rewards. You can run but you can’t hide. When you are the most hated woman in the country and on the loose, things won’t be fun anymore. Baez is also being investigated for witness tampering too from what I understand. And that’s just the beginning, I’m sure.

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