Boss Hogg Gets Lost in the Fog

-The Foggy Moors of Arizona

Dr. Richard Samuels, the Boss Hogg impersonator and questionable “expert” hired by Jodi Arias’ mentally challenged defense team, endured quite a beat down by bulldog prosecutor Juan Martinez today. By the end of cross examination, he was wandering aimlessly through the foggy details of his own testimony, knee deep in contradictions and glaring at Martinez with a hatred that only Jodi could fully appreciate. 

As it turns out, the stout amnesia expert who diagnosed Arias with post traumatic stress disorder may have been a just little hasty. Because he based that diagnonsense on Jodi’s second fabricated tale to the police, in which two masked intruders shot and stabbed Travis Alexander, but inexplicably allowed fair maiden Arias to escape unscathed. Upon hearing her third fairy tale- the migraine inducing self defense excuse that would eventually exhaust everyone at the trial- Boss Hogg neglected to re-evaluate his original findings. 

All that expertise for a mere $250/hour!

But it doesn’t really matter, because as Martinez pointed out, the doc’s supersweet “test” was only as honest and accurate as the individual providing the responses anyway. 

It was here that Boss Hogg switched on the fog machine and began shooting death glares at the D.A. from the witness stand. 

He also discussed accepting dental work as payment in a custody case, and almost losing his license over it. Because he had jacked up teefs, and it’s not like lawyers can afford proper dental care, especially if they’re only paid $250 an hour.

Then he revealed that he concluded Jodi was a passive lass with low self-esteem who could never hurt a fly, based in part on her diary entries.  You know, the same journal she lied to after slaughtering somebody. Then he admitted that he provided the Ugly Betty impostor with a self help book all about PTSD, which she likely scoured to lay the groundwork for her global amnesiac defense.

The word hippocampus came up a lot. Once he called it the hypothalmus. 

Then he turned into a crazed snippy Sally, gesturing violently at Martinez as he questioned the validity of his research. “You’re misinterpreting my findings,” he yelled as he completely disappeared into the dense foggy mist, along with any shred of his credibility. “It’s post traumatic stress, God damn you! Hippocampus!Hiiiiiiipooocaaaampuuuussss!”

With her expert swallowed up by the mist, and her attorneys hanging their heads in shame, Ugly Betty sat coloring at the defense table in complete oblivion. 

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16 responses to this post.

  1. Luv the word diagnonsense :mrgreen:

    Thanks for the update Eggy – do you have any idea how much longer it will be before the jury considers their verdict?

    • I’m not sure. The defense still has to finish presenting their case, then i think the state can present a rebuttal case before closing arguments, but I dont know. I dont know how many experts the defense have lined up to testify. I imagine we’ll hear from some “battered women’s syndrome” expert for hire who will offend women everywhere, and maybe some forensics wingnuts who will bore us all to tears, but that’s just a guess. This poor jury. They should install massage chairs in the jury box, and give complimentary foot massages during all this nonsense….

  2. Posted by Elizabeth on March 20, 2013 at 7:14 am

    And…to make matters worse…..the $250 an hour that this incompetent was paid was out of taxpayer dollars. Can our system get any more screwed up? And as some of the TV talking heads have pointed out, Jodi is morphing into her female attorney….in mannerisms and dress. OMG. Watch some of their comparisons on TV…they are pathetically funny.

    • Yeah, i saw that yesterday!! 😆 Shes Single White Femaling her lawyer now. I just hope shes not married, and none of her kids have pet rabbits.

      I think she should start morphing into Nurmi instead.

  3. This is weird but what isn’t about this case?
    http://www.hlntv.com/video/2013/03/19/why-did-jodi-slip-folder-under-her-behind?hpt=hln10_1
    I guess she just missed stuff coming and going in her butt. I still say they better check that out. Talk about a new version of ‘junk in her trunk’! ugh
    I hope it’s Heavy D Nurmi’s folder!
    Is there a name for the condition of Boss Hog flipping through all his pages at every question?

    • Hope there was some KY in the vicinity? That might get uncomfortable for her. :mrgreen:

    • Seriously, has this expert never heard of an accordion folder, complete with tabs to organize his pile of documents?! Id hate to see what his office looks like. Maybe hes addicted to piles of paper, and needs to be on Hoarders?

  4. Remember the movie Groundhog day with Bill Murray? That’s what it’s like the last two days, over and over and fricking over AGAIN and again!! It’s making me mental! I can’t take it anymore! This is worse than being stuck in the LaBrea tar pits. No way out!
    Wilmott is sickening, she likes to hear her own voice like she’s leading a fricking PTA meeting or something. Then, crying Judge every time she wants a side bar cause she wants it her way. This ain’t Burger King and were not in Kansas any more sista. Move it the f*ck along, end all the GD questions, sit down and STHU!
    I’m waiting for one of the jurors to bull rush and slam bash both the bitchs and stab them with a pencil. That would wake up Heavy D Nurmi!
    Wake me up when the fog clears and this trial ends in the fall of
    2014. I’ll be here crashed out on my keyboard waiting for a verdict. Till then….

    • But didnt you love her easter bunny shade of lavender attire today? Shes got the spring spirit!

      I cant stand her either. She reminds me not so much of an attorney, but of a 14 year old girl in debate club. The eye rolling and sighing and drama queen antics are killin me.

      Since i have the flu and im bored out of my mind, ive been catching up on some of Jodis testimony that i missed, on You Tube. I feel like a total masochist. Please shoot me. i dont know how Martinez didnt thrown anything at her. Getting a straight answer is like pulling teeth. She wouldnt even admit to things she said 5 seconds earlier. Her passive aggressive games are just EXHAUSTING. Im fascinated by her, in a snake in a jar kind of way….

  5. I am so glad to see you writing about this case.. You are the best at this satire… I loved the ugly Betty remark…. She DOES resemble ugly Betty…. Thanks for the laughs…

  6. Oh, and I agree with you about her nose.. It does look removable, or even maybe connected to the glasses.. The marx brothers trick…

  7. So one of the visitors in the courtroom ralphed!!! LOL!!! Dahhhh, do you think it’s about time?! Can you blame the poor SOB sitting there listening to all that crap again and again?!
    Why didn’t they make the murdering butcher clean it up? She doesn’t mind the site of blood or gore. Plus, they wouldn’t have to pay a city worker.
    Clean up aisle two… ahahahahaha!!! They all are making me sick too.

    • Ohhh, that is so rich… Thats really takin one for the team, ralphing in the courtroom to just make this mess stop already. I just could NOT sit and watch it today, and thats saying alot cuz i have the flu and cant do ANYTHING. Ugly Betty’s attorney is sooooooooooo friggin BORING, and im so tired of looking at Boss Hogg and his beady little eyes.

      I was kinda surprised Jodi didnt do twinsies with her lawyer and wear a lavender suit today in honor of spring.

  8. After staying up all night watching the entire KC trial I vowed I wouldn’t jeopardize my health by doing it again so I do appreciate reading your version of what is happening in the courtroom – thanks. Seems like they are dragging this out for publicity – glad the jury isn’t sequestered like the Pinellas 12. Upchucking in the courtroom is definitely not a good look. 🙄

    Sorry to hear you still have the flu Eggy – hope you get better really soon – HUGS ♥♥♥

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