Jury Fires Questions at Boss Hogg in the Fog

-Location unknown (too much fog)

Jurors in the Jodi Arias trial finally got to pose questions to the slow witted defense team’s Boss Hogg impersonator / “medical expert” today. This comes on the heels of an excruciating re-direct questioning by super professional 14-year-old debate club president Jennifer “Ummmmm-Umm….Eyeroller” Wilmott. And judging by the tone of the jury’s questions, despite all of Wilmott’s “ummmm… pause…. ummm- broken sentence- ummm” efforts, Boss Hogg is still wandering the foggy moors of Arizona on a vision quest, trying to find his credibility. The exhausted jury fired off over 100 questions for the confounding expert, citing his inconsistencies, and downright questioning his competence. Among some of the better questions (and entertaining answers):

“What is the more overwhelming instinct: fight or flight,” inquired one confused juror. Boss Hogg initiated his nauseating chair swiveling sequence here.  “The tendency the majority of the time is to flee,” he responded, as he pounded another nail into his patient’s coffin. 

“If your initial diagnosis of PTSD was based on Jodi’s lie about intruders, how do you know the self defense story isn’t also a lie,” asked one astute juror endowed with common sense. Boss Hogg again swiveled in his chair to face the jury, and explained that “all the other criteria” supported his diagnonsense. 

“How do you know Jodi isn’t just faking the symptoms of PTSD,” queried another bright bulb in the bunch. More swiveling, then some rambling about meteors and craters and amnesia in the desert, and WHY DIDN’T MARTINEZ SHUT HIM UP HERE? 

“If the decision making portion of the brain shuts down during acute stress, how did Jodi manage to cover up her crime immediately afterwards?” Again with the swiveling. I got dizzy watching him. Apparently the primitive portion of the brain takes over decision making when in “the fog,” and manages to do complex things like delete pictures of a homicide, wash and/or remove evidence, block off the crime scene with a dog gate, and leave voicemails for the victim “to throw off the scent for awhile.” 

“Would someone who premeditated a murder experience PTSD,” asked an individual clearly not from Pinellas. “It would be highly unlikely, responded the confuddled expert as he grabbed yet another nail and began hammering away at that coffin. 

“How do you know her trembling hands were a symptom of PTSD, and not a sign of her guilt or fear?” Well, because Jodi told him it was, of course. And she’s the real authority, after all. 

“Why didn’t you retest her for PTSD when you found out she lied about the intruders?” According to Boss Hogg, “the results of the test would have been the same regardless of the initial trauma. She may have even scored higher.” And who cares about things like thoroughness and accuracy in a capital murder trial, anyway? 35 years of experience allows for some sloppiness. 

“Do you feel you crossed an ethical boundary by giving Jodi a self help book about PTSD?” Pffffffttttt… Ethics, shmethics. He was just playing Captain Save A Ho…

“Is temporary global amnesia caused by the same stress you get after a bad haircut?” I burst out laughing at this one, because this juror must be related to me. 

And finally, my favorite quote of the day, coming from the good doctor:

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a get out of jail free card.” 

HA!

Advertisements

9 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by adrianadalba on March 21, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    …” asked an individual clearly not from Pinellas”… AHAHAHAHA oh my God Eggy you made me almost choke and spit my soup with that one!!
    Watching the trial today was absolutely excruciating; seeing how Wilmott attempts to play the seasoned lawyer is almost as painful as watching Jodi’s mouth (I cannot stand the little hole between her lips, it makes me wanna punch the wall). The only good part were all the juror’s questions, they seemed to be mocking the “expert” and I am almost certain they are not buying anything that the defense is presenting. But unfortunately my hopes of justice were shattered once before (no, I wont talk about that infamous verdict or the twelve duffs from Florida) so I am still not confident we will have a conviction… you know that it only takes one idiot to let her free.
    Thanks again for your blog! it is super fun 😀

    • Wilmott drives me absolutely nuts! She cant ask a simple question without stumbling, stepping on her own tongue, pausing, rephrasing, rolling her eyes and sighing when Martinez dares to object, and ummmm ummmm ummmming everyone to death. Just spit it out already, woman! Good Lord, i took the dog out, came back and made tea, and she was STILL harping on the same topic about 20 minutes later. Enough already!

      And i love how snippy and bitchy Boss hogg gets with Martinez when he comes after him like a rabid dog. For a clinical psychologist, he sure is reactive.

      Im with you, the jury seems to be mocking him with their questions. I’d like to think they see right through this BS, but i’m hesitant to get my hopes up, since they’ve been dashed before. Here’s to hoping! 🙂

  2. Posted by Vino on March 22, 2013 at 6:14 am

    Oh you’re hilarious! I’m still not over the KC verdict. I never thought I’d come across anyone as disgusting as KC but I guess I was wrong. This Arias creature is evil incarnate. Literally. I hope this jury does the right thing. We have Juan Martinez on our side. Arias’ worst enemy!

    Please continue writing about this trial. We still have a few weeks to go. I need some laughs in my life till Verdict day.

  3. hmmmmm… let’ssss talkkk about being paid to lie…

  4. Hilarious write up – thanks Eggy :mrgreen:

    Sounds like this jury has some commonsense though like other posters I’m still damaged by the verdict of the Pinellas 12.

  5. Egg! Brilliant!! A standing ovation and a big round of applause from the room!! 🙂 Ahahahahaha!!!!! Love it!! You must be feeling better, hey?
    Go to your Facebook page and type in: “Photos of Only Idiots think Jodi Arias is Innocent”. VERY funny pics, you’ll love it! I can’t give a link cause it shows up mine.

  6. Check out the one photo of JoDie giving Boss Hog the finger in court yesterday. What an ass….

  7. Posted by Martha on April 17, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Wilmott has an extraordinarily sticky gookey fakey little brat girl voice.

  8. Posted by Eli on April 17, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    Then he turned into a crazed snippy Sally, gesturing violently at Martinez as he questioned the validity of his research. “You’re misinterpreting my findings,” he yelled as he completely disappeared into the dense foggy mist, along with any shred of his credibility. “It’s post traumatic stress, God damn you! Hippocampus!Hiiiiiiipooocaaaampuuuussss!”
    I practically fell off my chair laughing at this entire last part. THANK YOU for writing this. You’re an amazing writer and absolutely hilarious! I’ll definitely be following your stuff from here on 🙂

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: