-Location Still Unknown (still alot of fog)
As spectators everywhere brace themselves for prosecutor Juan Martinez’s scathing cross examination of domestic abuse expert LaViolette, some fear his usual “demonically possessed pitbull spitting nails” approach might backfire and alienate some jurors. But we can all relax and rest easy. Because sources tell Egg Tree News that as a precautionary measure, Animal Planet’s renowned dog trainer Victoria Stilwel (of “It’s Me or the Dog)” has volunteered to coach Martinez and break him of his aggressive behavior before it’s too late.
“Stilwel arrived in Arizona as soon as she heard that Juan would be questioning a domestic violence expert. She’s watched him snarl, growl, and bark at other witnesses throughout the trial, and while she respects and admires his passion, she fears the consequences of such behavior with this particular expert. And she knows she can fix those bad habits with a few simple training sessions, which may or may not involve muzzles and shock collars,” revealed the source.
Juan’s obedience training began late this afternoon, with a few easy commands while on a short leash. Stilwel placed cardboard cutouts of LaViolette and other defense witnesses all over the yard, then tasered Martinez while screaming “Not Guilty Verdict!” whenever he instinctively lunged at the images while foaming at the mouth.
“This creates negative reinforcement of the behavior, and will make Juan less likely to attack when it comes time to cross examine,” explains the source.
But while he’s making great headway NOT shooting out of a cannon right into the witness’ jugular, he still apparently has trouble obeying the “NO BARK” command. To deal with this challenging issue, Stilwel has employed a new and controversial training technique. “Whenever he goes into a barking fit, which especially happens in front of the Dr Samuels cutout (when he’s not busy peeing on it), Victoria tackles him to the ground, and whispers forcefully in his ear, ‘Jury Sympathizers!’ This seems to calm him down somewhat,” reveals the source. “And of course the belly rubs followed by Good Boy Treats really seems to help, too.”
Stilwel plans to sit at the prosecution table with all her training equipment, ready for anything, for the duration of Juan’s cross examination. Which should begin approximately 3 months from now, after LaViolette finishes educating the courtroom on the entire history of domestic abuse involving everyone but Jodi Arias.