Professional Victim Abuses Snow White. Yup.

– The Enchanted Forests of Arizona

The relentlessly absurd trial of Jodi Arias took a surreal hairpin turn into The Magic Kingdom this week, when professional victim Alyce LaViolette and Mad Dog Martinez dragged poor Snow White, of all people, into this sordid mess. LaViolette, a former domestic violence victims advocate, who now apparently makes a living giving seminars about battered Disney characters, has spent the last eight days testi-lying that stalking butcher Jodi Arias is the real victim in all this. She and barky Martinez began their long awaited cross exam late Thursday afternoon, when the fuming little teapot questioned her about one of her many speaking tours, entitled “Was Snow White a Battered Woman?” The resulting empassioned battle of the wits over fairy tale minutiae left spectators everywhere scratching their heads, wondering what the hell Snow White ever did to deserve being compared to Jodi Arias? 

“It was really weird,” said one bewildered witness. “They suddenly started bickering about Snow White and the Seven Dwarves out of nowhere. Like they were at a film club for 8 year olds or something. It was akward…I remember wondering if I was high, but I definitely wasn’t. LaViolette believes a children’s cartoon character shows signs of battered woman’s syndrome. That lady must be awesome at parties.”

And compounding the perplexity, she disagreed with Martinez’s contention that Snow White was forced to live in a dirty shack and clean up after seven ill-tempered male dwarves of unkown age. Nay, this abuse victim dwelled in a “charming cottage….singing and dancing with birds and animals.”

You know, just like Jodi Arias.  

“Snow White is extremely upset about being dragged into this,” revealed a source close to Disney. “She has never been beaten, and resents the implication. And she would certainly never murder anyone. She doesn’t understand why she’s been defamed in this trial, and feels terribly victimized by LaViolette. She just wants to be left alone, to heal from this unbearable emotional and verbal abuse.” 

Jfysjzmdnfjriosllandhcuirncbcos….

That’s what happened when my head landed on the keyboard. 

Stay tuned to Egg Tree News for breaking developments in this story. 

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17 responses to this post.

  1. I’ve been watching the trial off and on and these blogs about it are hilarious. Had some good chuckles.

    • You are awesome : ) Please keep doing what you do and pull us up out of this nightmare with some spectacular jocularity!

    • Posted by Judy McMackin on April 14, 2013 at 4:00 pm

      Speaking of battle of the wits with Alyce & Juan. Does anyone remember when the word i think “afflicted” was used & Juan tripped Alyce up on the comment. Alyce took great indignation about it & accused Juan of using the word “Afflicted” & denied using the word. Alyce goes “You said “afflicted” I didn’t. Juan goes “no, don’t you remember..you just used the word “afflicted”. Alyce goes “I did not Sir”. After some more back & forth on this subject, Juan just said ok & stopped his questioning like he has had to do so many times because Alyce refuses to cooperate. Wouldn’t you call her a “Hostile Witness”. I would love to know for sure who started the whole “afflicted” thang…I think it was Alyce, but she didn’t want to admit to it because her comment made her look really bad & Juan caught her in a compromising position. I wish I knew where to go to read that transcript. I’ll google it.

  2. Will this trial ever end???

  3. Someone on a Travis Alexander support site recommended your blog and provided a link to it. I’m so glad that I clicked that link! You are a riot, and the fact that you write so well makes the whole experience awesome! I don’t know how you come up with the stuff you do, but it’s hilarious, and “Jinkasaurus” was just genius!! Thank you!!

  4. Posted by Suzala Discernment on April 8, 2013 at 8:09 am

    I just added you to my favorites. Hilarious!!!

  5. Posted by Ruby Slippers on April 9, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    Love, love, love your humor eggie. Keep up the good work. The levity you provide is much needed after a day of watching these mind-numbing-can’t-answer-a-question defense witnesses.

  6. This is the funniest ever!!! How do you do it Egg? This was hilarious I laughed so hard I had snot coming out of my nose… You are the sunshine of morning.. Thanks…..

  7. Posted by Mollyc on April 14, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    Love yer blog. Thank u for putting it all in perspective.

  8. Posted by barb on April 16, 2013 at 9:13 am

    rofl seriously funny, i thought i was high=still lol, dont think i can stop

  9. Posted by mystree10 on April 20, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Hysterical! So glad I found you!!!

  10. “Fuming little teapot” just cracked me up! I’m still laughing. Love Mr. Martinez but that was hysterical!

    • Posted by GBPL on April 24, 2013 at 12:25 pm

      Ohmyword!! Love him too, and that IS hysterical! Barky Martinez too!!!

      Did you catch “the eight days of testi-lying” perfection!

  11. Love you version of the court day, keep reporting you are right on!

  12. I love Juan dearly, and respect him even more, but sometimes I can’t help but roast him a teensy bit. When he gets all steamed up…wooooo hooo, hear him shout! 😆

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