1. Wednesday is apparently pastel day for Jenny and her stabby My Twinn doll Jodi. Each night before court, Jenny giddily lays out color coordinated ensembles for their morning performance. Oddly, Heavy D Nurmi hasn’t played matchy-match with them lately. Maybe he passes out early, and hogsnores right through Jenny’s frantic midnight costume crisis call. Perhaps that explains the “akward man out” vibe he exhudes lately.
2. The confounding mystery of Jodi’s wounded finger endures. First it was her feral kitty trying to swat out her inner demons. Then it was a broken glass while imaginary bartending at an invisible Margaritaville (located next to Casey Anthony’s office at Universal Studios). Then that ninja intruder did it before sending her on her merry way after witnessing a slaughter. Then it was Travis kicking her. And now, according to LaViolette, it happened when fragile maiden Arias was cutting apples. Just like Snow White!
3. In addition to a heptagajillionth motion for a mistrial, Heavy D Nurmi has also filed a request for a mobility scooter for all these endless sidebars. And maybe one for his house, too. “Up, walk, stand, walk again, sit. Repeat. How much can one body take, judge? None of this would even be an issue if Juan would stop doing his job. This is total misconduct on his part. Word.”
4. After explaining the theory of relativity over a tall pitcher of Kool Aid, Einstein incarnate told LaViolette she shot Travis in the closet; a room with no sign of disturbance, let alone blood. Then she told the jury he was shot in the bathroom. Derp!
5. Cammy-D wore some Spiderman undies in Charlie’s Angels, and you’re a pedophile for finding it cute. You should die.
6. Poor downtrodden abuse victim Arias. So crushingly low is her self esteem, the passive lass is FORCED to lash out at Juan and Nancy Grace from behind bars via Twitter. Because that’s how meek, battered women on trial for their lives prove their innocence.
7. Punk, from VH1’s highly esteemed dating show (and petri dish of STDs) “I Love New York,” has now joined Omarosa in the fine ranks of talking heads at HLN. David Otunga, a lawyer, actor, and just for good measure wrestler (who apparently can’t find any clothes in size HULK from the wardrobe department), got pretend bodyslammed last night by Vinnie Politan in a ridiculous reenactment of the crime on “After Dark.” Stay classy, HLN. Stay classy.
8. Good old fashioned Insufferable Alyce would like to clarify she’s not an orgasm expert, everybody.
9. Several journals were confiscated from Stabby Einstein’s cell earlier this month. It is unknown if any of these masterpieces of American literature contain her highly anticipated manifesto, or just doodles of herself with Jenny’s husband and children.
10. Exhausted jurors began firing questions at Insufferable Alyce late Thursday. That’s another post in itself, but here’s my favorite so far:
“Were the coded messages in the magazines mailed by Jodi meant for you?”