Still Chasing the Rabbit

1. Wednesday is apparently pastel day for Jenny and her stabby My Twinn doll Jodi. Each night before court, Jenny giddily lays out color coordinated ensembles for their morning performance. Oddly, Heavy D Nurmi hasn’t played matchy-match with them lately. Maybe he passes out early, and hogsnores right through Jenny’s frantic midnight costume crisis call. Perhaps that explains the “akward man out” vibe he exhudes lately. 

2. The confounding mystery of Jodi’s wounded finger endures.  First it was her feral kitty trying to swat out her inner demons. Then it was a broken glass while imaginary bartending at an invisible Margaritaville (located next to Casey Anthony’s office at Universal Studios). Then that ninja intruder did it before sending her on her merry way after witnessing a slaughter. Then it was Travis kicking her. And now, according to LaViolette, it happened when fragile maiden Arias was cutting apples. Just like Snow White!  

3. In addition to a heptagajillionth motion for a mistrial, Heavy D Nurmi has also filed a request for a mobility scooter for all these endless sidebars. And maybe one for his house, too. “Up, walk, stand, walk again, sit. Repeat. How much can one body take, judge? None of this would even be an issue if Juan would stop doing his job. This is total misconduct on his part. Word.”

4. After explaining the theory of relativity over a tall pitcher of Kool Aid, Einstein incarnate told LaViolette she shot Travis in the closet; a room with no sign of disturbance, let alone blood. Then she told the jury he was shot in the bathroom. Derp!

5. Cammy-D wore some Spiderman undies in Charlie’s Angels, and you’re a pedophile for finding it cute. You should die. 

6. Poor downtrodden abuse victim Arias. So crushingly low is her self esteem, the passive lass is FORCED to lash out at Juan and Nancy Grace from behind bars via Twitter. Because that’s how meek, battered women on trial for their lives prove their innocence. 

7. Punk, from VH1’s highly esteemed dating show (and petri dish of STDs) “I Love New York,” has now joined Omarosa in the fine ranks of talking heads at HLN. David Otunga, a lawyer, actor, and just for good measure wrestler (who apparently can’t find any clothes in size HULK from the wardrobe department), got pretend bodyslammed last night by Vinnie Politan in a ridiculous reenactment of the crime on “After Dark.” Stay classy, HLN. Stay classy. 

8. Good old fashioned Insufferable Alyce would like to clarify she’s not an orgasm expert, everybody. 

9. Several journals were confiscated from Stabby Einstein’s cell earlier this month. It is unknown if any of these masterpieces of American literature contain her highly anticipated manifesto, or just doodles of herself with Jenny’s husband and children. 

10. Exhausted jurors began firing questions at Insufferable Alyce late Thursday. That’s another post in itself, but here’s my favorite so far: 

“Were the coded messages in the magazines mailed by Jodi meant for you?” 

Advertisements

30 responses to this post.

  1. Egg, stellar post, again!! You are a true hoot! 🙂
    How can those jurors sit there and not freak out?! What do they give them? I don’t get it.
    Now, we have another disgusting River Horse twitter queen to join the circus. Is she a piece of work or what? WTH is her name anyway? She and Mother River Horse are sitting there getting fatter and fatter every day. They’re going to have to bring in some of those wide load, heavy D chairs for the both of them soon.
    Well, you certainly won’t run out of ammo for the duration of this fricking case, if it EVER ends and they hang the bitch. Remember, we’re all in this together. 😉

  2. Posted by Robin Kelly on April 11, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    I couldn’t remember for the life of me who gave her those magazines. But those jurors are sure on the ball. And the second that question was read I stood up and screamed “Thank you God”! And the look on LaViolette’s face – what secret messages? PRICELESS!

    Keep us this great work PLEASE! It’s the only laughter we can hear and we need it so badly!

    • Posted by Rose on April 14, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      I almost choked on my gum when that juror question about the secret message in the magazine came up!! Yep, that jury is NOT sleeping!!

  3. Posted by Lola on April 11, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    Ok, I have to confess. I know you are not a dude, but I am totally,utterly,unconditionally in love with your sense of humor. There. I said it. Now back to reading it 😉

  4. Does anyone (besides me) think the jurors question “Were the coded messages in the magazines mailed by Jodi meant for you?” was a subtle message that they are not buying the Alyce story?

  5. O/T

    http://www.tmz.com/2013/04/11/lindsay-lohan-rehab-facility-liquor-store-booze/

    Betcha if LiLo gave them a call they would deliver grog to her – I hope someone informs the Judge about this…grrr!!!

  6. Posted by 38special on April 13, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Har har!@ Jenny and her stabby Twinn Doll Jodi. Eerie, isn’t it about them morphing into Norma & Mama Bates?
    Jenny better watch her back, Stabby doesn’t take kindly to being ignored.She seemed to me mesmerized by the orange pencil sharpener the other day….uh oh….maybe one day Jenny will arrive with a new face tattoo courtesy of the pilfered sharpener blade and irresistible ink pen??

    • Ive noticed her fascination with pens and pencils. Sometimes she grabs one and puts her hands under the table, and im just waiting for her to go Norman Bates on the whole courtroom, starting with Wilmott. She might wanna sit on the other side of the room whenever the verdict comes down. Which will probably be about a year from now, at this rate.

  7. I have been following this trial. I also belong to some of the list for Justice for Travis. I loved this. It is all so true in a funny way. Too bad this is so serious. She is way beyond guilty and I pray each night that there isn’ta mistrial and the verdict is guilty with a sencenting of Death Penalty. I would her to suffer before the needle finds her…not socializing like a Queen Bee in prison saying things like..YOu can’t mess with me…or my above IQ will find away to get rid of you. Of coarse I will say you abused me daily since I took control of the prison. This was a very good write up. I so enjoyed it.

    • Posted by Marge on April 14, 2013 at 9:08 am

      Also her comment “the jury will never find me guilty.”

    • Posted by Shurt on April 14, 2013 at 10:52 am

      This writer is allowing us to laugh at this whole thing, for that I am grateful. After the disappointing OJ and Anthony verdicts, we need to prepare ourselves. So hoping for a conviction.

  8. Posted by Shurt on April 14, 2013 at 9:26 am

    I am crying this made me laugh so hard, thank you!

  9. Posted by Tricia on April 14, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Hilarious ! Thank you 🙂

  10. Posted by Rose on April 15, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Nurmi wants a mistrial saying Martinez intimidated Dr. Samuels when he interviewed him before Samuels testified. Has there been ruling yet? I only heard part of the tape being played in court but surely the judge will not give a mistrial from this.

  11. Posted by Akay on April 16, 2013 at 8:53 am

    Errr my gosh!!! Love this!!! Motor scooter for Nurmi!!!! Lmao!!!

  12. Posted by Cynthia on April 16, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Awesome writing you have me LMAO!! You can make anyone from having a bad day into having a great one thank you!!!!!!!!

  13. funny and true blog thank you.

  14. Posted by Melissa on April 16, 2013 at 9:36 am

    Its just another psychological ploy to resemble her defense in order to humanize her, not working can’t humanize a demon

  15. What is the thing about alyce needing to be back in court today? Does anyone know what the hearing will be about?…

  16. Posted by Julie on April 16, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. You are a very good writer! So funny.

  17. Posted by Mintie on April 19, 2013 at 10:08 am

    David Otunga is Jennifer Hudson’s fiance, father of her son

  18. Posted by mystree10 on April 19, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    Now following “EggTreeNews Blog”. You are HILARIOUS!!

  19. Posted by Carr on April 20, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    You are a comedy genius! I loooove u!

  20. Posted by John shipman on April 20, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    Laughed till I cried.

  21. Posted by carol on April 26, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    I was literally crying laughing at this. Your wit is sharper than Stabby’s knives. I’m off to read more. 🙂

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: