-Down the Rabbit Hole and 3 Red Mushrooms to the Left, Arizona
Professional victim Alyce LaViolette has spent the last two days tripping balls in Wonderland, trying to field questions from skeptical (and sober) jurors in the Jodi Arias trial. And judging by the tone of the queries, the eleventh hour “domestic abuse excuse” pitched by Stabby and her band of merry enablers is flying like a lead balloon in the courtroom. But domestic violence expert Alyce will still not budge from her seat at The Mad Hatter Kool Aid Party. She chugged it down in five gallon buckets, and is still trying to serve it to the jury.
Here are just some of the questions that MIGHT restore your faith in common sense after the whole Pinellas debacle, along with Alyce’s ridiculous answers.
Question: “Why would you believe a pathological liar?”
Answer: “Because of the collaborative data.”
Since we can rule out consulting anyone or anything other than Arias and some cherry-picked texts, collaborative data can only be defense speak for “other lies told by Jodi.”
Question: “Could Jodi have exaggerated to help her case?”
Answer: “I found she was a person who didn’t exaggerate. She tended to minimize.”
To summarize: Using Cammy-D’s spiderman boyshorts as evidence of a pedophilia fetish is NOT exaggerating. And leaving work to drive 1000 miles to confront your ex about their new lovelife is MINIMIZING, everyone. Good. To. Know.
It was about this time the March Hare was spotted hopping through the courtroom with a teacup.
Question: “Why have you looked at Jodi multiple times during cross exam to meet eyes and smile?”
Answer: “I’ve been trying not to look at her. I have friends sitting near her. ”
I would try not to look at her too. Because that wingnut’s black eyes will suck your soul away. And those aren’t your friends, Alyce. That’s Tweedle Nurmi and Tweedle Wilma, stirring up another giant bucket of Kool Aid for you to regurgitate all over the jury.
Question: “If you were brought in to determine domestic abuse, why didn’t you look more into Travis’ text that he was extremely fearful of Jodi?”
Answer: “I didn’t see anything else that made me think it’s true.”
Really? Not even his autopsy report, accompanied by her confession to 29 stab wounds, a gunshot to the head, and a slit throat? Stop eating the mushrooms, Alyce. I’m embarrased FOR you.
Question: “Is it possible your view of men in general is bias?”
Answer: “I don’t think so. Some of my best friends are men.”
Tell that to the seven dwarves; they’re holding quite a grudge since you accused them of beating Snow White. They still cringe whenever plumes of smoke from one of your bra-bonfires permeate their woods. Especially Bashful.
Question: “Is it conceivable a woman would kill her partner just to get away from abuse?”
Answer: “Conceivable, yes, but rare.”
Now brace youself for the followup question and answer, and try to keep your brain from collapsing in on itself with the sudden shift in gears. Wait for it…. Wait for it….
Question: “Jodi’s response to perceived danger on June 4, 2008 went way beyond neutralizing Travis. Is that normal?”
Answer: “Abused women often dont know when to stop with violence.”
Hdhdifosksbcurldlqmsbfkgltmsjh. Excuse me, my head hit the keyboard again. Just as a white rabbit dipped his pocket watch in the Kool Aid.
Question: “Jodi kicked, slapped, and berated her mother as a teenager. Doesnt that make her an abuser?”
Answer: “No, she was just a rebellious teenager.”
Got it. Girls are rebellious and feisty and allowed to suckerpunch their parents. Boys are actually young abusers. Such are the mad gender rules at this most curious of Kool Aid parties.
And finally, my personal favorite:
Question: “How do you know Jodi hasn’t manipulated you like everyone else?”
Answer: “I don’t feel I’ve been manipulated.”
Okey dokey then. If you say so.