Alyce’s Mad Hatter Kool Aid Party

-Down the Rabbit Hole and 3 Red Mushrooms to the Left, Arizona
 
Professional victim Alyce LaViolette has spent the last two days tripping balls in Wonderland, trying to field questions from skeptical (and sober) jurors in the Jodi Arias trial. And judging by the tone of the queries, the eleventh hour “domestic abuse excuse” pitched by Stabby and her band of merry enablers is flying like a lead balloon in the courtroom. But domestic violence expert Alyce will still not budge from her seat at The Mad Hatter Kool Aid Party. She chugged it down in five gallon buckets, and is still trying to serve it to the jury. 

Here are just some of the questions that MIGHT restore your faith in common sense after the whole Pinellas debacle, along with Alyce’s ridiculous answers. 

Question: “Why would you believe a pathological liar?”
Answer: “Because of the collaborative data.” 

Since we can rule out consulting anyone or anything other than Arias and some cherry-picked texts, collaborative data can only be defense speak for “other lies told by Jodi.” 

Question: “Could Jodi have exaggerated to help her case?”
Answer: “I found she was a person who didn’t exaggerate. She tended to minimize.”

To summarize: Using Cammy-D’s spiderman boyshorts as evidence of a pedophilia fetish is NOT exaggerating. And leaving work to drive 1000 miles to confront your ex about their new lovelife is MINIMIZING, everyone. Good. To. Know. 

It was about this time the March Hare was spotted hopping through the courtroom with a teacup. 

Question: “Why have you looked at Jodi multiple times during cross exam to meet eyes and smile?”
Answer: “I’ve been trying not to look at her. I have friends sitting near her. ”

I would try not to look at her too. Because that wingnut’s black eyes will suck your soul away. And those aren’t your friends, Alyce. That’s Tweedle Nurmi and Tweedle Wilma, stirring up another giant bucket of Kool Aid for you to regurgitate all over the jury. 

Question: “If you were brought in to determine domestic abuse, why didn’t you look more into Travis’ text that he was extremely fearful of Jodi?”
Answer: “I didn’t see anything else that made me think it’s true.” 

Really? Not even his autopsy report, accompanied by her confession to 29 stab wounds, a gunshot to the head, and a slit throat? Stop eating the mushrooms, Alyce. I’m embarrased FOR you. 

Question: “Is it possible your view of men in general is bias?”
Answer: “I don’t think so. Some of my best friends are men.” 

Tell that to the seven dwarves; they’re holding quite a grudge since you accused them of beating Snow White. They still cringe whenever plumes of smoke from one of your bra-bonfires permeate their woods. Especially Bashful.  

Question: “Is it conceivable a woman would kill her partner just to get away from abuse?”
Answer: “Conceivable, yes, but rare.”

Now brace youself for the followup question and answer, and try to keep your brain from collapsing in on itself with the sudden shift in gears.  Wait for it…. Wait for it….

Question: “Jodi’s response to perceived danger on June 4, 2008 went way beyond neutralizing Travis. Is that normal?”
Answer: “Abused women often dont know when to stop with violence.” 

Hdhdifosksbcurldlqmsbfkgltmsjh. Excuse me, my head hit the keyboard again. Just as a white rabbit dipped his pocket watch in the Kool Aid. 

Question: “Jodi kicked, slapped, and berated her mother as a teenager. Doesnt that make her an abuser?”
Answer: “No, she was just a rebellious teenager.” 

Got it. Girls are rebellious and feisty and allowed to suckerpunch their parents. Boys are actually young abusers. Such are the mad gender rules at this most curious of Kool Aid parties. 

And finally, my personal favorite:

Question: “How do you know Jodi hasn’t manipulated you like everyone else?”
Answer: “I don’t feel I’ve been manipulated.”

Okey dokey then. If you say so. 

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88 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by mcgee on April 12, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    Awesome writings! you get me laughing so much that i’m afraid……… very afraid, that I may pee my pants!

  2. Posted by Jeanne Davis on April 13, 2013 at 1:28 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I just stumbled upon you today and, in spite of work overload, spent two hours reading your blogs, often laughing out loud like a ‘madwoman’! Your comments on the JA trial have kept me from drinking the Koolaide this weekend. ‘The Walkimg Dead’ season summary was the icing on the cake! Again, thank you! Was that too gushing? Can’t help it, you have skills!

  3. Eggcellent as always :mrgreen:

  4. Posted by Robin Kelly on April 13, 2013 at 6:08 am

    I love you!

  5. Posted by Robin on April 13, 2013 at 8:32 am

    Poor Alyce is thankful to be out of Juanderland! My question, do you think her career will survive?

  6. Posted by adrianadalba on April 13, 2013 at 8:44 am

    hahaha awesome as always Eggy, thank you so much for your blogs. I cannot wait for this trial to be over. The amount of crap I’ve heard the past two weeks from the mouth of this “expert” makes me wanna punch Jodi’s hole between her lips. I HATE it!!!!

  7. Posted by Sazzy on April 13, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    So glad I found your blog, I needed a good laugh. Keep em’ coming, can’t wait to read more. 🙂

  8. Posted by June McMillan on April 13, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    I enjoyed this very much, thank you. In such a solemn event, every now & then you need a splash of laugh.

  9. Last night Joey Jackson, the defense atty, said… Miss Laviolette said, it is normal for Jodi , to NOT report abuse,,, not get restraining orders, etc….. but, she said, BECAUSE Travis did not report abuse, stalking, fear, etc… He is not genuine!!! Mr, Jackson called this woman hypocritical……
    Thanks again for the brilliant post, Egg….. You should write a book, memoirs from the posts of the last two infamous trials….It would be great reading..

  10. AH,HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! cough, cough, choke, cough, hahahaha!!!!!!
    Egg, you’re killing me here!! :)) Thank you for that!

  11. I put my name in twice!!! sorry.. But, I forgot Egg, there is that other big fame grabbing trial coming soon….. The Zimmerman killer.

  12. Posted by 38special on April 13, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    EGGY!! How are ya? I see you’ve jumped in the shark tank with rest of us that are hoping the psychotic roaming man eater doesn’t manage to hit the road again.
    So love the Mad Hatter Tea Party you have going here!

    I do believe that Alyce has taken one too many swigs of the kool aid and has fallen into one of the proverbial 3 holes. It’s a black abyss in thar .At least there are some pals to clink teacups with while chanting ” say cheese and smile”. BFF, Dono-man has stepped to the plate and brings the world JoHo’s inner thoughts in tweets. How great is that?

    Thanks for the enlightening article, it brings me one step closer to my personal goal of Einstein/Arias IQ as well as feeds my inspiration and imminent realization of having my doodles side by side with Monet/Arias art.

    • 38!!!!!! 🙂 Ive been hoping you would come by and say hi, Ive missed ya!!! 😆

      I heard Jinkasaurus interview DonoMan over the phone about manning the uber important Twitter account while Stabby’s stuck in the slammer. Somebody has to bring the message of lunacy to the people. Im not at all surprised that neither one of these idiots could comprehend what an awesomely bad idea it is.

      • Posted by 38special on April 13, 2013 at 5:41 pm

        I have trolled through a few times after the twat mom debacle but was I thrilled to see the link for the Eggtree News today!!
        Dreams do come true, lol.

        Jinxsy is such a bootlicker, maybe a booty licker by proxy in this case. Before whormaggedon comes I’d imagine that prophet Arias will decree that her tweets are sacred knowledge and those that truly listen will become celestial godesses in the Law of Fatal Attraction.
        Now her words will be etched on humble cardboard but just as inspiring as Joe Smith’s golden tablets….redrum redrum redrum
        The craycray keeps on keeping on.

  13. Posted by Sarasoda7 on April 13, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    Priceless! Except that I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday and I may have popped a couple of stitches laughing so hard. Thanks for that, you have me as a permanent reader from this point forward. Can’t wait to see what happens with Alyce on Tuesday, we will be waiting for your post!

    • Posted by 38special on April 13, 2013 at 6:38 pm

      Sarasoda~ hope your mouth feels better by Tuesday because I believe (don’t quote me tho) that Tuesday is Alyce’s Roy Rogers outfit recycle day. Not to be missed! The pleather collar gives her that jingle-jangle to take up her “Men Suck so Kill’em” mantra.

      • I think the defense should have themed costume days for the rest of the trial. Zombie Mondays. Wild West Tuesdays. Renaissance Wednesdays. Theoretical Physics Thursdays. Vaudeville Fridays.

        • Posted by jenniferlyn on April 14, 2013 at 4:36 am

          Speaking of, WTF is up w/their court schedule? Did “Casual Fridays” give way to “no court Fridays” at some point? (then they decided to include Mondays too) It’s been driving me nuts since the beginning of the trial!

      • Posted by Judy McMackin on April 14, 2013 at 1:33 pm

        I’m glad someone else mentioned the pleather collar. I also thought it was hideous. You can’t help but hate everythang about Alyce. I think Alyce needs to go to jail along with Jodi for being an accomplice after the fact to murder.

        • Posted by 38special on April 14, 2013 at 2:44 pm

          Gosh, you’re so right about hating her whole dog n pony show. She can’t be that myopic to not realize that her earth mother persona is totally passe’.
          Even if we avert our eyes to the Orville Reddenbacker glasses, the 1970’s clothes, her frikken ringing phone, her doofus entourage, her weak bladder….she’s obtuse, combative,snarky,condescending and imo humble opinion a moron.
          Jail would be a great option, maybe a guest spot on Scared Straight? Her hair is a little too short for cornrows but she could rock a bandana while soothing Bertha. “you are a good person” “believe in yourself and no it’s not bad that you wwent on a killing spree…a man abused you right?” A new adoring audience is born!

          • LOLOLOLOL!!

            She could always put her hair in short tiny braids if the cornrows dont work out.

            And for the love of God, why cant she ever remember to bring her glasses to the stand with her? Every. Single. Day she had to hit pause to fetch her spectacles.

          • Posted by Mollyc on April 15, 2013 at 8:20 pm

            OMG this is so funny ! Yeah I totally agree LV in de slammer … But you’re right she would start counselling them!

      • Posted by Frank Barnhart on April 14, 2013 at 6:08 pm

        I was wondering which one of her four outfits she was going to wear.Pleather looks good on her!

  14. Posted by HotNostril on April 13, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Excellent!

    • OMG..if this is true this is why she is being called back in on Tuesday….this is BIG….

    • Holy Cow Batman…I think I know the answer to this riddle…it is I am not listening or answering you Pitt Bull….I am doing it my way and that is stubbon. What a waste of tax payers money to find out the answer to a question we all already know…Guilty of first degree…and I am out of the so called “FOG”.

    • Posted by Woodsie on April 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm

      Sorry, Anita, but no. This is just an old license that’s no longer relevant or active. I’m guessing she probably canceled it herself.

      Go to the link to look at her two current licenses as discovered by someone else. (You might need to scroll down a post or two.) http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?p=47922214

      BTW, this doesn’t at all make me a fan of ALV. I just like to know the facts whenever possible. I suppose it would have been better for me to have dug these links up on my own to be 100% certain of the two licenses’ validity, but sometimes I’m lazy.

      Wonderful site and lots of laughs, Egg!

  15. all i can respond to this is that she needs to find another line of work. bet she ill be glad when the court room door can hit her in the backside!!!!

  16. Posted by Leona Adams on April 14, 2013 at 3:48 am

    Too funny and so true, I was a domestic abuse ‘survivor’ and I HATED the man who abused me and still do, that said I have NEVER EVER hurt him or felt like I wanted to, my mind never thought for once about killing him! Jodi is sick and twisted and cannot manipulate anyone unless they are utterly stupid (like latoilette). Travis saw through her, calling her an evil sociopath, she hated hearing the truth about herself

  17. Posted by Alisha on April 14, 2013 at 3:59 am

    This rules.

  18. Posted by Alisha on April 14, 2013 at 4:01 am

    Stabby. :))

  19. Posted by jenniferlyn on April 14, 2013 at 4:31 am

    Must stop laughing, think I pulled something…

  20. Posted by Sizzles on April 14, 2013 at 4:39 am

    Juan? Is this you? Just Juanderful!!!!! I echo the earlier comments.

    • Posted by Soul on April 14, 2013 at 6:51 am

      OMG!!!!oved it. It was just what i ordered sipping with a smile the tea not the koolaid!!!!

  21. Laughing so hard!! I bet Ms. Alyce hates the day she ever took this case. JM took her to the cleaners……it was wonderful to watch him discredit her.

  22. Posted by jay label on April 14, 2013 at 5:20 am

    HE HE HE HEEHAW keepem coming Egg,made my day,side is hurtin from laughin!!

  23. I needed a good joke!!!Thanks for the post!

  24. Posted by Jacqueline Elliott on April 14, 2013 at 5:49 am

    One more question: And why do you believe everything Ms Arias says? Answer: Well because it’s on the internet, of course. Bon Jour. LOL

  25. Posted by Denise on April 14, 2013 at 6:10 am

    Hilarious yet accurate depiction of the “story” the defense tells. I love the tweedle NURMI DUM and tweedle Wilmott DEE.

  26. Posted by Bearysmart on April 14, 2013 at 6:22 am

    Awesomeness to the max!!!!!!
    That would be Mad Max to you 🙂

  27. Posted by sarah on April 14, 2013 at 6:32 am

    I must admit this is funny, although I do not believe that Alyce is a bad person (haters: get in line if you like) I did like the story in general, very creative.

  28. Posted by Barbara Mariani on April 14, 2013 at 7:24 am

    That was a great start to my day. It is so easy to see through alyce – can’t wait for Monday.

  29. Posted by Claudia Forrestall on April 14, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Love everything you’ve had to say!!!!! This girl is bats**t crazy!!!!! I’ve watched this trial from day one and every time I see Travis’s face or his family, I pray the jury isn’t going to let another wackjob walk the streets again to allow them another opportunity to take someone else’s life!!

  30. Down the rabbit hole…Queen of Sharts Laviolent declares of every man “Off with their heads” on the stand…and gazes warmly at her Heroiness Arias.
    In such close proximity to her Idol Jodi, she is overcome with heart flutters and a bit of excited bladder so much so she begs pardon to dethrone in court to re-throne in the room of ceramic fixtures.
    Then lumbering back to the tea party….she declares “Serve up the Koolaid with Toblerones, Tootsie Pops and PopRocks”…and the farce begins again!

    EGGS…you are brilliant! I’m hooked 😉

  31. Posted by reynolds on April 14, 2013 at 8:20 am

    funny and so true…….good bye to Alyce, your career and your eithics – you have just danced with the devil and lost your soul!!!!

  32. If I could ask AL one question it would be, “Was making 300.00 an hour worth the price you are going to pay by loosing any if not all credibility at your profession and ending your 29 years of work standing up for someone like JA….was it worth it AL?”

  33. Posted by Leah Simone on April 14, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Brilliant egg! Now I hope alyce doesn’t end up in the e.r- since she thinks we are all attacking her and all. 😉

  34. Pure Awesomeness.

  35. Posted by DblBubble on April 14, 2013 at 9:00 am

    wow gr8 blog!!!

  36. While aaaaaaaalyce may now be out of Juanderland her next stop might be Impeachland, Perjuryland, or DISgraceland.

  37. Posted by Lori on April 14, 2013 at 9:41 am

    Loooove this! Thank out for summing it up so nicely!

  38. Posted by Greta Garbolini on April 14, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Hysterically genius!

  39. Posted by Lisa Ayers on April 14, 2013 at 10:20 am

    This is friggin hilarious! Nice work! We ALL needed this I think. 😀

  40. It’s a good thing that I’m typing this instead of speaking face to face. Absolute genius! I must admit that I love the fact that you got Alyce is making herself out to be a victim in this. Just perfect!

  41. Alyce will probably be sanctioned by the court for talking to the Alexanders after court one day. I don’t think she talked to them out of spite or harsh feelings. I think she was genuine when she told them that it wasn’t personal on her part. However, she will be sanctioned because she should have known better what the rules are as an “expert” witness who has experience in court. Not sure what the sanction would be, but my guess is that it will be a fine of some sort. I wonder though whether this has something to do with having committed perjury on the stand.

    • I believe if not Tuesday Martinez will file a motion to have all of her testimony struck. I’m of the opinion that he understands her more than she understands him. I believe that he knew already knew based on her lack of respect for him and the court proceedings that she would not back down even when faced with inconsistencies. She doesn’t like being challenged of which she telegraphed, she sees men in general as the abuser of which she telegraphed and he used it to get at the truth. Misrepresenting her CV was one thing but when you add to it blatant perjury, saying she testified on behalf of a man, is out right perjury and it was done to deceive and obstruct justice. Regardless though of what takes place it’s obvious that Attorney Martinez helped the jury to see through the fog set up by the defense team.

  42. Posted by Debra on April 14, 2013 at 11:32 am

    great article you are an amazing writer! Laugh out loud the whole way through… one question though… does AL really think that 29 stab wounds, a cut throat, and a gunshot wound is MINIMAL behavior? we can only pray that this jury does not turn out to be like the OJ jury!
    delusional….
    AL has obviously been swayed by JA and her manipulative behaviors… I suspect that JA has convinced AL that she’s in love with her… and AL will do anything to get her freedom so they can be “together”
    I did not know Travis personally but I have friends that knew him and what JA is trying to do to his reputation is a “Travesty”

  43. Posted by Jennifer on April 14, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Hats off to this thoughtful and insightful author. It’s rare, appreciated and so enjoyable to read brilliant fact laced with good humor. Thank you.

  44. Posted by mellokitty420 on April 14, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    More like…”MALYCE IN JUANDERLAND”

  45. Eggtree!!! Loved you during CA trial! And LOVE seeing you and your wonderful, sarcastic take absurdity!

  46. I so LOved this…TWeedle Dee and Tweedle Dum who had a child DeeDum HODI DODI.

  47. WOW! I have missed a lot posts about this trial. I had been checking in but it seemed you weren’t following! I should have kept checking back! Thanks for the laughs today!!

  48. Posted by Beatriz on April 14, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    Do you have a Facebook account I could “like?”

  49. Posted by Kitty on April 14, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    HAHAHAHA Good for you now if you don’t mind providing me with the Red Pill I want to completely disconnect from reality and then let the entire world watch me crash

  50. Oh my goodness!!! I chuckled all the way through this!!! I think I’ll go back and read it again…and again….and again!!! 🙂

  51. great comment someone made on a blog i read:
    It didn’t make any sense to me when Alyce said that it’s normal for a woman who suffers from extreme abuse (violence, punching, broken bones etc.) and she is believed when she says she’s afraid of her male partner even though she keeps going back to him and sleeping with him……but that Travis couldn’t have been afraid of Jodi because he sometimes went back to her. SO OBVIOUSLY a double standard, it makes Alyce look like an idiot.

  52. This was great, laugh out loud funny! Thank you so much!

  53. Posted by Sueg8r on April 15, 2013 at 4:27 am

    Awesome!!!! Love it!! But don’t forget the reply, I feel really SUNK this witness. Q: On one hand we have names, a slap, a kick and a choke hold. On the other hand we have a gun shot to the head, a 4″ deep slice to the neck and almost 30 stab wounds- would not the greatest perpetrator of domestic violence be Jodi? A: No. She is definitely living in Jodi’s wonderland for sure!!!

  54. best one yet eggy. My god that was exactly what I needed. Seriously.

  55. Posted by barb on April 16, 2013 at 9:07 am

    may your tea cup runneth over, too funny!

  56. Posted by D.Murphy on April 17, 2013 at 8:30 am

    This is just hilarious. Best read i have had in years. hahahahaha

  57. This is comedic art! You should write for The Onion!!

  58. Posted by Anastassia on April 17, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    Too funny, I owned a franchise called Eggspectation, you are exactly the type of customer I loved to have and would want writing a review! Loved all your posts.

  59. Posted by janeto on April 17, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    OMG!!! I have to get a new screen cover since I spewed tea all over it!! Next time I’ll be sure to get a blue tarp!!! These are priceless write ups! Thank u so much for the laughs! Now I better go tinkle before I have to change my pants!!! 🙂

  60. You are a freaking awesome writer! I love your blog, you have a way of saying what we are all thinking.

  61. you rock out loud

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