Sophomore debate club captain and Homecoming Queen contender Jenny Wilmott inadvertently turned into a stellar asset for the prosecution today, when she continued her clumsy, snarky cross examination of psychologist Janeen DeMarte. Some of the highlights:
1. Shrill Empress of Smug Jenny is unexpectedly learning all kinds of things about psychology from DeMarte as a result of her own misinformed questions. So far she’s been schooled about licensing laws, testing methods, terminology, and manners. And Jenny no likey being corrected, especially by a professional whose cage cannot be rattled despite all her best sophomoric efforts. Who would’ve thought a clinical psychologist who understands the inner workings of the brain would know how to play an immature catty female like a fiddle? Derrrrrrp!
2. Not the hippocampus again…The word alone gives me painful flashbacks to Richard “Boss Hogg” Samuels’ traumatic testimony. Shudder. After a feeble attempt at sparring over brain chemistry, Jenny actually asked if Janeen ever examined Stabby’s hippocampus to determine if it was irregular. When Janeen answered no, Jenny implied it was somehow professionally irresponsible not to do so. Which is really ironic since her own expert didn’t do it either. Derrrrrrp!
3. Then the mad-cat-with-a-law degree climbed the walls shrieking for awhile over executive functions of the brain shutting down during trauma. During her utterly inept diatribe, she managed to establish (with attitude) not once, not twice, not “thrice,” but four whole times, that Stabby demonstrated higher level functions by cleaning up the crime scene, removing weapons, deleting pictures of Travis being killed, and throwing the camera in the washing machine to destroy evidence. Derrrrrrp!!
4. Then she contradicted her own client’s testimony. Stabby Einstein previously told the jury she “didn’t even remember pulling the trigger,” and that the gun just went off when she pulled it on a menacing Travis in the closet. Then the convenient fog immediately set in, and didn’t lift until hours later when Stabby noticed blood on her hand and (according to DeMarte) immediately concluded she murdered him. Whiny Wilmott whined whinily, “But she REMEMBERED having to shoot Travis, and him falling on top of her. So wouldn’t it be a logical conclusion?”
Reeeeeaaaaally, Jenny? She REMEMBERS Travis falling on top of her? Thanks for that incriminating revelation that totally contradicts her amnesia blackout. Derpitty derrrrrp!!!!
5. When Jenny called the psychologist out into the schoolyard for a stern scolding over her BPD diagnosis, DeMarte calmly divulged a nice plethora of new examples to defend her assessment. Apparently Stabby had a number of phony jobs in her life. The creepiest: child caretaker. Just like her long lost twin sister Casey Anthony!! Derpitty derp derp derrrrrrrp!
6. Jenny must’ve gotten into some meth-laced catnip over lunch, because she really upped the b*tch switch when she got back. DeMarte brought up Stabby physically abusing her own mother, and Jenny hissed, “You just wanted to throw that out there, that she hit her mother?” The hypocrisy is rich, considering her entire case is “throwing things out there” about Travis. Herpitty derp derp derpitty derrrrp!
7. Since we’re on the topic of hypocrisy….So about that Valentine’s Day email Stabby Einstein authored, detailing her rage issues… According to Jenny the Intolerable, Janeen shouldn’t assume it was true, because she wasnt there when it was written to confirm context. But LaViolette can spend weeks on the stand doing that very thing to Travis. Herpa derpa der derpitty derp derrrrrrp!
8. Sometimes after listening to Jenny’s questions, DeMarte looks like she’s thinking, “Which one of us is stoned right now?”
9. Heavy D Nurmi is still practicing for that Barcalounger.
10. Jenny forgot to bring her psycho My Twin doll Jodi’s coloring books and crayons to court today, and Stabby was bored senseless.