Janeen Must Have a Ton of Highlighters

-Theater of the Absurd, Arizona

Homecoming Queen contender and Heather Chandler idolizer Jenny Wilmott finally wrapped up her aganozing cross exam of Janeen “As I Highlighted” DeMarte on Friday. (Editor’s note: If you were a teenager of the 80’s or 90’s and don’t know who Heather Chandler is, shame on you. Refer to the 1988 cult classic “Heathers,” starring a very young Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, and Shannen Doherty for details immediately.) Then Juan dropped a minor bombshell or three during re-direct, followed by a brief pop quiz from the jury.

1. Because my spoiled prince of a dog always has the greatest possible timing, he dragged me outside for a leisurely stroll through his kingdom right when Jenny apparently ate her own foot in the courtroom. Unbelievably, in my short absence, the screeching cat incredulously asked DeMarte if she ever bothered verifying any of Travis’ statements. When DeMarte informed her that she couldn’t interview a deceased person about their comments, the dim bulb flickered back (with an attitude), “So you’re saying you can’t confirm information with a dead person?” 

***Crickets***

“Right, because I can’t speak to them if they’re not alive,” reiterated a quietly astonished DeMarte. Baffled spectators were left wondering if perhaps defense expert LaViolette had doubled as a spiritual medium for the defense?  Did Jenny and Alyce conduct a seance to get to the bottom of that heartless, abusive “Empty your voicemail already” text that Travis sent Jodi? The world will never know. Anyway, after rubbing against her scratching post and shrieking for awhile, Jenny finally threw in the towel, and earplugs were removed around the world. Siiiiiiigggghhhh….

2. Then “The Prosecutor” began his re-direct, and all kinds of new toe-curling info came out about Stabby Einstein. Apparently she showed up uninvited to Travis’ Christmas party, and was eventually spotted hiding and/or napping behind his Christmas tree. I’m sure LaViolette would have a totally innocent explanation for this. Stabby was probably just caroling through the neighborhood in an angel costume, and simply wanted to grace everyone with her not-at-all creepy rendition of “O Holy Night.” After being denied entry, she was forced to come down the chimney, dirtying her heavenly wings in the process, to share her beautiful gift of song with these ungrateful abusers, who only rejected her, stashing her behind the tree like an unwanted gift. Because she’s definitely the real victim in all this. 

3. In between dozens of objections and sidebars, it crept out that Little Miss Stabby stole an engagement ring from Travis’ home. Nothing says “I’m scared of you” like stealing someone’s property. Take notes, ladies. 

4. On the plane ride home from Travis’ memorial service, traumatized battered maiden Arias wasted no time finding a new Hottie Biscotti to obsess over. She not only got the guy’s digits, but she called the poor shmuck that very night. Like countless other abuse victims who have recently butchered a loved one in self defense. You gotta get back on the horse sometime. 

5. Then the jury submitted a whopping 19 questions for DeMarte. I’m no math expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s hundreds less than they had for Stabby and her unbearable cohorts, Samuels and LaViolette. 

6. Question: “Do you believe that deleting pictures from the camera and running it through the washer was an attempt to destroy evidence?”

Answer: Not just yes, but hells yes. Janeen went on to “highlight” that it was a perfect example of higher level thinking, which contradicts the post traumatic stress fairytale narrated by Boss Hogg Samuels. Dig it. 

7. Question: “Would you throw out a PTSD test if it turned out instead of a bear, a tiger had attacked a person? Would someone give the same answers on the test if it was a bear vs a tiger?

Answer: Hell to the yes, she’d throw out that test, because they are two different experiences with two different predators, and therefore would provide different triggering episodes. Hmmm… I’m worried one juror strayed from the group during Alyce’s Mad Hatter Kool Aid party, and went exploring all the way into Wizard of Oz territory.  All this talk about tigers and bears (oh my!) has me looking around the courtroom for lions and flying monkeys. Somebody put together a search and rescue party for this juror before the Wicked Witch of the defense table sweeps them up.

8.  Question: “Do you think Jodi saying, “No jury will ever convict me” was due to BPD, especially since she was smiling when she said it?” 

Answer: Janeen clicked the YES button. 

9. Question: “Is it normal for an inmate to be depressed and have anxiety?”

Answer: DeMarte said yes. As clearly displayed by Stabby Einstein in those jailhouse interviews, when she said no jury would ever convict her, and that until trial she would “smile and say cheese!” 

10. Janeen really likes highlighting things. 

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56 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Mindus on April 22, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    Ah, yes…my favorite point of the day is the news that one can’t interview a dead person. I heart Dr. DeMarte…

  2. Posted by NinaB26 on April 22, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    Egg: get your pooch a Depends – we can’t be havin’ you miss a minute tomorrow! I’m literally laughing out loud: “You gotta get back on the horse sometime.” Ahahahaha … “Stabby Einstein” … “creepy rendition of ‘O Holy Night!'” You’re killin’ me over here! Keep the mindstreams coming – your perspective is awesome, and highly entertaining, and, of course, spot on! Thank you!

    • Totally Agreed Nina!!!
      Def’ spot on and soo freakin funny!! OmGosh I Love these blogs, I laugh from start to finish, and cry when when I have no more to read (^_^) Thanks So My Miss Eggie! Keep ’em Coming!! ❤

  3. Posted by Andrea on April 22, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Gawwwwwwd I love this blog!
    “I’m no math expert…” Very Very Funny!

  4. Posted by G Ashley on April 22, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    OMG… I had to post – a HUGE thank you from Colorado!!!… I absolutely LOVE your blog and thoughts!… In the wake of this stoopid new motion today, can you possibly see fit to drum up something about this, too???.. I’m literally ready to cry thinking about another Defense witness… **sigh**!

  5. I am wondering if Judge Stevens will grant the request for the defence for a lesser charge, darn defence team.

  6. I was depressed there was no trial today…until I saw you wrote! Spot on as usual.You make my day…thanks!

  7. Posted by faye bennett on April 22, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    Please tell me you have some more of these, I especially need them tonight because I have had a very bad day and I have laughed my tail off with this one.

  8. Posted by Debbie on April 22, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    Let’s pray the judge doesn’t allow
    the lesser charge of manslaughter crime of passion. If she gets that and gets time served she will walk out and become roomies with Casey baby killer and I don’t want her in my state!

    • It is costing the State of Arizona a lot of money and I would think there would be a limit. Dr. Demarta is good and the defence team needs to bite their tongue and deal with it. How many more profeesionals are they going to have. I would like the rebuttel to continue and closing arguements and wait for the virdict. Jodi is no better then anyone else. I hope the Judge says no.

    • That’s what pisses me off, that the state wants their “victim” to be able to cut her cake and eat it too. Either it’s self defense or crime of passion. You can’t have it both ways no matter how many times Jodi cuts it. Pick one and be done. Oh, that’s right, we’ve got Slimy Whiny Nurmi and Wishy Washy Wilma and the person who’s running both of them is poor, downtrodden Jodi. The thing is, I think Judge Stephens is bending so far backward to make sure any conviction can’t be appealed that she’s gone through her legs and is now facing the Great Seal of the State of Arizona. I’m afraid we need to be prepared for another CMA. I hope to hell I’m wrong!!!!

  9. Another brilliant summation, Egg. Keep ’em coming

  10. You are a brilliant writer and you capture everything perfectly and with such humor. Put all these together and you have a successful book! I am hooked.

  11. Posted by Left coast granny on April 22, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    You are truly an excellent writer. You should write a book. I so look forward to your posts. Today I especially needed your humor to lift my spirit. I dread to think that it may be possible that JA will get the lesser charge and walk out of jail, thus no justice for Travis and his family. R.I.P Travis.

    • Is there Court tomorrow? Think about this if for any chance Jodi walks free, I would not want to be her, because there are to many people that are angry with what she did one will never know what could happen to her.

  12. “The guys digits”
    …….. LOL

  13. Posted by sharon on April 22, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Love the blog today!! (and everyday) smile!

    • A few years ago I thought I would get better faster if I had two theapists and neither one knew about the other one, and let me tell you I was so confused that Iwill never do that again. I would think the same could happen in Jodi’s trial it could end up very confusing for the jury as well as getting very frustrated.

  14. Posted by IReallyHaveAHeadache on April 22, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    I love the way you see things. It’s nice to know there is other asini intelligenti out there ;). Another Jenny favorites ( before, as you stated, she became a screeching cat) was when thet were going over the Drs CV:
    Wilnot: “So it looks like before you could CALL yourself a Psychologist, you worked at several places?”
    Dr.: “Yes.”
    Wingnut: “What did they call you?”
    Dr.: “I’m not sure what you mean?”
    Walmart: “Well, you weren’t a psychologist so they called you Fellow, right?”
    Dr: “???????What?”
    Walnut: “Yes, they called you Fellow, right!”
    Dr.” Ah, no. That stands for fellowship. I did a fellowship there.”
    Wombat: “They didn’t call you Fellow? Are you sure?” (her voice annoyingly going up at the end)
    Dr.: “Yes” ( she’s trying not to laugh)
    Whatnot: “Wellllll, what did they call you?”
    Dr.: “They called me DR. DeMarte…………..”
    I’m glad I had that on my DVR. Replay it when I need a good laugh.

    • Posted by Ria on April 23, 2013 at 3:15 am

      Oh wow, I missed that part! I worked in a hospital and we called Dr’s doing their fellowship “Doctor”, I’m shocked Jenny didn’t know this…so wish I would have caught this part!

    • Posted by tr@cy on April 23, 2013 at 4:19 am

      SO GREAT!! love the switch in names. when i write about her i find myself doing the same thing. can’t pick just one. LOL

    • Posted by susan david on April 23, 2013 at 9:45 pm

      Loved that part too…..so !funny

    • Posted by Patty Cake on April 23, 2013 at 11:52 pm

      I have that recorded too. That cracks me up when Willmutt calls Dr. D fellow and Dr. D does her best not to start laughing. I find Willmutt to be a sore looser. love this keep them coming. This is what keeps me from going bonkers with the want to be defense dream team. Whale Nurmi, Willmutt and Grodi Jodi will never win.

  15. Way to go Egg!! A slam out of the park!! L O L!!! Another gold star for you…
    Wilma is almost getting to be as much fun to pick on as Bozo! Same case, different players.
    Who’s up to bat tomorrow?
    ~~~~ waving to Max!! Hi Honey! ~~~~~

    • If Jodi walks it will be on the defence team if she decides to kill again. They are grabbing at straws, because they know their losing, and they already went for self defence they need to stay with that choice. They have all lied especially ding bat Jodi.

  16. Here’s the next ass clown up to bat tomorrow in court. Just copied from HLN:

    The defense team wants to call psychologist Robert Geffner to the stand to refute DeMarte’s testimony. The attorneys claim Martinez failed to present any evidence that Arias has a personality disorder in its case-in-chief, and therefore they should be allowed to rebut the new evidence introduced during his rebuttal case.
    “If a court allows new evidence to be introduced in State’s rebuttal, a defendant should be allowed to introduce contradictory evidence in surrebuttal,” wrote defense attorney Jennifer Willmott in Monday’s filing.

    Wow, she’s really getting her tit for tat out of her claim for fame. What a dip shit.
    As the bowl swirls…….

  17. Posted by Justicefor Trav on April 22, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    Thank you for putting all this insanity into words. I really look forward to your recap.
    Justicefor Trav!

  18. Defense Attorney Kirk Nurmi filed a request on Sunday to add Manslaughter by Sudden Quarrel or Heat of Passion to the jury instructions.
    AH,HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    Read more: http://www.abc15.com/dpp/news/region_phoenix_metro/central_phoenix/Jodi-Arias-trial-Defense-team-asking-judge-to-allow-lesser-charges#ixzz2RFvigeVI

    And, he wants to make sure that she doesn’t get a littering ticket for throwing away the gun and the knife too! ahahahahahaha!!
    I hope the fat bastards’ chair breaks under him on camera in court soon. BAM!! That’ll wake him up!

  19. Posted by Jaime on April 22, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    You are the BEST BLOGGER I have EVER come across!! You make me laugh so hard! It’s wonderfully, refreshing!! I can’t get enough! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

  20. Posted by Lynn on April 23, 2013 at 12:42 am

    Finally a breath of fresh air in this never-ending trial. I have recently found your blog and to say it’s entertaining is an understatement. I noticed last night on Nancy Grace as she was going over JA’s journals that Stabby has spelling and word usage issues. Cease instead of seize-refridgerador instead of refrigerator? Those are only two, but you get the idea. Keep up the awesome blogging!

  21. Wonderful recap as always – tanky Eggy :mrgreen:

  22. Posted by Ria on April 23, 2013 at 3:20 am

    “As I highlighted” ROFL! That is so true! I had to laugh when she’d ask Dr. DeMarte something then, during her answer she’d interrupt with “Ok, we can talk about that in a minute but right now let’s talk about”…trying to be Juan much?

    Thanks for the early morning laugh! Loved it!!!

  23. Posted by Kathy on April 23, 2013 at 4:14 am

    can’t wait for your opinion on the potential new defense witness. You make me laugh so hard I cry. Love the moniker Stabby Einstein. thank you!

  24. Yes! #7 ( Question: “Would you throw out a PTSD test if it turned out instead of a bear, a tiger had attacked a person? Would someone give the same answers on the test if it was a bear vs a tiger?) lets me know that the jury gets it. I a disabled veteran diagnosed with PTSD which could be traced back to a specific event, say a tiger. If I were to lie to my psychiatrist that a bear did it, my diagnoses and resulting degree of PTSD would not be the same. I mean, maybe I LIKE bears, so I would suffer from a post traumatic anything from the bear. My reaction to the event would have been totally different.

  25. Jeez the typos!

    Yes! #7 ( Question: “Would you throw out a PTSD test if it turned out instead of a bear, a tiger had attacked a person? Would someone give the same answers on the test if it was a bear vs a tiger?) lets me know that the jury gets it. I a disabled veteran diagnosed with PTSD which could be traced back to a specific event, say a tiger. If I were to lie to my psychiatrist that a bear did it, my diagnoses and resulting degree of PTSD would not have been the same. I mean, maybe I LIKE bears, so I wouldn’t suffer from a post traumatic anything from the bear. My reaction to the event would have been totally different.

    • I am praying the Judge says no to the defence motion, because they need to accept Jodi does have a personiality disorder, and they want to rebutt it no way. They need to move on with this case and be done.

    • Posted by GBPL on April 28, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      seriously Jasmine?!? siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

  26. Posted by Pam Ruggiero on April 23, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Thank you for making my day!! You sense of humor and conveyance of sarcastic wit via the written word is both mind-bogglelingly (word??) amazing and phenomenal. Geez, I think I have a “girl crush” LOL! PJ

  27. Posted by pc on April 23, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Was waiting for this all weekend…posted your blog on the HLN Facebook pages…your blog is a refreshing alternative to the mind numbing barrage of commercials…thanks again

  28. Posted by jeni talwartz on April 23, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    i think i love you

  29. Good video about Justice for Travis if you haven’t seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dya38y6c9Y

  30. I cannot get this video on my tablet it is not for mobile. Laugh out loud Jodi is caught lying huray for Juan!

  31. Posted by Suela Diaz on April 23, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I’m wondering why it hasn’t been mentioned about Nurmi’s numerous questions about cookies. Internet or real, I don’t think it matters. 🙂

  32. Jodi Ann Aries is so guilty, and I sure hope the Jury votes for first degree, because I do not see a way out it. It is what it is and Jodi has lied through the whole trial and was caught, especially on the stand, and I would think she would be punished for it. I believe this woman is a danger to men, and would do it again if it will serve her well.

  33. Posted by Nancy Pennington on April 23, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Love this site, gives me something to laugh about. Seems odd to say since it such a horrific crime and now the “murder again” of Travis. Really wish you could post everyday.

  34. Posted by barb on April 23, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    omg, so funny, #7-looking around the courtroom for lions and flying monkeys, crack me up!

  35. So funny, great writing love it!!!!

  36. Posted by Monte baby on April 23, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    Keep ’em coming!!!!!roflol

  37. Posted by azchristie on April 24, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Thanks for the laugh @ #4. You do have to get back on the horse sometime. And hope you don’t wake up the next morning with the horse head.

  38. Posted by Vickie Whitworth on April 24, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    Love this!

  39. Posted by Cody on April 26, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I thought about starting to count the times Dr D said “hi light” (or a variation). So the title of this blog post sent me onto the floor laughing! “Janeen Must Have a Ton of Highlighters” -LOL!

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