Jenny’s in Time-Out Today

-Sweet Light of Day, Arizona

Somebody must have told Homecoming Queen Contender Jenny Wilmott to park it and keep her noisebox shut for awhile following her abysmal cross examination of clinical psychologist Janeen DeMarte. Because Heavy D Nurmi actually got up and pretended to work for the first time in months. While Nurmi worked his smooth magic on the courtroom, Jenny sat moping in silence next to Stabby at the defense table in time-out all day.  

While spectators were initially grateful to be spared another Wilmott Whine Session, they soon remembered all the reasons they had rejoiced when Heavy D became nothing more than a hibernating heffalump mid-trial. “It’s hard to decide who is worse,” said one exhausted trial watcher, “if it isnt Jenny’s rapid-fire, high-pitched shriek, then it’s Nurmi’s turtle-in-slow-motion monotone. Nobody wins in this situation.” 

Anyway, the defense team’s assertion that Stabby Einstein was Travis’ “dirty little secret” was disproven today. A video was played in court showing Travis and Jodi together lovey-dovey at a party with lots of his friends. So while there’s no dispute she’s dirty, she was definitely no secret. 

Then WalMart employee Amanda Webb spoke of her painstaking quest for any trace of that third gas can Stabby swore (to the jury) she returned to the store. Amanda told of her many adventures with skewed SKUs, and matching barcodes, and 30 whole cash registers, but in the end, no gas can was ever found. Heavy D lifted his head out of the sand long enough to floor mankind everywhere by declining to cross exam this witness. 

Jenny loves practicing her runway walk during all these sidebars. Her catwalk coach from Barbazon Modeling School says she’s a raw talent. 

Deanna Reed, close friend and former girlfriend of Travis, testified that in the seven years she was in a relationship with him, he was never once abusive in any way. So naturally, charming prince Heavy D Nurmi took the opportunity to ask all kinds of graphic questions about their sex life, and generally skeeve everyone the hell out. 

You just sit tight there in time-out, Jenny. Nurmi’s GOT this…no worries…

Then a forensic computer analyst who sounded like a cross between Batman and Tony Danza, said he analyzed Travis’ electronics, and found zero evidence of child pornography anywhere. Nurmi started arguing with him about cookies and Daft Punk videos, and then a recess was called, and court adjourned for the day and won’t start until 1:30 tomorrow, and all the talk about cookies left Heavy D dreaming of an Oreo binge. 


75 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by adrianadalba on April 23, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    “So while there’s no dispute she’s dirty, she was definitely no secret.”
    BEST line ever!!!
    I think I already told you this (many times in fact!) but I love your blogs, keep them coming!

  2. Posted by MaRiley on April 23, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    Oh, Ms Egg-o-my-heart (not to be confused with Peg- o- My Heart…Ray Conniff Singers, circa 1963) Kudos and 3 Musketeers bars. I salute you.

  3. Posted by Sherry on April 23, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    Nice.. you dug deep on “Barbazon Modeling School”. Props to ya.

    • Posted by alyca moraga on April 23, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      YES! Haven’t heard “Barbazon Modeling School” in years – I had to share it with my husband, who shared to laughs. Keep up the great work, Eggs

      • Posted by gailie on April 24, 2013 at 11:19 am

        I WENT to Barbazon back in the ((ahem)) 70’s!!!… ((Eggie, yer showin’ yer age!!!))… Awesome reference!!! I actually laughed out loud!!!!! Bravo!!!

  4. Posted by Suzanne on April 23, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    Exemplary commentary each & every day! No wonder I count on you to make it through this unbelievable and horrendous murder trial !!! Thank you!!! ❤
    Humor & being cool is the only sane way to handle this, but that is rare in blogs–so far & few between! Thank you Egg Tree! Too many Narcissistic and unkind people in the "blog" business these days. You are a refreshing burst of fresh air!!!!!

  5. ROFL…love the reference to “Stabby Einsteen”!! Excellent commentary and awesome note of the “lack of talent” on the Fred & Wilma Defense Team!

  6. Posted by Andrea on April 23, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    “lifted his head out of the sand long enough to floor mankind everywhere” ~ Speaking of cookies, as I impatiently awaited today’s eggs, I thought to myself, this blog is like the desert of my day; it has easily become my favorite delicacy that I look forward to most. Always delicious to my soul. Always left only wanting more…

  7. Does anyone know why court starts so late in the day?

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on April 23, 2013 at 11:55 pm

      Do me a favor and ask why they aren’t ever in court on Mondays (OR Fridays, it seems) while you’re at it? Such incredible work hours combined w/the fact that jurors get to grill witnesses at trial…were it not hotter than than the surface of the sun in AZ, I believe I would move there!

    • Im not sure Jill; i suppose the judge could be hearing arguments regarding the “lesser charge” option Nurmi wants to include in jury instructions, or maybe theres a hearing about the sur-rebuttal expert they wanna put on to debunk DeMarte’s BPD diagnosis. But thats just a guess… Hugs from across the pond, my friend! 🙂

  8. Posted by Cindy Lou on April 23, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Egg, Heavy D’ s line of questioning Deanna left me feeling bummed today. The whole defense team seems sunk in a cesspool of inappropriate behavior. Inappropriate smirks, inappropriate tactics. You would think by now it would be clear to them they have played their hand badly. But sadly, no, they haven’t, it seems, a clue.

    • Posted by Redrelaxed on April 23, 2013 at 11:52 pm

      Nurmi’s lengthy cross of DR today was heartily disgusting and irrelevant IMO.

      Cripes…the only stunt left in impressing us further would be if Nurmi broke into hand springs and cart wheels…

      Yep agreed Cindy Lou…their hand looks like a foot in the mouth, right up to the knee cap!

      Thank you Eggy…look forward to your daily posts.

    • You said exactly what I was thinking. Kirk Nurmi is a disgusting, egotiscal, nose picking pervert. He really enjoys being absolutely filthy in court. Willmott needs to go back to law school, she has a difficult time asking questions to educated people.

      • Nurmi is a belch, a grunt, and a fart all rolled into one.

      • Posted by Tiara on April 24, 2013 at 8:47 pm

        He literally makes my skin crawl. Now it’s clear to me why he has chosen to make his life’s work defending child molesters, rapists, etc. UGH. And p.s. Willmott’s website says she teaches others how to be awesome lawyers too! Sooo, if you are ever in need of a DUI lawyer in AZ you might want to make sure it’s not one of her pupils!

    • Posted by Lisa Crandall on April 24, 2013 at 8:20 pm

      Maybe the judge could lift the band temporarily for the defense attorneys, if nothing else, for them to prepare their resumes for a different job once they are done. Think they were dreaming of the big bucks, book deals, and wondering who will play them in the movie. With all the daydreaming they forgot about their day jobs.

  9. Posted by Tara on April 23, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    Barbazon Modeling School? My day is made.

  10. Posted by jenniferlyn on April 24, 2013 at 12:59 am

    I wonder which member of the brain trust decided that a MAN (especially the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man that is Kirk Nurmi) should be the one to verbally go through the sexual panty drawer of Travis’ ex-girlfriend from 7 freaking years ago? You would THINK that whiney Harpy Jenny would have remembered how SHE felt when Nurmi asked to zip-tie a load to her face after pulling over on the side of the freeway to throw chocolates at her from the hood of the car, before she sicced that creep-tacular attorney on the obviously mortified AND irrtated witness. That however, would require her to care how other people feel, and Stabby had that trained out of her years ago. Caring people make Stabby abnormally homicidal.

  11. Posted by Monroe on April 24, 2013 at 3:35 am

    Thanks Egg…after Nurmi’s disgusting cross of Deanna yesterday I needed a laugh (in addition to a shower – yuk!).

  12. Posted by Ria on April 24, 2013 at 3:37 am

    Barbazon Modeling School…hehehe, that was a good one:) I refused to watch Nurmi question Deanna, my stomach can’t take it.

  13. Posted by tryaljunky on April 24, 2013 at 4:08 am

    I dont comment much, but I am always here waiting for you to post. You are hilarious and I can’t get enough of your sarcasm. I LOVE the way you write!

  14. Posted by fillymj on April 24, 2013 at 4:14 am

    Egg great recap as always. You are my fav recapper.

    Loved when Juan asked when viewing the tape ” Is that blonde or white thing in Travis’s lap Jodi” Ha,ha,ha.

  15. Posted by Molly on April 24, 2013 at 5:40 am

    Good stuff… More more more!

  16. Posted by Mollyc on April 24, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Barbonzo modeling school raw talent.., Eggy my favorite part of trial is watching her stomp up 2 that poor judge . I look forward 2 the sidebars. Thank u for posting.

  17. Posted by Lee Wright on April 24, 2013 at 6:01 am

    You make my day, every day, it takes a lot to make me laugh, but you can do it, and I have got that description Stabby Einstein in my head all day, what am I going to do when the trial is over, will you still be there I hope. The desperation of the Defense team is getting ridiculous, is there seriously anything else that they can pull out of the woodwork to try and get Stabby off the hook, also Wilma’s “kissy kissy let’s dress the same cos were best friends”, and sharing private looks and whispering to each other makes me want to throw up. JUSTICE FOR TRAVIS!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Write more funny funny funny nobody does it better!

  19. Posted by Nancy Pennington on April 24, 2013 at 6:13 am

    Thanks for another great post.Love the humor here. Like you said, not sure who is the worst Wurmi or Wingnut as they are referred to in our household. Stabby Einstein is a great handle for the Queen of Sluts. Keep up the great work, it makes my day!!

  20. Posted by nanato8 on April 24, 2013 at 6:19 am

    Unforturnately, Nurmi used the ends justify the means approach when cross examing Deanna. It was truly sickening. I bet he didn’t lose a moment of sleep over it last night though. He probably goes to bed with thoughts of fame going through his brain,. I will be famous and wealthy because of this trial just like Jose Baez.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on April 24, 2013 at 7:51 am

      I’m kinda afraid he DID lose sleep over it…and not because they were causing him nightmares. Eww.

  21. Posted by Marnie Ginalick on April 24, 2013 at 6:41 am

    Sickening show yesterday for sure. Love all the comments here. That left hand motion of Tsunurmi (only in size – not strength)…..I have to look away or else I’ll start counting how many times he makes that gesture – palm upward – stretching out his arm (maybe his suit size needs to be increased). When it gets to the point of having the urge to count this or that I know the show has lost me just like a boring church sermon during adolescence. Tsunurmi and the homecoming queen hopeful lost me long ago and have simply become pathetic. My attention goes elsewhere – even “I Love Lucy” or Andy Griffith are more interesting.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on April 24, 2013 at 7:53 am

      LMAO @ “Tsunurmi”

      • Posted by Marnie Ginalick on April 25, 2013 at 4:00 am

        I wonder if Tsunurmi is reading this blog…..yesterday the hand gesture was eliminated – hand squarely in his pocket. Maybe he’s saving up hand strength for his next appearance.

        • Posted by Jack on April 28, 2013 at 8:59 pm

          Maybe he’ holding unto to something he lost long ago that’s roundish. He’ a real slime ball. Shame on him for what he did to dr.

  22. Posted by Lori on April 24, 2013 at 6:49 am

    Great post as always, started my day with a laugh, and by the way the Barbazon runway model, I keep hoping she twists her ankle as she approaches the sidebar.

  23. Posted by Tracy Davis on April 24, 2013 at 7:03 am

    Just recently discovered this blog; it is hilarious. Thanks for making my day! Love your descriptive words; nothing sums up Nurmi better than “hibernating heffalump”!

  24. Posted by Tishina Martinez on April 24, 2013 at 7:16 am

    “Then a forensic computer analyst who sounded like a cross between Batman and Tony Danza” lmaoo!

  25. Posted by GBPL on April 24, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Had to sign up to leave a comment!

    You’ve got mad writing skillz!!! Love it!!!

    The best thing i’ve stumbled upon in years….someone posted a link in a comment on another site, and i’ve been sharing it since.

    What a relief to find a bit of sanity in an otherwise insane debacle of a court case!

    Keep up the excellent work,..and I look forward to more posts!!!

  26. This Judge should be thinking of the amount of time the jurors are away from their (paid) work because normally jury duty pays only a pittance – I feel sorry for those who may be feeling financial pain due to this ordeal which is being drawn out for all the wrong reasons. It’s time to ‘git-er-done!’

    Hugs back at you Eggy ♥♥♥

  27. Posted by Elizabeth on April 24, 2013 at 8:20 am

    What “dirty little secret” lies her head right near Travis’ man parts in front of a room full of people? Duh….nobody. I thought I heard her quietly unzipping his zipper as they showed the video so she could service him as he always demanded and could see he was demanding of her again in the video….not. Oh…that’s right….there was no audio….so I could not hear that unzipping. At was just Jodi channelling from the defense table her innermost thoughts of what she wished she was doing rather than sitting there fighting (and lying) for her life.

  28. Wicked funny today. Wicked. When is the prosecution going to call someone to demonstrate how a person is bondaged to a sleigh bed? That’s MY next question. The inconsistencies in this trial boggle my mind; thank you Eggy for keeping it all in perspective.

  29. Posted by Zach3579 on April 24, 2013 at 8:51 am

    I have been reading this blog since the C.A. trial in Fl. I was so happy to see that you are sharing your humor about this freak show. Your satire is spot on. I feel that you never show any disrespect for the victims ….and very tastefully and hysterically show the murderers and their ‘peeps’ for who they are. I live about 50 minutes from Boston and about 10 minutes from where the second bomber went to college. I would love hear your insight into these two a_ _ h_ _ _ _ who killed 4 innocent people and injured over 200 more. Thanks again for sharing your humor.

  30. Posted by Tiger Lily on April 24, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Love this blog!

  31. someone knew I was following the trial and forwarded your blog to me. I love it! thank you for keeping the snark and humor in trying to deal with this crazy story. You’re amazing!

  32. i’ve been watching the JA trial for a while and came across this site- and WOW, I literally laugh out loud the whole time- brilliant!

  33. Posted by emmaar on April 24, 2013 at 11:42 am

    has anyone else noticed how stabby and the homecoming queen whisper to each other and pass notes like mean girls while heavy d’nurmi is up there pretending to put on a defense?

  34. Posted by Dlc_007 on April 24, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Jenny Wingnut, Barbazon School of Modeling, class of April.

  35. Posted by Fay on April 24, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Too funny, I love this!

  36. I’m SO glad that someone left the link to your blog as a comment yesterday on the Wild About Trial site. I have laughed out loud more times than I can count reading through all of your posts. You are a fantastic writer, an excellent wit, and I’m so glad to have found your blog. Can’t wait to read more. 🙂 great entertainment.

  37. Egg, another fine, fine post!
    I thought the Cookie Monster was just absolutely disgusting in his grilling of Deanna. What a fricking PIG! If you noticed, it WAS the only time he ever talked fast. He was really getting into all that raunchy sex stuff.
    Hell, I bet the last time he had sex (with a real person) was when Reagan was in office and he could actually see his feet without a mirror or bending over and then that girl committed suicide the next day.
    Why don’t they just let him sit there and hibernate? It’s a real toss up which one of the two of them are worse, Patch or Java the Hut.
    Maybe we should start taking bets on what time court will actually start each day. The winner gets an autographed bottle of Scotch from Egg, weekly 😉 That’s about what I go through every week watching this never ending B.S. joke of a trial. Hang the bitch already!
    Remember, we’re all in this together.

  38. Posted by Brenda on April 24, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Hahaha! Thank you for making me laugh. I so WISH you could be the narrator during the trial live-feed. That’d be bomb!

  39. Posted by Dlc_007 on April 24, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    Curly Howard, and Fat Bastards love child needs to reimburse the court for that chair he sits in. I’m sure it smells like a landfill of farts

  40. Posted by pc on April 24, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    Another day with Eggy:)))…could’ve sworn you were going to mention something about Chelsey Young’s Angela Bassett ala Tina Turner Well defined muscular arms…always grateful for your POV

  41. Posted by sparkleybright on April 24, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    OMG!! You are the funniest blogger in the world. Right on the spot every time. This has been the most frustrating trial I have every watched. Your humor helps so much. Thanks, you’re great.

  42. Posted by Lisa Crandall on April 24, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    Wait, you didn’t mention Stabby’s attempt at primping while a nice looking guy was on the stand. They must have surprised her, I’m surprised she didn’t grab some contraband peroxide to prepare.

  43. Posted by darla on April 24, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    This blog is THE SHIT….seriously…..

  44. Posted by patti warfield on April 24, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    I love this!!!! It is spot on in describing the highlights n the ‘player’ responses/activuties. Artful, amusing, and a much better review than watching/listening to some if the ‘sin-sational’ commentaries on HLN. Thank you…I fully imagine Jenny’s ‘cat walk’ n Nurmi. As a hufalymp. Priceless…

  45. Great stuff Egg 🙂

  46. Posted by aioux on April 25, 2013 at 5:35 am

    Batman + Tony Danza = Mike Melendez or Russell Crowe

  47. Posted by Spoofus J. McFunk on April 26, 2013 at 7:35 am

    My ears a still hurting from the fingernails on the chalkboard high pitched whiney shrill of Lummpy Stummpy!! I was almost giddy when Lurch got up! Stabby Einstein, that’s friggin hilarious!

  48. Posted by carol on April 26, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    I’m a little late to the party here, but reading this made me REALLY lol. Your descriptions of the main characters in this farce are pure gold. Now I’m hoping that you’ve been at it since day 1 so I can scroll back and watch this case develop through your eyes. Hilarious.

  49. Posted by jenniferlyn on April 27, 2013 at 4:15 am

    I love how you include the feelings of the “weary trial watcher” every so often. Those people on the inside of the courtroom have the REAL scoop! LOL 😉

  50. Posted by Carrot on April 28, 2013 at 1:59 am

    Excellent posts. I keep thinking when they announce the verdict Stabby will collapse or an outburst from the ever so non-expressive mother and aunt just so strange the way they sit there….

  51. Posted by Laura Jeffreys on April 29, 2013 at 7:25 am

    Omg! Lmao! This was so incredibly funny! I am still laughing 5 minutes later. 🙂

  52. Eggs-quisite!

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