-Sweet Light of Day, Arizona
Somebody must have told Homecoming Queen Contender Jenny Wilmott to park it and keep her noisebox shut for awhile following her abysmal cross examination of clinical psychologist Janeen DeMarte. Because Heavy D Nurmi actually got up and pretended to work for the first time in months. While Nurmi worked his smooth magic on the courtroom, Jenny sat moping in silence next to Stabby at the defense table in time-out all day.
While spectators were initially grateful to be spared another Wilmott Whine Session, they soon remembered all the reasons they had rejoiced when Heavy D became nothing more than a hibernating heffalump mid-trial. “It’s hard to decide who is worse,” said one exhausted trial watcher, “if it isnt Jenny’s rapid-fire, high-pitched shriek, then it’s Nurmi’s turtle-in-slow-motion monotone. Nobody wins in this situation.”
Anyway, the defense team’s assertion that Stabby Einstein was Travis’ “dirty little secret” was disproven today. A video was played in court showing Travis and Jodi together lovey-dovey at a party with lots of his friends. So while there’s no dispute she’s dirty, she was definitely no secret.
Then WalMart employee Amanda Webb spoke of her painstaking quest for any trace of that third gas can Stabby swore (to the jury) she returned to the store. Amanda told of her many adventures with skewed SKUs, and matching barcodes, and 30 whole cash registers, but in the end, no gas can was ever found. Heavy D lifted his head out of the sand long enough to floor mankind everywhere by declining to cross exam this witness.
Jenny loves practicing her runway walk during all these sidebars. Her catwalk coach from Barbazon Modeling School says she’s a raw talent.
Deanna Reed, close friend and former girlfriend of Travis, testified that in the seven years she was in a relationship with him, he was never once abusive in any way. So naturally, charming prince Heavy D Nurmi took the opportunity to ask all kinds of graphic questions about their sex life, and generally skeeve everyone the hell out.
You just sit tight there in time-out, Jenny. Nurmi’s GOT this…no worries…
Then a forensic computer analyst who sounded like a cross between Batman and Tony Danza, said he analyzed Travis’ electronics, and found zero evidence of child pornography anywhere. Nurmi started arguing with him about cookies and Daft Punk videos, and then a recess was called, and court adjourned for the day and won’t start until 1:30 tomorrow, and all the talk about cookies left Heavy D dreaming of an Oreo binge.