Mr. Martinez Gets Alot Done in a Half Day

-Home Stretch, Arizona

It was a short day today in the Arias trial, but there were numerous developments:

Uh oh. Jenny dressed herself and Stabby in black today, and that’s NEVER a good sign. That time-out yesterday must’ve sent her on a real downward spiral, because she looks like she was up all night listening to Bauhaus and writing dark haikus by candlelight. Nothing good can possibly come of this. Although I have to admit, they would both look 100% better if they wore thick black veils over their faces to really complete the look. 

Remember when that rental car agent in the wool sweater testified sweatily in the desert courtroom that Stabby was a blonde when she rented the car on June 2, 2004? Well, today we saw pictures she took of herself on June 3, as a freshly dyed brunette en route to commit a homicide. Yup. Genius. 

Nurmi can only handle one lengthy cross exam each day. Outside of that, he just lets the jurors ask the questions for him.  He’s too comfortable to get up and talk to all these people Juan keeps bringing in. He’s also got to keep a watchful eye on Jenny, since she’s going through this dark emo-phase. 

Esteban Flores returned to the stand to talk about the shelves in Travis’ closet that Stabby Einstein claims she scaled to grab the gun in self- defense. But apparently Stabby Einstein doesn’t understand physics. Because Flores said the pegs holding those shelves in place would’ve snapped under her weight, and then a complex physical law called “gravity” would happen. Physics IS everywhere! 

Then the tortoise on quaaludes dragged himself out of his barcalounger to cross examine Flores, because it wasn’t like anybody else was gonna do it. Side-eye at mopey Jenny. Trial watchers everywhere braced themselves for raunchy questions about Flores’ sex life, but surprisingly, Nurmi didn’t go there. He just huffalumped and grumped his way around the room, grunted a few questions, then went back to bed. 

So then the jury asked Flores all the questions Heavy D Nurmi missed, along with some of their own. And they were great:

Was Travis a registered gun owner? Ever?
Were any guns, bullets, holsters, cases, or cleaning kits found anywhere in the home?
Were Travis’ roommates gun owners? 
Were any shoes on the closet shelves disturbed?
Were any shelves broken or disturbed?
Were there any empty boxes found that could’ve been used to store a gun? 

The answer to all of the above questions: N.O. 

The judge said today that if all goes according to schedule, the jury will start deliberating the case May 3. 

Here’s to hoping. 

 

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88 responses to this post.

  1. I can always count on a laugh-out-loud post. Thanks for not disappointing.
    I have to say, though, I don’t know how they’re going to accomplish the time-line that the judge set out if they can’t get through one whole day. Ever. 20-60 minutes of testimony a day is kind of sparse. But lots of good stuff accomplished in a short time, like you said.

    • Posted by Ellen Campbell on April 24, 2013 at 5:46 pm

      I just finally got tuned into this fabulous blog and I have never laughed so hard. I’m not sure if people who are not avid trial watchers would get the subtle implications like we do. I’m so sorry about the tragedy here and pray for the Travis family every day, but this blog has become the highlight of my day.

  2. Posted by Mindus on April 24, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Thanks for another update that cuts through all the effluvium swirling around the “desert courtroom” today. That bad detective Flores could have measured every shelf between the top and the bottom shelves that he did measure. Huffalump apparently suspects him of bad detecting.

  3. Posted by sparkleybright on April 24, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Will be interesting to see if Wed. May 1st (“start at 9:00 am and stay until we’re finishied” day) will be for the surrrebuttal (sp?) from Dr. Geffner. Gosh I hope not. I think we have had about all the PTSD testilying we can stand. It was interesting to see Nurmi stop reclinating (WildAboutTrial’s copyrighted term for Nurmi) and get upright. It has been a long haul and I hope we will soon see the end, and that the end will be JA’s end too. (End as demise, not butt – we’ve all seen that one).

    Thanks for another fabulously funny blog today.

  4. I’ll drink to that!

  5. Posted by susan david on April 24, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Laughed out loud again…..keep up the great work….I really look forward to your emails….

  6. Posted by staceychris on April 24, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    “tortoise on quaaludes” I just love this descrip!! so fitting!!

  7. Posted by Andrea on April 24, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    My GOD! How do you do it?! How do you come up with this pure platinum?! It’s nothing short of brilliant. “Then the tortoise on quualudes dragged himself out…” I was literally crying from laughing so hard that I couldn’t even continue reading until I got it all out. ahhhh perfection.

  8. Posted by Lee Wright on April 24, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    This was a great day for the prosecution…. hitting them out of the ball park. one lie after another…. Stabby and her bff Wilma both wore black today…. good choice…. and I really believe that Eeyore (from Christopher Robin) another name I thought up that fits Nurmi, was way over the line with his questioning of Travis’s ex-girlfriend…. I swear he gets off on it, why does Wilma not ask the sex questions…. he did the same thing questioning Stabby. Heard this evening on Nancy Grace that Stabby says she was pregnant with Travis’s child but miscarried…..no details but its going to be in the National Enquirer so its obviously true!!!!!! JUSTICE FOR TRAVIS……

  9. Everyone wonders what I’m laughing about but this is really funny! Love physic/ gravity comment. Look forward to next post.

  10. I sure hope the Jury make the right discision and finds Jodi guilty in the first degree.

  11. Posted by bauergirl on April 24, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    Thanks again for another entertaining recap absolutely love reading your hilarious blog. I think the nicknames are my favorite part!

  12. Posted by T22 on April 24, 2013 at 7:16 pm

    love it “tortoise on quaaludes”

  13. Posted by GBPL on April 24, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    ooooo goodie another great post!!!!

    “The tortise on quaaludes ……”

    “Trial watchers everywhere braced themselves for raunchy questions about Flores’ sex life…..”

    LMAO!!!!

    like someone said…perfection!

  14. Posted by Frank Barnhart on April 24, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    Tortoise on Quaaludes…..love it! You must be an “old hippie” too! I’m having flashbacks of the 60’s.

  15. Posted by jenniferlyn on April 24, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    I don’t want to even THINK about when this trial ends, and there are no more brilliant musings on all things case related **sniffle** Don’t know what I’ll do with myself…but I guess I will throw Stabby off that bridge when I come to it. ‘Til then: keep breaking it all
    down”Eggy Style”!

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on April 24, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      P.S. If Attorney/Women’s Advocate Gloria Allred, the first one to appear whenever ANY woman cries “victim”, doesn’t believe you?? That means you are SCREWWWED!

  16. Posted by faye bennett on April 24, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    This is more than over the top. Would you please give us one more for tonight. I really need another one.

    • Posted by GBPL on April 24, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      lol Faye!! “One more story before bed…pleeeeeeeaaaaassseeee!!”

      I spent the better part of the day reading all her older posts…my stomach hurts from laughing so hard!
      I even log back on and read peoples posts to said posts, as they are fun to see who loved what in particular!

  17. Posted by Laurie on April 24, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    I just found your hysterically funny blog. You are such a gifted writer. Thank you!

  18. Posted by Kim on April 24, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    Ok, I feel cheated. I had no clue this blog existed until today. I love it!! Stabby? Classic!

    • Posted by Christine on April 26, 2013 at 2:15 am

      I only just discovered it a few days ago too! I absolutely love it. Hilarious. I am from the UK and this is my kind of “sense of humour”

  19. My favorite part of today’s entry: “Trial watchers everywhere braced themselves for raunchy questions about Flores’ sex life, but surprisingly, Nurmi didn’t go there. He just huffalumped and grumped his way around the room, grunted a few questions, then went back to bed.”

    HILARIOUS!

    • Here’s a name that fits Nurmi..Mr Snuffleupagus as he sways around the courtroom.
      Too Funny!!Thanks Mr. Eggtree News..can’t wait for the next one!

  20. You Are Simply AMAZING!!! Great Blogs, I literally laugh out loud reading them!! (~_~) Great Job!! Love Them!!

  21. Posted by Monte baby on April 24, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    Great job as usual!

  22. Posted by Chris West Palm Beach on April 24, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    I equate Nurmi to the human version of Ambien.In my opinion he looks like he is done with Jodi. The body language of both Jen-Jen and Nurmi speaks volumes, have they checked out? Stabby not looking so confident these days.In closing arguments I hope Juan stresses the fact that Jodi did not confess until two years after the fact. Who does
    that? A person with Borderline Personality Disorder does that. She wanted to defend herself in court and she actually tried! After a hearing the judge talked her into using the public defenders. The documents are available to look at through the Maricopa
    County public records. Nurmi wanted off the case in the beginning because he was starting his own practice. He was more or less forced to stay on and complete the trial.
    Let us all hope that the jury can see through all her horrible lies and does the right thing. Jodi will miss all this attention. A part of her sick mind is enjoying this process.
    Peace to the Alexander Family.

    • Posted by eve on April 25, 2013 at 2:12 pm

      Jodi defending herself(selves)…I’m guilty..no, I’m innocent…it was self defense, I tell you…no ,I’m just crazy… no, it was in the heat of passion….yes, i passionately wanted to kill him PSYCHO -Norman Bate’s style…had him pose for all those pictures. I take great pictures,don’t I? You want to hear me sing Oh Holy Night again?… or should I wait till Xmas in July, at my sentencing?

  23. This is the first I have seen of this blog tonight, it provoked such an outburst of laughter that it woke my husband. He wanted to know “What the hell is going on now?” I’m going to go catch up on some of the days I have missed now. Thanks for the endorphin boost!

  24. Posted by reynolds on April 24, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    You totally made my night…..I laughed out loud!!!!!!!!!

  25. Posted by L Hoffs on April 24, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Excellente!!!!!!!!!! Purely enjoyed…..keep it up on this subject & all your nexts!

  26. Egg, I am proud to be your friend! You are brilliant! Love your stuff!
    Hey, after the trial and we all have happy hang overs, there’s always the movie that will be coming out to laugh about and make fun of.
    May 1st can come fast enough for me. I am sick to death of hearing Screech, seeing Heavy D, looking at the butcher’s face scribbling away to ease her insanity and waiting for the fricking trial to actually start each day.
    I am waiting for Humpty’s chair to break under that heavy load. That would be outstanding. I hope they get it on camera. It would be one of Youtube’s greatest hits.
    Thank you!!

  27. Posted by Patty on April 24, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    You are a gem! Not to put any pressure on you, but I’d love to hear your take on the HLN crew. It’s a virtual gold mine over there. In between commercials, that is.

  28. Posted by mcgee on April 24, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    “the tortoise on quaaludes dragged himself out of his barcalounger” as always, you make me laugh so hard that I’m on the verge of peeing my pants………

  29. Posted by Debi on April 24, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    First time here, you are a brilliant writer with lots of visuals..I am loving this!

  30. Posted by Frieda on April 24, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    O Wise Eggtree! How could you skip yesterday?? Nurmi took the court to a new rung of hell in his cross exam of that poor young lady who wa Travis’ ex GF. I still need to vent about that. YOUR opinion will brighten my mood. IMO, Nurmi at the very least needs his mouth washed out with soap for verbally molesting the witness.

  31. Posted by Frankie Broxterman on April 24, 2013 at 9:13 pm

    I read this for the first time today and I love it!!!! I wish I would of found it earlier, everyone knows Wurmi can put us in a trance with his questioning as he’s milking every AZ taxpayer for every last cent in the court room. Keep up the awesome work and hopefully I marked the right stuff to continue to follow ur blog!!

  32. Posted by T on April 24, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    I just found your blog tonight. I thought I was going into convulsions, laughing so hard. After watching the Casey Anthony travisty, I swore off watching trials. Then along comes the spider who wears Spiderman undies. I am so overdosed on this trial/charade. I have promised my family that when the verdict is read I’ll admit myself in rehab!

  33. Your posts make me pee my pants. Today’s Bauhaus (one of my favorite bands) reference really had me rolling! Keep up the great work!!!

  34. Posted by AZChristian on April 24, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    I may be the only person on earth who hopes the judge’s schedule is too optimistic. I’m leaving on a cruise on 5/3, and that’s the day the jury is supposed to start deliberating. I’ll be running back to the TV news on-board multiple times a day between line dancing, high tea, and shore excursions. I want to be able to see the verdict LIVE. (Please fellow Arizonans, do NOT fit into the OJ and Casey jury mold. That would prove that our justice system is flawed, in that the fate of criminals is decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty.)

  35. Posted by Amalita on April 24, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    Brilliant!!! love this blog!

  36. Posted by skeptical onlooker on April 24, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    You’re genius. I finish my day by reading your blog..so I can go to bed with a smile on my face. On FB someone was talking about checking Jodi’s cavity for a gun. My friend in London calls it a * Lady Garden *. 🙂 Thought you’d appreciate that description. Thanks for a great blog.

  37. Haha hilarious. Nurmi should stay in his BarcaLounger and keep dreaming about Jodi’s sex life. The pervert!

  38. Thanks so much for putting a realistic and very funny spin on all the highlights of these crazy defense attorneys their witnesses and of course the defendant. All the names given are very appropriate. LOL!!

  39. Posted by Cindy Lou on April 24, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    Would someone please pass Heavy D a plate of crackers and a can of cheese whiz to go with that Barcalounger?!

  40. emails

  41. Posted by Ria on April 25, 2013 at 2:52 am

    I had been going on and on to my husband about how Travis didn’t seem like the type to have an unregistered gun and I’d been patiently waiting for the jury to ask the question at some point…only to find out it’s completely legal in AZ to own an unregistered gun. Who knew? Some of the questions were a bit wacky, like if Det. Flores knew the measurement of Jodi with her arms up over her head…she herself stated (lied) that she had to climb on the shelves.

    I’m actually looking forward to the end of all this so I can go back to my real life!

  42. Did they say May 3rd 2013 or was the year left hanging? 🙄

  43. Posted by Marnie Ginalick on April 25, 2013 at 4:20 am

    I’ll never be able to look at a recliner in the future without the words, “huffalump, barcalounger, tortise on quaaludes” streaming through my mind. I simply can’t look any longer at Nurmi. I too expected questions about the detective’s sexual habits but then realized Nurmi’s preference is for women on the witness stand. Loved the reference to thin black veils on the girls. Maybe Jenny has finally realized her dreams of being homecoming queen are laughable and that’s why she seemed so glum yesterday. She could always appear at the dance pretending she’s homecoming queen like the SNL cheerleader skit…..wearing her own crown and arranging her own ceremony from the sidelines.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on April 25, 2013 at 9:46 am

      LOL!! Ironically, they ARE shooting a remake of Stephen King’s “Carrie” this year! (maybe right now) That aside, has SNL done any Stabby parodies yet? There are plenty of cringe-worthy attempts to impersonate the soulless mind-sucking void on the a$$ of humanity that Stabby is on YouTube, but aside from the absolutely BRILLIANT one by Courtney Pauroso, (OMG it’s hysterical, and spot on w/voice, words, mannerisms, and ridiculous “self defense” explanation, it’s as funny the 10th time as it is the 1st) they are all pretty sad. (& even that’s being generous) Of course, it’s always possible that I missed the one other epic, Oscar worthy performance- w/the internet being as gigantic as it is, (like Nurmi) but I will keep looking!

  44. Posted by Wendy Allen on April 25, 2013 at 4:42 am

    I’ve just discovered your blog and love it. You really have a firm grip on what is really going on in the trial. I have to share with you a video of the Elaine dance from Seinfeld that I could see Jenny doing as she made such a monkey of herself in her cross of Demarnte (sp)

    I know you will see it too!!!

    • Posted by MaRiley on April 25, 2013 at 6:42 pm

      Sweeeeet cringe worthy video. I was thinking that whoever has the controls for Jodi’s shock belt could crank it up to 10, and Elaine and Jodi could have a “dance off”.

  45. Posted by Donna Litherland on April 25, 2013 at 5:56 am

    I would love to get updates in my email!

  46. Posted by Jen on April 25, 2013 at 6:08 am

    Love your blog. Btw: ‘a lot’ is two words not one. One of the most common grammar errors.

  47. Posted by Marnie Ginalick on April 25, 2013 at 6:51 am

    Egg, your descriptive ways with Nurmi are a hard act to follow but I have another to add to the list of characters he reminds me of: Baby Huey. I read a definition somewhere that is, ” a fat, bumbling idiot.” Readers – check out some old cartoon clips of him via youtube. All Nurmi needs is a diaper and hat.

  48. Posted by V on April 25, 2013 at 7:24 am

    I’m so glad they highlighted your blog! Hilarious!!! Very well written, witty as $@&€ & soooo accurate! The BarcaLounger is too funny I literally said the same thing!!!

  49. Im enjoying this stuff si much. You are a brilliant writer. Such a command of laguage and sarcastic puns ive never heard. What other thgs u write for id like to follow u to reas any further thgs u write on othee subjects. How can i go about subscribing to it all. Ty

  50. Tooooooo funny . . . I have learned to read first, LOL for a long time and then reach for the coffee cup.

  51. JoDie is screwed in a brand new way today! How do you like it now bitch?!
    Go Juan, GO!!! 🙂

  52. Posted by barb on April 25, 2013 at 10:40 am

    too funny, dark emo-phase omg

  53. Posted by Les on April 25, 2013 at 11:18 am

    great job!

    • I hope the Jury see’s Jodi Hodi is not a victim, I do not trust the defence team, nor do I like them. Jodi’s tears are not real, besides she should be in trouble for lying to Jury, and Judge….

  54. Why was the butcher crying today? Is she starting to remember…now?
    Why didn’t they make her look at the carnage and torture that she inflicted?
    Is the fog starting to part and she is seeing a picture of the gas chamber? Draw a picture of that bitch.
    It was nice that JoDie’s Mom brought Grandma along the last two days for a family reunion. WTF was she thinking?!
    Soon, soon, it will all be over.

    • Posted by ocon on April 25, 2013 at 8:08 pm

      Jodi’s mom brought her to get Sympathy for the Devil …from the jury. Who doesn’t feel sorry for a grandmother crying? Wurmi probably paid for her plane ticket. There’s so little left at this point to do for the Defense…this is a last ditch effort so, next week we may see the whole Arias Clan crying in the front row!

  55. Posted by Katharine B. on April 25, 2013 at 11:26 am

    “tortoise on quaaludes” –Classic! Thank you!

  56. Hey Eggy, I don’t know how to personally contact you – other than through your comments – but I would love to interview you for my blog. Love, LOVE your blog about the trial and I love your nicknames for Hodi Scarias (Stabby LOL) and the defense. I write a Tirades blog about the trial and I would love to get your opinion/scoop about the trial as we get close to wrapping it up next week. I’m in a Facebook group about the trial and that’s how I heard about your blog–lots of your fans in my group. Not sure how to contact you through your blog??? Let me know if you’re interested. Thanks, Therese

  57. Posted by jenniferlyn on April 25, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Does anyone know if the police tried to compare the shell casing and /or the bullet itself to any ammunition that WASN’T “stolen” from Stabby’s grandfather?

  58. Posted by the art dept. on April 25, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Heavy “D” Nurmi has the morality of a gerbal and the countenance of self-propelled garbage. Everything a person needed to know about this “defense”??? team we knew in exactly 60 seconds after they opened thier mouth. I have an ex-borther-in-law who had the same effect on people; truly a rare gift.

  59. rolling. on. floor. laughing. my. a@#. off.
    and you can spell a lot any old way you want.

  60. Posted by Mollyc on April 25, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    Tortoise on Quaaludes….

    Thank u Eggy.

  61. Posted by I love egg tree news on April 25, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    Please I know you are writing a hilarious witty blog as we speak…. Anxiously waiting :))))

  62. Posted by sparkleybright on April 25, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Another fabulously funny blog. Just great!! Thanks for the laughs.

  63. Posted by ocon on April 25, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    egg-o, you are so clever and talented!

  64. Posted by Cody on April 26, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    “Complex physical law called ‘gravity’…” BWWAAAAAAHHHHHAHAHA,!! Love it!

  65. Posted by Molly Hill on April 27, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    Absolutely HILARIOUS!!!! I love all the nicknames!!

  66. I can only imagine after Jodi is convicted she would say your Honor I didn’t hurt Travis. I can’t imagaine what the Judge would reply to Jodi….

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