Geffner Wanders in From the Fog

– WhyisThisManHere, Arizona

The long lost love child of Vincent Price and Colonel Sanders took the stand today in the agonizing scuttlebuttsurrebuttal phase of the Jodi Arias trial. The psychology “diplomate” crawled out of a crypt deep within Jodi’s fog to testify ALL DAY to his credentials, his education… and the fact that he never talked to defendant Stabby Einstein, or bothered to read a single police report. Nonetheless, Dracula’s butler says he no-likey young whipper-snapper Janeen DeMarte’s diagnosis of BPD, and (more importantly), he’s totally on Team Jenny for Homecoming Queen. 

Yup. Awesome. 

Stabby’s a real trooper; she doesn’t let a little thing like sedatives keep her from the all-important task of staring down the jury. Even when semi-comatose, the dedicated demon still glares while jotting down personal reminders to swallow all of their souls by the end of the day. 

Wilmott’s mysterious bald spot has reappeared. Methinks Stabby threw another temper tantrum this morning while Jenny was dressing her in a Seinfeld inspired puffy-sleeved white shirt (“I don’t wanna be a pirate!!”) Or perhaps last night’s scuttlebuttsurrebuttal cram session was so stressful, she and Heavy D got into a b*tchy slapfest and he took out a chunk of her hair. 

Geffner, who apparently couldn’t finish dying his mustache to match his hair color in time for his court appearance, told the jury he determined Stabby didn’t lie or distort her answers on DeMarte’s psychological tests. He also concluded the tests did not indicate an aggressive, hostile, or violent personality, but rather a traumatized lass suffering from PTSD. What a nice bedtime story for Nana Arias, who snoozed through the entire proceedings. 

Goofball Geffner is a great physical comedian. The professional expert witness couldn’t operate the touch screen computer in the witness box without repeated detailed instructions from Jenny. Then the lip-licking crypt keeper spilled his water (twice!) all over the place, and sheepishly giggled while wiping up his mess. Then to top it all off, he burped and/or farted on the stand.  Derrrrrp!

We get it, Jenny. You don’t like DeMarte. But your relentless smear campaign will not win you any votes for Homecoming Queen. You didn’t need to pry open the mausoleum door and drag this weirdo out of his coffin to reiterate by belch everything you’ve already argued. Get over it already. 

It gets even better: Since Geffner has a “general familiarity” with brains, Jenny thought she’d try and kill two birds with one stone and use Geffner’s zero experience with autopsies to refute Medical Examiner Horne’s testimony about the gunshot coming last. The shrink testified that in his untrained, unexperienced and totally worthless opinion, Travis could have ambulated and spoken after being shot in the face.  Because that’s how lazy stoners present a super professional scuttlebuttsurrebuttal. 

Juan must have guzzled several 5-Hour-Energy bottles at lunch, because an amped up Martinez shot right out of the cannon to expose Geffner as nothing but a hired gun “paid to say” whatever Team Stabby demands. He listed a litany of cases in Geffner’s past in which his credibility was totally shattered by presiding trial judges. Dracula’s sassy butler just smiled obnoxiously and giggled inappropriately at the jury as Juan questioned him. 

Strawberry margaritas make Jenny’s constant objections and struts to the bench a lot easier for me to deal with. 

Then Martinez served up a beatdown to end all beatdowns over Geffner’s totally uninformed assessment of Travis’ brain injury. The smell of scorched toast permeated the courtroom- nay, the world- as he established the psychologist has zero background in ballistics, gunshots to the brain, or just plain old autopsies. Good work, Jenny. You NAILED it. 

So I guess everyone is gonna get into their jammies and roll out their sleeping bags on the courtroom floor tonight. Stabby will either sleep handcuffed to the table leg, or get her own locked tent, complete with a magic password to gain entry. Luckily, Jenny remembered to bring matching Jem & the Hologram nightgowns for them to wear.  Hopefully Nurmi remembered his leopard print Snuggie. 

Lawdy, lawdy, now we have to get through Whiny Wilmott’s re-direct. Heaven help us. Even my dog is groaning…



135 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    Sheer perfection…

  2. The defense is so boring, and they go on forever.

  3. YES!!! YES! THANK YOU EGG!!! This is what we needed!
    But, the old Gooffer did stay at a Holiday Inn last night!! LOL!! He didn’t make the grade in this case either. He better retire while he’s still vertical.
    Wilnotshutup is getting real bitchy now. Past her bedtime? She wants to take off her girdle and she’s really jonesing for some alcohol! Tough, play the game.

    • Posted by Linda on May 2, 2013 at 6:02 am

      I could not of said it any better myself Carol, I have never actually seen someone have “the wind taken out of their sails” in person before but believe I saw that happen to Wilnotshutup last night ………no drinking or drugs either btw but I did see it. Thank you so much for this blog you give such relief.

  4. Been reading you for months and enjoy your insights into this trial. Hilarious.
    Well, this is the never ending day of Wilmott’s voice. Her voice and idiotic questions have my eyes squinting., literally.
    Don’t law schools give voice classes?
    She would have flunked law school and we could have been saved from her voice in a courtroom.

    • Hi, someone on the last post called her ‘Miss I Approach’. LOL!!!
      This gal up there now is gonna put everyone to sleep. No worries for Heavy D though, that fat bastard naps most of the time anyway. I bet he’s getting pissed with Patch making him move that heavy load.

      • Posted by jack on May 2, 2013 at 9:18 am

        you are so funny!!!!

      • Very funny! Fat Ass seems to be on cloud nine oblivious of what is going on. I can’t imagine this big uncouth man, the worst attorney to date,doing closing arguments. Everyone in the court will be sleep or screaming bloody murder! Stop him please!

  5. Eggy,

    Wilma’s bald sport is just due for another touch up.

  6. Posted by MaRiley on May 1, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    Wow. “Didn’t you notice the powerful and obnoxious odor of Mendacity in this room?!” Well, it sure ain’t Teen Spirit, Jenny.

  7. LOL! Another gem. I’m betting a quarter on Jenny’s bald spot to double in size by Friday.

    • Posted by Rosalind Smith on May 2, 2013 at 8:55 pm

      Yeap, bet you she’s pulling her hair out tonight for sure!!!!

  8. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 7:43 pm


    • I’ll drink to that!! burp… urp…
      Drinks for the house!! 🙂

      • Posted by AnnikaDoyle on May 1, 2013 at 8:19 pm

        Not for Geffner… He’ll just spill it on the court reporter. Like the guy hasn’t been through enough already…

  9. sleepy gratitude…thanks for posting!

  10. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    Apparently we will be back here for the appeal!

  11. If the rug don’t match the drapes, you’re a liar. How’s that go?
    WTH are they talking about anyway? somebody?? I’m fading here…
    Where’s that bar keep?

  12. Jenny, I’m pulling an all nighter. Stay the course, hang in there Babe.
    Remember, we’re all in this together…
    Oh, Lord, she’s coming up there AGAIN. Where’s that duct tape? Oh, wrong trial.

  13. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    You know, I don’t even know WHY it’s so friggin IMPORTANT for them to determine if these tests show she has/had PTSD at the time she took the tests. It was AFTER she murdered him! She had ALREADY stabbed, slit, shot Travis (in whatever order you believe) so Of COURSE she’s got a FUBAR’d melon NOW, she got CAUGHT (always the REAL reason for tears) and now SHE’S.IN.PRISON. AM I the only person who thinks this makes NO FRIGGIN SENSE? Grrrr.

    • Jenni, I never made any sense of this whole case since she killed him.
      I totally agree with you that this is WAY over the top for this crazy bitch and spending all this money on this trial. She said she did it so hang her NOW and end this.

    • Posted by Melissa on May 2, 2013 at 1:45 am

      I completely agree

  14. (((((((hellllllllooooo)))))))) echo, echo……. anyone?????
    What time is it there now? It’s 10:00 here.

  15. I do believe I saw Stabby sleeping quite contently as WillyMont re-directed the surredirectrebuttal direct….Calgon take me away, I need a Margarita without the Srawberries and one of Juan’s 5 hour energy’s to get through this tonight…I think Prom Queen wanna-be is drawing this out to make sure Juan is sleepy when he does his closing. She is a nasty one that wanna-be girl!!

    • Surredirectrerebuttaldirect?!?! 😆

      Will there be a sursurrebuttalscuttlebuttsurredirectdirect tonight too?!?! 😆

      Heres a nice cool margarita, sans strawberries. It’ll take you to your happy place…

      • Thank you Egg! Pour me a tall one please!
        Stabby’s gonna use those golf pencils to keep her eye lids open soon. Screw her.

  16. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    If they keep going, I may well volunteer to have them shoot ME in the forehead to see if I can still hear Harpy whining after, OMG.

  17. Jenniflyn, I agree this testimony makes no sense. I doubt anyone on that jury is listening. Where is the judge in this courtroom? Fall asleep? Geffy is worse than Violet in the sense I don’t recall anything he said today. Wasted day, wasn’t that a song?

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 8:08 pm

      Lol I’d blame it on the judge, but she’s had to listen to this B.S. too!

    • Cal, I think it’s ‘wasted days and wasted nights’. My brain’s gone, can’t remember who did it.

    • Posted by pfenix on May 1, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      Kept waiting for this scenario in court:
      Wilmot: Objection!
      Judge: OVER mean…Overruled.

      • Posted by Clanny on May 1, 2013 at 9:40 pm

        Just once I d like to hear.
        JWhiney: “May we approach?”
        Judge: “NO. SIT DOWN”

        • Posted by Polk8dot on May 2, 2013 at 7:14 am

          I could have sworn that actually FINALLY HAPPENED last night!
          The Wilful_Idiot barked out of her corner, AGAIN!!!!!, for the gazzilionth time this evening, ‘May we approach’ and the Judge shot back ‘NO!’. I almost choked on air hearing that 🙂 🙂
          I swear each time that ‘tard is speaking I keep wondering what ‘Internet Caribbean law school’ she bought her JD from. There is NO WAY she should ever have been able to pass the bar, either! I call major shenanigans on that!

          My personal favorite, repeated a thousand times a day, is when she ABSOLUTELY HATES something that Juan is eliciting from a witness, but has no clue what to base the objection on, or straight up knows it is not objectionable at all – and yet she springs right out of her chair, with the ‘MayWeApproach’ command barked at the judge while she’s already midway to the bench. Bitch! Shut the Hell Up!!!!!
          Make an F-ing objection and wait for the ruling. If your only basis for it is ‘I DON’T LIKE what’s being said’ – then you have no legal leg to stand on. The Judge is so totally useless in that courtroom, it’s pathetic. The fact that she allows all those ‘WALKING OBJECTIONS’ is the reason the defense feels like they are running this shit. I just hope they run it into the ground soon.
          Harpy Wingnut makes me itch all over.
          Last thing – LOVED LOVED LOVED when Juan decided to school that bitch in how REAL lawyers do it, with a string of 8 separate, distinct and sustained objection to a single question for the ‘professional witness’. I could see her gnat brain exploding after each one, and the best part was watching Wormi trying to stiffle a giggle each time Jenny got kicked in the face 😉

        • Oh my goodness! Would be so wonderful if the judge could say, will you please sit your winny bald headed ass down!!!!

    • Posted by AnnikaDoyle on May 1, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      Wasted Days… And Wasted Nights!!! A Freddy Fender classic & soundtrack for today’s defense…

  18. Posted by pfenix on May 1, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Ah, Egg, you are truely the Mistress of Wordsmithy! Have you considered doing an e-book based on your blog? Thanks for the laughs!

  19. Posted by AnnikaDoyle on May 1, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Heavy D Nurmi (nattily & appropriately dressed in Porcine Pink) has seemed to be slightly smiling & licking his lips throughout today’s testimony. Perhaps it’s the wafting aroma of cooking goose permeating the courtroom? Except he doesn’t know that the cooked goose aroma is emanating from his current client…

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 8:22 pm

      Or it was the possibility that the testimony would get sexually explicit again. We know he’ll be pushing to include the sex tape in the Def closings! Lol @porcine pink

      • Posted by AnnikaDoyle on May 1, 2013 at 8:25 pm

        Well, if the Oxford shirt fits… 😉

      • Posted by marcie on May 1, 2013 at 8:47 pm

        How long will it take for Jane Valez Mitchell to invite Nurmi on to discuss & replay the sex tape?
        Will she make him a permanent guest, or co-host? After all, who needs that dominitrix guest when she’s got the Nurminator?? Uuugghhh, it’d be funny if it weren’t so probable.

  20. hey, float your mouth shut Patch….

  21. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    I don’t think the jurors are asking this because they believe Stabby, I think they want to know what to call it when they have to SUE (who? The state?) because 3 times a week they wake up seeing pictures of Travis’s mutilated corpse, (and why they salivate every time they hear “PTSD”) Where are we again?

    • Those poor jurors won’t have any money to sue after they collect their $32.95 for all their time.
      Again with the tigers and bears??? PLEASE, SHOOT ME!! Stabby, where is that gun anyway?ughhhhhhhh

      • Killer Stabby will probably sue Willmott and Fat Ass for being two of the worst attorney’s in the history of the judicial system! Just in- Fat Ass Nurmi will probably do the closing. Oh the humanity!!!!!! I honestly don’t think anyone can take 6 to eight hours of Fat Man walking around courtroom, waving his little bitty hands,picking his nose and telling lie after lie about Mr. Alexander. I will have to wait for Eggy’s comments.

  22. Thank you Carol, we’ve had wasted days and now the night. OMG this surreal, surrenuttsl

  23. Posted by Observer on May 1, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Not only did you have me laughing with tears streaming down my face but you summed up the whole boring day. The Three Stooges the defense called as experts proves the defense has no defense.

    I loved this:

    WhyisThisManHere, Arizona

    The long lost love child of Vincent Price and Colonel Sanders took the stand today in the agonizing scuttlebuttsurrebuttal phase of the Jodi Arias trial. The psychology “diplomate” crawled out of a crypt deep within Jodi’s fog to testify ALL DAY to his credentials, his education… and the fact that he never talked to defendant Stabby Einstein, or bothered to read a single police report. Nonetheless, Dracula’s butler says he no-likey young whipper-snapper Janeen DeMarte’s diagnosis of BPD, and (more importantly), he’s totally on Team Jenny for Homecoming Queen.

  24. Can we tweet Heavy some pictures of pizza and a food buffet? That would be awesome.

  25. I bet that court reporter has bloody fingers by now, poor guy. He better stay clear of Heavy with his salt shaker ready.

  26. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    Why did the judge all of a sudden decided she had a schedule to keep? Does she have a bet on the outcome? Or is it part of her bonus package? Is she getting time & a half?

    • Jenni, she spilled her bottle of vodka under her desk and really needs to go and get another one!! See you tomorrow!!

  27. Tigers and Bears and LYING, OH MY! lol Egg, feel free to use this for a post title… Just wanted to say, I am SO happy your blog exists. God bless and keep on serving us wary and (weary) JA trial watchers sunny-side up helpings of sanity.

    Thank you Egg and all the fun bloggers, see ya tomorrow for more fun!!

  29. Posted by B on May 1, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    wow, Egg, you’re fast! How can one be so brilliant in real-time? Anyway, I am grateful. Also, I started drinking wine at JM’s cross of Dr. whatshisname – this trial has made me an alcoholic. In my defense, how can you listen to Wilmott sober? And also, to sit back and watch the drama that is JM’s cross? Yea…so basically all the time. Eh, I’ll deal with it later. Love your blog!!

    • Posted by Polk8dot on May 2, 2013 at 7:32 am

      It was awesome when the Judge released the Jury for the night with the admonition to ‘Drive home SAFELY’.
      Was she alluding to the DUI the poor #8 got himself last week?

      I bet she’s in constant worry that the alternates’ numbers will dwindle down to nothing, and at the VERY END of this travesty. I think that DUI opened her eyes to what the toll may actually be on the jurors and that’s why there was suddenly a plan, a schedule, and an attempt to wrest back control from Stabby Einstein and her band of merry incompetents.

  30. Posted by Gracerv7 on May 1, 2013 at 9:06 pm

    So happy to find this tonight! As always so funny and spot on! Sadly, in addition to shopping at contempo casuals, reading Tiger Beat and Sweet Valley High, I also own a leopard print snuggle. I’m not kidding. So I guess I get to match Nurmi.

  31. Posted by christine reynolds on May 1, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Stabby is going to “swallow their souls”, really funny and rings true – Stabby is one scary killer….do you notice her staring between her coloring? OMG, she’s concentrating so unblinking hard doing her demon witchcraft death to all…What did the demon helper Violet call it – positive thinking?..thank you Egg, for our much needed laugh after this nightmare of a trial….. we all torture ourselves and continue to watch. I swear Miss want to be homecoming queen is sounding like nails scratching a chalk board. good night all.

  32. Posted by Clanny on May 1, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    Geffner explanation of the bullet that could only incapacitate by bouncing around and changing directions … sounds alot like Kennedy’s Magic Bullet theory

    Did I miss a memo … Is sidebar slang for time to do a shot of tequila??

  33. Posted by Clanny on May 1, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    Texts received from a friend that almost made me crack a rib or two
    “Just once I d like to hear. May we approach. “NO. SIT DOWN”

    “My dream is jodi found guilty Sentenced to death. Reaches over and stabs jw in jugular with her putt putt pencil”

  34. Posted by Casey on May 1, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Um… Where can I get matching Jem and the Hologram pajamas for my daughter and I? They’re not worthy of those.

  35. Posted by Bobbi on May 1, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    You out did yourself, I laughed myself silly. Good job! I needed a laugh after listening to this nincompoop expert all day.

  36. Posted by Sherry on May 1, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    Jem is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous! Jem is my name, no one else is the same.. Jem is my name! JEM!

    • Posted by Casey on May 1, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      Me and my friends are Jem girls. Jem, Jem is my name. Exciting adventures, fashion, and fame. Once you’re a Jem girl, you’re never the same.

  37. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    Wow, so many of Travis’ family and friends on court, even this late, and they do NOT want to see whatever’s being shown on the screens. The audience full of bowed heads is striking.

  38. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 1, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    For the love of all things holy, SOMEONE get Harpy a dictionary so she can look up “liquify”

  39. Posted by Clanny on May 1, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    I have a bone to pick with you! I just attended Peter Murphy’s Bauhaus show and thanks to your reference to the band last week, I kept expecting to see Whiny jump up on stage and grab the mic and make us listen to her voice. Luckily this didn’t happen and I was enabled to enjoy the show. LMFAO Thanks for you quick witted texts, always a pleasure to read.

  40. You are AWESOME!!! Everybody on HLN website is reading your blogs now. I have raved about them since I found this site. I have laughed so hard that I , well,
    you can get the picture!

    • Posted by Andrea on May 1, 2013 at 11:39 pm

      Well Lynda, I’ve got the Prosecutor’s support page covered. We’re all adrift in the wake of eggy’s scent over there. In fact all day (and much into the night) as soon as a flurry of posts would appear over the endless supply of preposterous antics, I would have to inject a constant reminder to everyone just how rich this fuel will be to eggtree.
      Ahhhh… it just doesn’t get any better than this.

  41. Wilma-note to self: Next time
    get witness some Gas X and a Sippy Cup!!!

  42. I can hardly wait for the verdict followed by the burial ! 3 holes in one ..what a bargain 😉

  43. Color me impressed! Great job writing this as the days events unfold.

  44. Posted by Observer on May 1, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    Please tell me why all the defense witnesses were over 50, senile and incompetent while all the prosecution witnesseexperts were under 50, sharp and made sense. You didn’t see Dr. Horn, Detective Flores and Dr. DeMarte and Dr. Jill forgetting their notes at home, making excuses for the defendant, and spilling water all over the desk.

  45. Posted by Mollyc on May 1, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    I love your blog..
    Pried open the mausoleum door…..priceless

  46. Posted by susan david on May 2, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Another great blog… my daily laugh out loud emails from you…..

  47. Posted by Soozy-P on May 2, 2013 at 12:43 am

    Oh Egg….LMFAO soooo hard I can’t write –

    pee my pants…YES…

    You are my hero. My freaking hero!!!

  48. Posted by Julie on May 2, 2013 at 12:45 am

    Genius! That was so damn funny my stomach muscles hurt from laughing so hard!!! 🙂

  49. Posted by Kathy on May 2, 2013 at 3:57 am

    I guess Stabby E.’s Law of Attraction ideal failed her once again. Not surprised

  50. Posted by Doreen on May 2, 2013 at 4:51 am

    I love your blog!! I so appreciate your ability to sum up, what we are all thinking, so wittingly!!!

  51. Posted by Ria on May 2, 2013 at 6:19 am

    Oh, the image of Nurmi in a leopard print snuggie has me rolling! I bet he sucks his thumb in his sleep.

    I must say though, I’m a bit confused over one of the jury questions. Someone asked
    Juror question: “Would you agree that 100% of the people you have seen with frontal lobe trauma are deceased at the time of your examination?”

    Dr. Horn: “I hope so.”

    I wonder if that was a good or a bad thing? Were they implying that Dr. Horn can’t possibly really know what a frontal lobe injury would do because all his patients are dead? Or were they saying a frontal lobe injury would always kill a person? I get overly analytical about their questions and whether they point to being in favor of the prosecution or the defense. I really need this trial to be over so I can go back to my pre-Jodi Arias life.

  52. Posted by Lisa InJersey on May 2, 2013 at 6:43 am

    Last night when Dr. McDreamy testified AGAIN, and was asked by Willnotshutup how long it takes someone to bleed out, all I could think was “62 seconds!”

  53. Posted by Lisa bonge on May 2, 2013 at 7:01 am

    OMG! I was looking forward to this even as I was watching it unfold last night. Did NOT let me down! Thank you so much for sharing your hysterical view of this debacle with the world!

  54. Now, wait until you see that last witness with Jennie!

    At one point she actually said, “We are moving on from lying, tigers, and bears now?”

    We all thought we were gonna die.

  55. Your blog is the best read I’ve ever had. Going through a rough patch, you are my saving grace! Humor is the best medicine and you are beyond brilliant. I read your blogs over and over and laugh just as loud each time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    On another note, I feel that the surrebuttal by the defense was one of the dumbest things they could have ever done. Backfired so miserably, you could tell Jenny was losing hope by the way she was rapidly flouncing up to the bench every second. And I HATE the way she cocks her head like a dog who doesn’t understand what’s being said. Lol.

  56. Eggcellent as always :mrgreen:

  57. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 9:07 am

    Thank you HLN for making me stay up until almost MIDNIGHT to watch the end of the witnesses. Now I find out they were done at 8:30??? AZ is an hour of ahead of me, so 9:30 my time! Why HLN WHY?!? (Stupid “After Dark” and their “bold accusations”!)

  58. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 9:10 am

    (brain fart) 7:30 my time, that is!! Even worse!

  59. Posted by Stephanie on May 2, 2013 at 9:20 am

    This blog was posted in a comment on the HLN live blog and I’m so glad I checked it out.. You are dead on and hilarious!!

  60. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Harpy and The TsuNurmi will have to ask the judge for the following jury instruction: “you may not consider any LOGICAL, FACTUAL, or VISUAL evidence when considering a verdict.” if they want to prevail! (fingers crossed)

  61. Posted by Clanny on May 2, 2013 at 10:49 am

    Looks like Stabby and Whiney are playing hangman

    • Posted by Ria on May 2, 2013 at 11:00 am

      I think the Homecoming Queen contender is trying to keep Stabby from losing it. Nurmi just tried to object, I thought you weren’t allowed to object during closing?

      • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 11:05 am

        They’re only allowed to include things brought out in the trial during their closing, so the TsuNurmi must have been asleep during his own client’s testimony (though he was.doing asking the questions) because he objected to Juan mentioning her LIES?

        • Posted by Ria on May 2, 2013 at 12:04 pm

          jenniferlyn, I agree, Nurmi was sleeping. He’s objected 4 times, 3 were over ruled and one was sustained (although HLN is saying all 3 were over ruled, they’re wrong). I googled the rules and it said *if* there’s a need to object, it’s supposed to be done silently and, like you said, it should be things that weren’t brought up. Guess Nurmi didn’t get that memo:)

  62. Posted by Ria on May 2, 2013 at 10:59 am

    JW was giving Juan the death stare for a while! Everybody Run, the Homecoming Queen’s got a gun.

  63. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 11:17 am

    Juan: Jodi’s telling you ‘everyone else is lying, I’M telling the truth!’ she wants you to take The Secret’s Laws of Attraction, mix it with her words, add in a little of what Alyce LaViolette says in there, and THEN you will UNDERSTAND her.


  64. Hi All supporters of truth and justice!
    Three overrules so far that I counted. cool. Maybe Sherry is really sick and tired of Little Miss Jump Up and Yap. I certainly am.

    • Posted by Ria on May 2, 2013 at 12:01 pm

      Dont’cha know:) Go Juan!!!

      • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 12:16 pm

        I was a TEENY bit worried during Juan’s first 20 minutes, but he finally focused.

        • Posted by Ria on May 2, 2013 at 12:34 pm

          I loved it when Juan said “the sort of frog like state she left him in”…so true, he was positioned like a frog. I hope he brings up HOW many hours she was hanging out in HIS HOME after she brutally murdered him, busily deleting pics, putting in loads of laundry. She’s EVIL to the core.

  65. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Once again, I’m remembering hln’s tidbit that Stabby has to wear a stunbelt in case she tries to escape. (Forrest Gump theme playing) RUN JODI, RUNNNNNNNNN

    P.S. whenever Mike Galanos says “Kirk Nurmi”, I SWEAR it sounds like he’s saying “Bert & Ernie”! Until I learned the attorney’s names, I was SO confused! LOL

  66. Juan Martinez is THE steam roller coming right at St. Jodi of Arias! Love how he’s threading the evidence and Stabby’s lies together to prove premeditation.

    Fabulous, simply faaaabulous post Eggy!

    …and yesterday… O. M. G. … between Dr. Dorian Gray’s distracting upper and lower head regions and the hole in the Shrills hairdo ??? HLN’s latest block buster The Golden Gavel Awards has announced that these two have been nominated for Best Supporting Jury Aberration.

    Looking forward to your take on JA’s demeanor today! She looks smug as usual to me.

  67. Posted by staceychris on May 2, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    This is so well written 🙂 LOVE IT!!

  68. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    I cannot BELIEVE Stabby’s attorneys are OK with her essentially doing an ART PROJECT at the defense table!! Boy is that sending a disrespectful message to a jury that’s been forced to sit listening to her B.S. for more than FOUR MONTHS, I would be PISSED if a juror! I’m NOT juror and I’m pissed!!

  69. Posted by Observer on May 2, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    What is so wonderful about Juan Martinez’s unique prosecutorial style is he engages the jury by telling them a story like he is having a conversation with them. He is mesmerizing as he tells the jury the story of a manipulative liar who premeditated a murder, stabbed, shot and slit the throat of Travis Alexander and then boldly sat on the witness stand and lied to their faces as she murdered the only thing he had left: his reputation..

    Instead of reciting dry facts, which would put the jury to sleep like Nurmi does, Martinez is funny and entertaining as he ridicules her lies and alibis and doesn’t mince words. He calls her a liar, a manipulator and a thief if she stole someone else’s license plates out of the parking lot. He also keeps saying nothing is her fault and mimics her victim act.

    What about these burglars who leave rifles and cash behind but instead steal a small gun that fits in Jodi’s purse and picks up one item in each of four rooms and a horde of skateboarders with screwdrivers who stole her license plates and Priceline taking the money upfront for the Mesa plane ticket to Travis’s memorial but not the car she rents 90 miles from Yreka.

    I love that he keeps saying how she planned the trip to kill Travis Alexander.

  70. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Ahhh here are the tears we know (& don’t BELIEVE)

  71. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    It’s interesting to look at the crime scene photos of the bloody sink, and despite the gore, my brain picks up on the fact that I recognize that I have the same DIAL foaming handwash pump in my bathroom. About the same amount left in it, too. Funny how our brains try to familiarize or assimilate us with what we see, even in pictures we try to attach a recognition to trick our brains into feeling more comfortable in new surroundings.

    Ahhh Stabby has realized they’re talking about her, FINALLY!


  73. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 2, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    “It looks like there was a migration of wildebeasts in the bedroom doorway”
    ROFLMAO Waiting for things to start, you could HEAR her frenetic erasing, just the way I imagine she scrubbed all the blood off of herself before she crossed the Hoover Dam….

  74. WHY THE HELL do they let her face the audience?!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!

  75. Egg, you’re going to have your hands full tomorrow with Heavy dragging it out all day.
    The laughs are going to be coming fast and furious. 🙂

  76. Posted by bauergirl on May 2, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    Thanks for another hilarious take on the courtroom antics of the JA trial. Didn’t think it was possible for the DT to sink any lower but they proved me wrong when they brought in Dr. G as last ditch effort to save Ms. Arias life. Look forward to reading your blog it’s a nice release from all the stress of watching and following this trial.

  77. My first time posting (on any blog!) but like many others on this blog, I am a great fan. I have to “Start” and “End” my day laughing out loud reading your blog. Can’t wait for your next one about our Juanderful Juan’s closing argument. What a guy! Justice for Travis!!

  78. Posted by Rosalind Smith on May 2, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Awesome , I laughed till I cryed.

  79. Posted by Denise Pribe on May 2, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    My goodness, you are hilarious!!!!

  80. I really want to comment but I can’t seem to get past the first sentence about the long lost love child of Vincent Price and Colonel Sanders. Just typing the words, my iPad is bouncing up and down on my belly. I tell myself I will not laugh out loud but I am unsuccessful.

  81. If you don’t write a book…you are more hilarious than Dave Barry. I’m not making this up. 😛

  82. Posted by LindaNewYork on May 5, 2013 at 10:51 am

    LOL!!! GREAT RECAP OF THAT DAY!!! Thank you for putting into words what I certainly can’t!

  83. Another hit, Egg…. How do you do it?? Laughter is good for the soul, and I have to give you a great big thank-you….. Because, this fellow, Travis’ untimely and awful demise is sooo sad. I even think he would approve of the sarcasm and belittling of the defense , their witnesses, and the horrible defendant….

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