Heavy D Nurmi Throws Some Whine and Cheese at the Jury

-The Gutter, Arizona

Heavy D presented a slapdash Whine and Cheese platter today in the Maricopa Courthouse Grill, in a sad attempt to rival Juan’s perfectly cooked demon goose from yesterday. And Nurmi should never be on Iron Chef as anything more than a garbage disposal, because his pathetic excuse for a closing argument was just homespun whine served with saltines and Cheez-Whiz on a greasy paper plate, and it offended everyone. Moving at the speed of molasses on a glacier, the condescending heffalump pried himself out of his barcalounger just long enough to lull everybody (including Nana Arias) into a semi-coma. And I ran out of margarita mix. Hooray! 

According to Heavy D, who operates at the pace of a paralyzed snail, 9 days out of 10 he doesn’t even like Jenny’s stabby My Twinn Doll Jodi. But on the 10th day, she must bring him a sandwich or something, so he’s cool with her murdering someone. But just for that one day. 

Nurmi’s thesaurus must be buried with his ethics beneath a mountain of paystubs, because he kept repeating two key phrases until my brain went numb and my ears started bleeding:
1) covert mission
2) doesn’t make sense
I think I just figured out Jenny’s mysterious bald spot; she’s now pulling her hair out after listening to this same crap for the past 5 years. 

Speaking of Jenny, let’s hope her Homecoming dress is not tangerine colored, because that shade does not do her any favors. Looking like she had one bong hit too many before court, she sat sullenly at the defense table with an expression that screamed, “F***. My. Life.” I hope she has that Bauhaus CD handy, because she needs a good cry and a long nap. 

Stabby was at full attention today while Heavy D pitched her sob story. Jenny took her crayons away and dressed her satanic mini-me in pitch black for closing arguments. Because it’s always a great idea to dress an accused demon in black on Judgment Day and let them shoot death glares at the jury. Two thumbs up, Jenny. 

Nurmi invented the word “conversate” today. It is unknown if this word is synonymous with “converse,” but it’s not like it matters, because lawyers aren’t super picky about semantics. 

I would rather eat a lightbulb, after giving myself a root canal with a coat hanger, while tapdancing atop a cactus in a room that my dog has hotboxed with farts on Mac-n-Cheez night, than listen to Heavy D finish one more sentence. 

Sex, sex, and more talk of raunchy sex for Dirty Nurmi. Was there ever any doubt this was the road he would take? It’s like we’re all psychic. 

It appears that Team Cosmonaut is trying to change horses mid-stream. They have casually dumped the self defense theory, and are now humping the leg of the “sudden quarrel” excuse. 

Ladies, take notes: if anyone calls you a b*tch, slut, or whore, you are entitled to murder them three times over. So speaketh Nurmi, who ironically makes a living defending violent sex offenders and pedophiles. 

According to Heavy D, so concerned was Stabby with protecting Travis’ reputation, that she spent five whole years lying through her teeth in jail before accusing him of pedophilia without a scrap of evidence to prove her claim. Slow clap for the martyr, everyone. Celebrate her bravery. 

The jury now has the case, and we are officially on verdict watch. 

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232 responses to this post.

  1. OMG! I would rather eat a light bulb after giving myself a root canal with a coat hanger! Where do you get this stuff??

  2. Was looking forward to this all day!! Excellent as always!

    • Posted by Tricia on May 5, 2013 at 9:06 pm

      EGG-cellent! I didn’t even know about this blog until tonight & I LOVE IT!!!

  3. Brilliant! Thankyou Eggy you have surpassed yourself yet again.

    Now the nail biting begins – hopefully the jurors will grant Travis the justice he so deserves.

    • Lord, i hope so Jill. If this monster gets anything less than LWOP I might blow a gasket.

      • I agree. I could not watch Heavy D fat ass are you from this planet Nurmi. As we all knew his closing statements would be full of filth and ridiculous statements. On HLN saw Arias laughing with her crooked teeth,smirking as usual and cursing! Mr. Juan said something she didn’t like. Watch out Juan, me thinks you are on her hate list! I would be too. Jodi Arias, reminds me of the Manson killings,just as evil and satanic. I hope she rots in hell for what she did to that nice happy go-lucky young man. Travis’ pictures remind me of a teddy bear, always laughing and having so much fun. along came Jodi Arais and the happy days were gone. Arias deserves the death sentence. I don’t pray for her to die, I pray for justice for Mr. Travis Alexander and his beloved family. Thank you eegtreenews, you word things so nice very humorous. I wish I had your talent. I must say this again and again, I have never seen such unprofessional, untalented attorney’s as Kirk Nurmi and Jennifer Willmott. These to idiots are not qualified to practice law. All Heavy D is good at is sexual perverion. Prom queen, rolling her eyes, smirking. Plus she is totally uncapble of questioning people with education. When she makes a total fool of herself tries to be condescending to the witness.

        • Posted by Chris Lantz on May 4, 2013 at 7:12 am

          What’s sad is that Nurmi got 225.00 an hour to sit on his fat ass during the trial and than to come up with the lame closing arguments. I was getting really bored so I went and cleaned my toiled…it seemed fitting at that time. JA didn’t kill Travis right away because a roommate was still there and she couldn’t kill him while he was in the shower because another roommate was there. Plus Nurmi can’t even remember what size of gun she used…he said 22 and it was a 25 and also said that she took the gas can to another walmart. DUH was he digging at his crotch and smelling his fingers when she said she returned it to the same store ????? Jenny wore that orange outfit to remind JA that she’ll be wearing this color for quite some time. The world now sees how unprofessional and inappropriate the defense team truly was…so what goes around comes around…I’m sure his private practice will be slow and Willmott could sell drugs on the side.

        • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 11:05 am

          Manson gang! Great comparison.

      • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 11:04 am

        Please don’t blow a gasket – flip your lid – or crack up. Who knows what editorial topics are in your future – and therefore the group of us followers – for your brilliant analyses and sanity. Who else could we “conversate” with?

  4. Reblogged this on rcsmiley's Blog and commented:
    Hilariously accurate!

  5. Posted by Loren Schiro on May 3, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    For the writer of this blog .. Not sure if thats what this Is… I will keep your margarita glass full…pool side. .., your wit makes me happy…

    • Posted by gailie on May 5, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      Absolutely! Let me know if you need me to donate… This stuff is FABULOUS!

  6. Posted by Dean on May 3, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    she sat sullenly at the defense table with an expression that screamed, “F***. My. Life.”

    I have tears flowing down my dace

  7. Posted by Danny on May 3, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    Eggsellent article. I salute you.

  8. Who are you? This blog is absolute genius! I read constantly and I have NEVER read anything that would get me laughing like this. I savor each and every sentence, reread several times before I move to the next sentence. I don’t want it to end. Ypur descriptions of the characters in this case are spot on. You are one talented writer!

      • Posted by GBPL on May 4, 2013 at 1:11 pm

        ; )

        At first I thought “here we go again!”

        …..then I realized!

        • Posted by Jeanne on May 4, 2013 at 7:20 pm

          Heavy sigh. O is next to P. I love typos because it reveals our human nature. Thank God we are not robots; we have heartbeats, tempers, emotions, soulls, and we make mistakes.

          • Posted by Mindus on May 5, 2013 at 10:01 am

            I’ve found that as soon as I point out someone else’s typo I will follow with one of my own. Glass houses and all that….

            • Posted by Jeanne on May 5, 2013 at 8:05 pm

              Exactly! Did you read or scan? Actually, the quote is “Those without sin cast the first stone.” Glass houses came much, much later.

    • Posted by Donna Beford on May 5, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      I am also found this amazing brilliant commentary satire whatever this egg person does it makes me feel better after watching this crazy nut weird court case ……. I love this egg person I will follow her/him forever

  9. I can barely see to type this…my 5 year old precious little pumpkin grand daughter just said to me, “boy Grama that MUST be REALLY funny” and then she started giggling along with me. You have outdone yourself my friend! This was hysterically wonderful!

  10. Posted by michele on May 3, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    I was so happy to read your post tonight. It made a frustrating mood much lighter. You speak for legions, and you are brilliant!

  11. I read this every night and you get me every time. Hilarious! I hope you got some new fans from me posting you great blog yesterday.

  12. Waited all day for this again masterful! What will we do when this trial is over? Terrible closing argument, but I knew you would have a brilliant close! Well done Egg’ie!

    • Posted by Karen Jenkins on May 4, 2013 at 7:51 am

      My son just asked me what in the world am I going to do after this trial is over.I simply said”Move on to the next one”
      I do know there will never be another one like this,If the Jury failes to give lwop or death I will loose all faith in our judicial system

      • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 6:34 pm

        FL v Zimmerman is scheduled to start on June 10th. I’m sure egg can get plenty of mileage out of the fact that GZ has gained more than an 8th grader’s worth of weight! .110+ lbs, his bobbleheaded attorney claims. (!?!?!?!?!)

        W-O-W.

  13. Posted by susan david on May 3, 2013 at 11:04 pm

    Another good one….I just love getting your blogs.. you make me laugh out loud…..

    I dislike Nurmi…..hate wilnotevershutup, and loathe hoho…..so there’s been too much negativity lately that’s for sure…..your emails make my day…

    Glad it’s coming to an end and hoping for the best…I have faith in Juan not too sure admit the judicial system.

  14. Brilliant again Egg! The best part of the day has been finding your blog and the accurate descriptions of the defense team. Helps take the edge off the frustration for not being able to give the lot of them a good shake!

  15. Good laugh to end my night.

  16. Laughing till it hurts again. Watching Nurmi’s closing made me want to go to AZ and pull the words out of his mouth myself. The only thing that got me thru it was picturing Nurmi singing Now That We Found Love. Made me laugh just thinking of your blog. Thanks again!

  17. Posted by Beans on May 4, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Something about Nurmi has been bothering me for weeks (beyond the obvious) and today it hit me. He looks like Earl from the old TV show ‘Dinosaurs’ except Earl looked better in a suit. Check out some vids on Youtube. What rough beast slouches toward Arizona.

    • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 10:46 am

      Oh my gosh, you’re right! My son used to love that show.

      • Posted by gailie on May 5, 2013 at 4:47 pm

        That’s so true!… LOL!… loved the baby!! “I’m the baby, gotta love me~!”…

  18. Posted by Pen on May 4, 2013 at 12:10 am

    I would rather eat a light bulb……laughed so much could not finish the rest for a while, my elderly Mother was a little concerned for my sanity. I think we have to put a warning on your blog….careful, this may cause extreme laughter….thank you for your blog.

  19. Posted by Andrea on May 4, 2013 at 12:24 am

    I don’t know whatever I did to deserve this blog but it must have been spectacular.
    I know, eggy, that you entertain yourself in ways that surpass all others. At times I think you can’t even believe the things that come out of your own mind.
    We may be on verdict watch but I’m officially on eggtree watch, daily.
    Thank you for the tears of laughter, you really should bottle this recipe. It could heal the world.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 4:41 am

      I couldn’t agree more. If we all converged around Stabby as a PLANET and laughed at her while reading this blog. Maybe reading it TO her.! (“and Stabby no likey when people talk about her”!! LOL) LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!

      • Posted by gailie on May 5, 2013 at 4:48 pm

        Maybe we could all get together and write this blog, bit by bit, on postcards and send them to her!

  20. You need to write novels!

    • OMG…I will buy any novel you write…I LOVE your blog!!! I have gone back and read your comments on Babykiller Anthony, Marky Mark, Lindsay Lohan, and my all time favorite…your synopsis of The Walking Dead…You ROCK!!!

  21. Posted by Margo Temple on May 4, 2013 at 12:33 am

    I have laughed for the last hour over your Whine and cheezits blog. Great as always but you have out done yourself today,

  22. Posted by Frieda on May 4, 2013 at 1:00 am

    LOL!! I’m glad you heard him say “conversate” – I couldn’t believe it. It reminded me of Jodi’s “de-edify” (instead of disedify) and a couple other newly made up psychopath words she used.

    • Posted by nymima on May 4, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      Love it – “Couple other newly made up psychopath words.”

      Great spoof on the very bland finale (defense finale that is) of a very emotional trial. Of course anything might seem bland when you have to follow a most talented prosecutor who really had his heart and soul in this for Travis and his family.

  23. Posted by Frieda on May 4, 2013 at 1:00 am

    “Stabby was at full attention today while Heavy D pitched her sob story. Jenny took her crayons away and dressed her satanic mini-me in pitch black for closing arguments. Because it’s always a great idea to dress an accused demon in black on Judgment Day and let them shoot death glares at the jury. Two thumbs up, Jenny.”

    LOL! Totally…

    • Posted by Terri LaValle on May 4, 2013 at 6:50 am

      I watched Stabby look at the jury as they left the courtroom to be shown their new quarters. She dang near pushed Wilmott out of the way and just stood there with this evil look on her face as she watched them all file out. I hope none of them looked at her and saw that satanic look on her face. It gave me chills………

      • Posted by Fay on May 4, 2013 at 6:57 am

        That look on Jodi’s face when Juan was speaking also gave me chills. She is pure evil!

        • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 11:13 am

          Jenny’s looks gave me chills too. Whatever happened to integrity in the judicial system? Professionalism while still defending constitutional rights? Tsunurmi and his hair-pulling cohort…who knows what is in their futures.

          • Posted by nymima on May 4, 2013 at 4:47 pm

            I agree about the dark, evil looks Jenny gave Juan. Ooh – it was creepy!

          • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 4:58 pm

            I just LOVE sharing a name with that balding banshee!

      • Posted by gailie on May 5, 2013 at 4:50 pm

        I think I saw Stabby tell Jenny to look at the jury and Jenny said “ok”… go watch…

  24. Posted by Michele on May 4, 2013 at 1:35 am

    Simply Hilarious!

  25. Posted by allie on May 4, 2013 at 1:51 am

    “satanic mini me” ~LOL

    this is so brilliant and therapeutic to read!

  26. After just about killing myself today from an attack of high blood pressure from yelling at my television set to JUST SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN BEFORE I SCREAM to Nimrod Nurmi, mere minutes later he did and I was thrilled, along with millions of other North Americans, to hear the dulcet tones of Mr. Martinez again. Blood pressure almost back to normal except now I have to worry about the blessed jury and what their verdict will be. Not looking forward to a long weekend of two days and no deliberations….so just before I headed to bed tonight I had a peek in at your blog and was not disappointed! Thank you for giving us some much-needed laughter at the expense of this incredibly awful duhfense team. Stabby sure looked like she could have jumped over her evil twinn and slaughtered the prosecutor today. Made my day, along with reading your blog. Have a great weekend, Eggie, and here’s to Monday and hopefully a juanderful verdict!!!

    • Posted by Frieda on May 4, 2013 at 2:09 am

      Seriously! I went to go play with the local wildfire rather than sit through Nurmi… but I missed Juan! I caught him on YouTube later — love that man!

      • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 11:15 am

        My father used to tell us to “go play in the traffic.” So I took his advice and did that rather than watch that lard ass perform.

    • Posted by nymima on May 4, 2013 at 4:49 pm

      Agreed about the blood pressure! Not a fun day until Nurmi finished his very dismal close.

  27. I was hoping 2 let u know how much ur blog is appreciated. Is there anyway 2 automaticly receive ur writtings? U r very talented

  28. Nurmi gets aroused when he hears the sex tape, especially in court. Jodi told him she really gets hot when she hears it too. These are the days he likes Jodi.

  29. Posted by linda mooradian on May 4, 2013 at 3:32 am

    Thank you eggy, another eggselent blog! Just when I think you have out done your last blog you surprise me again!!

  30. Posted by Carol on May 4, 2013 at 3:37 am

    You are amazing ..thank you for taking me from tears to a laugh. When nurmi pulled out that rediculas sex tape (and to be honest, neither Foggy or Travis seem much into it) AGAIN…and it was Travis ONLY..I thought….ARE YOU KIDDING ME….I hope the jury was as offended as I was. He is the lowest of the low.

  31. Posted by Marty on May 4, 2013 at 3:50 am

    “The Gutter, AZ” Priceless, and why was I not surprised? We all needed a shower after that closing, Love your satire.

  32. Posted by Wendy Allen on May 4, 2013 at 4:39 am

    I particularly enjoyed that first rattle out of the box Nurmi outted Laviolette stating what the case was not about ie, It’s not about the “sexual orientation” of an expert witness, which, best I can tell she has kept that secret locked in a vault (so she thought) her entire career. Also, Heavy D’s word of the day was postulate, what’s up with that?? And CONVERSATE, really??? All that education and he uses that???
    My husband thinks I have become much funnier since I have been using some of your bits.
    Great job Eggy!

    • Posted by Francine on May 4, 2013 at 4:55 am

      Why the heck would Nurmi even even talk about AL’s sexual orientation? He must really be reading all the fb blogs.

    • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 11:18 am

      And I believe I heard him say the case was also not about “hair styles.” If so….wonder who he’s referring to? Stabby’s bangs? Jenny’s bald spot? His own? Juror No. 5?

      • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 12:51 pm

        Stabby’s braids. You know, the ones Stabby said SHE thought were hot also (not JUST Travis) Of course, she needs to build a self defense case now, so NOW they’re perverted. Evil b*tch. (I’ve been wanting to call her that, but I’ve tried to hold back)

        • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 2:16 pm

          Oh….those braids. All he did was start off by complaining and I thought that comment about hair styles was trivial.

          • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 5:03 pm

            most of what TsuNurmi says is trival, no one faults you for attempting to drown out the squealing of the bolts in his chair! He actually looked focused during the state’s closing, probably using the time honored “nerves” remedy of imagining his client (& his co-counsel?) NEKKID.

      • Posted by Polk8dot on May 4, 2013 at 11:26 pm

        Actually,he said ‘it’s not about HAIR CUTS’.
        He was clearly making an allusion to one of the most SARCASTIC jury questions for Dr. ‘Boss Hogg’ Samuels. Back on the first day of his testimony, when he was peddling the ‘Global Transient Amnesia’, he mentioned that it may be brought on by ‘sex, cold or heat, etc’. It was soooooo idiotic that the next day Jenny got him to scrub this theory completely, and instead try selling a new one, of Temporary Amnesia and PTSD. But the jury did not forget, and let him and us know what they thought about his moronic idea, with this fantastically funny question. That was specifically what SmarmyWormi was referring to,but it is no wonder that it went right over people’s heads – most of what he says does. It’s a miracle anyone even caught it in the first place (I started spacing out right around the end of these first few sentences.)

  33. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 4:43 am

    Evil is my computer for not showing your new post…and I kept checking! Stupid thing Grrrrrr

  34. Posted by Tricia on May 4, 2013 at 4:55 am

    As always, hilarious! Thank you again Eggy, you have extreme talent !

  35. Posted by Carol Barlick on May 4, 2013 at 4:57 am

    Thank you from the bottom of my egg carton. Love & look forward to your wit each night.

  36. Posted by Rema Clement on May 4, 2013 at 5:13 am

    This has got to be my favorite blog of all. The humor you use is absolutely brilliant and much needed for such a sad situation. I look forward to the daily giggle that you seem to bring out 😉 Thank you!

  37. Posted by Patty on May 4, 2013 at 5:37 am

    Thank you for capturing all of my angst and disgust, serving it up like Sunday brunch at one of those fancy Scottsdale 5-star resorts complete with ice sculptures and tofu-vegi kachina figures. You’re in good company on the ‘conversate’ issue. For years, Judge Judy has interrupted and reprimanded moronic litigants for peppering their lingo with ‘like’, but now they’ve given her a new reason to correct their grammar. ‘Conversate’ is another bastardization of the english language among urban youts. Heavy D forgot who his audience (the jury) is. Stabby deserves him.

    • Posted by Barb on May 4, 2013 at 8:08 am

      Let’s not forget the “parrot” Jodi’s grammatical faux paus! Everyone thinks she is smart. She only “parrots” back the language she hears from others. Remember her word for the past tense of succumb? She made up a whole new word-succame as past tense rather than succumbed. She also used some other words incorrectly in her sentence structure.She only thinks she is smart and she has fooled many people.

    • Patty, conversate might have pulled the noose on Jodi. If I were on that jury and heard an attorney use that slang, every word after, I would dismiss.

  38. Posted by Lenita on May 4, 2013 at 6:05 am

    Eggy: Thanks for sharing your brilliant wit and painting such hilarious, vivid images.
    As Robert de Niro said to Billy Crystal in the movie, ‘Analyse This’…..”You….you…YOU, my friend…..have a gift”.

  39. Eggie; Your Yolks are without peer!
    I could hang with you…. Yer 83 yr old “groupie”. John (-:

  40. Posted by Lulu's Mom on May 4, 2013 at 6:17 am

    Seriously, what are we going to do without your blogs after this trial is over……you have turned hundreds if not thousands of readers into giggling groupies.

  41. Posted by jill-md on May 4, 2013 at 6:30 am

    I would rather eat a lightbulb, after giving myself a root canal with a coat hanger, while tapdancing atop a cactus in a room that my dog has hotboxed with farts on Mac-n-Cheez night, than listen to Heavy D finish one more sentence

    THANK YOU FOR MAKING allowing us to end a horrible day with a deep belly laugh. I had to shower after listening to the pervert spew his rhetoric. It had to deeply offend the jurors. It did me. YUK.

  42. Posted by Sully on May 4, 2013 at 6:34 am

    You have a genius sarcastic wit, and have single handedly saved me from brain injury from bashing my head against a wall during this theatre of the absurd. Let’s hope Nurmi’s salacious closing didn’t create a fog for the male-dominated jury, which I’m sure was his intent. Scrambled, fried, poached…I don’t care. Keep Egg News coming!

  43. Standing ovation! I have enjoyed reading your blog throughout this trial. You are brilliant!

  44. Posted by Lee Wright on May 4, 2013 at 6:49 am

    Usually I check my e-mail first, but since I found you I have been jumping out of bed and checking you first, so damn funny, too many funny images to just pick one, thank you so much, your the best.

  45. Posted by Fay on May 4, 2013 at 6:51 am

    Thanks for the laughs, they made this sad situation much easier to handle.

  46. Posted by Nancy Pennington on May 4, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Eggcellent as usual. Keep fingers crossed for a swift and just verdict for Travis and his family. Fry (or poach) the scrambled B*****H!!!!!!!

  47. Thanks for the update Egg…decided not to watch Wormi for my mental health…knew it would be more offensive bilge – which, by the snippets I saw afterwards, it was…your synopsis was definitely the best choice to get the scoop…love it!

  48. Posted by Terri LaValle on May 4, 2013 at 7:08 am

    Thank you for all of your hilarious comments. I look forward to this every morning. I hope the jury makes the right decision. As I stated above that evil stare JA gave the jury as they walked out of the courtroom was chilling. Such an evil person. Almost as if she was saying go ahead and find me guilty and see what happens to you kind of stare. I hope none of them looked at her…………..

  49. Posted by Cindy Lou on May 4, 2013 at 7:09 am

    Wow, after Juan’ s inspired closing argument on Monday, listening to Nurmi was every bit the rapid descent into the sewer that we all knew it would be. Luckily, many of us were for armed with our choice of liquid refreshments for shots every time we heard 3 hole wonder, blah, blah, blah. The only good thing we can say about this day is, God willing, it will be the last time we will ever have to be subjected to the collective brain fart of those 3 nitwits sitting at the defense table. Thank you, Egg, for giving us all a little shelter in the storm.

  50. Posted by Cindy Lou on May 4, 2013 at 7:13 am

    Oops, meant to say Juan’ s closing on Wednesday. Maybe I should have gone easier on those tequila shots, LOL.

  51. Posted by Donna Litherland on May 4, 2013 at 7:21 am

    A B S O L U T E L Y
    BRILLIANT!!!!

  52. I wish I had found this eggblog two months ago. LOVE IT. I could read this all day – forget work and kids and house – I’m reading the Egg !!

  53. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don’t need blood pressure medicine or a 10th floor window to jump out of after seeing/listening to that disgusting defense combo screech, snark and slime their way around the courtroom. You restoreth our souls.

  54. Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 7:43 am

    Eggie, as usual you delivered us a delicious desert to go along with Chef Martinez’s perfectly cooked goose.

    Did anybody else notice that the demon laughed when Heavy said he didn’t like her. Was she thinking, “Come on Big Boy, you know you love me” or “I love men who talk dirty and I love a challenge.” Watch your back Dirty Nurmi, the demon may have set her sights on you. And you know what happened to Travis when he said no.

  55. Posted by laura coffee on May 4, 2013 at 7:54 am

    Made my day.

  56. Posted by laura coffee on May 4, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Love it.

  57. Posted by GBPL on May 4, 2013 at 8:20 am

    Egg…your blog should come with a disclaimer that you should have
    1. NOT have hot coffee in your hand and / or in mouth when reading!
    2. To have a completely empty bladder when reading!

    Once again…brilliance at it’s best!! ; )

    • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 11:54 am

      I learned the hard way not consume beverages while reading this blog:)

      • Posted by GBPL on May 4, 2013 at 1:21 pm

        LOL!!! I hear ya!!

        #2. should be BEFORE reading!!!

        I could hardly catch my breath trying to read it out loud to my husband!

        “……in a room that my dog has hotboxed with farts on Mac-n-Cheez night”
        (literary brilliance!!!)

        On any given morning that I’m hesitant to get out of the comfort of my warm bed..in an instant I think…”ooooo I got to check out eggtree’s blog!!!”
        “GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!” 😛

  58. Nurmi’s modus operandi – molasses on a glacier and paralyzed snail…. Jesus. I’m crying. I totally believed him when he said he doesn’t like the demon, though.
    Anyways, now that I saw her smiling with those crooked teeth combining with her crossed-eye, I realized that she must have worked really hard on her mask, because now that it’s slipping, she resembles nothing more than a gutter rat in terms of the spine chilling gut reaction when you see one. Still cries from her nose, as well, so apparently one cannot teach a demon how to show genuine human emotion. Bravo again egg-o. Gifted, you are.

  59. Posted by Jeanne on May 4, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Eggy, you and Master Chef Jaun should open a restaurant. You both have the amazing talent of transforming bulls!$&t into filet mignon. Thanks for another delicious read!

  60. Kudos! Well done! Nermal made so many mistakes yesterday that you could tell his heart was not in it. When you have the job of convincing 15 people that the Sun rises in the West . . . it’s a tough sell. Even if you DO make up words, become repetitive, and drive the Country to drink. A tough sell indeed.

  61. I also meant to comment that I’ve just finished a couple of books about Ted Bundy. I think I see a budding serial killer in Stabby. Her crime scene paralleled other sexual psychopaths. I’m so happy she got caught before she went on to the next victim; with her lack of remorse I’m thinking it would’ve become a pattern…her killing ways.

    • Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 9:13 am

      Can you imagine how many other men the demon may have slaughtered with the 9 mm gun she bought after killing Travis and the two knives she had stashed in the rental car if the police hadn’t arrested her before she could go on the run.

      • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 10:24 am

        You think Stabby would have run if she knew the cops were going to arrest her? I can’t see her running, only because I don’t think she thinks (or thought) it was necessary. She considers herself smarter than EVERYONE else and thought she could talk her way out of trouble. By her own words, she tried to make her story fit the forensic evidence, so besides the fact that she’s a twisted individual who probably wanted to admire her handiwork, I’m sure that’s why she was doing everything she COULD to get the detectives to show them to her. She needed to see them to help her build her (new “really real” story (2 years LATER!) around what the photos show. There is the consciousness of guilt, and NOT guilt due to her B.S. story about “feeling” like she was guilty because ALL murder is wrong. It’s just as bad as Casey Anthony freaking out when she saw the news that someone had found the remains of a child (& it was Caylee) considering she didn’t even BLINK when it was (erroneously) reported that possible child sized bones were found in the Little Econ River. (Ahhh Leonard Padilla…sometimes I miss his ineptitude. Then I kick myself, because we already have PLENTY)

        I’m making myself TRY to think positively about this case being appealed. Well, successfully appealed, since ALL convictions are appealed. Any appeal that has standing will likely be related to Dr McYummy’s FUBAR’d report (blame the transcriptionist at first, but he didn’t notice the typo at any point over the last FIVE YEARS?) It just means we’ll get to see him again at some point. (I’m trying to find the bright sides here LOL) Speaking of, that’s the OTHER sh*t posted on the “support-your-neighborhood-demon” website…that Dr Horn and Det Flores knowingly committed fraud AND perjury, and they say Martinez is guilty of Prosecutorial misconduct. OF COURSE they lay it ALL at the hard working feet of our favorite criminal-friendly, diabolical Prosecutor. Stupid stupid, stupid.
        Now I have a headache.

        Dr Horn….paging Dr Horn……..

        • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 10:29 am

          get the detectives show her the crime scene & camera pics, that is. She tried 5 times with Det. Flores that I counted, (but I may have missed 1 or 2) and once (but for a half hour +) with the female Siskiyou Co. Deputy… almost begging to see all the pictures!

        • LOL! If you want to play “Doctor” with Dr. McCutie, you’d have to play the corpse. A headache would only get you Dr. Drew.

          • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 10:37 am

            Damn it, probably right. Though other than the fact that he is happily married w/a bunch of kids,….Dr Drew is pretty good looking. Have you seen his arms? Not bad….

            • Oh, yes. Dr Drew works out religiously. He’s good looking, too. I do hope Dr Horn grows his stubbles back, though. Mercy!

            • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 2:27 pm

              I like his smile (Dr. Drew). Will have to check out his arms Monday pm. Dr. McCutie….cute as a button. I made the mistake of checking out the crazy team Jodi website. Made me physically ill. To think that those people drive – vote – possibly teach our children – work in healthcare – made me simply shake my head and groan.

      • Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 10:34 am

        Jodi’s father told Flores in the interrogation tape she told him she was going away and they wouldn’t see her for a long time because she weas about to be arrested for a crime she didn’t commit. The cops had her under surveillance and arrested her as she was packing the rental car her mother brought her. The rental agency foiund two knives hidden in the car and the cops found the 9mm with a cartridge of ammunition in her suitcase. She testified she was planning on committing suicide and wanted to go somewhere else to do it. I believe her father over her

        • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 10:40 am

          “the 9mm”? Why didn’t I hear that?? What, is she saying she got that from Travis also?

          • Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 10:47 am

            She admitted on the stand she bought a 9mm gun to protect herself because she planned on going on a camping trip with all guys. This was a few days after she stabbed and shot Travis to death.

            • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 11:52 am

              Sorry Observer, I didn’t see that you’d already brought the camping trip up. I can’t help but think those guys she was supposed to go camping with dodged a bullet…literally!

              • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 1:01 pm

                Yeah they did!! Do the guys that went camping know she was planning on bringing a gun? And I’m sure ALL the girlfriends/wives of the guys going on this this “all males + Jodi” camping trip were JUST THRILLED that she was going with them, and would be the only female. I don’t see a bunch of Mormon men inviting Stabby on a guy’s weekend, I bet she invited herself! (don’t you hate it when people do that?)

                • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 2:36 pm

                  In twisted Jodi-world I think buying the 9mm was part of her distorted attempt at an alibi after the fact. It was like she was saying, “I never touched a gun before I bought my own.” “See….I bought my own gun AFTER Travis was killed – so I didn’t have one then….didn’t know how to use one.” PTSD???? Seems to me a gun would be the last item she’d buy if that diagnosis rang true. If only to have a few more minutes of Dick Samuels on the stand to ask about that tidbit. I’m getting too serious for this way too entertaining site. Need to shake myself back to mischief.

                • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm

                  I don’t think these were Mormon guys. She met them at the restaurant she had just started working at I believe. And of course, you KNOW she invited herself!

          • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 11:39 am

            She bought the 9mm jenniferlyn. She had plans to go on an ALL GUY camping trip with some guys she had just met at work, she claimed she bought the gun to “feel safe”…so rather than just not go, she felt it was a better idea to go packing some heat and if they tried anything she could just shoot them. That’s one of her stories regarding the gun but I’m sure she’s told others!

            The gun was actually found hidden in the rental car. The cops didn’t even know about it until her mom asked them if they’d found it. The tracked the rental car down and found it but it was very well hidden.

            • Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 2:18 pm

              Thanks, Rea. I didn’t know that. Hiding the gun and knives in the rental car indicates she was on another murder rampage. One of Travis’s friends said as soon as Travis’s dead body was found he knew Jodi had murdered Travis and immediately called Mimi, Lisa and Deanna and other female friends to make sure they were safe.

              • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 2:40 pm

                Makes perfect sense – a spree killer. One victim wasn’t enough for her. Buying that 9 mm for a camping trip made absolutely no sense. I think Observer is right – she had other plans with the 9mm AND knives. She enjoyed what she did and wanted more of it.

                • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 2:58 pm

                  I think so too, she was already craving that high she got from killing Travis.

        • Posted by Cindy Lou on May 4, 2013 at 2:29 pm

          I wonder how many people Shabby has threatened suicide. 3 times I have noted during this trial alone.

          • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 2:59 pm

            The Hughes said Travis told them she threatened suicide to him many times. Sky would tell him not to worry, that she’d never actually do it but he was always fearful that she would…too bad she didn’t!

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      Did you read Ann Rule’s “The Stranger Beside Me”? TB always went after the same TYPE of girl, kind of like Stabby using “Prepaid Legal” as her own personal Mormom Match.com

  62. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=457196854356462&set=pb.160510210691796.-2207520000.1367682325.&type=3&theater. Please look at this screenshot and tell me this doesn’t give you a chill?
    I see, in this picture, a demon spawn whispering curses to (regardless how we feel about Jenny, she’s just doing her job) Jenny. And, to me Jenny looks scared at this moment.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 9:40 am

      First….this is even funnier the second time around!!!! My cat went skittering of sideways down the hall, all puffed up, because I was laughing so loud!

      Second….I almost (almost, but…not quite) feel bad for Stabby’s attorneys. You couldn’t pay me ENOUGH to sit next to someone who has eyes like that! I WAS going to say:” if looks could kill!”…..then I remembered, she prefers knives, and “other people’s ” weapons. (eyeroll)

    • Super creepy!! It’s the first time I have seen such revulsion on the face of Stabby’s twinn other than when Mr. Martinez is saying something in Court that she doesn’t like.

    • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      Almost looks like she’s going to hiss rather than speak.

    • Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 3:51 pm

      That is very creepy! This lady’s blog has a really creepy GIF of Jodi peeking at the death pics of Travis…spooky!!!http://karma4caylee.com/

    • Posted by Chris West Palm Beach on May 4, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      That is a great moment! you can bet that Jenny either hit the bottle or smoked a joint
      on Friday night. No doubt she is happy that this trial is nearing the end.
      Can’t wait for the verdict. I will need some blood pressure medication!!!

    • Posted by Barb on May 6, 2013 at 5:34 am

      I am not so sure Jenny is scared of her. I think she may have become a “follower” much like the people in the new TV series “The Following”. To his credit Nurmi sits as far away as possible, and never looks into the eyes of the DEMON.And something that puzzles me is why Nurmi keeps shaving his head. Is it so the Demon can’t get a strand and take back to jail for voo doo? Is he afraid Hodi may have lice or crabs that might jump to his head? Who knows?!!!!

  63. Posted by Patricia Koehnen on May 4, 2013 at 9:02 am

    Koo Koo cah chew

  64. Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 9:10 am

    It was no surprise when Dirty Nurmi started out his closing argument like he was previewing the upcoming Lifetime Movie of Jodi Arias’s life, “Lies, Sex and Dirty Little Secrets” complete with the sound track of Travis half asleep and mumbling like a drugged Kermit the frog as the dirty words Nurmi put in his mouth marched in big letters across the computer screen. The only ones who were looking at the screen were Dirty Nurmi and the demon.

    Juan got Dirty all riled up when he had the audacity to speak the truth that Travis Alexander said what he said on the sex tape believing it was a private conversation and the demon taped Travis without his knowledge, (which by the way is a crime in some states.) I think the judge sustained Dirty’s objection and told the jurors to disregard it but any jurors who hadn’t already thought of it themselves will now.

    • Posted by Chris West Palm Beach on May 4, 2013 at 7:57 pm

      That was a ridiculous move on his part. He’s telling the jurors, i think you are all stupid
      and I want you to believe this crap. Lame move. Make the butchered victim sound like the bad guy. Oh so lame. Thank God, I won’t have to look at Nurmis’ sock collection any longer.

  65. Posted by Sheri on May 4, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Best blog ever! I tell everyone to read this. Goodbye Jodi Airy-Ass, enjoy your time on death row!

  66. Posted by Frieda on May 4, 2013 at 9:44 am

    OMG have you seen what Stabby has written (via Donovan) on Twitter? These are the seeds of cyber stalking and threatening Juan. Notice she says his “past lies” and not the ones he is supposedly saying now LOL Juan better hope she never, ever escapes, because I believe she WILL kill him. And or his loved ones. And Travis’ loved ones. And Wilmott for not getting her off. Notice I’m assuming she’s getting the DP. And she has organized a group PRAYER vigil on Facebook? And she whines that she missed the commissary which to her is like “missing Christmas”? May she miss all Christmases soon. Her prayer vigil should be quite disturbing. I wonder if Nurmi and Wilmott will join her. And her plagiarism that she calls art…. there are no words. More proof that she’s just not a regular gal.

    “Jodi Arias ‏@Jodiannarias 12h
    Commissary didn’t arrive this week. It’s like waking up on Christmas morning and discovering that Santa skipped your neighborhood.

    Jodi Arias ‏@Jodiannarias 12h
    Hypocrisy bugs. Wish we could shine a spotlight on all of Juan’s lies,lies he’s made on record over the years in a court of law.

    Jodi Arias ‏@Jodiannarias 16h
    Group Prayer scheduled this Sunday,6p.m. PST. Go to “JodiAriasfriendsand family” Facebook group for details. Thank you and God bless.

    Jodi Arias ‏@Jodiannarias 16h
    Just the friendly FYI,:I am NOT profiting from my artwork: But it seems like everyone else is.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 10:33 am

      I’m calling shennanigans on her “not profitting” from her art. She isn’t nice enough to give her so called “abusive” parents any of it. Think it may be used to pay her attorneys, or was she declared indigent?

      • Hi jenni. LOL!!! Her art sucks!
        She was indigent, she only had the check that she bounced to Travis back.

      • Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 10:55 am

        The profits from her artwork is going for jailhouse snacks for the demon and plane tickets for her family to fly from Yreka to Phoenix to attend the trial. Apparently, the demon wants all the money for herself. Her attorneys must be encouraging her family to be there for show of support to the Demon. She snubs them because of course she doesn’t care about anyone but herself.

    • Hi Frieda. Now, I wonder if that prayer vigil will be held around a pentagram on the floor with 5 candles, all wearing black robes and speaking in Wicca tongues?
      AH,HAHAHAHAHA!!! I’ll ask her fam at facebook and see what they say. I’ll let you know.
      That’s her only friends, Satan and Donavan!! Good luck on those choices…

    • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 11:27 am

      One of Stabby’s tweets contained “court of law.” I confess….that expression annoys me. What other types of “courts” would Juan routinely be working in? Tennis? Basketball?

      • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 1:07 pm

        Stabby’s favorite court of all..the court of public opinion. She was.CERTAIN the masses would rally around such a poor, beautiful abused girl. But…..they hate her too!!! (guess it’s not her favorite anymore!! Heehee)

    • 😆 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 😆

      “Hypocrisy bugs”

      😆 There are no words!! 😆

  67. It seems that Ms. Scariass partook too much in Heavy D Nurmi’s whine and cheese party last night!!!

  68. Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 10:25 am

    Dirty Nurmi insulted the jury when he said this trial isn’t about the sexual orientation of a witness and he named two other things it isn’t about that were equally insulting.

    For his information, it isn’t about sex, the Mormon Church, domestic violence and pedophilia either.

    It is about first degree premeditated murder perpetrated by his pathological lying psychopathic client.

    All the character assassination of Travis Alexander is going to get the demon is the death penalty because it shows she is blaming the victim rather than taking responsibility for slaughtering a human being who gave her chance after chance because he is a good naive Christian man who believes even evil sociopaths can improve.

  69. Posted by Mollyc on May 4, 2013 at 10:27 am

    His thesaurus buried with his ethics …. Love u Eggy ….sorry u ran outta Margarita mix. You need a margarita to listen to Nurmi. I was fuming MAD when he brought up the pedophilia crap again! Like kill the dude all over again with that sh.. and not a shred of evidence!

    • Posted by Mollyc on May 4, 2013 at 10:38 am

      Eggy I am Molly, (Toronto, Ontario)
      I want you to put your blog in an Ebook
      And you will be rich!

  70. Laugh-out-loud funny once again. Brilliant writing……..As riveting as this case has been, I’m so incredibly grateful that I’ll never ever have to listen to either one of these defense attorneys again. Their voices grate, their styles grate, their desire to believe and defend a vicious lying murderer grates….

    I hope this isn’t the last I get to read on this blog tho because this has truly been a highlight.

  71. Posted by firstwife on May 4, 2013 at 10:32 am

    So glad I came across your blog – absolutely brilliant & has me LOLing every time I read it! Funny, before I found you I had referred to JA as Stabby & Shooty on a facebook post, then I saw it here too. Great minds think alike?

  72. EGG; 😀 😀 😀 😀 Stellar post!! Awesome!! You wrapped this fricking nut case in a nutshell. I am proud to be your friend!
    How’d everyone sleep last night? I slept just fine knowing that I can get my life back and that the butcher is going to die.
    How do you think stabby slept last night? AH,HAHAHAHA!!!! Screw her, she is toast.

  73. I had the root canal with what seemed to be the clothes hanger, taped the Nurmi mumble, but during the 5 hrs in the endo chair conversated in my head the entire time – what is eggie going to write about squirmy nurmi. Even though only half of my face could laugh, the other side made up for it. Love your take on life and thanks for putting it out there to enjoy.

  74. Posted by Frank Barnhart on May 4, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I think I pulled my liver loose laughing!You would think Heavy D could afford to buy some bi-focials or cheaters.The way he has to move his glasses up to his greasy forehead everytime he looks at a piece of evidence (there are over 600 pieces of evidence) just drives me crazy! That constant jerking of his left arm to show off that big ol’ big ass watch the state of Arizona bought him or else he’s jerking that onesie dress shirt further and further up his crack.I haven’t figured it out.

  75. Posted by Michele Ramos on May 4, 2013 at 11:05 am

    I learned of your statements about a month ago and look forward to reading them everyday!! Thank you for bringing your humor to this sad situation.

  76. Posted by Ria on May 4, 2013 at 11:43 am

    Oh Eggy, the visions you put in my head while reading your blog!!! I’m almost hoping Jodi gets life, just so she can continue her wacky hi jinx and you can continue turning them into hilarious blog posts!!!

  77. Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    The best evidence of Jodi Arias being a stalker and an evil sociopath were provided by the demon herself.

    On the witness stand Jodi told a long involved story of an incident of what she considered Travis abusing her but Martinez pounced on as an example of Jodi stalking Travis.

    Apparently Nurmi was napping in law school when his professor lectured that an attorney should never ask a question of a witness that he doesn’t know the answer, Nurmi encouraged Jodi to tell the story after she said she was afraid Travis was going to kill her June 4, 2008 because “it was just like the other time.”

    She told a long involved story of how in August 2008 after she moved to Mesa a month after Travis and Jodi broke up, she went over to Travis’s house to get an item she stored in his garage, looked in the window, saw Travis making out with a woman, ran home sobbing, called her parents house to talk to her sister but she wasn’t home so she cried into the ear of the father she testilied had hit her with belts and pushed her into doors causing her to go unconscious.

    Then the next day she went over to Travis’s house and confronted him about what she saw and he ran upstairs, banged his head against the door and she followed him and he was so upset he scared her, she ran down the hallway, he caught up with her, pulled her to him and kissed her on the forehead and said he was sorry he scared her. That’s her idea of abuse.

    She also sat on the stand reading text message after text message that Travis wrote May 26, 2008 that Jodi used as an example of Travis being “mean” to her.

    How ironic that in his closing statement Martinez used those same words as a motive for murder because two days later on May 28, 2008 she staged a burglary and stole her grandfather’s gun and at the end of May 2008 called Ryan Byrnes to say she was coming to Utah to visit him and called Daryl Brewer and asked to borrow gas cans for a trip to Mesa, AZ.

    Martinez said Travis was prophesizing his own murder on May 26, 2008 when he wrote that Jodi Arias was evil, a sociopath and “the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

    Martinez said “Little did he know he would be dead in less than a month.”

    Travis also wrote Jodi only cries for herself, which Martinez pointed out she was doing in the courtroom.

  78. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Nurmi hasn’t called me any names (except perhaps BORED…..no, that was MY word for how I feel listening to him) Can I still have permission to kill him 3 times over for being a sex obsessed nincompoop? I can always wait til Stabby gets convicted and kills him with one of those golf pencils, I’m not that picky…

    • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 4, 2013 at 2:53 pm

      There it is…one of my all-time favorites words – “nincompoop” – that’s him.

  79. Posted by Valerie Rios on May 4, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    Thank you, Eggy, for giving me the opportunity to laugh and release tension during this heartbreaking trial. Please write a book some day soon and let me know where to buy it!

  80. Posted by sharon on May 4, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Your an awesome writer! Love to laugh when this trial gets tense!!

  81. Posted by Tiger on May 4, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Please tell me you’re following the Trayvon Martin case. You are the wind beneath my wings. Can you blog every trial?

  82. Posted by Fenway freak on May 4, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    Thank u eggie for bringing some much needed levity to an otherwise horrendous situation. I hate to say this but I have very little faith in the justice system. As a nurse at a state prison in NJ, I have witnessed much injustice within the legal system. There are men serving life in prison for what many of us would consider a minor drug offence, while I have seen others get out in as little as four years for murder. I am trying to keep the faith but think I am just too jaded to have much hope for a just verdict.

  83. Posted by jill-md on May 4, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    Thanks for the heads up! I deleted the link because I would rather not send traffic over there. But it will be addressed.
    -Eggo

  84. Posted by Cindy Lou on May 4, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    This “prayer vigil” is a direct rip off on the one Travis’ s family has invited us all to participate in. She cannot tolerate not having the last word on everything, and her jealousy of Travis’ s family no doubt keeps her awake gnashing her teeth most nights.

  85. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    I have a feeling this post will have 300+ comments by the end of the weekend, especially with so many of us posting the link for egg on the different blogs we all read collectively. People don’t know what they’ve been MISSING until we (who were blessed to stumble in during the trial, and will likely have less long term trauma as a result) point them in the direction of this brilliant writer. We have a duty to share this knowledge with the world!! 🙂

  86. Posted by Annish on May 4, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    Please don’t blow a gasket. There will be another lunatic coming down the pipeway any day now. There always is.

  87. Posted by carolesue on May 4, 2013 at 5:47 pm

    You need to do trial-watch stand-up. ya know, HLN humor homilies. Excellent stuff.

  88. Posted by Judy Rumensky on May 4, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    You are the highlight of my day! What a great way with words. Can’t get enough. Read all your articles. Keep it up. Write books.

  89. Posted by Chris West Palm Beach on May 4, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    Nurmi’s closing= garbage in,garbage out. I enjoyed watching Jodi during the past few months acting like a “paralegal”. taking on the role of Willmott. Her BPD really showed it’s ugly side the longer the trial went on. I really think that Jodi has dismissed in her mind what her life will really be like after her conviction.She had a role to play during the trial and she enjoyed all the attention. What does she have left after it’s all over?
    Let us not forget that this is about how she savagely killed a young man that had a purposeful life ahead of him. She has caused pain for all involved. And I believe that is exactly the way she wanted it to go.

  90. Posted by Kathy on May 4, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    This was great..Have not laughed this hard in a long time.The closing was so bad I started drinking straight tequila.

  91. Posted by Observer on May 4, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    In his closing statement Nurmi asked the jury if Jodi Arias planned to kill Travis Alexander June 4, 2008 why didn’t she shoot him in the back when she arrived at his house, shoot him in the head as he slept or stab him in the back in the shower when his back was turned and be done with it? Why have sex with him if she was planning to kill him?

    The answer is simple. Jodi wanted to spend one last day with Travis, be the last woman on earth to have sex with him and to get him seated on the floor of the shower, naked and trapped with nowhere to go as she looked him in the eye and stabbed him in the heart. She wanted him to feel the pain she felt when he rejected her as he looked into her soulless dark eyes.

    In one of the interrogations with Flores she said if she killed Travis she would show him mercy and shoot him, not stab him. A bald faced lie.

    In the July 16, 2008 interrogation when she lies again and tells Flores she witnessed a woman with a knife and man with a gun murder Travis she describes in an excited voice hearing Travis scream in pain, seeing him on all fours and blood being everywhere.

    That tells me Jodi enjoyed bringing Travis Alexander to his knees, stabbing him 27 times, slitting his throat, stomping on his feet and shooting him in the head because she wanted him to suffer. She used the knife instead of the gun because she didn’t want to show him any mercy. He had seen her evilness and exposed her as a sociopath with no soul and because of that he had to die a painful death.

    She was on her way to seduce and exploit a new Mormon boy sex toy – 24 year old Ryan Byrnes who was climbing his way up the corporate ladder. And when Ryan wouldn’t have sex with her, she targeted a guy on the plane on her way home from Travis’s memorial.

    Now she didn’t have to worry about Travis having sex with or marrying another woman, she was quick to forget and replace him.

    • Posted by Ria on May 5, 2013 at 4:51 am

      I agree Observer, plus seducing him would get him at his most vulnerable and not expecting at all what was about to happen. She also had to be wary of the two room mates and make sure they weren’t home. I know a lot of people think she intended to shoot him to death but the gun jammed but, like you mentioned, I think she wanted to stab him, she didn’t want him to go quickly.

  92. Posted by Donna on May 4, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    This is the BEST time I’ve had in 4 months!! OMG, thank you for the play by play in the court room. I’ve laughed out loud and snorted through my nose, held my sides and my eyes are sore from wiping with a ‘generic-brand’ tissue. Seriously, I shed more tears and blew my nose more than JA will in a lifetime of ‘somebody pulling her string”! hahahaha
    You are beyond witty and I love the scandalous, right-on-the-mark descriptions!
    Well done, my friend! You cannot possibly know how much your humor has lifted my spirtits and given me the very best laughs that I’ve had in quite some time!!!
    Donna W

  93. Dana Chandler case has some eerie similarities to this one…just saying

  94. Posted by Frieda on May 4, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    I hope Nurmi hasn’t tried to throw a wrench by saying he doesn’t like Jodi 9 days out of 10. Mistrial or appeal?

    • Hi Frieda,
      JM objected, judge sustained and the utterance was stricken from the record.
      Good try Nurmi. Ineffective council would be my guess.

  95. Posted by Frieda on May 4, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Which reminds me…. why is he called Heavy D again?! http://friedavmh.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/heavy-d-self-portrait/

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 4, 2013 at 11:48 pm

      Go to youtube and look up “Heavy D and the Boys” They had a hit called “Now that we found love” in the 90’s, and Nurmi looks JUST LIKE HIM!

      BTW- do you fast for 12 hrs, or 24, or is it from sun up to sun down? (Or is it whatever you choose?)

      • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 5, 2013 at 4:44 am

        You’re right! I was wickedly wondering what Nurmi’s new occupation could be – wishing him a demise in the legal world after this sad performance – and thought playing in a band would be a good option. Then I saw this post! Now I’m trying to decide between lead singer dead center or a guitar player off to the side no one pays attention to – burning out like Keith Richards over the years. I vote for the Keith Richards position. Nurmi would probably want to be the drummer so he can sit on his ass. And rather than “dirty little secret” streaming through his mind he will be thinking, “money for nothin’, chicks for free.”

      • Posted by Frieda on May 5, 2013 at 2:27 pm

        Re: Fasting – here are the good ol’ traditional Catholic rules. The Church recently lightened up – wayyy up – but our family does it old style, happily, because we love it and feel there is more benefit. Here they are, from one of our priests (I had asked him at Lent because there was some confusion). You can voluntarily fast on others days except the First Class Feast Days and Sundays. We have a liturgical calendar to help us follow it. There is a time for fasting and a time to celebrate. I have no idea what Mormons or other religions do.

        RULES OF FAST: The laws of fasting apply to persons between the ages of twenty-one (21) and fifty-nine (59). On a fast day one may eat one full meal and two light meatless meals, which together would not equal the main meal. Meat may be taken at the principal meal, except on days of complete abstinence. Liquids such as water, milk and fruit juices may be taken between meals.
        THE DAYS OF FAST: The days of mandatory fasting are: all weekdays of Lent until noon of Holy Saturday, the Ember days, the vigils of All Saints Day, of Pentecost, the Immaculate Conception and Christmas.

        RULES OF ABSTINENCE: The laws of abstinence apply to everyone seven years of age and over. On a day of complete abstinence no meat, meat gravy or soup made from meat may be taken. On a day of partial abstinence meat may be taken once.

        THE DAYS OF COMPLETE ABSTINENCE: The days of complete abstinence are: every Friday of the year, Ash Wednesday, Holy Saturday (until noon), the vigils of All Saints Day, the Immaculate Conception and Christmas.

        THE DAYS OF PARTIAL ABSTINENCE: The days of partial abstinence are: Ember Wednesdays and Saturdays and the vigil of Pentecost.

        • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 5, 2013 at 5:14 pm

          TYVM for the info! I suppose I could have “googled” it, right? 😉

  96. Posted by Observer on May 5, 2013 at 7:06 am

    I woke up remembering what Dirty Nurmi said the trial wasn’t about in his closing. He said it wasn’t about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, bad haircuts and the sexual orientation of a witness.

    Dirty has been listening to the talking heads criticize him for slouching in his chair and showing no passion in defending his client and Eggie and other bloggers calling him anything from a paralyzed snail to a tortoise on Quaaludes to a disgusting pervert.

    So he tried to be funny, charming and smart, move and talk a little faster and use big words like “postulate” “conversate” and “covert mission” but it backfired because he forgot he was in a court of law and thought he was a comedian in a strip club on Karayoke night telling raunchy jokes about sex.

    The truth is no matter how hard he tries to pretend to be a likeable lawyer, Dirty Nurmi will never be anything but a filthy, slimy, disgusting slug who tries to put back on the street violent sex offenders, pedophiles and a cold blooded psychopath who had sex with and then butchered her lover.

  97. Posted by EMMMAAR on May 5, 2013 at 7:31 am

    please don’t hate me for saying this: the system needs defense lawyers–even for the most heinous criminals–in order to work. nurmi didn’t want to defend stabby and it showed. his closing was as good as it could be under the circumstances. he bumbled quite a bit (especially about walmart) and that made me nervous–could stabby appeal her conviction on grounds of incompetent representation? the last remarks in his closing (when he went back to the salacious sex) was unforgivable!! it added NOTHING to the defense–and any intelligent jury (and this jury seems very much so) would know that travis and jodi enjoyed sex but of the two it was stabby who taped every conversation and kept them all!! what does that tell us about her?

    thank you eggy for your finely tuned humour!!! without it, there is only horror at what stabby has done and continues to do with a little help from her defense team.

    • Posted by Observer on May 5, 2013 at 8:00 am

      Jodi Arias will try to use ineffective counsel to overturn her conviction but it won’t work because Nurmi and Wilmott did everything they are required to do as defense attorneys. Ineffective counsel is when defense attorneys do nothing to defend their client. Nurmi and Wilmott vigorously defended Jodi Arias. They cross examined the prosecution witnesses. Nurmi and Wilmott called their own defense witnesses who were on the stand for over a month. Nurmi and Wilmott made objections to Martinez’s questions, asked for constant sidebars to fight to include and exclude testimony and evidence and put on a surrebuttal case which is rare. In addition, Nurmi filed numerous motions for mistrial. That is all above and beyond what attorneys are required to do for their client.

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 5, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      I agree, they slithered of prehistoric ooze for a reason. I just pray that if I ever get arrested for anything (& now it won’t be an issue in WA & CO! 😉 that these two heroes of their profession aren’t the only options at the “court appointed attorney” rental office.

  98. Posted by unhipchick on May 5, 2013 at 7:40 am

    HIL. AR. I. OUS!

  99. Posted by emmaar on May 5, 2013 at 10:23 am

    thanks, observer! i agree with you on all counts. stabby will try everything. just hoping she is convicted of 1st degree murder which is what she deserves.

  100. Posted by LindaNewYork on May 5, 2013 at 10:57 am

    “Ladies, take notes: if anyone calls you a b*tch, slut, or whore, you are entitled to murder them three times over”. OR says “even a 5 year old can hold a camera better than you!” (or something to that effect).

  101. Posted by Observer on May 5, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    For anyone who lives near Phoenix or Riverside, there will be candlelight vigils for Travis Alexander in both cities tonight. I am trying to juggle plans so I can go to the Phoenix ceremony. I hope there is a huge turnout. We are fasting and praying all day today.

    • Posted by Observer on May 5, 2013 at 12:38 pm

      The Phoenix candelight vigil is
      Sunday, May 5, at 5 pm
      Wesley Bolin Memorial Park
      1690 W Jefferson St, Phoenix, Arizona 85007

      There’s also vigils at the same time at the LDS temple in Salt Lake city, UT and at the Riverside, CA cemetery where he was buried.

      • Posted by emmaar on May 5, 2013 at 1:55 pm

        thanks for the info. i live too many hundreds of miles away. but i hope there is a great turnout at the vigils.

  102. Posted by Carolyn Brewer on May 5, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    Priceless commentary and wit on a very strange and bizarre case. What perfect descriptions for the defendant and defense team and witnesses and could they get any more bizarre? Thank you for finding some humor in an otherwise tragic and senseless case.

  103. Posted by CharleyQ on May 5, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    “Sex, sex, and more talk of raunchy sex for Dirty Nurmi. Was there ever any doubt this was the road he would take? It’s like we’re all psychic.

    Ladies, take notes: if anyone calls you a b*tch, slut, or whore, you are entitled to murder them three times over. So speaketh Nurmi, who ironically makes a living defending violent sex offenders and pedophiles.”

    LOVE…and SO TRUE…is there a statute of limitations on the name-calling? Can we go back a husband or two?…and I would be willing to bet that Heavy D plagerized some his summary from prosecuters remarks made AGAINST his normal clientele…too bad we can’t check.

  104. Posted by Frieda on May 5, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Haha, I was trying to describe Nurmi to a friend of mine who hasn’t been following the trial but she read and loved a couple of EggTree’s posts including the one about him being a slug (or snail?). I sent her a screen shot of him and she said, “Eww. Just pour salt on him and watch him start bubbling and dissolving”. Imagine – yuck!

    • Also, Frieda,, Egg says…. Nurmi runs like molasses down a glacier… He is THAT slow!!! Bless you Egg….

  105. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 5, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    I hope it’s OK that I post this link…..you can leave a message for Travis’
    family by signing his guestbook at the following:

    http://m.legacy.com/guestbooks/pe/guestbook.aspx?n=travis-alexander&pid=111722519&view=entry&page=2#EntriesTop

    Also…someone commenting on another TA website said something so profound that I wanted to share it as well:

    “I believe that he now has a huge global family of parents, children, grandchildren, uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, and more relatives than he’s ever known. Why? His life and his death have touched so many people worldwide. We’ve cried true tears for him. We have come to care for him when we didn’t even know him. We have been sending our prayers to God and all his Heaven for justice for him” (posted by M.Posey)

    I could not agree more!!

  106. Nurmi also said,,” this is NOT about Snow White,,, not even about the seven dwarfs!!!! ” WTH????? Nurmi is a big idiot,, and I mean BIG….

  107. Posted by Tracy Davis on May 5, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Your writing is simply superb! So clever and funny! I saw a poll that stated that 96 percent of the people believe Jodi A. is guilty of murder in the first degree. Let’s hope that there are none of the 4 percent sitting on the jury. I wouldn’t think you could sit in court and personally view the murder photos and not believe in murder in the first degree!

  108. Posted by Donna Beford on May 5, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    You are hilarious, brilliant and humble. Lots of your blogger buddies wish they had your intellect and I can guess that Ms Arias wishes she had too …..poor jodi with her 117 IQ…….and hmmmmm 12th grade reading level …..loving it…..I sooooo hope some smug smart prison mate lets Jodi know that an IQ of 117 is soooooo very average in the US and that a 12th grade reading level shows signs of laziness at the age of 32….. …..duh with an ever decreasing IQ …..

  109. Posted by Ashley Lahue on May 5, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    i have to say that I am terrified that she is going to get sentenced to death then on her automatic appeal she’s going to win it due to having a shitty, unprofessional, unprepared defense team. Lets hope that doesn’t happen

  110. Posted by judy on May 5, 2013 at 9:15 pm

    After that filthy, dirty nurmi on friday, i turned off the tv’s, well.. everything!! Yep, i knew he’d go there.. My heart went out to the Alexander family as always. That stupid look on stabby’s face had me mad mad as hell! Instead of mouthing her juvenile comments, couldn’t she just once say she’s sorry!!! Her lawyers could try ‘acting’ remorseful, instead of trash talking! They help’d the jury, just my opinion. Good thing i’m NOT on her jury. I still think the verdict will be coming very quickly!! Before lunch, tomorrow!! (i hope) Thank you for this funny news blog!! It’s great!! And God Bless to the Alexander family and friends!! Hang in there, justice is coming i pray!! Stay strong!!!

    • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 6, 2013 at 4:37 am

      Because of dirty tsunurmi’s closing I put a major dent in my housework! My TV was turned off too…..and the urge to clean like a banshee was turned on. Now I can put my feet back up and wait for the verdict.

  111. Posted by Frieda on May 5, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Someone just posted the plea deal Jodi tried to get past the State, which I hadn’t seen before. It is suspected that she wrote it herself… http://grahamwinch.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/jodiariasngfile.pdf

    • Posted by Ria on May 6, 2013 at 2:01 am

      I had read this a while back. Her pathetic threats of “ruining” Travis’ reputation…hah! So much for that.

  112. Posted by Ria on May 6, 2013 at 2:11 am

    Someone posted this youtube video on another site, Jodi’s making a cut throat motion during Juan’s closing. It sent chills down my spine!

  113. Posted by Barb on May 6, 2013 at 5:53 am

    I see it! Creepy!! Ewwwwwwww!

  114. Posted by Observer on May 6, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Apparently, Defense attorney Darrin and Judge Karen can’t read the plea agreement Jodi asked for or were deliberately lying to make the prosecution look bad. On HLN this morning they said the defense offered to plead guilty to first degree murder and take LWOP but the state refused because they want death and cost the taxpayers $2 million. The motion signed by Nurmi clearly says Jodi doesn’t believe she will get the death penalty so she has no reason to plead guilty to first degree murder and wants to plead guilty to second degree murder. The only sentence mentioned was 12 years.

  115. Posted by Frieda on May 7, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Waiting…. who cares about LiLo?? I was this jury to hurry up and do the right thing!

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