Hurricane Lindsay Hits Betty Ford Clinic

Hurricane Lindsay Hits Betty Ford Clinic

-Imaginary Lockdown Rehab, Imaginationtown

The spinning top that is Lindsay Lohan finally lost speed and toppled into the lobby of a rehab facility Friday. But not without high drama.  Because nothing involving the ginger menace can ever be drama free, or even drama-lite. Since she thrives on a steady diet of meth laced with theatrics, and booze aged in tabloid lined oak barrels, she could never simply show up on time at the court approved clinic, check in, and shut up for three months. Even if it’s the facility her own delightfully comical hobbit attorney Mark Heller conned the state of California into allowing.  Because the detox resort spa in the Hamptons has the audacity to prohibit smoking. And what kind of dictatorship rehab forbids an addict their precious smokes? 

Upon hearing this offense to everything sacred, the boil on the butt of humanity risked an arrest warrant (yeah, right) and hopped on a plane for a cross-country trek to Morningside in Newport Beach, CA. The facility had not been approved by the courts during their nationwide quest for a lockdown rehab center for an addict of Lindsay’s caliber, but who the hell cares what they say? Were they in Mean Girls 10 years ago?! Methinks not. And the megastar needs cigarettes, especially for detox. 

But the whirling dervish couldn’t even commit to that. Her chariot, fueled entirely by narcissistic delusion, pulled up to the clinic, sat idle for a few minutes in a cloud of crack smoke, then inexplicably returned to the airport. Somewehere in the middle of this trainwreck, hobbit attorney Heller eloquently told the media Typhoid Lindsay was “safely ensconced in the bosom of a California rehab center.” But in reality, the grifter was on the horn with her former lawyer Shawn Holley, begging her for another chance at being a deadbeat client. And despite the outstanding bill of $300K, Shawn said okey-dokey. Because of course she did. After all, this is the multi-talented elegant flower from Herbie Fully Loaded we’re talking about. She’s special. 

So Holley worked her undeniable magic on the prosecutor’s office, and they shrugged and said, “What lockdown rehab? You must mean whatever Lindsay wants.” And soon enough Lindsay fired the hobbit lawyer, and hopped on ANOTHER plane to the Betty Ford Center. You know, the same place she stayed years ago, that gave her day passes to leave and get $hitfaced? Where she assaulted a nurse? 

This sounds like a great idea. 

Thank you California. 


66 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Loren Schiro on May 5, 2013 at 9:29 pm

    Lindsee No-One needs a break from the public meddling. She needs a few quiet months in a zoo with the other animals of her kind.

  2. Posted by Jaime on May 5, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    Lindsay is a train wreck. She needs to be in rehab for a full year or more. Then she needs to attend intensive behavioral therapy. I suspect Borderline Personality Disorder. She THRIVES on drama. Just like someone else we all know and can not stand, whatsoever!! The murderess, Jodi Arias.

    Well done again, Egg-o. 🙂

  3. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 5, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Sometimes I wonder at which point “the actress formerly known as talented” will accept no more (literal) “get out of jail free cards” from the honorable DA’s in CA, and will show the world the nudie pics she’s been hanging over their heads?

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 5, 2013 at 10:10 pm

      Cuz you KNOW she’s gotta have them! How else has she stayed out of jail so long?

      • Yup. ‘Xactly. Mama Dina has those stashed away in a safe place, I’m sure. Uggh… So gross…

        • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 5, 2013 at 10:48 pm

          In the same drawer with her OWN nudie shots! If she were better at helping her daughter make money, she’d be as bad as Kris “I- want -10%” Jenner!

          Double ugh!! Speaking of, would love to hear your view of Amanda Bynes lol

          BTW. – did you know you’re being plagerized egg? Badly, but they’re trying!

          • Yup. Laaame.

          • Posted by Ria on May 6, 2013 at 1:47 am

            I have to wonder if Amanda Bynes is schizophrenic. There’s been photo’s taken of her walking in NYC that she completely denies are her, she seems to really believe they’re not of her.

            • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 1:06 pm

              At least she’s FINALLY back in contact with her family (according to her own tweets, which she says is the only place to get accurate info lol) Maybe they can talk her into a psychiatric review of some sort, because she has gone from talented beautiful starlet to looking LIKE A STRIPPER!! (WTH is with the cheek piercings?)

              • Posted by Ria on May 7, 2013 at 9:14 am

                Oh, I’m glad to hear she’s back in touch with them! I don’t know why in the world she pierced her cheeks and I know she shaved half her hair off. I feel sympathy for her because I think she’s got mental issues. Lindsay Blohan…meh, not so much, she’s just a druggie.

                • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 7, 2013 at 3:52 pm

                  Totally agree. It sounds like it not just good for her mental health to have a relationship with, I read she made her accountants give her access to ALL her $$, including $ that’s been invested (by her parents since she’s been in showbiz) claiming she’s as rich as the Olsen (twins) retirees (that dress like Mrs.Roper) First of all, IMPOSSIBLE. Second, as soon as she spends all that $$ on hair extensions and drugs, she’s screwed. No on will hire someone unbalanced. Oops, they hire lindsay all the time, nm.

          • Posted by Linda Webber on May 6, 2013 at 12:11 pm

            A guy has been cutting and paste your stuff on Facebook The State vs. Jodi Arias as his own. He accepts all the compliments for his awesome writing as his own. I notified the administrators.

            That is truly fascinating considering the comment one of the admins for that page recently left on this post of mine:


            It’s at the very end of the comments section. Fascinating indeed. It gets curioser and curioser.

            • Posted by Linda Webber on May 6, 2013 at 12:15 pm

              He is a commenting.

              Not anymore! 🙂

              • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 3:21 pm

                That’s not even the one I was talking about, OMG!!
                Although “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”…
                PLAGIARISM? NOT SO MUCH!

              • Posted by Linda Webber on May 6, 2013 at 4:27 pm

                Wow, I am glad I told you. I tried to deal with his comments in the comment section that night and expressed my disgust at someone stealing your writing. I also notified the administrators by private message but he kept posting in the comment section most of the night so he obviously wasn’t blocked. BTW I love, love, love your stuff.

  4. Posted by VV on May 5, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Egg: I just Do NOT understand why this has-been gets pass after pass after pass for her Jodi Arias-style of telling the legal system to eff-off. I actually watched “Liz and Dick”; “Talented actress?” NYET!

  5. Thanks for keeping us up to date with this the antics of this spoilt brat who has absolutely no desire to get off the booze & drugs. I don’t what she does to herself but I DO care about the innocent people she might kill or maim as she rolls down the path of self destruction.

    Do you know if she made it to Australia? If she did the media certainly didn’t report it.

    • I never heard if she went to Australia. But all her antics mush into a giant blur sometimes, so I could’ve just missed it. Hugs from overseas!

  6. Posted by Ria on May 6, 2013 at 1:44 am

    Hehehe…Herbie Fully Loaded:) She’s made a career out of being a shameless loser and unfortunately, gossip sites buy into it by paying her for her pics. She needs to stop with the botox and collagen, she looks haggard, or maybe that’s the drugs.

  7. Posted by mcgee on May 6, 2013 at 2:06 am

    theres a tiny bit of me……………… um.. make that a small bit of me, that hopes “typhoid Lindsay” has the opportunity to read your beautifully crafted column before she ends up like Barbara Payton, the notorious 1950’s Hollywood starlet! Oh Well……her loss is our gain because she does at least provide us with the same mesmerizing entertainment as a train wreck!

  8. I hope that Shawn really does have an airtight contract so that LiLo has to pay her…this time

    Keep up the good work Eggy – Hugs from over the pond. :mrgreen:

  9. Posted by Marnie Paige on May 6, 2013 at 4:27 am

    Happy to have Egg’s update to enjoy this morning with coffee. Was afraid I’d go into my own withdrawal during jury deliberations – from Egg’s writing, not coffee.

    Lindsay….she re-surfaces like a chronic fungal infection. I forget about her until the itching starts again.

  10. Posted by Debbie on May 6, 2013 at 8:40 am

    It’s a shame that Lindsay got wrapped up in the antics of the sleazy side of stardom. She was a talented actress at one time. I loved her in Freaky Friday and it is one of my 15 year old grandson’s favorite movies.

  11. Posted by emmaar on May 6, 2013 at 8:58 am

    “the ginger menace” heee…heeee…LOL

  12. LL has received more chances than anyone else. In Cali once you disobey a court order or you are convicted if a drug charge, even a misdemeanor, the system owns you.
    LL has blown off court orders repeatedly and let out of jail early, that’s all on LA county.
    I’m old with many friends who kids that have been involved with drug court.
    The court actually does have complete control of LL, I have never seen a drug court controlled person ever get so many choices.
    Had LL done her jail sentence like everyone else years ago, her life might had been better.

    • Posted by pfenix on May 6, 2013 at 6:29 pm

      EXACTLY. How come no one every points out what happened with Robert Downey Jr. He was out of control for awhile, remember when he was found sleeping in stranger’s house>? He went jail for months finally, and he did not enjoy it and even got roughed up because they didn’t care he was a big time actor in da pokey. So what happened…yeah, Robert is sober, happily married, and successful after that. Why doesn’t the media point that out? Cuz she sells tabloids…yecc.

      So sick of this spoiled f-uped brat using the court system as a revolving door for her stupid behavior. ENOUGH!!!! Cut the crime – Give her jail time. Rehab NO MO!

  13. Just saw some of the comments above…would you rather we not post your blog on other pages? I’ve been posting it on HLN FBook pages and usually put “not my blog” in parenthesis…apologies if this is not cool.

    • No apologies neccessary, Penelope. 🙂 I am totally fine with sharing my writing anywhere, as long as a link is provided and i am given credit for it. However, copying any ideas and/or content that originated here and presenting it as one’s own is not okay.

      I’m sorry for any confusion. And you are totally fine doing what you’re doing. 🙂

      • whew…good to know…who is doing that? I’m down for Blog Justice and going to the site and calling them out…definitely a situation where “copying” is NOT a form of flattery…anyway, will continue my Sunny-side-up-eggy-service and let the guys on FBook know about your prose. Over and out from the NYC

  14. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 11:53 am

    To be clear what I PERSONALLY meant by that……
    I was just letting her know I saw a blog that has EXACT wording and ideas as this one more times than can be “mere coincidence”, even if watching the same trial. Not gonna get specific, suffice it to say it was a jumbled up, second rate, rip off of this blog.

  15. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    You think they’ll really give her DEATH if convicted?

    • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 6, 2013 at 4:11 pm

      I hope so but have doubts. I can’t imagine the pressure the jury feels. BUT they’re DP “cleared” when chosen – so who knows.

  16. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Goodness…sunny skies and 80 degree weather at 12:30p.m. here in Seattle
    The Gates Of Hell must be opening to welcome a new friend…..

  17. Hi Egg and All. Glad you got the copyright. 😉
    Here’s another piece of garbage to read:
    Wow, she is really something. Tell this story to the public and see how the rehab buys it. HA!
    She’ll leave that one too once she figures out that it is really water coming out of the bubblers instead of vodka! LOL!
    ~~~ still waiting for Justice for Travis~~~

  18. Posted by Cindy Lou on May 6, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Let’s see, narcissistic entitlement fueled self delusion. Remind us of anyone else much??

    • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      If acquitted, Jodi and Casey can pool their welfare checks and get a “sweet apartment” together near an airport somewhere. No citizen w/all their faculties will hire either one, (except maybe to work in a slaughterhouse, or the good ‘ol standby of PORN) so their choices are limited.

      • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 6, 2013 at 4:14 pm

        “If acquitted” – scary words for sure. I’m thinking if she’s convicted and sent off the death row then she and Scott Peterson can start up a pen pal romance.

        • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 6, 2013 at 4:14 pm

          meant to say sent off TO death row…….

          • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 5:12 pm

            scariest of all, if the jury makes a HORRENDOUS MISTAKE (a’la OJ Simpson)
            but still convict her of manslaughter (& if the judge is feeling generous) she could be sentenced to “time served” and probation, and walk out a free demon…only having to visit the jail to pick up her Christmas gifts from the warden.

            OMGoodness….speaking of plagiarism…Jodi’s been STEALING her “original” artwork!!! She’s been TRACING!! $1500??? Someone better SUE her a** for copyright infringement. (No more snacks for Stabby!)

            • Posted by Marnie Paige on May 7, 2013 at 4:13 am

              Saw a clip of the traced “art” – stealing copyrighted material – might be another crime this sociopath might get away with. HOW CAN PEOPLE FALL FOR HER????? I swear, if she walks free – time served – manslaughter – no words….shaking my head as I’ve done so many times these past months.

              • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 7, 2013 at 5:24 am

                I looked @ her art on that blasphemous website, and based on that hln story from last night, one has to assume ALL the portrait art is traced (hmmm, think “tainted” evidence Stabby…one rotten apple can ruin the whole bunch, which is why they take the BAD APPLES and segregate them from society. Behind bars. And walls. Big walls. With razor wire on top. 🙂 Just saying) there’s a couple I was going to argue MIGHT be originals, but going over my argument in my head again, it doesn’t hold up. Guess she could have traced them from anything. If so, one of them tells us she’s been reading fairy tails behind bars. (How very “Disney” of her!)

                I got a giggle at their newest post, because it says the jury will come tomorrow (someone’s been in touch with the Psychic Friends Network!) and find her “not guilty” OR GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER! (be still, my breakfast)
                What happened to the premise from the website, the NAME of the website? Must have just been a convenience as they used the same site name with CA (though technically, she was acquitted) Someone told me they’re both owned by someone in Pakistan,.though it’s her old “celly” that authors the crap written there.

                Praying for his family, AND a guilty verdict!!

                JUSTICE FOR TRAVIS.

                • Posted by jenniferlyn on May 7, 2013 at 5:26 am

                  Curious, if we keep replying, will we just get smaller and smaller….

                  • Yup! 🙂 To make the shrinking experience more enjoyable, just pretend you’re Alice after eating the cake in Wonderland. Or was it drinking from the bottle that made her teeny tiny?

  19. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    If the above link doesn’t make you wanna vomit, take a look at Belvin Perry’s interview about the Casey Anthony trial on the NBC Today Show. Facinating!

  20. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 6, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    Great, they aren’t starting until 10 tomorrow morning, so my verdict time of 10 a.m. Tues means nothing. I thought for sure they’d come to a verdict by this afternoon, but would go home and sleep on it, like Beth Karas from hln suggested.

  21. Posted by Cody on May 7, 2013 at 7:45 am

    I am sad for LL and wish she was not surrounded by extreme enablers. In the not too distant future, we’re going to wake up one day to find she has become another fatality. And America sits back and watches this train wreck-in-progress. So sad.

  22. Posted by Amber on May 7, 2013 at 9:46 am

    I didn’t come across your blog until someone posted the link on a Travis A support page. I absolutely LOVE it!! At the end of the day it was great to have a good and much needed laugh after all the bashing they had done in court for the day. I will continue to read everyday because on this blog the news really does land sunny side up!!! Keep em coming! Best wishes, Amber

    I don’t have any more cleaning to do and it’s too early to start drinking……

    • My thoughts EXACTLY, Cakeroll! I spent all morning cleaning and runnig errands, and stocking up on margarita mix. Im ready for anything. Now Im just waiting….

  24. Posted by angel304 on May 7, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Love seeing HLN and the Jinksaurus (heehee) go bat sh*t crazy trying to figure out why 2 jurors were seen leaving the room w/ a deputy. They could be going for a smoke, or, as it seems they were doing, getting food! Sheesh. (& of course they’d be escorted!)

    • Posted by Karen on May 7, 2013 at 2:11 pm

      I think it’s even funnier that they are all freaked out that are seeing *gasp!* JURORS in the courthouse! Apparently they think the Jodi Arias trial is the only business going on in the courthouse today.

  25. Posted by jenniferlyn on May 7, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    This jury is starting to piss me off. I’m telling myself it’s because there’s 4 MONTHS worth of testimony, (with their late starts and endless days off, its more like 2 1/2) but as Carol so succinctly put it:


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