We can all relax about the future of mankind, because common sense is alive and thriving after all in Phoenix, Arizona. It went off the justice system’s radar in 2011, after disappearing in suspicious circumstances from Pinellas, Florida, but finally popped up today full-force in Phoenix to tell a black-eyed demon to piss off. And it was good. Trial watchers around the world did the exuberant Snoopy Dance for justice, as a jury told butcher Jodi Arias in no uncertain terms she’s guilty of the first degree murder of Travis Alexander.
“It was really stressful waiting these last three days for a verdict,” revealed one frazzled spectator unwinding with some champagne. “We didn’t know if common sense was gone for good, and we kept praying and praying for it to make an appearance in Phoenix, for the good of all humanity. And today, as if straight from heaven, it arrived in a golden light at the Maricopa County Courthouse, to tell the pathetic demonic succubus at the defense table to suck it. It was such a relief. My faith in mankind is restored.”
Suck it indeed, demon. Wednesday Addams disguised as Ugly Betty was shocked and appalled that her domestic abuse excuse didn’t fly. In fact, the smug butcher in a librarian costume was visibly aghast to learn that nobody bought her eleventh hour sob story. It’s a hardknock life for an unconvincing narcissist. Donned in appropriate black for the occasion, she stared in disbelief as jurors announced their unanimous decree of first degree murder. Homecoming Queen reject Jenny nearly bit through her lip like a failed Molly Ringwald wannabe.
So now this offensive hellspawn gets to beg for her wortless life from a jury that she’s already lied to. A jury that has been told her own lawyer doesnt even like her. A jury that sees her for the useless trash she is.
I can’t wait to see her tweets via surrogate about this matter. Hopefully Stabby Einstein will be stupid enough to insult the panel that now controls her fate. Please, Stabby, be stupid enough to blame them for your current circumstances. I beg you.
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