Archive for the ‘Cultured Eggs: Arts and Entertainment Reviews’ Category

The Walking Dead, Season 3 Recap: The Group Secures the Prison, Michonne is a Bada$$, and The Governor is Evil

So the quaint farm was overrun by a herd of zombies at the end of season two, forcing the group to hit the road once again. In all the confusion, Stupid Andrea got separated from the rest, and fled into the woods, where she encountered a group of hungry walkers. At the last minute, she was saved by a mysterious sword-wielding bada$$ named Michonne. And Michonne has what it takes to survive the zombie apocalypse; she makes the walkers work FOR her.  She removed the arms and jaws of two zombies so they cant scratch or bite, and keeps them on chained leashes to help mask her living scent among the undead. They also carry all her survival gear around their necks, kinda like two mute bellhops you never need to tip. Genius. Michonne, Andrea, and the pet sherpas endure a harsh winter on the road. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group stumbles onto a prison that would make the PERFECT safe place for Princess Lori the Selfish to deliver her baby, who she fears may be born a zombie. But first, they have to kill off the hundreds of walkers currently milling about the jail. General mayhem and bloodshed ensues, and they manage to secure a delightful cell block for themselves. On a quest for the infirmary and weapons stash, a whole bunch of $hit goes down, and a zombie bites a chunk off the ankle of everybody’s dream pepaw Hershel. (Slow motion Nooooooooooo!!!) Quick thinking Rick drags him into the mess hall and amputates the lower leg to stop the infection from turning the sweetest grandpa EVER into a zombie. When the operation/ budget hackjob is finished, they see a group of four surviving prisoners watching them in horror. 

Enter hierarchy power struggle between Rick “Officer Friendly” Grimes and greasy alpha prison thug Tomas. Rick offers to help the four criminals clear out a cell block for themselves. To thank him for his kindness, Tomas sicks about 50 walkers on Rick and sessy butterface Darryl. So Tomas gets a machete to his greasy head, and Rick makes a mental note to never help outsiders again. 

Then a blaring alarm goes off, drawing walkers to the prison gates from miles around like a cowbell at suppertime. The group scatters all over the place, trying to find the source of the noise, and kill off the surrounding walkers gurgling and drooling for human flesh.  T-Dawg sacrifices himself to the hungry mob to save Carol. Maggie, Carl, and Lori the Selfish escape into another corridor, where Lori conveniently goes into labor. Maggie miraculously delivers the baby, but Lori does not survive. Carl finishes her off before she can turn into a walker. 

Meanwhile, Michonne and Andrea spot a helicopter crash in the woods, which also draws the attention of a slew of paramilitary troopers who proceed to shoot all the survivors. Among the killers…none other than Merle Dixon, brother to sessy butterface Darryl and now a lieutenant for “The Governor.” His infamous stump hand from Season One now sports a fancy retractable stabbing device.  (Seriously, did he not realize the hacksaw would work on the handcuff chain? Because he really didnt have to cut off his hand). Anyway, he captures the two women and brings them to a creepy, too-good-to-be-true town called Woodbury, which is run by a smooth talking charmer with no upper lip, who is only known as “The Governor.” Ladies, NEVER trust a man with no upper lip. Nothing good can come of it. But I digress. He and his trusted advisor, an akward nerd named Milton who reminds me vaguely of Ben Linus from Lost, instantly give Michonne- who possesses common sense- the heebie jeebies. Incurably Stupid Andrea, however, is smitten by the cretin in charge from moment one, despite the whole “he just murdered innocent people back there” argument from Michonne.  From this moment on, Andrea is 100% dickmatized. 

Trusting her instincts, Michonne does some Scooby Doo snooping, and finds the Governor’s decorative wall of fish tanks filled with human heads. Oh, and a Zombie daughter hidden in the closet, and several truckloads of walkers behind his house, to whom he feeds his dissenters. Michonne tells Stupid Andrea, and begs her to leave with her, but Stupid Andrea responds stupidly that she’s staying put in Woodbury. Because she’s a moron who believes in the dream of Pleasantville, even in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. So Michonne bails, and of course the Governor sends Merle to kill her with his stabby stabbyhand, because nobody leaves wonderlandish Woodbury, and especially not with his secrets. Merle attacks Michonne, but she manages to escape, even after taking a bullet to the leg. 

During all this, Maggie and Glenn make a run into town to try and find formula for the newborn baby, who thankfully is not a zombie. Michonne overhears them talking about life at the prison.  Tracking Michonne, Merle happens upon the scene and kidnaps Glen and Maggie, taking them back to Woodbury and hoping they’ll tell him where he can find brother Darryl and Officer Friendly. Knowing he’s a loose cannon with a score to settle with Rick over the whole “leaving him to die handcuffed on the roof” ordeal from Season 1, Glenn refuses to give up any info on the group’s whereabouts. He takes quite the beating for it, too. In a different room, Maggie gets sexually assaulted by Governor Charming. 

Michonne makes her way to the prison with the baby formula dropped by Glenn and Maggie, and tells Rick and the others about the Woodbury Cult, and Merle, and the Jim Jones enthusiast governor. Darryl immediately goes to find Merle, and of course he gets captured, and of course the governor pits the two brothers against each other in a bizarre thunderdome-esque “fight to the death,” because why not?  Rick, who has several screws loose after losing Lori the Selfish, throws together a slapdash blitz attack on the town and rescues all of his missing men. Michonne takes the opportunity to slay the governor’s closet zombie daughter, and takes out one of his eyes with her sword. Because let’s face it, the guy’s a dick. 

When they all get back to the prison, they find another small group of survivors has stumbled onto the fortified safe haven. A well mannered strapping young buck named Tyrese is alpha of this bunch.  However, growing increasingly insane with grief over Lori the Selfish’s death, and seeing her ghost all over the place, a distrustful Rick’s cheese finally slides right off his cracker, and he orders the intruders out at gunpoint. They leave, and eventually end up settling in Woodbury, with the con artist governor who has vowed revenge on Rick for having the unabashed gall to rescue hostages. 

When Stupid Andrea hears about Governor Jim Jones’ plan to wage war on the prison, she stupidly slips out of Woodbury and runs to the prison to warn Team Rick, and to play the unassigned role of mediator for a maniac governor who would kill her if he knew she was even there. She has a lot of adorable ideas about truces and living together peacefully in Pleasantville. Cartoon birds and stars flutter around her head throughout her sweet monologue. But Team Rick says hell to the no. Glenn, who has quickly become a permanent bada$$ after Merle beat the bejeezus out of him, says bring on the war. Realizing she cant possibly change sides now, poor defeated Stupid Andrea takes her martyr complex all the way back to Woodbury and beats her pillow over it. 

Preparing for the upcoming war with the Pleasantville army, Rick makes a run to the weapons cache in his hometown, where he finds !Morgan! from the very first episode! And poor, poor Morgan has totally lost his marbles. He’s made elaborate Three’s Company-esque boobytraps all over the place to keep the walkers out, and his mancave walls are covered with doomsday writings. It takes him awhile before he even recognizes Rick. Officer Friendly invites him to come to the prison and join the rest of the group for a superhappy funtime war with a psychopath, but he senses Rick’s need for guns must mean its not quite as safe as it sounds, so he declines. But he gives him a nice stockpile of weapons and sends him on his merry way. 

Stupid Andrea manages to setup a strokey-beard meeting between Rick and Governor Charming, where she pushes- without any authority whatsoever- her sweet reverie of a truce between the two tribes. She gets thrown out of the meeting like the dumb a$$hat she is, while the two dueling Alphas sneer at eachother from across the table, exchanging verbal barbs in a territorial pissing contest. Finally the Governor offers Rick a deal: turn over Michonne and he’ll let the rest of the group live.  Officer Friendly knows it’s a lie dipped in bull$hit and rolled up in bologne, but still tells him he’ll think it over. Outside, Pepaw Hershel and the Ben Linus-like guy bond over Hershel’s cool new stumpgun leg (imagine Rose McGowan’s character from Grindhouse, only as a sweet old man). Sessy butterface Darryl and lieutenant Martinez kill walkers together for sport. See, everybody can get along.

Later on, Stupid Andrea actually gets one eye open and begins to suspect the governor is a tad evil after all, when the Ben Linus-like adviser shows her “The Torture Chair.” So she escapes Woodbury one more time to warn Team Prison about his evil intentions, as if they dont already know the guy is a complete psychopath. As if this is a HUGE REVELATION to anybody but Stupid Andrea. Tyrese informs the  governor she hopped the wall out of wonderland, and the psycho goes after her, hunting her down like prey for an entire episode. She finally makes it to just outside the prison walls when he tackles her from out of nowhere and drags her back to the Pleasantville torture chair. Meanwhile, a pit of walkers created to greet Michonne goes up in flames in a mysterious act of sabotage.  

Back at the prison, Rick tells Merle about the offer of a truce in exchange for Michonne, and asks him to deliver her on a silver platter to Governor Charming. You know, because he’s so trustworthy, and he wont go back on his word and kill Team Rick anyway. So Merle kidnaps Michonne and hotwires a car for the trek to Bazzarro World’d Maybury. Halfway there, Rick calls erasies, and sends Darryl to put a stop to the plan. On foot. Because that’ll work. Michonne miraculously hits all kinds of guilt buttons on the ride with the usually charcoal hearted Merle, and he finally kicks her out of the car and decides to go full superhero against Governor Charming instead. Blasting the car stereo to attract walkers, he drives it straight into the meeting point, but jumps out at the last minute. As the Pleasantville army is distracted killing the onslaught of zombies, Merle slaughters about 10 of the governor’s soldiers. Then the governor shoots Merle. Later, Darryl finally arrives on the scene to find his brother has turned into a walker. After much ugly crying (or maybe constipation?), Darryl kills his brother for good, and everybody surprisingly gets the sads about it.

After finding out nerdy adviser Milton betrayed him by setting fire to the pit of walkers meant for Michonne, Governor Charming stabs him and leaves him to die in the same room as Stupid Andrea, who is still cuffed to the torture chair and unable to defend herself when he inevitably turns into a hungry zombie. Back at the prison, the group packs up and bails from their cell block to fool the governor into thinking theyve ditched the jail while trembling in fear. When the Pleasantville army arrives with guns blazing and fists pounding their chests like angry gorillas, Team Rick surprises them in a massive ambush and wipes out a huge chunk of their men. The enraged governor retreats. His remaining soldiers complain about prolonging the war, and he does what any good leader does to gain support: he shoots them all (except a few, but only because he runs out of ammo).  Team Rick heads to Woodbury to finish off the maniac in charge. They find Tyrese, who is helping terrified cult detractors escape, and they also find Stupid Andrea, who has been bit by nerdy Milton, and is too far gone to be saved. So they give her a gun and she offs herself. 

Then all of the Woodbury refugees hop on the caravan over to the prison, to join Team Rick. 

But Governor Charming is still out there, so they’ll draw this power struggle out for yet another season….

MMMMMWWWAAAAHHHAAAAHHHAAAHHHAAAA! 

Season 4 begins in October on AMC! Dont miss it! 

American Idol Judge Fumbles National Anthem

-Boston

American Idol Judge Steven Tyler personified irony on Sunday, when he kerfumbled ‘n bumbled a wretched rendition of the national anthem at a New England Patriots game. Looking more like a homeless-die-hard-Patriot-fan-grandma-in-a-winter coat-stolen-from-a-dumpster than a rock star, Tyler dryheaved out a raspy off-key mess that some are calling the WORST EVER. 

In all reality, though, he was about on par with the average American Idol contestant. 

Where’s Simon Cowell with his blunt force critiques when you really need him? 

Marky Mark’s Cranium to be Surgically Removed from Anus

-Planet Wahlberg

Marky Mark’s head crawled even further up his anus last week when snippets from his recent interview with Men’s Journal hit the web. With unabashed action star arrogance, Marky urped this gem of sensitivity all over the victims of 9/11:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” Wahlberg said. “There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

It is unclear if the passengers in coach would be left to fend for themselves. 

What a marvel of delusion. 

I just. Can’t. 

Following the understandable wave of outraged WTF’s that proceeded to roll through blogland, Donny’s d-bag kid brother called his publicist for help removing his head from his rectum. His paid mouthpiece released this excuse for an apology to all those wimplings he offended: 

“To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with, and to suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible. I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention.”

It is not known if his publicist is part of the Funky Bunch. 

With his head now stuffed further up his colon, he took the apology tour on the road while simultaneously promoting his new movie, Contraband. How’s that for multi-tasking? 

“It wasn’t like all of a sudden I just decided that I was going to get on this soapbox and start talking about my opinion about 9/11, you know?” 

Really? Because you totally did. 

The Wahlberg empire has scheduled for Marky’s cranium to be surgically removed from his anus early next week. If the surgery is unsuccessful and Marky’s film career dies, he plans to fall back on his legendary rapping career. If all else fails, he can return to modeling Calvin Klein underwear. Hes multi-talented. 

Frus(h)trated Actress Reportedly ‘All in a Tizzy’

-Planet Casey

The murder trial of sociopathic strumpet Casey Anthony abruptly hit the skids last week, in the midst of heavy forensic testimony regarding little Caylee’s remains. After spending a long morning viewing gruesome crime scene photographs for what couldn’t have been the first time, the up- until-now MINDBLOWINGLY stoic defendant allegedly came down with a case of “the feelings,” and had to be escorted out of the courtroom. And yes, the Earth stopped turning, the state of Florida shut down, and Honorable Badass Perry adjourned court for the day, saying simply, “Bitch is Sick. Go home.”

B*tch is sick, indeed. According to inside sources, the frus(h)trated actress is actually “all in a tizzy” over poor reviews of her recent performances in court. Theater critics worldwide and spectators with half a brain and a pulse have scoffed at her pathetic rendition of an innocent mother charged with the murder of her daughter. This inability to accurately portray a mother who gives a $hit has left her an akwardly frazzled mess of a tiny trollop in a booster seat at the defense table. In grownup clothes.

“She’s beyond frus(h)trated with this whole mess,” says the source. “She thought the role would be easy, and would win her freedom, fame, and a contract with Lifetime. Or maybe Penthouse. But nobody’s buying what she’s selling. She’s lost her audience, and its driving her crazy that she can’t manipulate them. She’s never experienced anything like it in her career, so she doesn’t know how to handle it. She might be going mad.”

Even with constant coaching from Telemundo Soap Opera writer Jose Baez and personal courtroom masseuse Stringbean Simms, the angry tart cannot seem to grasp the subtle nuances of the role. “Its kinda like watching an android fumble with emotion,” continues the source. “For her crying scenes, she sticks her fingers in her eyes and rubs her nose. Over and over. And whoever is in charge of her props needs to give her more than one tissue to work with. A single kleenex shouldn’t last hours.”

With the future of her acting career unknown, Our Shackled Damsel of Doritos reportedly soothes her frayed nerves with an afternoon cocktail of spicy peanuts, xanax, and Red Bull. “Its the only thing that calms her down after court,” says the insider. “She just wails in her cell, ‘Those ugly jurors won’t even look at me,’ and sometimes beats her pillow. She’s in a really bad way.”

Stay tuned to EggTreeNews for developments in this breaking story.

“Soundtrack To a Brainfry:” The Lost Chapters

-Orlando, FL

Everyone remember to thank your lucky stars at the Thanksgiving table this month, because local pillpopping gremlin Cindy Anthony has blessed the world of literature once again with the release of two lost chapters to her masterpiece, “Soundtrack To A Brainfry.” And these marvels of wordsmithery have Nobel Prize written ALL over them. Or at least their very own section of praise in the critically acclaimed DSM-V, due out soon. This rambling, whirling dervish of tomfoolery is one HOT mess. And in this clever marketing ploy, Cindy uses the “lost” chapters to further peel away the layers of insanity within the Anthony tribe, exposing the mangled, twisted dingbat at its core. We’re talkin full. On. Anthony. Lunacy. Dig it.

It’s apparent Cindy diligently studied a copy of fellow pillpopper Courtney Love’s “Guide to Spelling and Etiquette” before embarking on this creative journey. Or maybe she just follows her on Twitter. Whatever the case, Cindy can barely spell her own name, and thrashes around in all kinds of alphabet-soup-style nonsense, and sounds like she just snorted a few lines of oxycontin too many. Courtney would be proud. Maybe they can start a new riot grrrrrrrl band together. Babydoll dresses and barrettes galore! Cindy can break guitars with her pet hammer Fluffy.

Anyway, here’s the first missing chapter in its entirety. Spoiler alert: she waxes both political and religious. That’s right, Our Lady of Big League Chew (and a little crime scene tampering and a lot of lying) talks God and Communism in this first gem. Double whammy. She’s kickin down doors all over the place…

Dear Casey
I was so good to be able to visit with Jeanene on Fri. esp. after all the new stuff they call discovery came out. I really don’t know how they can get away with sharing all of your private MAIL with the public. I don’t care that the sheriff’s office reads them but where in the constitution does it state that the public has a right to read letters sent thru the US postal service. And to print out all sender’s information. Its bad enough people’s private thoughts are now public but also their addresses & signatures. TALK about giving the cons in the world everyone’s info on a silver plater. Indentity fraud is so easy anyway these days now no one has anyway to fight back giving out people’s signatures to copy, cut & paste HOW STUPID! I certainly hope enough people will contact an atty & file a class action lawsuit against the prosecutor’s office. We may as well live in a Communist Country we have no rights anymore. I saw the other day a group of atheist want to remove UNDER GOD from the pledge of allegiance. I bet those same people have no problem spending money or excepting money with IN GOD WE TRUST on it! Its time to put a stop to all of this nonsense and fight for all our rights. Taking God out of the equation is what is fundamentally wrong with this nation these days. When people remove God from their lives then it allows all the negative, hatefulness of people to come out. Even if people choose not to believe in God they should at least have some sense of Humanity in ther life. Instead people have become so far removed from being a compassionate righteous being to a cold and bitter being. People tend to gravitate to the “its not my problem” attitude or “I’m better than that attitude.” Look at what happens to people when they do something good – they are questioned for their motivation and treated as if its not the normal or right thing to do. I guess I am still very nieve about people doing the right thing because its the right thing to do. No motive. Humans were given the ability to love, reason and make choices. When did it get so that the right choices are now ridiculed. Humanity is one man’s compassion for another. So no humanity no God – no wonder. The devil is making havok, only the weak minded give up and give in to his lies and deception. The strong in heart and spirit will stand up and boldly seek a higher power. Father God I pray to you right now that may your blessings fall upon those who confirm to seek you and your ways, and that your mercy and grace flow down to those of us who have the courage to look the devil straight in his eyes and say you have no power against me because I am God’s child and Jesus is my saviour. The lord has taken you down once and he take you down again. Thank you Father God for your strength and courage and for never leaving me. You are the one who is in total control. For this I thank you in the name of your son, Jesus Christ this I pray. Amen. Casey stay strong and don’t let all this nonsense get you stressed. Jeanene told me about last thurs. I’m glad you are reporting them now. I hope al some point Jose can achiece what he needs to get you to see someone soon. I don’t know if Jeanene told you about the water pipe that broke on Fri. We had water from the pipe outside Caylee’s room leak into her room mostly into her play corner. – Carpet was soaked and walls were damp. Every think is drying out but the carpet smells bad. (I better watch how I describe it they may come take it to discovery! Its amazing how even clean water can smell rancid after it sits for a while! Fortunately, one of our church friends was able to come out and fix the broken pipe. I hated it was Caylee’s room but at least nothing is ruined. I went to see gma & pa on Thurs and I plan on seeing them again tomorrow. They are both doing well and ask about you. I’d drove to Ft. Myers last wk to see your other grandparents and they are hanging in there. We had dinner with Lee & Mal last night. Always good to play with them. They went to NYC last wk end for a race and air show. Jody & Todd took them so we turtle sat for Zam. He is huge. Reminds me how fast Rocky grew! Wasn’t going to tell you but Tinker is not doing so well. She has been sick off & on for about a month. 1st it was vomiting and diarrhea then its retintion of water. I have her on a diuretic and she seems to be doing some better. I don’t want to worry you but its like when Penny died. Its so hard to imagine them being gone esp since they were Caylee’s pets too. I am proud of myself. I finally took Cay’s potty chair out of my bedroom. Sounds crazy that it was in there for 2 yrs. Its just so hard to let go of somethings. We spend alot of time together in the mornings while I was getting ready for work. I can still see her. Well enough before I cry. Don’t worry about me sweetheart, I am too stubborn to give up even though it would be so easy – but can’t let the devil win. I have too much faith to let them steal my JOY! Love you always & forever
Mom

***

We can pause long enough for you to finish banging your head into the wall.

Alright, you done? Cool, now get ready to do it again, because Chapter 2 is quite a thrillride. At this point, I recommend hiding/locking all weapons, and adhering a sponge to your forehead to avoid cracking your skull against the wall:

Dear Casey,

You looked so beautiful last Thursday. Your hair is so long & pretty. As much as I hated being on the witness stand, I was greatful for the opportunity to look at your face for more than a brief moment. I know Lee felt the same way. Both he & Mal have missed you so much. I’m sorry that you have to continue to be put through all of this. I have never given up on you. My faith in you and God has continued to grow everyday. I see your strength and commitment to fight for your freedom and for Caylee. When spring comes and your trial is over we will find her together. I continue to seek her and continue to have hope that we will all be reunited soon. I need you to continue to stay focused and strong. Don’t let all of the games that the states atty’s office and Mark Nejame or anyone else is playing get to you. In the end they will all have to face up to what they are doing. All their twisting of the truth and purposely leaving out statements or evidence will eventually bite them in the rear. I know that when the trial comes your team will blow all their theories and lack of evidence up in their faces. Side note Horace just crapped on the living room floor. I just saw him do it. I’ve been blaming the dogs. What in the world has gotten into him? That’s the 3rd time in the last wk. I truly thought it was Tinker. Anyway your cat is so spoiled. He is getting old though. He know I’m mad at him now. He’s sitting on the back of the recliner staring at me. I’m sitting on the couch writing to you. Well I have to tell you, your mother is still a little bit of a daredevil. We went to Tennessee 2 wks ago with Donna’s family. Her sister lives in Chattanooga. The mountains there are so beautiful. Anyway her house is on a hill and the driveway is extremely long & steep. Well there was this turtle riding toy and I had to try it out. Needless to say it went fast and when I tried to stop I flew in the air and landed on my left hip and took a chunk of skin off my right elbow. Thank god I had jeans on or I wouldn’t have any meat on my thigh either. I ended up with a softball size lump and football size bruise on my thigh. Still hurts like a son of a gun. Still swollen & bruised. My elbow is finally starting to fill in. – Thurs I wore a sweater on Thurs. to court so someone couldn’t say anything about it. Little miss witchy pooh from Ch. 9 would concockted one of her stupid stories. I heard Cheney put her in her place the other day. I told her the same thing in Oct 2008. Sorry my side notes are taking me to talking about CRAP. At least Horace’s was funny and her’s isn’t. I’m sorry this is short. I’m kinda tired. Hope you’re feeling OK. I love you and you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Always and forever
love mom

***

😆 Warned ya… 😆

It’s fantastic fiction, no?

Now go shower the crazy off you, drink some hot cocoa, and go to your happy place. Everything’s gonna be alright…

Pillpopping Dingbat Takes Up Creative Writing

-Orlando, FL

The world of literature received a special gift indeed last week, when local whackjob and pillpopper Cindy Anthony thoughtfully squirted a collection of creative writing masterpieces all over humanity. The project, titled “Soundtrack to a Brainfry,” is a veritable smorgasbord of Grade A Anthony Bull$hit, and has been hailed by critics nationwide as one of the most imaginative works ever to grace American literitaure, even outshining daughter Casey’s now legendary 2008 release, the award winning “Portrait of the Kidnapper as an Invisible Nanny.”

“I didn’t think anyone could stretch their imagination any further than Casey, but Cindy really went all out with this one,” said one critic from Orlando’s ‘Daily Bull$hit Buffet and Crapfest.’ “I have to hand it to her, she’s taken storytelling to new heights; the bar has been reset frighteningly high for all future writers. Aspiring authors will undoubtedly now dabble with prescription meds and alcohol hoping to fuel their creativity a la Cindy.”

Most impressive, according to critics and bewildered readers, is Cindy’s seemingly fearless journey into the illogical and surreal corners of the human mind, where paradoxical parallel universes and coded riddles rule supreme over Oxycontin rafts floating atop a margarita sea under pink gum clouds while ashore lay a vast wasteland of vicodin trees and pet hammers and Puerto Rican drug dealers who wanna kill babies and a flimsy bendable obstacle in the space time continuum called “reality” threatens all sacred delusions and morals are the arch enemy.

Or something to that effect.

However, Cindy’s ability to untether herself from her inner Jiminy Cricket and allow her creative spirit to roam buck nekkid through the wilderness has left many scholars simultaneously awestruck and alarmed. Said one reader, “After I read her collection, I kinda had to slap myself in the face a couple times, and take a BIG step back. A couple shots of whiskey later, I came outta the rabbit hole, and was finally able to get my bearings. The power of her writing to suck ya into another dimension is really awesome; its the mark of a genuinely talented storyteller. But dang, that dingbat is one loose mother f***ing cannon…”

Autographed copies of Anthony’s collection are available (for the right price) through new ABC publishing affiliate, The CMA Printing Press and Tattoo Fund. (Some or all proceeds may or may not go to Cindy’s shamrock tramp stamp).